insyed; cozy psychology

If you enjoyed this podcast, the written version, along with the things you can't hear, including artwork I chose for this piece, the story behind it, and a few links if you'd like to go deeper are available on my Substack.

An essay about a dying chameleon, a heavy suitcase, and the bubbles I almost didn't see.

A video of a chameleon in its last moments sent me looking for what four years of psychology never taught me. The answer showed up on an ordinary afternoon, while I was dragging luggage to the train station and looking up at a shop window I had walked past a hundred times.

This is an essay about the things we feel before we understand them, and why it might be worth writing them down anyway. It's also about a friend who didn't know how to start journaling, and a laugh I didn't think much of at the time.

The Stars That Were Already There is a cozy psychology essay about awe, presence, and what researchers call the small self, narrated for listening. Four friends drive out of the city to watch a meteor shower, arrive too early for the peak, and never make it back for the good part. What they find instead becomes the actual subject of the essay. Draws on Piff et al.'s 2015 research on awe and prosocial behavior, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Topics covered: awe psychology, the small self, meteor showers, presence, mindfulness, night sky, friendship. Listen or read the full essay at syedquests.substack.com.

References

• Piff, P. K., Dietze, P., Feinberg, M., Stancato, D. M., & Keltner, D. (2015). Awe, the small self, and prosocial behavior. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 108(6), 883–899. https://doi.org/10.1037/pspi0000018
• Bergland, C. (2018, September 29). Wow! One key unlocks the amazing power of awe. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-athletes-way/201809/wow-one-key-unlocks-the-amazing-power-of-awe

It started with a Reddit thread. Someone was asking how to start a podcast, and I found myself typing out advice I've given a dozen times: it's not about the mic, it's about you, and there's no shortcut around sounding bad for a while. But writing that reply made me realize I'd been avoiding my own version of episode one — stalling on my own project over a logo, a color scheme, a vague sense that it wasn't "ready" yet.

This episode covers:

• Why the fear of a bad first attempt keeps people from starting anything creative
• The research on growth mindset and creative motivation — and why it matters more than talent
• Survivorship bias in "overnight success" stories
• The literal trick I used to get unstuck: tilting my screen down so I couldn't see or second-guess what I was writing
• Why perfectionism about the "frame" (branding, aesthetics, setup) is often just a more sophisticated way of avoiding the actual work

If you're sitting on an unstarted project, an unrecorded episode one, or an unfinished first draft, this one's for you.

Source:

• Han, H., & Park, D. (2025). Unlocking creative potential: The role of creative mindset on creativity.Thinking Skills and Creativity, 58, 101953. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.tsc.2025.101953

My brother sent a photo of a watch he bought me — and it sent me straight to a drawer where my late grandfather's watch had been sitting, unwound, for years. Turns out, this is a textbook case of "possible selves" — the psychological gap between who we are and who we're afraid we haven't earned the right to become. This episode is about inheritance, imposter syndrome, and why the feeling of being "ready" never actually comes first.

What have you been waiting to feel ready for?

I deleted my entire to-do list out of spite. What filled the empty calendar afterward wasn't more guilt — it was everything I'd already done that never made the list. A story about contingent self-worth, the psychology of why winning and losing both hit harder when you tie them to performance, and what's left of you on the days you cross nothing off at all.

Source:

• Wouters, S., Thomaes, S., Colpin, H., Luyckx, K., & Verschueren, K. (2018). How does Conditional Regard Impact Well-being and Eagerness to Learn? An Experimental Study. Psychologica Belgica, 58(1), 105–114. https://doi.org/10.5334/pb.401

I tried making fried vermicelli noodles for the first time and ended up with porridge. What surprised me wasn't the failure — it was how quickly I let it mean everything. In this episode, I explore all-or-nothing thinking, what the physics of energy has to do with resilience, and why ruining something is sometimes the only way to make it.

Source: Understanding and Overcoming All-or-Nothing Thinking

You know exactly what you need to do. You've written it down, time-blocked it, maybe even colour-coded it. And yet — nothing starts.

In this episode, I reflects on six hours of playing The Sims and the uncomfortable moment I realised my virtual self was outperforming me. Not because he was smarter or more disciplined — but because he was simpler. No hesitation. No "one more thing before I start." Just the next action.

References

• Gollwitzer, P. M. (1999). Implementation intentions: Strong effects of simple plans. American Psychologist, 54(7), 493–503. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.54.7.493

How letting my laptop die let me live.

Burnout doesn't always announce itself with a collapse — sometimes it shows up as not caring anymore. In this week's episode, I'm coming to you five hours deep into a report, running on fumes and the wrong kind of determination, and what happened when I unplugged my laptop on purpose and worked until the battery died. Rest days exist for a reason. You're no machine — but you still have a battery.

Reference List

• https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35997632/

This one is different. I'm going back to where it all started — episode one. And reading it with fresh eyes, a year later and 10,000km from home. In this episode: the reason agency is still the strongest predictor of life satisfaction, the mistake I made framing hope and agency as opposites, and why hope is the invitation that agency walks through. As always — there's always more INSyed.

My shoelaces kept coming undone. On the third time stopping to tie them, I noticed a patch of grass I'd never really seen — despite walking past it every day. That's inattentional blindness: the brain's filter that helps us function, and quietly hides the world from us. This week, we look at what we've been missing.

Reference List

• https://www.researchgate.net/publication/12620563_Gorillas_in_Our_Midst_Sustained_Inattentional_Blindness_for_Dynamic_Events
• https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-inattentional-blindness-2795020
• https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-a-schema-2795873
• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJG698U2Mvo