It's an Inside Job

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“Clarity is resilience. And it doesn’t come from being unshakably sure—it comes from staying grounded while allowing your ideas to evolve.”

What if your brain isn’t broken—but brilliantly biased? In this kick-off to the Seeing Sideways series, I explore how cognitive biases shape our perception, decision-making, and relationships—and how self-awareness helps us respond with clarity and build lasting resilience.

Have you ever been absolutely certain you were right—only to discover your brain was playing tricks on you?

Key Takeaway Insights and Tools (with Timestamps):

• Your Brain Isn’t Flawed—It’s Efficient
  Cognitive biases aren’t defects. They’re evolutionary shortcuts that once kept us safe but now can distort modern decision-making.
  [01:20]
• Clarity Begins with Curiosity
  When you prioritise curiosity over certainty, you create space for growth, insight, and better judgment.
  [02:46]
• Confirmation Bias: A Belief Magnet
  Our brains filter information to support existing beliefs—whether in the workplace, relationships, or how we see ourselves.
  [09:06]
• Contrarian Thinking Builds Resilience
  Questioning your assumptions, rehearsing the opposite viewpoint, and seeking respectful contradiction help sharpen clarity and adaptability.
  [13:47–16:41]
• Track Your Thinking Over Time
  Keeping a belief journal lets you reflect on how your perspectives evolve—and where your mind may be filtering reality.
  [16:41]

Jason Birkevold Liem is a leadership coach, author, and host of It’s an Inside Job. With over two decades of experience in psychology-based coaching, Jason helps leaders and professionals build mental resilience, improve communication, and lead with clarity. His latest work, Seeing Sideways, explores how to reframe cognitive biases and lead from the inside out.

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“Many leaders aren’t just performing for the public—they’re performing for themselves.” - Matthew Krayton

Leadership today is less about perfection and more about presence. In this episode, Matthew Krayton, leadership advisor and co-founder of M2Aspire, shares how leaders can align strategy with values, manage emotional intensity, and drop the performance mask to lead with clarity and authenticity—especially in the spotlight.

Are you leading from who you truly are—or from a version of yourself designed to meet others' expectations?

Key Takeaway Insights & Tools (with Timestamps)

• You’ll never please everyone—stop trying.
  Strong leadership begins with letting go of the need to satisfy all audiences and instead anchoring decisions in your values.
  [08:24]
• Pause before responding.
  Emotional reactions often outweigh data in leadership decisions. Build the habit of pausing before reacting to create distance from emotional triggers.
  [13:50]
• Use emotional labeling to regulate tough conversations.
  Internally or aloud, naming emotions—like "This is frustration"—helps shift from reaction to response.
  [19:32]
• Curiosity beats defensiveness.
  In tense situations, lead with curiosity instead of argument. Phrases like “Help me understand” reduce conflict and build connection.
  [18:06]
• Don’t skip mindset work.
  Leaders often jump to tactics and execution without building the internal foundation to handle pressure. Emotional fitness and clarity are prerequisites to effective leadership.
  [34:50]

Bio

Matthew Krayton is the Co-Founder of M2Aspire, where he helps founders, executives, and teams align strategy with story - especially during times of growth, reinvention, or internal misalignment. Through a blend of coaching, advisory, and communications strategy, he supports leaders navigating the emotional and strategic toll of visibility.

Matt previously founded Publitics, a nationally recognized public affairs firm, where he advised campaigns at every level of government and worked on special projects during the 2020 presidential race, including helping to create President Joe Biden’s viral “We Just Did” hat.

He also teaches in Centenary University’s Business Department, where he serves as an adjunct professor in their pioneering social media program. Earlier in his career, Matt worked at Fairleigh Dickinson University’s PublicMind Poll and taught in the Law in the Liberal Arts program.

