It’s A Mess In Here

An hour of what it's like in my head all the time. Drink water and eat something that makes you happy today!

Managed to get out of bed and complete multiple tasks, put more effort in at work, hung out with my partner and was able to receive his love. I'm still smoking. Still haven't resumed my hobbies. 75% through this beta reading. 95% through the to-do list. It's still a mess in here.

*Content warning: suicidal ideation and described images/imaginings, breast cancer* I'm struggling so much! Potentially incoherent, one-shot ramblings about the mental downswing of someone having severe audio issues.

I talk about my continuing struggle with family members and my reactions to them. Blessings, love, and light to my support systems who talk these things through with me, they're truly life savers. Check in with yourself this week: what did you do today, how is your mental health, what do you need to do tomorrow, what have you done for yourself lately, and what's one thing that made you happy recently? I believe in the power of lists so make them and make yourself do at least half the things on them. Give yourself the things you want but also hold yourself accountable. We're baby stepping our way to glory, bitches, even if it kills us! 

**Content Warnings for: breast cancer, sexual assault, death, toxic familial situations or conversations** My dad taught me funerals are for the living. This week, I discuss my thoughts and memories on how certain adults in my life used me for their emotional healings or validations, how admitting that to myself is the first step in moving on from anger or hurt, and how I'm only now truly trying to recognize and reconcile the way emotionally immature people from my past sought absolution or closure through me. I muse over my decisions in cutting relationships off, what I wonder about or think I would do differently now, and how in the end, protecting your energy, comfort, and time are still the most important things...I think.

I talk about a few of my emotional issues with my father and the book I recently finished, "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents" by Lindsay C. Gibson, PsyD. You can find where this book is sold close to you here: https://www.indiebound.org/book/9781626251700. Also discussed in this episode is The Righteous Gemstones, https://www.hbo.com/the-righteous-gemstones. 

Is my life on track now? No. Two days of recordings mashed into one! We start a bit rage-y, as I vent about my last day of nannying and head into the uncertainty of a new job I'm not sure I really want. I reflect (in layman's terms) on capitalism, and how the only thing we didn't lose in this pandemic was the wage cage. I close at the end of the week, the first four days of the new job done with, and what feels possible for the coming weeks. 

I am behind and trying my best! Early morning talk about the reflections I've had lately on nannying, who I don't want to be, and reading a book called Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson.