Intimacy Lab

Summary

In this teaser episode, Michelle Renee provides an update on the restructuring of the podcast for Season 2. She shares her personal healing journey and compares it to peeling layers of an onion. Michelle discusses the cycle of woundedness to healing and the continuous process of self-development. She gives a preview of the upcoming episodes for Season 2 and emphasizes the importance of taking time to ensure the podcast brings her joy. Michelle encourages listeners to engage by submitting questions or comments.

Takeaways

To send a comment or ask a question, go to IntimacyLabPodcast.com

Follow Michelle on social media @MeetMichelleRenee

The video version of this podcast is available on Spotify and Youtube

Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Season Update

01:53 The Healing Journey

03:03 The Process of Healing

03:21 The Cycle of Woundedness to Healing

04:20 Embracing Self-Development

04:57 Season Two Preview

06:24 Restructuring the Podcast

06:54 Engaging with Listeners

In this conversation, Michelle Renee and David Khalili, MA, LMFT, discuss various topics related to connection, communication, and personal growth. They explore the importance of asking for help and setting boundaries, as well as the impact of goal-focused sex on relationships. They also discuss the role of journaling in emotional processing and the benefits of expanding the definition of sex. The conversation highlights the need for healthy endings and the value of working triadically to provide comprehensive support. Overall, the conversation emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, communication, and building strong connections. In this conversation, David Khalili discusses his favorite parts of the book on ⁠Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker⁠. He highlights the concepts of reparenting and the inner critic. The discussion then moves on to understanding the inner critic and outer critic and the toxic relationship between the two. David emphasizes the importance of playing a different game in life and finding alternative ways of succeeding. The conversation also explores the topics of verbal ventilation, permission for tears, and the significance of grief and mourning. The impact of nurturing and the broad scope of complex PTSD are discussed. Finally, David shares information about Rouse Relational Wellness and the therapy services they offer.

David Khalili (he/him) is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, a board-certified sexologist, and the founder of Rouse Relational Wellness in San Fransisco. He can be found on social media at ⁠@rousetherapy⁠ and at ⁠https://www.rousetherapy.com⁠

Michelle Renee (she/her) is a San Diego-based Intimacy Guide and Surrogate Partner. Michelle's website is ⁠⁠https://meetmichellerenee.com⁠⁠ and can be found on social media at ⁠@meetmichellerenee⁠.

If you’d like to ask a question, for Michelle to answer on an episode, ⁠click here⁠.

To grab your own set of We’re Not Really Strangers, ⁠click here⁠.

Other Links from this episode:

⁠David Khalili on Get Nake with Dr Kate⁠

⁠Reid's Formula for Difficult Conversations⁠

⁠Sex Geek Summer Camp⁠

⁠Reid on Bawdy Storytelling telling a Betty Dodson story⁠

Takeaways

• Asking for help and setting boundaries are essential for personal growth and healthy relationships.

• Goal-focused sex can lead to desperation and a lack of connection with partners.

• Journaling can be a powerful tool for emotional processing and self-reflection.

• Expanding the definition of sex can lead to more fulfilling and diverse sexual experiences.

• Healthy endings and working triadically can provide comprehensive support and promote personal growth. Reparenting and addressing the inner critic are important aspects of healing from Complex PTSD.

• Judging others and oneself is often a result of the toxic relationship between the inner critic and outer critic.

• Playing a different game in life and finding alternative ways of succeeding can help break free from constant self-criticism.

• Verbal ventilation and permission for tears are essential for emotional release and healing.

• Grief and mourning are necessary processes that should be acknowledged and supported.

• Complex PTSD can result from a lack of nurturing and emotional support.

• Taking breaks and engaging in comedy can be a helpful form of auto-regulation.

• The power of Golden Girls and other forms of comedy in improving mood and well-being.

• Rouse Relational Wellness offers a variety of therapy services focused on couples and sex therapy.

