I’m feeling a bit bitter now. It’s funny how swift my mood changes. Just yesterday I felt on top of the world. I felt that I could conquer the world. But look at me now! (Ops, you can’t) listen to my speech and what you can grasp is that I will have ungrammatically sentence productions, interjections, and word finding difficulties, poor sequencing in retelling or describing a story and topic maintenance. Haha yes! I am analysing myself. My very own speech and language abilities at my lowest level of functionality (if only u get what I mean). This happens to me all the time, most frequently during my dark days. Regardless of which languages I used, I would face this kind of ordeal. I dealt with this situation when I decided to use my first language (Bahasa Malaysia) too. But sometimes, when the communication challenges became so severe, that I misinterpreted things and got myself extremely frustrated from being unable to express myself, or people just refused to understand even if I explained myself, I would go silence. It’s heartbreaking. This what I have to go through each time I deal with my own mood disorder.

Whilst waiting for Adzan (an Islamic prayer call) for Asar prayer, I caught myself reminiscing on my past. In my mind, I went back in time and was dwelling in my most confusing moments in life. It happened not long ago during my 4-year undergraduate study in local university. I can’t even believe myself that I’m a speech therapist now, and I can’t even comprehend how in the world, I managed to get through the years and now, being in a field that I once decided to toss away in a garbage. It’s like a love-hate relationship. It was love at first sight, but hate blossomed throughout the years of deprived positive supports. I realise now that I am still in love with this field. Truth to be told, you’ll never know that you’re in a toxic environment until you’re out of it. Alhamdulillah for what has been and what will be. Everything cloud has a silver lining. Maybe I wanted a drop of water, but Allah swt planned me an ocean. 😊

I just think it’s time to let these thoughts out from their tiny brain! 😂

Setraline Journey 🤗

Euphoric or happiness or wholeness? You be the judge. I’m just on a cloud nine now ☺️

Just me rambling about the things that might get in my way of earning happiness.

In this segment, I share about my one of my utmost difficulties that definitely reduce the quality of my life! Annoying!

In this episode, I will uncover my most secretive moment in life. These past few months were very challenging for me, it was tough and depressing. I couldn't even find myself anymore and I nearly reached my breaking point but no one knew. Though some could sense what was going on with my swift mood changes and unexpected rejection, only a few that I shared my story with. I had my reasons and I thought that's the best that I could do for myself at that particular time. I slowly opened up, but the truth is I'm still taking my time to face the world, I mean my world, the people that I love. But for now, it's better to prioritise myself first paraller to a wise man's advice - prioritising yourself isn't selfish, it's self care and it is called self respect. Get a glimpse of my messy thoughts by tuning in this episode! Enjoy.