In Residence with Keith and Laura

Keith and Laura explore the psychology behind gamification and share real-world examples of how game mechanics can transform your approach to personal development.

Keith’s Efficiency GameKeith demonstrates how everyday tasks become opportunities for engagement through efficiency challenges. Drawing from his experience in kitchens and cabinet shops, he transforms mundane activities like chopping vegetables or doing dishes into precision games. His approach focuses on measurable improvements. How uniform can the cuts be, how quickly can the task be completed–this turns routine work into satisfying challenges.However, an important caveat: this gamification tendency can become counterproductive when it leads to perfectionism and analysis paralysis. The key is knowing when to apply game mechanics and when to simply execute.

Laura Overcoming Goal ShameLaura brings vulnerability to the conversation by sharing her struggle with unearned Disney race medals. A powerful example of how goal shame can paralyze progress. Her breakthrough comes through recognizing successful gamification she already uses, like racing to hang Christmas lights before Keith finishes dishes.Her planned experiment with 30-minute project timers offers a practical template: create time constraints that add urgency without overwhelming pressure. Laura's insights highlight that gamification works best when it reduces barriers to starting rather than adding complexity.

The Bigger Picture: Finite vs. Infinite GamesPerhaps most importantly, Laura and Keith explore the difference between finite and infinite games. Understanding that marriage, parenting, and personal growth are infinite games. The goal is continued participation rather than “winning.” Knowing when to compete (finite games) versus when to collaborate (infinite games) can fundamentally shift how you approach life's biggest challenges. 
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What Game Are You Playing? [Rerelease] - Episode 094
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Keith and Laura explore the cycle of initial excitement, challenging middle phases, and eventual completion that comes with most projects. Laura's gardening experience serves as a framework for understanding how to navigate challenges and maintain momentum.

Laura's Insights: The Power of Structured PersistenceLaura's four-day landscaping experience illustrates what Seth Godin calls "the dip" - that inevitable low point where motivation wanes and obstacles multiply. Her strategy of breaking the project into manageable 4-6 hour chunks prevented burnout while maintaining momentum. When exhaustion hit and equipment failed, Laura pushed through by focusing on her desired outcome: enjoying breakfast on the deck surrounded by planted flowers. Her future-focused thinking and structured planning carried her through the difficult phase. Laura also highlighted using AI tools as thought partners for project organization, eliminating hours of research while creating personalized frameworks.

Keith's Insights: Ownership and Vulnerability in Goal SettingKeith's reflection centers on the psychological barriers that prevent project initiation. He identifies a crucial distinction between "needs" and “wants"–recognizing that hiding behind family needs can prevent pursuing meaningful personal goals. This realization requires vulnerability: publicly owning what you want to accomplish, even when the path is uncertain. Keith emphasizes that unfamiliar projects aren't fundamentally different from familiar ones like gardening. Both require the same next-step focus. His insight about gaining clarity through awareness paired with perspective offers a practical approach to overcoming analysis paralysis. 

Expect the dip, plan for it, and embrace the natural cycle of projects. Keep leaning in and moving forward.

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Planting a Project - Episode 093

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Keith and Laura explore the concept of "making a ruckus" – inspired by a phrase they spotted on the Jumbotron at a Green Bay Packers game. What began as observations about appropriate fan behavior evolved into a meaningful conversation about taking action in creative work and personal projects.
Keith's Perspective: Show Up and Speak Up
Keith views making a ruckus as showing up and using your voice. He emphasizes that making a ruckus isn't just about making noise but about "generously sharing and being part of the situation.” Keith highlights that significant work isn't supposed to be easy, referencing Seth Godin's philosophy that the difficulty is what makes achievements rewarding. Keith advocates for committing once and then following through, suggesting that waiting for the "perfect moment" is often just resistance in disguise. The key is taking that first step and allowing action to lead to motivation.
Laura's Journey: Overcoming Internal Resistance
Laura candidly shares her struggle with starting a project to create a community supporting women leaders. She identifies her pattern of making excuses: "I don't have time," "What would I call it?" and fearing that making small progress isn't enough to qualify as "making a ruckus.” Laura's breakthrough comes in recognizing that consistent small actions create meaningful change: "All the small things add up to bigger things." She discovers a powerful mantra to overcome resistance: "I know you don't feel like doing this right now, but we're going to do it anyway.”
Making a ruckus doesn't necessarily mean being loud or disruptive. Sometimes it's the persistent "drip, drip, drip" of showing up consistently that creates the most significant impact. By taking small steps forward, even when uncomfortable, we can overcome resistance and make the ruckus that truly matters.
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Keith and Laura discuss what it means to create positive change through consistent action while overcoming creative resistance and fear of starting.