In this conversation, Michelle Renee and Grace Heer discuss the power of vulnerability and deep connection. They share personal experiences and insights on the importance of being authentic and open in relationships. They also explore the use of cards to deepen connections and create meaningful conversations. The conversation highlights the impact of vulnerability at events and the power of asking yourself what you need. They also discuss advice for mental health and self-care, as well as the process of figuring out what you want in life and listening to your body when making decisions. In this conversation, Michelle and Grace discuss the importance of exploring personal desires, taking care of mental health, recognizing the need for rest, listening to your body's signals, the importance of boredom and rest, balancing work and self-care, processing childhood experiences, and finding joy and self-care.

Grace Heer is a professional cuddler, cuddle event facilitator, life coach, and end-of-life doula in Orange, CA. You can learn more about her at GracefulCuddles.com or on Facebook and Instagram at Grace Heer, Coaching and Cuddling. Links are on her website.

Michelle Renee (she/her) is a San Diego-based Intimacy Guide and Surrogate Partner. Michelle's website is ⁠https://meetmichellerenee.com⁠ and can be found on social media at @meetmichellerenee.

Takeaways

• Take the time to explore your personal desires and what you truly want in the moment.
• Prioritize your mental health and find small ways to make up for neglecting it.
• Recognize the signs of needing rest and create white space in your schedule.
• Listen to your body's signals and pay attention to what it needs.
• Embrace boredom and rest as essential for rejuvenation and creativity.
• Find a balance between work and self-care to avoid burnout.
• Take the time to process and heal from childhood experiences.
• Find joy in simple activities and prioritize self-care.
• Remember to prioritize your own needs and take breaks when necessary.

If you’d like to ask a question, for Michelle to answer on an episode, ⁠click here⁠.

To grab your own set of We’re Not Really Strangers, ⁠click here⁠.

Links of note from today's episode:

Michelle's Facebook

36 Questions to Fall in Love

Kassandra Brown's Radical Listening

Terry Real's book Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship

In this episode, Michelle and Adelina discuss the concept of earning vulnerability and the importance of feeling safe and supported in order to open up. They also explore the different levels of vulnerability and how trust is built over time. The conversation shifts to building friendships with colleagues in the sex-positive community and the unique connections that can be formed. They share personal stories of meeting influential figures in the field, such as Lucy Fielding and Dan Savage, and the impact these encounters had on their lives. In this part of the conversation, Michelle and Adelina discuss Michelle's experience with Dan Savage, the fear of rejection, the unpublished episode, self-reflection and validation, and the mystery behind it. They also talk about embracing their inner dork, the success of Soft Cock Week, the podcast journey, favorite takeaways from interviews, quotable moments, the challenges of recording, the Soft Cock Week events, the glitch and the help, the underlying message of Soft Cock Week, the beauty of free-form conversations, and the Intimacy Lab experiment.

Takeaways

• Vulnerability is earned through feeling safe and supported.
• Different levels of vulnerability exist, from sharing personal experiences to entrusting someone with your care and life.
• Building friendships with colleagues in the sex-positive community can be a source of connection and understanding.
• Meaningful encounters with influential figures in the field can have a profound impact on personal and professional growth.

Adelina Adler is a sex coach and sex educator based in Wilmington, NC. You can find Adelina on Instagram at ⁠@askaddyadler⁠. She is the host of ⁠Sexplorations! with Adelina Adler⁠ on Spotify.

Michelle Renee (she/her) is a San Diego-based Intimacy Guide and Surrogate Partner. Michelle's website is⁠ ⁠https://meetmichellerenee.com⁠⁠ and can be found on social media at @meetmichellerenee.

Have questions you'd like answered by Michelle or her guests? Leave them at IntimacyLabPodcast.com.

Notes from today's show:

Cuddlist Training Discount

Soft Cock Week Podcast

Interview with Paul on Queer Relationships, Queer Joy

Joli Hamilton, polyamory coach

We're Not Really Strangers

How Cuddlist changed my life, podcast episode 3

Episode 4 where I answer the love question with Vanessa

Brian Gibney, episode 2

Sara, episode 1

The Intimacy Professionals - more can be found here

Psychnetworker

Lucie Fielding's Trans Sex

Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski

Esther Perel's Mating in Captivity

Get Naked with Dr Kate Episode with David Khalili

David Khalili's books: Mental Health Workbook for Men and Sex Worriers

Michelle's Newsletter Sign Up

In this episode, Michelle Renee is joined by Aubri Lancaster, an asexuality and aromanticism educator. They discuss the concepts of asexuality and aromanticism, providing a comprehensive understanding of these orientations. Michelle shares her personal journey and how she discovered her own asexuality. They also explore the connection between aphantasia and asexuality. The conversation highlights the importance of differentiating between sexual attraction and desire. In this conversation, Aubri Lancaster and Michelle Renee discuss personal desire and attraction, exploring intimacy beyond sex, different pathways to asexuality, navigating sexual attraction and desire, expanding the definition of intimacy, challenges in sex education and advocacy, the importance of language and understanding, and decentering sex in relationships. The conversation explores the topic of solo sex within committed relationships and the importance of communication and negotiation in maintaining a healthy sexual dynamic. It challenges the societal expectation that sex should only occur within a partnership and highlights the need for individuals to prioritize their own sexual satisfaction. The conversation emphasizes the significance of open dialogue and mutual understanding in navigating differences in sexual preferences. Overall, it encourages a shift towards more inclusive and personalized relationship agreements.

Aubri Lancaster is an AASECT certified sexuality educator with a focus on asexuality and aromantisism. She can be found at ⁠AceSexEducation.com⁠ or @acesexeducation on social media.

Check out Aubri's upcoming webinar "Am I Ace Enough?"

Michelle Renee (she/her) is a San Diego-based Intimacy Guide and Surrogate Partner. Michelle's website is⁠ ⁠https://meetmichellerenee.com⁠⁠ and can be found on social media at @meetmichellerenee.

Takeaways

• Understanding personal desire and attraction is a complex and individual experience.
• Intimacy can be experienced in various forms, including platonic, intellectual, and touch-based connections.
• Asexuality encompasses different pathways and experiences, and it is important to recognize and respect these diverse perspectives.
• Sexual attraction and desire can be separate from emotional and romantic connections.
• There are many ways to connect and experience pleasure beyond sexual activity.
• Sex education and advocacy face challenges in terms of societal norms and limited support.
• Language and understanding play a crucial role in exploring and accepting diverse sexual orientations and experiences.
• Relationships can prioritize different forms of connection and intimacy, and sex does not have to be the central focus. It is acceptable to prioritize solo sex even in committed partnerships.
• Lack of communication and understanding can lead to issues in sexual dynamics.
• Negotiating relationship agreements is crucial for establishing mutual satisfaction and avoiding societal expectations.
• Open dialogue and self-awareness are essential in navigating differences in sexual preferences.

If you’d like to ask a question for Michelle to answer on an upcoming episode, click here.

To grab your own set of We’re Not Really Strangers, click here.

Links from today's episode:

Aubri's Episode of The Bonding Hour

Michelle's Episode of The Bonding Hour

In this episode, Michelle Renee interviews the Embrace Surrogate Partner Therapy Resource Group team about their mission to spread education and support for surrogate partner therapy. They discuss the upcoming training program called Hidden Treasures Touch Interventions from the Surrogate Partner Toolkit, which aims to provide professionals in the field with a comprehensive understanding of the therapy. The team emphasizes the importance of experiential learning and embodiment in this work and highlights the need for a standardized training program. They also discuss future offerings and the ongoing development of the field.

Takeaways

• Surrogate partner therapy is a modality that combines touch-based somatic exercises with talk therapy to help clients explore emotional and physical intimacy in a safe and therapeutic environment.
• The Hidden Treasures Touch Interventions training program offers professionals in the field an opportunity to learn and practice a range of exercises and techniques used in surrogate partner therapy.
• Experiential learning and embodiment are key components of the training, allowing participants to gain a deeper understanding of the work and its impact on clients.
• The training program aims to bridge the gap between touch-based practitioners and talk therapists, providing a comprehensive toolkit for professionals working in the field of intimacy and relationships.