• Website: m2aspire.com
• LinkedIn: Matthew Krayton
• Substack: M2Aspire on Substack
• Instagram: @m2aspire

Related Past Episodes:

• [Leading Through Change and Chaos with Marianne B. Hagen]
• [Building Psychological Safety at Work with Dr. Chika Oriuwa]

If this episode made you rethink how you show up as a leader, share it with someone navigating leadership challenges right now. And don’t forget to subscribe to It’s an Inside Job for more insights that help you lead from the inside out.

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Uncertainty tends to make us hesitate. We overthink. We stall. We imagine worst-case scenarios. But what if uncertainty wasn’t something to avoid—but something to work with?

In this week’s episode of Bite Size Fridays, we unpack the fear of uncertainty through the lens of the contrarian mindset. I share James’s story—a seasoned financial professional whose desire for stability kept him stuck. Through coaching, reflection, and deliberate skill-building, James learned to stop resisting uncertainty and start engaging with it as a space for discovery and growth.

Here are the contrarian strategies James used to reshape his relationship with the unknown:

• Embrace uncertainty – start with low-stakes experiments to build comfort and confidence
• Let go of fixed outcomes – practice flexibility and open-mindedness toward different results
• Focus on objective reality, not emotional bias – separate facts from fear through journaling and reality-checking techniques
• Practice courage – take small, brave steps daily, even in the face of fear
• Counter rumination and overthinking – write it out, then interrupt thought loops with action

James’s transformation didn’t come from eliminating fear—it came from building a stronger relationship with it. This episode explores how you can use the same mindset to face uncertainty with resilience, flexibility, and growth.

Additional Resources:
Interested in building a contrarian mindset for resilience, fortitude, and psychological strength? Check out the other episodes in this series linked in the show notes, and subscribe to It’s an Inside Job for more insights on resilience, well-being, and personal growth.

Part 1 – Discover the Power of The Contrarian Mindset: A New Approach to Rewiring Your Brain for Resilience and Growth

Part 2 – Discover the Power of The Contrarian Mindset: A New Approach to Rewiring Your Brain for Resilience and Growth

This is Part 7 in a 15-part Contrarian Mindset series that helps you confront hidden fears and mental habits that hold you back—one mindset at a time.

🔹 Part 1 – Facing the Fear of Vulnerability
🔹 Part 2 – Breaking Free from Perfectionism
🔹 Part 3 – Moving Through Imposter Syndrome
🔹 Part 4 – Overcoming the Fear of Not Being Good Enough
🔹 Part 5 – Replacing Reactivity with Response
🔹 Part 6 – Embracing Change Instead of Resisting It
🔹 Contrarian Skills Series (Season 7) – Scroll back to January 2025 for individual deep dives on each skill

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“Confrontation isn’t inherently bad. In fact, when handled well, it’s an essential tool for building trust.”

Learn how to make confrontation less intimidating and more constructive. This episode explores the psychology behind conflict avoidance and offers practical strategies to handle tough conversations with clarity, empathy, and confidence.

What if the very conversations you avoid—because they feel uncomfortable—are actually the key to stronger relationships?

 Key Takeaway Insights and Tools

• Fear of confrontation is natural, but not always accurate
  Your body's fight-or-flight response often treats difficult conversations like real threats—but understanding this can help you regain control.
  [01:07]
• Reframing confrontation as collaboration eases anxiety
  Change your internal narrative from “I need to confront them” to “How can we solve this together?”
  [03:45]
• Avoiding conflict often causes more damage than addressing it
  A story about a silent family member illustrates how not speaking up can actually intensify tension.
  [04:26]
• Practical conversation tools: I-statements, active listening, echoing, timing
  Jason shares accessible, proven techniques to reduce defensiveness and promote open dialogue.
  [07:18]
• Handling defensive or withdrawn reactions with empathy
  When someone shuts down, stay calm, acknowledge their feelings, and suggest pausing rather than pushing.
  [09:54]
• Dealing with people you don’t like: focus on goals, facts, and respect
  You don’t need to like someone to have a constructive conversation—shared purpose and professionalism go a long way.
  [11:57]

Enjoyed the episode? Subscribe to It’s an Inside Job to get practical tools on leadership, resilience, and communication—new episodes every Monday and Friday.