Make a Ruckus: Stop the Excuses and Do It Anyway [Rerelease] - Episode 092

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Keith and Laura unpack powerful strategies for personal growth and development through failure reflection, sustainable habits, and intentional prioritization.
Key Points:
Connecting Dots: Keith and Laura discuss the importance of not just collecting information but connecting ideas and processing thoughts.

Failure Journaling: Arthur C. Brooks' concept of documenting failures, then returning after one month to note lessons learned, and after six months to identify positive outcomes that emerged.

Bumpers Concept: From Nick Peterson's book, they explore setting minimum commitments ("floors") and maximum limits to build sustainable habits without overextending oneself.

Law of Inverse Prioritization: Greg McKeown's idea that we often give least attention to our highest priorities due to perfectionism and fear of failure.

Systems Thinking: Seeing how actions connect to consequences helps make better decisions, as illustrated by the snake repellent story.

Long-term Perspective: Current circumstances reflect accumulated habits over decades, not just recent actions - "Where you're at isn't because of the last three weeks, it's because of the last 30 plus years."

Goal Setting: Focus on what you want your life to be like rather than immediate outcomes, then develop practices aligned with that vision.

These strategies create sustainable routines that lead to meaningful growth over time, turning setbacks into valuable stepping stones toward your long-term vision.
Keep Leaning in.

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Keith and Laura dive into the realities of gratitude journaling and stress management. What begins as a conversation about the benefits of gratitude quickly evolves into an honest exploration of the challenges in making gratitude practices feel authentic and meaningful.

Despite feeling deeply grateful for her life and relationships, Laura finds it difficult to translate those feelings into words. She discusses the pressure to make her gratitude lists meaningful and the discomfort with what she calls “fake gratitude.” Laura’s reflections highlight the common experience of comparing oneself to others and feeling that gratitude must meet a certain standard. 

Keith views gratitude journaling as a tool to return to emotional “zero”-a state of equilibrium. He encourages noticing and appreciating small, everyday moments, and sees value in even simple gratitude practices. Keith also reflects on the importance journaling, free from comparison or performance, and the close connection between gratitude and joy.

Managing stress is a foundation of well-being. Laura and Keith encourage simplifying gratitude practices, and the value of noticing and appreciating small, everyday moments. Both hosts stress the importance of self-care, noting that taking care of oneself is essential to showing up for others. Laura offers practical stress management tools, including box breathing, PQ reps, tapping, and grounding exercises.

Gratitude can be a powerful, practical techniques for managing stress and finding joy in life.

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Gratitude and Stress - Episode 090

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Keith and Laura share what media is currently bringing them joy. Whether it’s reading writing, listening or watching, they are leaning into thoughtful consumption with entertainment that truly resonates. Both Laura and Keith recommend HBO Max's "Somebody Somewhere," praising its authentic characters and balance of humor and emotion. They've each committed to reading more physical books in the coming weeks, emphasizing the importance of not just collecting information but meaningfully connecting with it.

Keith’s Selections:Keith is listening to Bob Mold's new album "Here We Go Crazy" in preparation for an upcoming concert, and finding solace in Max Richter's classical compositions which he describes as creating a soothing atmosphere. His discovery of Twin Peaks has been complemented by a companion podcast "The Detective and the Log Lady," allowing him to explore this 90s series for the first time.

On the learning front, Keith is reconnecting with music theory by studying the circle of fifths, methodically writing out key signatures each morning to cement his understanding. His reading includes the beginning of "The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo" and his friend Owen McGowan's draft novel about jazz in 1940s Pittsburgh.

Laura’s Selections:Laura's choices reflect her deliberate focus on mood elevation. After extensive travel and work commitments, she's prioritizing content that keeps her "happy and lighter." Her music rotation features mood-boosting artists like LP, Michael Franti, Lizzo, The Flaming Lips, and Green Day – particularly highlighting how "She Don't Use Jelly" puts her "into a really positive energy space."

Her reading includes "Bird by Bird" by Anne Lamott about writing craft, which she carries everywhere despite only reaching chapter three. She's also working through "Remarkably Bright Creatures" and recently finished "Big in Sweden," connecting to her Swedish ancestry before an upcoming trip.

Keep connecting with what brings you joy.

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A Mixed Tape [Session 4] - Episode 089

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Keith and Laura explore the concept of successful marriages functioning more like startups than mergers, based on an article by Arthur C. Brooks, “Why the Most Successful Marriages Are Start-Ups, Not Mergers.” 
The startup approach to marriage involves building something new together with flexibility and growth, while the merger approach often struggles when two established entities with entrenched ways try to combine. The couple ponders, "How do we operate in marriage?" 
There are, and have been, shifting dynamics within Laura and Keith's partnership as they've grow as individuals and as partners. Both Keith and Laura agree that communication forms the foundation of their relationship, allowing them to navigate changes and find compromises that work for both of them. 
As the article concludes, the best approach to a successful "love startup" involves "co-founders who see each other as equals and walk confidently into the future together in a spirit of generous collaboration.”
What works for us? What works for you? It's always good to check-in and have a conversation.
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Marriage, Support and Communication: A Start-Up Story - Episode 088

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Keith and Laura discuss the MEDS framework—Meditation, Exercise, Diet, and Sleep—as a holistic approach to self-care and wellbeing. Improving one area often benefits the others. They are designing strategies for meditation, exercise routines, mindful eating, and sleep hygiene that fit their rhythms and routines.