Meet the Embrace SPT team (full bios are available here):

Lou Hanson - Washington, DC

Brian Gibney - Charlottesville, VA

Jeannie Miller - Washington, DC

Michelle Renee - San Diego, CA

For more information about Embrace and their upcoming class, please go to EmbraceSPT.org and they can be found on social media @EmbraceSPT. Meet the host: Michelle Renee (she/her) is a San Diego-based Intimacy Guide and Surrogate Partner. Michelle's website is⁠⁠ MeetMichelleRenee.com⁠⁠⁠ and can be found on social media at @meetmichellerenee.Have questions you'd like answered by Michelle or her guests? Leave them at ⁠IntimacyLabPodcast.com⁠.

In this episode, Michelle Renee and Vanessa Cushing discuss their experience working together in the triadic model of therapy, specifically surrogate partner therapy. They explore the meaning of saying 'I love you' and the nuances of expressing love authentically. They also discuss the importance of digging deeper in therapy and using conversation cards to spark meaningful conversations. They highlight the evolution of surrogate partner therapy and its impact on clients' lives. The episode concludes with a discussion on the experience of feeling loved in therapy. This conversation explores the goal and benefits of surrogate partner therapy, the importance of therapist involvement, and the challenges and rewards of working in a triadic model. It emphasizes the value of community and the role of supervision in supporting the therapist and client. The conversation also highlights the need for clear boundaries and the impact of personal experiences on the therapeutic relationship. It concludes with a discussion on the satisfaction and positive outcomes of surrogate partner therapy, as well as the importance of expanding the definition of this approach. In this final part of the conversation, Michelle and Vanessa express their appreciation for each other and their friendship. They discuss the possibility of working together again in the future and express their excitement about meeting in person. They conclude the conversation with a warm exchange of gratitude and well wishes.

Takeaways

• Expressing love authentically is more important than saying 'I love you' out of obligation.
• Digging deeper in therapy can lead to transformative experiences and personal growth.
• Surrogate partner therapy can provide unique support and opportunities for growth in areas of emotional and physical intimacy.
• The triadic model of therapy allows for collaboration and a holistic approach to addressing clients' needs.
• Feeling loved and cared for in therapy can have a profound impact on clients' self-worth and well-being. Surrogate partner therapy aims to help clients learn and generalize skills outside of the therapy setting.
• Therapist involvement in surrogate partner therapy provides additional support and guidance for clients.
• Working in a triadic model allows for checks and balances and helps ensure the client's progress and growth.
• The therapist's personal experiences and boundaries play a significant role in the therapeutic relationship.
• Surrogate partner therapy can lead to positive outcomes and significant personal growth for both the client and therapist. Expressing gratitude and appreciation for colleagues and friends is important.
• Building and maintaining professional relationships can lead to future collaborations.
• Meeting in person can strengthen connections and create a sense of familiarity.
• Closing a conversation with gratitude and well wishes leaves a positive impression.

Vanessa Cushing (she/her) is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Miami, licensed in both Florida and Virginia. Her specialty is in sexual trauma. You can find out more about Vanessa at https://www.cushingcounseling.com and follow her at https://instagram.com/cushingcounseling.

Michelle Renee (she/her) is a San Diego-based Intimacy Guide and Surrogate Partner. Michelle's website is ⁠https://meetmichellerenee.com⁠ and can be found on social media at @meetmichellerenee.

Notes from this episode:

Soft Cock Week Podcast

Nathan Young

36 Questions to Fall in Love

Andrew Heartman

Psychnetworker

Cuddlist Training

Find a Cuddlist

Andrew's Heartman's Class Collaborating with Surrogate Partners in Triadic Model through SurrogatePartnerCollective.org

Akilah Riley Richardson

Brian Gibney

Somatic Sexuality Professionals

Tamara Pincus

Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker

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In this, Michelle's first solo podcast episode, she shares about what got her to her life's calling: intimacy. She was always comfortable talking about sex, but safe emotional and physical intimacy has been a struggle in her history. Learn who Michelle 1.0 was and how the journey to the current operating system (Michelle 4.0 or 5.0 - she's lost count) is due in large part to her getting into pro cuddling when she did. Also, a lovely tribute to the healing power of relationship.

Takeaways

• Touch workers play a vital role in supporting and guiding their clients on their journey.

• Self-care is crucial for healers to maintain their well-being and effectiveness.

• Building trust with clients is essential for a successful healing relationship.

• Being a touch worker is a privilege and a rewarding experience.