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“Leadership isn’t about being the loudest voice in the room. It’s about knowing when to lower your voice, to meet others where they are, and to lead from that place of grounded service.” - Isreal Duran

Discover how servant leadership can build authentic influence through empathy, strength, and vision. In this episode, Israel Duran shares practical strategies—including the Four Laws of Influence and Four Questions of Purpose—that empower leaders to lead with clarity, kindness, and purpose.

What if the true measure of leadership isn't control or charisma—but how clearly, compassionately, and consistently you show up for others?

Key Takeaway Insights and Tools

• The Four Laws of Influence:
  Israel breaks down his leadership framework into four core areas—Strength, Empathy, Kindness, and Vision—that define a leader’s impact.
  
  
• Emotional vs. Cognitive Empathy:
  True leaders balance emotional attunement with objectivity. Israel and Jason discuss how cognitive empathy prevents burnout while still fostering genuine connection.
  
  
• The Four Questions of Purpose:
  A powerful self-reflection tool to uncover your calling: What do you love? What do you hate? What makes you cry? What or who annoys you?
  
  
• Clarity Is Kindness:
  Leadership requires setting firm boundaries and expectations early. Being clear—especially in moments of correction—is an act of respect, not harshness.
  
  
• Voice + Void = Vision:
  Great leaders identify a void, find their unique voice, and use both to inspire and influence others toward a shared vision.
  
  

Bio

Israel Duran is a sought-after speaker, business growth partner, and trainer who empowers purpose-driven leaders to align vision with strategy through meaningful communication and servant leadership. He is the creator of the "Service of Speaking" framework and has trained hundreds of leaders, including over 300 pastors in the past year. Learn more at israelduran.com or connect with him on Instagram by searching @israelduran and messaging the word “blueprint” for a free leadership guide.

Links

• Free Resource:
  DM the word “blueprint” to https://www.instagram.com/israelduranassociates/?hl=en for Israel’s Online Business Blueprint guide.

Enjoyed this episode? Share it with someone navigating leadership with heart—and message Israel @israelduran with the word “blueprint” to receive his free Online Business Blueprint.

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“Want leads to choice, which leads to commitment. Should leads to decision, which leads to sacrifice.”

Discover why lasting change often fails and what truly makes it sustainable. In this episode, we explore the surprising power of willingness over willpower, offering practical language shifts and mindset tools to help you build intrinsic motivation and create meaningful change in your life.

Are the changes you’re trying to make in your life driven by what you want—or by what you think you should want?

Key Takeaway Insights and Tools

• The real difference between 'should' and 'want' when it comes to lasting change
  → Lasting change happens when it’s fueled by internal desire, not obligation. ([00:44 – 01:45])
• Why 'willpower' is overrated—and why 'willingness' matters more
  → Willingness is a quiet, internal force that opens the door to meaningful, sustainable progress. ([01:45 – 02:48])
• The story of Lisa: When overcommitment turns to burnout
  → A powerful narrative that shows how shifting from ‘should’ to ‘want’ transformed one woman’s life. ([02:48 – 05:25])
• The 4-level language ladder to reframe your inner dialogue:
  1. “I should / I have to” = Obligation
  2. “I could” = Possibility
  3. “I want to” = Intention
  4. “I get to” = Gratitude and present-moment empowerment
     ([07:36 – 09:22])

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“Learning is leadership. If we can embrace our collective leadership through the lens of learning, we will go farther together.” - Susan Asiyanbi

“If you're not regularly reflecting on your leadership, it's much harder to lead others. Start with self.” – Kim Reynolds-Williams

Learn how to transform team conflict into powerful moments of growth with leadership experts Susan Asiyanbi and Kim Reynolds-Williams. This episode offers actionable strategies for fostering psychological safety, building resilient teams, and mastering the art of honest communication.

