The topic of Mahr at times can be so nerve racking when discussed between potential spouses. Questions such as 'how much one should ask for' and 'if there's a limit for the amount requested' are at the top of everyone's list. 

Often times, we can be so quick in discussing the details of the wedding hall and guest list, but do we also make it a priority to reserve the time for serious discussions such as financial compatibility, especially when it comes to Mahr?

Western media likes to portray it as a dowry or bride price and the last thing women want is for a man to place a price tag on her at his own discretion. But what if I told you that dowry and Mahr are completely different?

In today's episode, I sit down with Dr. Tamara Gray, a household name in most Muslim communities, because of her constant support and mentorship of hundreds of women around the world. Her organization, Rabata, is dedicated to promoting positive cultural change through creative educational experiences. 

Dr. Gray defines what Mahr is and its origin within the Islamic context. She also provides valuable insight on how to gauge what and how much to request and what to do with our Mahr. 

Of course, as much as we hope a marriage can last between spouses, there is the possibility of it ending in divorce. Dr. Gray also briefly advises on how Mahr should be handled from that point, too.

I want to thank Dr. Gray for lending herself as a resource and for empowering women when it comes to the topic of financial security and how one should invest their assets. We need more of these conversations and inshallah we can continue having them.

Be on the lookout for a future episode that will be released in regards to prenups from a Western standpoint.

 Enjoy and follow the pod on Instagram:
@unsweetenedandunfiltered

Follow Dr. Tamara Gray on Instagram:
@tamaralgray Check out the Rabata organization:
RABATA

Check out DayBreak Press for Islamic Books for Ramadan:
DayBreak Press

Purchase a Copy of Project Lina:
Project Lina 
 


Islamic Mahr Contracts: Why Mahr is a Muslim Woman's Right w/ Dr. Tamara Gray

A space for women to feel like they are not alone in the hardships or struggles that they are facing. Some conversations may be lighthearted, some may touch upon taboo topics, but the overall mission for this podcast is to make every woman realize that she is not alone in whatever struggle she may be going through. We are all in this together, I promise.

Society & Culture

Personal Journals

History

Philosophy

Places & Travel

Religion & Spirituality

Other

Spirituality

Christianity

Buddhism

Hinduism

Judaism

Islam

Relationships

Health & Fitness

Mental Health

We have all heard the phrase : follow your passion and everything will fall into place. 

But I also can't help but to think of another very popular phrase which is : some things are much easier said than done. I find it funny that when I was younger and I was asked 'what do you want to be when you grow up', my response was one that was very confident and it came with  no hesitation…mind you I  was also five years old at the time. But if you were to ask me this same question today, I would be confident in saying that I actually don’t know.  Now this isn't to say it’s a bad thing to not be able to pinpoint what it is that you want to do for the rest of your life…and that’s because we’re finally realizing we are multifaceted human beings who are constantly growing, learning and embracing different versions of ourselves. Of course, change can be frightening, especially in today’s world which is laced with so much uncertainty, but what do you do if you no longer enjoy the career path you had chosen for yourself? In today’s episode, I have an insightful conversation with none other than Maariyah Choudrey, who is a Chief of Staff at Uber, content creator and your big sis in tech! Chances are you have come across a post or video of Maariyah’s account, which is @lifewithmaars, where she shares business tips and advice for working women, her love of modest fashion and beauty, and where she documents her adventures as a foodie in NYC. So, what is the secret of those who do make it to the other side? The ones who take the leap and pivot careers? In this conversation, Maariyah shares her career transition journey from pre-med to finance and her most recent role in tech. We also navigate the ways in which one can leverage their skills and their network to successfully pivot careers.  Fear of failure may be at the forefront of our minds, but Maariyah discusses her own personal experiences with self doubt and finding the confidence within her that is needed to move forward.  As Muslim women, in today’s society, how can we show up as our full selves in the workplace without comprising our beliefs and faith? Tune in to find out!

Enjoy and follow the pod on Instagram:
@unsweetenedandunfiltered

Follow Maariyah on Instagram:
@lifewithmaars

Muslim Women in the Workplace: Advice on Pivoting Careers and Gaining Confidence w/ Maariyah Choudery

What do you do when the things you want most are happening for everyone but you? Who do you become when your plans don't fall through? When you are in the waiting period of your life?  When I look back on my own  life journey thus far, I realize that if everything had gone according to my plans and not God’s Plan, I don't think I would have been as intentional or filled with all of the gratitude I have for all that I was blessed with today.  Maybe my relationship with Allah wouldn’t be as strong as it is today, either. Today I am a bit more grateful that my life path came with a couple of bumps in the road and just the right amount of rerouting. I am where God has intended for me to be.

A delay in our plans is essentially Allah gifting us with more time. Time to work on ourselves. To prioritize the blessings we have right in front of us and maybe this delay is a much needed breather.  Subhanallah, how even in the delay there is khair and you can almost see how Allah is working on you, bettering you for the next chapter of your life.  A chapter that includes an answered dua of yours. And so while your dua is coming to life, Allah is also preparing you for it.  In today’s episode, I sit down with a dear friend of mine, Halima Jama. Not only is she a talented photographer but she is the type of sister that is always right on time with her words of encouragement. She is the friend who will send you a reminder at 2am letting you know how much you are loved. And for me she is a reminder of Allah’s mercy.  And in our discussion Halima reminds us that two things can be true - we can grieve what we had hoped to be and we can be grateful for what is right in this moment.  In the process of holding on and believing that relief is being sent our way from Allah, we have to also come to terms that there will be setbacks and loss along the way.  Every single thing that happens to us, is happening for us and it’s all part of the most intricate puzzle known to mankind and that is God’s Plan. Let that sink in - look back at how things in the past have unfolded and how you had become grateful for the way that things worked out. How every detail and every single event happened in the way that Allah had written. Look at how meticulous God is - how He creates every single thing with a purpose and you are no different. In today’s conversation we are reminded that our life story is in the palms of Allah. Our life story is in the hands of our Creator. Our life story is being handled by the most Merciful and loving beings we will ever come to know. 

Enjoy and follow the pod on Instagram:
@unsweetenedandunfiltered

Follow Halima Jama on Instagram:
@halimajama

Check out Halima's work:
Click here 



God's Plan vs Our Plans: The Intersection of Grief and Gratitude w/ Halima Jama

Going after what makes you happy as an Arab Muslim woman doesn’t always come with instant gratification. There is pain and guilt involved when finally making a decision for yourself. I often wonder to myself, will I ever experience happiness without allowing myself to poison the moment by the idea that I’m making others unhappy in return.

Grief is interesting when it shows up in moments where you are welcoming a new chapter in your life - a chapter you have been making dua for for the longest. Yet somehow and someway without an invite, grief can show up and incessantly knock on your door and you have no choice but to acknowledge it. But I’m trying my best to not allow grief to paralyze me, or to instill fear in me and prevent me from entering this new chapter of my life.  I am someone who has stayed in her comfort zone for far too long and so, naturally self doubt is trying to keep me here a bit longer but for the first time I’m refusing to do so. Someone else who may understand what I am going through is none other than Abeer Najjar. She is a self taught chef and food writer, born on the Southside of Chicago to Palestinian immigrant parents - and in today’s episode Abeer shares with us her journey of self growth and self development as an Arab woman. I have a heart to heart with Abeer in regards to some of her most recent decisions that she has made and how that has impacted her relationship with her parents. I’ve realized that when discussing the topic of self development as an Arab woman it is almost impossible to not touch upon our past and current relationship with our immigrant parents and how that has shaped the decisions we are making today.  As grown adults how can we transform our bond with our parents to welcome them into the new chapters of our lives? We also can't forget about the picture of Abeer at Umrah going viral - a  picture that had captured a beautiful moment between Abeer and her brother - but I also wanted to discuss the experiences she had at Umrah, the ones that weren't captured within this photo and the reflections she can share with us that she has brought back from her trip. How does ihsan and taqwa play a role in our lives as Muslim women who are trying to forge a new path for themselves, while balancing a relationship with their parents and working towards emotional independence? Enjoy and follow the pod on Instagram:
@unsweetenedandunfiltered

Follow Abeer Najjar on Instagram:
@abeernajjar_

Check out Abeer's blog:
Click here

Self Growth for an Arab Woman: Balancing a Relationship w/ Our Parents and Navigating Emotional Independence w/ Abeer Najjar

Each of us are on our own unique life journey and for some of us we have yet to find the one to start a family with, so what do we do when  society is constantly reminding  us of our ticking biological clock and how do we approach the conversation of having kids when we are truly ready?  For the past year, I have been a bit anxious when I think about my future and having children of my own inshallah. This anxiety stemmed from realizing that marriage may not be written for me at this very moment and my age is definitely not waiting on me to find the one.  Like most, this is a very intimate conversation that I have been having within my circle of close girlfriends. Unfortunately, for some of us, we didn't learn much about fertility in our early 20s and fast forward to today, we are in our 30s and unsure of what next steps to take when it comes to the topic of having kids and what options we have in preserving our fertility.  We are all asking ourselves the question: should I be worried about my biological clock? Thankfully, there have been notable technological advances when it comes to reproductive health care but what does that mean for us? In today’s episode, I sit down with Koko Zuberi, she holds an impressive background in working with UN Women in the Partnerships and Outreach sector and someone who is graciously choosing to share her own personal experience with the egg freezing process.  In this conversation, we share our thoughts on the pressures women face to start a family, how we truly feel being in our 30s and being unmarried, and what motivated Koko to make the decision of freezing her eggs? We stress the importance of paying our doctors a visit to get checked, regardless if we are ready to have kids or not and how does one have this super serious conversation with our potential partners - especially when they may be oblivious to our biological clock. And of course we can't forget our parents and what this means for them as well. Having conversations like this is vital, while some of us may have a strong support group, there are many others out there who may not have someone to turn to when discussing topics such as fertility - and so I hope this discussion sheds light on this, quote on quote, taboo topic. I also want to stress the fact that Koko and I are not medical professionals, nor are we scholars. Please consult with your trusted doctors and Islamic advisors if you are seriously thinking about egg freezing.  
Enjoy and follow the pod on Instagram:
@unsweetenedandunfiltered

Follow Koko Zuberi on Instagram:
@heyitsmekoko

Egg Freezing Journey: Discussing Our Biological Clock and the Pressures of Having Children w/ Koko Zuberi

Death isn’t the greatest loss in life, it’s the spiritual death of our hearts while we are still living. I once heard that we treat death like a mystery, when in fact, it’s the one experience all of us are guaranteed to share. As human beings living in this dunya, we tend to not see the shape of the life we’ve lived until we have reached the end of it. Subhanallah how death is the one thing that simultaneously kills us but also motivates us to live a very fulfilled life, a life that Allah is pleased with.  Through seeking knowledge surrounding this topic I have read that the acceptance of death is not the same thing as giving up on life, instead it allows us to bring meaning to our lives. But why do we fear it  so much? And for me personally, if I can’t handle the death of a loved one, how can I ever prepare myself for my own death? In today’s episode I sit down with Lena Tleib, a humanitarian, a community leader, and someone who is very active in the civic and social sector.  Lena is someone whom I’ve had the pleasure of attending her lectures and someone who gives great advice and insight pertaining to our faith. And so, she was the perfect guest to discuss the topic of the Hereafter. She is also someone who performs ghusl at our local Masjid - which is the process of washing the bodies of the deceased. I wanted to learn more about how this experience has shaped her connection to Allah and strengthened her in her faith.  How can we be more comfortable with transitioning from this dunya to the Hereafter? How can we have the Akhira in our hearts and the dunya in our hands? If the belief in life after death is central to the meaning and purpose of our lives as Muslims, then how can we truly believe in the temporariness of this dunya and the permanence of the Hereafter? Enjoy and follow the pod on Instagram:
@unsweetenedandunfiltered

Follow Lena Tleib on Instagram:
@lenatleib

Follow Lena Tleib on Facebook:
Click Here

Check out Lena's Zakat Fundraiser:
Click Here 



Islamic Mahr Contracts: Why Mahr is a Muslim Woman's Right w/ Dr. Tamara Gray

Download our free app to listen on your phone