Michelle Renee (she/her) is a San Diego-based Intimacy Guide and Surrogate Partner. Michelle's website is ⁠https://meetmichellerenee.com⁠ and can be found on social media at @meetmichellerenee.

Links from today's episode (some are affiliate links):

• We're Not Really Strangers: https://amzn.to/46MIIfD
• Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C Gibson: https://amzn.to/3tvGJ0Q
• Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker: https://amzn.to/45JYTtn
• Watch our Wedding Vows: https://www.meetmichellerenee.com/blog/wedding
• Join my bi-weekly newsletter: https://bit.ly/mmrnewsletter
• Check out the Cuddlist Basic Training and get 10% with this link: https://cuddlist.podia.com/cuddle-therapy-basic-training/6dnxo?coupon=REFERRAL

In this conversation, Michelle Renee and Brian Gibney discuss various aspects of dating and relationships. They explore the concept of nature's order versus culture's order, highlighting the importance of safety and communication in building intimate connections. They share their personal experiences with dating and navigating hookup culture. The conversation also delves into the significance of managing expectations, renegotiating relationships, and embracing adaptability. They emphasize the need for open and honest communication, as well as the importance of defining relationships based on individual needs and desires. In this conversation, Michelle and Brian discuss the principles and practices of dating and relationships. They emphasize the importance of being authentic and transparent in relationships, allowing for self-selection and compatibility. They also explore the idea of embracing all aspects of ourselves and finding partners who accept us fully. Creating intimacy and connection, choosing close relationships, maintaining boundaries and autonomy, and living the work outside of work are also discussed.

Takeaways

• Safety and communication are crucial in building intimate connections.
• Managing expectations and renegotiating relationships are essential for personal growth and satisfaction.
• Labels and definitions in relationships can vary and should be based on individual needs and desires.
• Adaptability and open communication are key characteristics to look for in a partner. Be authentic and transparent in relationships, allowing for self-selection and compatibility.
• Embrace all aspects of yourself and find partners who accept you fully.
• Create intimacy and connection by showing up fully and allowing others to hold space for you.
• Maintain boundaries and autonomy, only getting involved when it personally affects you.

Brian Gibney (he/him) is a reformed scientist, forever geek, and ex-circus performer. Now he's helping others as a surrogate partner, intimacy coach, educator, and advocate. He can be found on Instagram at https://instagram.com/brian_gibney_intimacy and at https://BrianGibney.org.

Michelle Renee (she/her) is a San Diego-based Intimacy Guide and Surrogate Partner. Michelle's website is ⁠https://meetmichellerenee.com⁠ and can be found on social media at @meetmichellerenee.

Links from today's episode:

• The video that inspired Michelle's poster in her office: https://vimeo.com/468113082/c8711f0dd6?fbclid=IwAR0K51Z1UeleQx8Bc1FdoWscqTcXMvBcDfUx1lL0m4G6ymuPETBRcV7heDA
• https://Fetlife.com
• https://cuddlist.com/michelle
• Wheel of Consent: https://www.schoolofconsent.org/
• Polysecure by Jessica Fern: https://amzn.to/45btqQs

Thanks for joining us! If you loved what you heard and want to leave us 5 stars, I invite you to leave a review on your favorite podcast app. If you'd like to ask a question, please use the form at IntimacyLabPodcast.com.

Join Michelle Renee and Sara Glass while they talk "Pussy Confidence".

Michelle Renee is a San Diego-based Intimacy Guide and Surrogate Partner.

Sara Glass is a San Diego-based creative, healer, and educator.

Together they co-facilitate a workshop for vulva owners that supports body confidence and the power of self-pleasure.

You can learn more about their workshop at https://AnUntamedLife.com. The next one is scheduled for Oct 14, 2023.

Sara's website is https://www.psexperienceyou.com/ and can be found on social media at @psexperienceyou.

Michelle's website is https://meetmichellerenee.com and can be found on social media at @meetmichellerenee.

Links from today's episode:

First article Michelle read about Betty Dodson

Huberman Lab Podcast Episode 1 on Mental Health about agency and gratitude

Cuddle Party

Vagina: The New Biography

Lioness Vibrator

BodySex Workshop

Scarleteen