Empathic Listening is the true Super Power for Influence and Impact.
There is a saying by Erasmus of Rotterdam, a Dutch Philosopher and Theologian, which goes like this:
In the land of the blind, a one-eyed man is the King.
21st Century world is the land of the deaf because of distraction and multitasking. People are rapidly losing the capability to focus and pay attention to anything, even when talking to people. In the land of the deaf, a one-eared listener is a Ruler!
Everyone thinks they are good at this superpower, but actually, they are poor at using it. And this is the biggest problem. What is this superpower? It is Empathic Listening. Empathic is the superpower in which you can enter their reality and experience it from their perspective. With empathy, you will understand what it is to be them in their worldview and communicate your understanding of what they are saying and feeling. You will also resonate with that feeling by experiencing the same emotion and reflecting it back to them. Once you can listen empathically, you will build massive influence with anyone of your choice.
People think they are listening, but actually, they are not. They are doing the following while under the illusion that they are listening.
Limited hearing with a lot of thoughts around how they must respond
Miniscule hearing while looking down at their phones
Assuming they are hearing but just waiting to jump in and offer their opinion.
Empathy is a skill that will help you reach unreachable people. This is a valuable skill you can learn in this Attention Economy. Here is a secret I want to share with you. If you want to influence others, the first thing you should not do is to persuade them of your point of view. Most people do this - they talk, push for their points to be heard, argue, and try to bulldoze their way into other people accepting their viewpoint. All these attempts will only generate resistance and pushback. You have to listen and make them feel that you have understood them as nobody else has done.
Your primary task in persuasion is to dissolve resistance and make the person willing to listen to what you are saying with an open mind. This will only happen after you have kept an open mind, sincerely listened, and conveyed that you have lent your ear and understood. You have to go first. You have to role-model it. When you reflect on your understanding of what the other person is telling you and check whether your comprehension is correct, you will get a response: That is right. That is your entry point for persuasion. That is your foot in the door. Continue doing this, and soon you will be invited in.
How do you listen empathically?
Learn to master your emotions, especially in stressful and precarious situations
Consciously pay attention to understanding what the other person is telling you.
Be aware that listening alone is not enough. You must not only listen but convey to the person you have heard and understood her.
You must be able to listen and respond at the moment, not later.
You must also validate whether you have understood what the other person is saying.
Demonstrate that you have corrected your understanding if you have it wrong
Show that you see what they are saying, demonstrate your understanding by reflecting on what they said, and reciprocate with the same feeling they shared with you. If excited, you mirror back with your excitement. If sad, you reflect back on your sadness. Do this sincerely. This is the best way to build connection and rapport with a shared understanding of their experience.
Do this with utter sincerity and interest. Because feigned interest is equal to a negative response.
No Judgement. No trying to fix things for them. No offering advice
If you want to help, ask their permission before you do so. An exception for this is while dealing with children. Help them even if they say no. Or in commercial situations where you are selling something.
There is a need for Empathic listeners as never before. Empathy is the greatest gift you can give to another human. It should start with every one of us. Here is a challenge for you. Make a conscious choice to give this precious gift to others. You lead the way. You choose to be the role model for empathic listening to others.
Learn to do it correctly and give the gift freely. You’ll never know when you may totally transform the lives of people around you. The world needs your empathic listening.
Prayers by Admiral Bob (c) copyright 2020 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license. http://dig.ccmixter.org/files/admiralbob77/61151 Ft: emmrodriguez
spacedust by airtone (c) copyright 2022 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license. http://dig.ccmixter.org/files/airtone/64741