Meditation
Even if their practices are inconsistent, both Laura and Keith acknowledge the benefits of meditation. They discuss using apps like Calm and Headspace, and highlight that meditation doesn't have to be lengthy or formal—short, mindful moments can be effective. Laura shares tips like using breath-work and grounding techniques, while Keith reflects on journaling and the value of simply being present.

Exercise
Keith shares his structured workout plan and the value of tracking progress, while Laura discusses overcoming the intimidation of new environments and maintaining routines while traveling. Both agree that flexibility and consistency are key to making exercise a sustainable habit.

Diet
Mindful eating, listening to hunger cues, and making choices that support personal plans are instrumental to the couple’s health goals. Laura focuses on eating foods that feel good and stopping when full, while Keith talks about avoiding temptations and learning from past choices. They both stress the importance of planning and not being too rigid.

Sleep
Sleep hygiene is important to both Keith and Laura. experimenting with routines, technology, and environment to improve rest. Laura discusses the impact of diet and alcohol on sleep, while Keith explores tracking sleep data and adjusting habits for better quality rest.

The MEDS framework feels practical and natural as a guidepost to keep Laura and Keith moving forward toward their goals.  Rather than defining rigid rules, they are finding personalized approaches that work with their individual preferences and lifestyles. As always, keep leaning in to the physical and mental health benefits that come with implementing small, consistent changes. 
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The MEDS Framework - Episode 087
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Keith and Laura explore childhood aspirations and how those dreams connect to their current lives. Laura reveals she initially wanted to be a travel agent before attending college, while Keith aspired to be a musician.

Adventure in Unexpected PlacesLaura shares that she initially wanted to be a travel agent rather than attend college. Given her extensive academic background and current role in higher education, this revelation might surprise some. Her attraction to travel agency work stemmed from core desires for adventure, connection, and learning—values that continue to define her approach to life.

Finding Connection Through CommunicationKeith's story centers on his dream of becoming a musician. His reflection reveals that what truly attracted him to music wasn't fame but connection—the powerful way music creates emotional bonds between people. Though he didn't become a professional musician, Keith recognizes how his desire for meaningful connection appears throughout his life, particularly in his current creative endeavors.

Paths, Perspectives, and PurposeOur lives rarely follow straight lines. Keith expressed regret around waiting rather than taking initiative earlier in life. Laura sees how her adventurous spirit has manifested in different aspects of her life. A winding path and connecting dots can reveal a unique journey full of passion and purpose that is our own.
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Passion, Purpose, Practical - What Did You Want to Be? [Rerelease] - Episode 086

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Keith and Laura dive deep into acknowledging emotions, processing them, and breaking free from limiting beliefs. Laura shares a personal story that affected her self-image, and Keith reflects on his tendency to let external circumstances dictate his actions rather than exercising agency. 
The conversation begins with an emotional response to Child 1 turning sixteen. Reflections on parenthood and the passage of time are followed by the couple’s thoughts on awareness, personal agency, and mental decluttering. 

Laura's Perspective: Feeling the Feels
Laura opens up and shares generously about an offhand comment about her weight as a teenager. She introduces the concept of "radical self-forgiveness," emphasizing the importance of identifying unhelpful beliefs we've ascribed to ourselves and intentionally replacing them with empowering alternatives. Laura embraces wellness and weight loss from a stance of empowerment and building the life and habits she wants through affirming rather than using shame.
Keith's Perspective: Agency Over Anxiety
Keith reflects on personal agency and how he can often surrender his power to external circumstances. He can distract himself by consuming too much information without creating output. Keith’s mantra "Agency is greater than anxiety" encapsulates the struggle to exercise choice rather than letting life happen to him. Keith’s choosing intentional living and leaning into the joys that come with stepping outside his comfort zone.
The Takeaway
Both hosts emphasize the importance of mental decluttering—identifying and releasing thoughts that no longer serve us while creating space for what truly matters. While we can't control everything that happens to us, we always have the power to choose how we respond and what beliefs we carry forward.
As the closing quote from Fay Weldon suggests: "If you do nothing unexpected, nothing unexpected happens." Sometimes the most profound growth comes from stepping beyond our comfort zones and reclaiming our agency.
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Feeling Our Feelings - Episode 085
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