What if the moments your team avoids the most—conflict, misalignment, and tension—are actually the keys to stronger trust, innovation, and clarity?

 Key Takeaway Insights and Tools

• Breakdowns Are Not Failures – They're Entry Points for Growth
  Reframe team conflict as a learning opportunity to reduce fear and build cohesion.
  [00:06:17]
• Radically Lower the Threshold for What Counts as a Breakdown
  Don’t wait for dramatic moments—address even minor tensions to prevent future fallout.
  [00:07:24]
• Vulnerability Builds Momentum When Reinforced
  Leaders must actively model and invite vulnerability, then recognize it when it happens.
  [00:15:25]
• Three Pillars of Communication: Communication, Engagement, Alignment
  Effective communication isn't just telling people what to do—it's engaging them and aligning on implications.
  [00:31:16]

Bios:

Susan Asiyanbi

Susan Asiyanbi is the advisor CEOs call when the stakes are high, the dynamics are complex, and the path forward isn’t obvious. A strategist, pattern recognizer, and trusted executive advisor, she helps senior leaders navigate the technical and adaptive dimensions of change— bridging strategy and culture so leadership teams don’t just move fast but move together.

Today, as CEO of The Olori Network®, she leads a team of experts who help executive leaders identify the root causes of persistent challenges, shift entrenched patterns, and align their teams to move with clarity and cohesion. 

Kim Reynolds-Williams

Kim Reynolds-Williams is a partner at The Olori Network, where she coaches, trains, and advises C-suite and senior leaders to unlock the full potential of their teams and organizations. A trusted thought partner on executive team effectiveness, Kim brings deep expertise in strategy, team dynamics, and leadership development—shaped by years of experience leading cross-functional teams and supporting top executives.

She is the principal architect of The Olori Network’s leadership thinking, designing practical tools, assessments, and learning experiences on topics such as decision-making, accountability, meeting culture, trust-building, and executive team design.

The Alori Network: www.alorinetwork.com

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"If lessons are repeated until learned, and you can't learn them until you become aware of them, then cultivating awareness is absolutely necessary for any kind of progress on your path, especially towards resilience and well-being."

Unlock your inner potential by cultivating self-awareness to navigate life's challenges, embrace a positive mindset, and achieve true well-being. Discover actionable insights and practical tools to become more conscious of your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.

Are you truly awake to your life, or are you operating on autopilot?

Key Takeaway Insights and Tools

• Awareness is the incredible process of becoming fully conscious; it's the very first step to making any change.(0:44)
• Feelings and emotions are like dashboard lights, signaling internal issues that need attention. (3:33)
• Practicing objective self-observation, like watching a movie of yourself, helps identify repeating behavioral patterns without judgment. (4:12)
• Journaling and meaningful reminders (e.g., a phrase or picture) are effective tools for externalizing thoughts and staying conscious. (5:07)
• Awareness is the foundation of choice, allowing you to choose how to respond rather than react, which is the core of resilience. (5:53)
• Body awareness (e.g., noticing tense shoulders, tight jaw) provides crucial signals about stress levels and emotions, aiding self-regulation. (7:51)
• Acknowledge emotional complexity by probing what lies beneath surface emotions for true emotional well-being. (8:38)

Don't miss out on future insights! Subscribe to It's an Inside Job for your weekly dose of resilience, optimism, and well-being.

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“When you rewrite a nightmare’s ending, you’re not avoiding it. You’re transforming it—and that rewiring gives you back control.” - Karen van Kampen

Science writer Karen van Kampen explores how dreams help us process emotion, boost creativity, and build resilience—with tools for dream recall, reflection, and healing.

Have you ever woken up from a dream wondering, “What was that about?” Or felt like your mind was trying to tell you something—just out of reach?

