The world has been moving so fast, and I’ve been drowning in the sea of busyness. Through it all, I often wonder, “Lord, are you with me?” My mind has been crowded with thoughts of things that I cannot control. And although I believe in you, I must admit that my faith wavers at times. Your silence feels like absence, and I wonder again, “Lord, are you with me?” Sometimes, it feels as if you are with everyone else but me. Everyone else seems to have what I desire, and it’s hard to be joyous for others. Bitterness has left a mark on me, and I don’t like who I’ve become.

So I ask again, longing for an answer: “Dear God, are you with me?”

The past several months have been hard. Disruption after disruption. Trial after trial. And somewhere along the way, I left God because I was angry with Him. I kept asking, Why me? Why bless me with something just to take it away?

What I failed to recognize was that I had already abandoned God long before the disruptions and the trials. I abandoned Him in the stability and the comfort. When life was good, I slowly stopped seeking Him. I convinced myself I didn’t need Him anymore.

The things I had acquired became my idols. My security, my identity, my sense of peace, all of it became tied to those things. And when those things were taken away, I began to spiral. I started losing myself.

Anxiety and depression became my natural emotional and mental state. And spiritually, I began to die.

Instead of confronting my pain, I tried to medicate it through avoidance. Doom scrolling on social media became my temporary escape. I remember watching these short videos of childhood celebrities growing into adults. Two of them stood out to me. They had dated when they were teenagers, so young and in love, with so much light in their eyes.

But as the videos moved through the years and into adulthood, it was like something had faded. The light in their eyes was gone. It looked like life had slowly worn it away.

And I realized the same thing was happening to me.

When I looked at myself, I could no longer see the light in my own eyes. It felt like I was still in my body, but something inside me was already dead.

Had I kept going down that path, I don’t know if I would have found my way back.

But through these experiences, I’ve come to understand something deeply: the Lord is the light of my eyes. He is the one who keeps me spiritually alive. Even when I turned away from Him, He was still sustaining me through every trial and every moment of suffering.

I can run away from God for however far and however long. But there is no denying that ultimately, my life is better in His hands.

I pray this podcast encourages you, inspires you, and reminds you that you are not alone.

With love,
Winta

Scriptures from this episode:

• 1 Samuel 16:14 - Distress of Saul
• 1 Samuel 15:20-24 - Saul admits his need for approval of man
• Isaiah 55:8-9 - His ways are higher than our ways
• Philippians 4:6-7 - Pray about everything

I wanted to give up on this journey of coming home, I thought I was unworthy, I thought that I was defined by my sinful mistakes. Although, I am not one to quit easily; pain, grief and sorrow can add heavy weight to one's spirit that can become intolerable. So, not only was I giving up on God, but I was giving up on myself. 

Yet, and still God has been faithful to me, reminding me that He is my source of life. That I can lean on Him and trust in Him. 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest, take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28 - 30

Welcome, or welcome back to I’m coming home, I promise. This episode is a little different, it's the audio from my very first YouTube video!

Feel free to check it out if you'd like to see what I look like or if you'd prefer a more face-to-face, visual conversation. I'm so proud of myself for not only saying I would do it but actually following through. Now, my next goal is to stay consistent—and I’m determined to make that happen!

You'll find the link to my YouTube channel below. Please like and subscribe if you feel it in your heart to do so.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6tJbTZHahvE&t=17s

Peace and love,

Winta

I find that negative emotions keep me captive in a never-ending cycle. Self-doubt, fear, shame, guilt, inadequacy, comparison, and perfectionism leave me feeling stagnant and complacent. Before the ticking time bomb of my own destruction goes off, I hear two words in my head that stop it in its tracks: “You’re okay.”

We can be so hard on ourselves that we forget to give ourselves grace—a reason to exhale and let God do what He does. As much as we want to control aspects of our lives, we must come to terms with understanding, accepting, and submitting to God’s will. The illusion of control will only lead to destruction. Faith is the antidote to many of our worries, if not all.

So I am here to remind you, and myself, that you’re okay. You’re doing the best you can with what you know. I pray that God gives you grace for the things you don’t understand yet. I pray that He embraces you with peace in the meantime. And, in due time, I pray that the need for control loosens and the good things that come from God flow to you organically.

You’re okay, you’re going to be okay, and I love you.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.

