Intimate Judaism: A Jewish Approach to Intimacy, Sexuality, and Relationships

(48) Is There a Modern Orthodox Shidduch Crisis?

The shidduch crisis refers to the phenomenon in the Orthodox Jewish community whereby eligible single persons, especially women, have difficulty finding a suitable spouse. While there are definite differences between the way dating for marriage is approached and conducted in ...

(46) Want, Will, Should or Must: Is the Sex You Are Having Really Consensual?

Numerous sources in our tradition demonstrate that sex in marriage must be mutual and consensual, and at no time can sex be forced or coerced. However, If a woman has been taught that she must do what her husband wants ...

(44) Infertility and Relationships

Infertility and pregnancy loss affects relationships: with self, God, partner, family, friends and community. In part 2 of this two part series, Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum discuss the general implications of infertility and pregnancy loss on these relationships ...

(42) ‘The Surrendered Wife’ and Marital Intimacy: Hierarchal Power Dynamics Versus Equal and Mutual Partnership

Last month, Orthodox Jewish journalist Avital Chizhik-Goldschmidt published an article in The Atlantic highlighting the popularity of Laura Doyle’s 2001 New York Times bestseller, ‘The Surrendered Wife,’ among Orthodox Jewish women. Doyle’s book provides a practical guide to marital bliss ...

(40) "Male and Female He Created Them": Trans, Non-Binary, and Orthodox Judaism

According to Jewish sources, God created humans as distinctly male or distinctly female. The roles, obligations and privileges of each gender are clearly defined in our tradition. Yet, not everyone conforms to the gender assigned to them at birth and ...

(38) Reproductive Health and Halacha Part 2: Birth Control Methods

Reproductive health ensures that couples can lead satisfying sex lives, and make informed decisions regarding family planning. Decisions related to birth control methods are generally guided by various factors, including health, convenience, cost, preference, and sexual or other side effects. ...

(36) Out of the Closet Without Shame: Balancing Conflicting Identities of LGBTQ and Orthodoxy

In past decades, being Orthodox and gay meant suffering in the closet, or choosing to live authentically at the expense of religion. Today, more LGBTQ individuals and couples wish to retain their religious identities while embracing their sexual orientation. Join ...

(34) Men Are Pigs and Women Are Distractions: What Messages About Sex Are Taught in Yeshiva, Seminary, and College?

During the month of Elul, hundreds of high school graduates flock to Israel for their gap year programs, yeshivot, and seminaries. This year offers experiences of high level learning, spiritual growth, increased maturity, new friendships, and fun. But many students ...

(33) Painful Sex and Vaginismus: It’s Not Your Fault

Although quite common, painful intercourse is a topic that is rarely talked about. Couples who are unable to experience pain free intercourse, or are unable to consummate their marriage, may not know why this is happening or with whom to ...

(31) Consent and Coercion: What Does Forced Marriage and Obligatory Sex Look Like in the Jewish Community?

“Forced marriage" and coercive sex are terms that most believe have no relevance to Judaism. Nevertheless, in communities where marriages are typically arranged by parents and matchmakers, does the couple truly have the freedom to reject the match? And even ...

(29) Intimacy After Sexual Abuse

Sexual intimacy provides the opportunity to express love with connection, pleasure, and satisfaction. Yet, for people who have experienced sexual assault, sexual violence, and abuse, intimacy can feel very unsafe. Being on guard, and sometimes checking out and dissociating, is ...

(27) “It Is Not Good for a Man to Be Alone”: Guiding Religious LGBTQ Jews

Harav Binyamin Lau, community leader, author, teacher, and former Rabbi of the Ramban Synagogue in Jerusalem, recently introduced a document providing guidance for members of the religious LGBTQ community and their families. This document is a collection of recommendations that, ...

(25) Sex and Guilt

Intimacy and sexual experiences are so closely connected with a person's sense of identity, and so seldom discussed in many religious communities, that they often are the source of tremendous feelings of guilt. When are these feelings misplaced and when ...

(23) Masculinity, Male Sexuality, & Judaism: Navigating Love, Lust, & Intimacy

Men are sexually assertive, they constantly think about and want sex, and their masculinity is determined by the frequency of their sexual conquests and their performance. This stereotype is perpetuated by the media in Western culture. Jewish sources, on the ...

(21) Unorthodox, Intimacy, and Authenticity: How Accurate is the Netflix Series' Portrayal of Chasidic Intimacy?

The Netflix series “Unorthodox” portrays the journey of Esty, a young Satmar Chasidic woman who ultimately leaves her marriage and her community to live a secular life in Berlin. Her marital life with her husband, Yanky, and in particular, their ...

(19) Porn, Fantasy, and Compulsive Sexual Behavior: How Much is Too Much?

Our sources teach us that lusting after our hearts is prohibited. Yet sexual curiosity, fantasy, and thinking about sex are part of the normative developmental process. Therefore, how do we determine how much is too much and what thoughts and ...

(17) Let's Talk About Sexual Pleasure

Is sexual pleasure considered an important value in Judaism? What place does sex for pleasure have in a healthy marriage? Join Talli and Scott for a frank and open discussion about these and many other questions.

(16) Outercourse, Wasting Seed, and Rabbis in the Bedroom

(14) Singles, Sex, and Orthodoxy

“It’s not good for man to be alone.” Living a traditional Jewish life implies marriage and raising a family. Sexual intimacy is highly valued, but only within the framework of a marital bond. However, whether due to the “shidduch crisis," ...

(12) Monogamy and Exclusivity: Defining, Preventing and Dealing with Betrayal

Sexual exclusivity is a core value of Jewish marriage. Extramarital sexual contact – infidelity – represents not only a breach of Jewish law, but also a rupture of the couple’s loyalty and trust. While sexual intercourse with another person is ...

(10) When "Family Purity” Strains Your Marriage

Many people are taught that following Taharat HaMishpacha - the laws of family purity - keeps a marriage fresh, and adds passion to a couple's sexual relationship. Often, this is true, but many times, it's not. Some couples find that ...

(8) Sex Within Marriage: What's Allowed and What's Not?

Judaism’s view of sex within marriage- is it really ruled by do’s and dont’s or does anything go? What do the sources actually say? Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn for a frank and enlightening discussion. You may be ...

(6) The Wedding Night

Many couples await the wedding night with anticipation and excitement, as they are finally permitted to express their desire for one another and to consummate their relationship. For some couples, however, the wedding night, and sometimes the weeks and months ...

(4) Shomer Negiah: Navigating Premarital Sexual Activity and Jewish Law and Values

As human beings, we are wired for connection, and the desire for intimate touch is a natural instinct. However, Jewish Law is clear that premarital sexual activity, even when it doesn't involve sexual intercourse, is forbidden. How do we manage ...

(2) Raising Sexually Healthy Children (Part 1)

Almost all parents try to raise their children in a manner that both reflects the parents' moral values, and gives children the necessary tools so that they lead fulfilling and emotionally healthy lives. This is certainly true in the Halachic ...