In this episode, I welcome back science writer Karen van Kampen to explore what dreams are really doing for us. Karen is currently writing The Brain Never Sleeps, a forthcoming book with Simon & Schuster Canada that dives deep into the science of dreaming, memory, and emotional well-being.

Together, we talk about why your dreams matter—not just as strange midnight cinema, but as active tools your brain uses to sort through stress, solve problems, and generate creative insight. From managing nightmares through imagery rehearsal and targeted dream incubation, to using apps like Elsewhere for AI-assisted interpretation, Karen walks us through cutting-edge research and her own experiments in dream-guided creativity.

We also explore what happens when your brain starts weaving together old memories and new worries—how dreams help us process emotion, consolidate memory, and prepare for life's difficult moments. Karen even shares a unique “dream salon” experience, where artists painted her dream on a page from Freud’s Interpretation of Dreams. It’s as poetic as it is scientific.

Key Takeaways:

• Dreams reflect our waking stress: What preoccupies us by day often shows up in dream form—symbolically or directly.
• Nightmares can be transformed: Tools like imagery rehearsal therapy (IRT) and targeted dream incubation (TDI) help reframe bad dreams and reduce anxiety.
• Creative sweet spots exist: The moments just before sleep and after waking are powerful times to access ideas and insights.
• Apps like Elsewhere and Dust are using AI and sensory cues to guide dream themes, increase dream recall, and help reduce nightmares.
• Dreams act as a reframing tool: They reveal emotions and patterns we might not notice consciously—offering perspective, healing, and creative breakthroughs.
• Dream interpretation isn’t one-size-fits-all: Karen uses Freudian, Jungian, and personal approaches to reflect on her dreams from multiple angles.

Bio

Karen van Kampen is a Canadian science writer and the author of The Golden Cell: Gene Therapy, Stem Cells, and the Quest for the Next Great Medical Breakthrough. Her work has appeared in publications like The Globe and Mail and National Post. She’s currently writing The Brain Never Sleeps (Simon & Schuster, 2026), a deep dive into the science of dreams, memory, and emotional health. Karen explores how our dream lives intersect with well-being, using both cutting-edge research and personal experimentation.

S6 E23: Think Your Dreams Are Meaningless? Here’s Why They Might Be the Key to Resilience, Emotional Balance & Mental Wellbeing.

Website: https://www.karenvankampen.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/scienceofyouandme/

LinkedIn:  https://www.linkedin.com/in/karen-van-kampen-1a922587/ 

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"Denying your body complete acceptance well it can actually lead to illness whereas practicing self-acceptance well that can contribute to healing disease."

Unlock the power of self-acceptance for a happier, healthier life. This episode explores how embracing your body exactly as it is can transform your well-being and allow you to live life without reservation.r

What if fully accepting your body, with all its perceived imperfections, is the key to unlocking true happiness and a life lived without limits?

Key Takeaway Insights and Tools

• The Power of Acceptance: True acceptance is embracing what life presents, and your body is a profound teacher for this lesson. (1:51)
• Body Image and Self-Worth: Many people use their body as a primary target for harsh judgments and a barometer for self-worth, which limits experiences. (2:23)
• Mind-Body Connection: Accepting your body is vital for both emotional and physical health; denial can lead to illness, while acceptance can contribute to healing. (3:20)
• Self-Improvement vs. Self-Criticism: The drive for physical improvement is healthy only if it stems from self-love and acceptance, not a feeling of inadequacy. (4:42)
• The "Love, Change, Accept" Principle: Love all parts of yourself; if you can't love them, change them; if you can't change them, then accept them as they are. (6:01)
• Your Choice is Powerful: You can choose the ease of acceptance over the pain of rejection regarding your physical self, as your perception doesn't change reality. (6:40)

Make sure to hit that subscribe button to catch all future episodes and help spread the word!

Homework for the Listener

Consider this question: What aspect of your physical self are you not fully accepting right now? And what small step can you take towards embracing it with more kindness, with more acceptance? 

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