The phrase ‘Pick up your mat and walk’ carries so much humility and power. Sometimes, I feel empowered by those words, yet other times, it feels like my only choice. On either side of the spectrum, I find that faith and resilience are incredibly important. Society can constantly trigger insecurities in our minds if we allow it to, causing worry, doubt, anxiety, and depression to infiltrate our state of being, ultimately leading us to a spiritual drought.

As I write this, I’m having a realization: I’ve been consistently praying to God for obedience. God loves when we obey Him, when we listen to what He is telling us to do. And obedience starts with picking up your mat and walking. Obedience is an action—dwelling in negative thoughts will only harm us. We can’t rely solely on our emotions to get through life.

So, whatever you are going through—and I say this with the utmost love and grace for you, but “Pick Up Your Mat and Walk!” Rise, beloved. Rise into the person God created you to be. I pray that you inhale the air of life filled with love, gratitude and patience. And exhale the torment of death filled with worry, doubt, anxiety, and depression. Don’t forget who you are, and walk as if water is beneath your feet, with our Heavenly Father standing proudly with His arms open, waiting for you to reach Him.

And in Jesus name,

Amen.

I believe there are some things you can predict on a spiritual level of knowing. For instance, if I continuously eat sweets over a long period of time, I will be more prone to developing diabetes or other potential health complications. Another example is if I procrastinate on certain goals or tasks I've set for myself; my chances of becoming successful will be significantly lower. I feel like this is common sense. However, there are moments when we try to rationalize our behaviors in ways that somehow make sense to us, even if they're irrational, if that makes sense—haha.

When we don’t have a purpose or a clear idea of who we want to be, making irrational yet seemingly rational decisions in our eyes doesn’t sound so bad. Who is it hurting, really? ... besides you, of course. Most of us look at life from a human’s eye view as we interact with the world around us. Perhaps a better way to view life is from a bird's eye view. Personally, I have mainly focused on the daily happenings in my life, such as the errands I need to run, what I’m going to eat, and tasks I need to complete. From my observations of my current surroundings, our lives are often engulfed in staying busy and constantly doing things. But, when we look at life from a bird's eye view, we can gain perspective on the bigger picture and what truly matters in our lives.

In this podcast, I delve into what it means to live for your future, how I’ve embarked on changes in my personal life to embody this idea, and how the Word of God has influenced me to take accountability for my decisions up to this point.

I hope you enjoy this one. Much love. Peace.

Life doesn't always give you what you want, but it will give you what you need. In our current lifetime, we are saturated in different distractions that aim to tell us how we are meant to live our lives. Telling us to do more, acquire more, be like this more. But, when we can't achieve what is told to us, what happens then?

In this podcast, I discuss the waiting period, or in other words, the patience period. The things you truly desire come in time, there is no 'buy now' button for it. The essence of being patient derives from embracing all the things that could take place in the meantime.

God has a humorous, yet intentional and humbling way of orchestrating our lives to prepare us for our desires. So why not enjoy the journey;

Until.

Such.

Time.

Our flesh feels so easy, as it remains of this world and it's temptations. On the contrary, the spirit is perceived to feel rather difficult as it doesn't align with the worldly ways. The saying usually goes "walk by faith not by sight" , but I say "walk by spirit not by flesh." They are both very similar, almost one in the same, however, they can be understood and interpreted differently. Walking by spirit is not an easy walk, sometimes we give into the persuasion of temptation. And once that temporary feeling dissipates, we are left with the understanding of it's illusion. As we look down with shame from what we had done, realizing once again that we are not our flesh. God lifts our heads up, and showers mercy and forgiveness upon our spirits. And we are renewed and restored to continue our walk. Our walk that is by spirit and not by flesh.

There must be more to life than this, don't you think? I have been in an exceptionally long season of feeling unsatisfied. Alive, but not really living. Here, but just existing. Keeping busy to distract myself from my reality. Eternal life sounds so comforting, I've been aiming to unpacked what that means. The initial thought being, being able to live forever. But it feels like more of a state of being. It feels like peace, joy, a deep understanding of one's self, a constant. Similar to the water, sky and trees; full of purpose that exudes effortlessly. And fully encompassing a place I want to be. Whether it is physically, mentally, spiritually, or all three. I guess we'll have to see...