GIA Publications, maker of the infamous Gather hymnal, excitedly released a hymn today that they are sure will bring them business from Catholic rad-trads, a translation of all-time Marty Haugen favorite “All Are Welcome” into Latin.
GIA, a “Catholic Inc” organization that isn’t even Catholic but which has a stranglehold, along with OCP Press, on music in most Catholic parishes, has been worried for a while that its monopoly won’t do itmuch good in the future, given that all of Catholicism’s growth is focused on parishes and communities around the Traditional Latin Mass. GIA publishes little music that works with the TLM, but has been scrambling in their musical laboratories and archeological digs for some time to come up with a solution that will help them retain their dominance in the market for Catholic music.
Enter their solution: translating the very best of Novus Ordo hymnography into LATIN and then getting the USCCB to mandate that it be used in TLMs because it’s in LATIN!
“We’re sure that they’ll buy it up,” said Arthur McGrath, CEO of GIA Publications. “Surely those TLM people only go there for the Latin, so we can obviously take over the market for their music by giving them the New Pentecost bangers of community, fraternity, liberty, equality, and socialism that will replace their rugged individualism of traditionalism with the warmth of collectivism and modernism. And, of course, if they refuse to buy it, we’ll just make it mandatory that they buy it. Easy money right there, which is exactly why I’m CEO of the biggest corporation in Catholic Inc.”
Several months ago GIA archeologists found an ancient, mysterious circular disk (an ancient Roman record recording!) which proved that Marty Haugen’s “Gather Us In” was actually “Congrega Nos”, an early 3rd century composition by St. Hippolytus but they’ve since been hard at work translating other songs into Latin, in order to have a complete TLM-oriented hymnal ready in the coming year for bishops to mandate to be used at all TLMs.
Marty Haugen’s “All Are Welcome” is the first one they’ve finished translating into it’s Latin version, “Omnes Grati”, but they’re also hard at work on “Fac Differntiam” (Go Make A Difference), “Dominus Saltationis” (Lord of the Dance) and others, “sure to warm,” McGrath says, “even the hardest of trad hearts and get them ready to join in the continued glories of Vatican II.”
“Vatican II did everything right. It just hasn’t been implemented fully yet. We need more guitar Masses, more music like this, and, obviously, more bubbles, banners, and balloons (and clowns),” commented Cardinal Arnold Robelche of the Vatican dicastery for the liturgy. “This great new endeavor by GIA Publications will help ensure that the Spirit of Vatican II has a chance to reach even the most hardcore of traditionalists.”
Lyrics
Here is the full text of the Latin version of “All Are Welcome”, or “Omnes Grati”:
Frabricemus domum amoriEt omnes habitantoLocus sanctis relātū discendī cordium
Fabricatus sperum et somniumSaxum fidei crypta gratiaeAmor Christi finite partesOmnes grati, omnes gratiOmnes grati, in hoc loco
Frabricemus domum prophetisEt verbis verissimisLiberi audent quarereRegnum somnire rursus
Hic crux stababit cognitorEt symbolum gratiaeHic ut unum procreamus fidemOmnes grati, omnes gratiOmnes grati, in hoc loco
Fabricemus domum amoriAqua vino frumentoConvivium in terra sanctaEt paci et justitiae
Hic amor Dei per JesumMonstratur in tempore Dum cena Christi liberat nosOmnes grati, omnes gratiOmnes grati, in hoc loco
Fabricemus domum extendoManus post ligneum saxisSanare, servare, docereEt vivere Verbum
Hic exsul et alienus Monstrant imaginem DeiDesinemus timori et periculoOmnes grati, omnes grati Omnes grati, in hoc loco
Fabricemus domum nominatibusCantici auditi suntAmati docti postulatiqueSicut verba intra Verbum
Facti lacrimis risisqueOrationes et cantici Praedicat pavimento ad tectumOmnes grati, omnes grati (omnes grati)Omnes grati, in hoc loco
Omnes grati, omnes grati (omnes grati)Omnes grati, in hoc loco
PLEASE PARDON THE BAD LATIN GRAMMAR. It’s hard to make Latin’s greater number of syllables fit metrically into the same recording.
Here’s Haugen’s original if you haven’t yet avoided experiencing the cringe in English:
And if you want to hear solely me singing (as I didn’t get my singing fully aligned with the music track, here’s me singing “Omnes Grati” below without accompaniment:
See our translation of “Gather Us In” into “Congrega Nos” here:
Which song should we (err, I mean, GIA Publications) translate next? Let us know below!
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