“I like Christie, don’t get me wrong. But…”

It’s amazing how many conversations start out this way, Edgar’s thinking. As Arnie begins to rant in what amounts to a slightly elevated whisper, up here in his office.

With the other computer in here unoccupied, though the Orchestra server is connected to it, Arnie has unofficially claimed this as his work station, whenever in need of one at this store. He typically does so by announcing the “DEFCON status,” on a scale from 1 to 5, as he enters the room, which is meant to indicate how much general hostility seems to be in the air today.

This episode is also available as a blog post: https://jasonmcgathey.wordpress.com/2021/03/19/tales-of-a-scorched-coffee-pot-chapter-26/

Though Microsoft’s cloud storage OneDrive platform uses a few different icons for its “Something Went Wrong!” message, there’s one that cracks Jack Lincoln up, every time, which would be the one which resembles a pile of doodie, wearing a birthday hat. Allegedly this is supposed to be a piece of birthday cake, but it doesn’t really resemble such, even a half crumbled one, and anyway that wouldn’t make any sense. Why a piece of birthday cake if Something Went Wrong (then again, why a totally fine looking bicycle, which is one of the other icons)? Nope, what it most resembles is a pile of poop, wearing what is unmistakably a birthday hat, one of those cardboard cones with a chin strap string. Therefore, whenever he sees this, he internally cheers, doodie hat! And has said it out loud a few times, accidentally, it’s true, which maybe his fellow coworkers up here in the Bellwether Snacks HQ think is one of his personal swear words or something.

This episode is also available as a blog post: https://jasonmcgathey.wordpress.com/2021/03/16/tales-of-a-scorched-coffee-pot-chapter-25/

Modern efficiencies can be great, if that saved time is put to good use. This is one of the things Glenda thinks about often, as she’s humming along entering invoices, in her island of a cubicle at the Bellwether HQ. If you are banking that time to get better at your job, be it by catching up on other things, or learning more, or tinkering around in an attempt to find even better methods, then this is great. But the problem with everything being faster these days is that often, all it’s accomplished is…making everyone expect everything that much quicker, so that you’re not really saving any time and certainly not much stress.

Not that she’s really all that stressed, not that she’s complaining. But there are plenty who are stressed to the gills by today’s frenetic pace, and the only reason she’s not is by finding more efficient ways to do the exact same thing, yet not revealing this little tidbit to anyone. Which allows her to study up on her job, and experiment.

This episode is also available as a blog post: https://jasonmcgathey.wordpress.com/2021/03/14/tales-of-a-scorched-coffee-pot-chapter-24/

The emails continue between Edgar and Tonya on a frequent if not daily basis. At no point does he ever mention doing anything socially with her again, nor does she. Until a handful of weeks have gone by and out of the blue it’s 2:30 in the afternoon on a Friday, and she dials his office for whatever reason, in seemingly a giddy mood. Says she’s getting off at four herself, it’s a gorgeous fall day et cetera, and wondering if he wouldn’t want to meet for happy hour somewhere.

Part of him thinks he should blow her off, so as not to appear too eager. What kind of lowlife wouldn’t already have plans for a Friday night? But then he thinks, they’ve already wasted enough time, it sounds fun, who cares. As the hipster district lies roughly halfway between their two stores, they both agree this would make the most natural destination, preferably a place with a patio. He is just about to suggest Johnson Street Tavern, when she interrupts.

“Anywhere but Johnson Street Tavern. I hate that place!”

This episode is also available as a blog post: https://jasonmcgathey.wordpress.com/2021/03/10/tales-of-a-scorched-coffee-pot-chapter-23/

Well, Tonya Flaherty never called him that Friday. Or at any other point. However, the highly entertaining email exchange continues unfettered, such as when Edgar inquires about this line of incense which mysteriously appears in expected fashion, upon the shelves of Liberty Avenue. Attempting to ask Sam about the origin of these, which feature a different semi-nude female on each separate aroma, only produces the expected incoherent answer which leads a listener to question his grip upon reality. Which is maybe fitting, considering some of these varieties have either vague or overt drug related names, like the package marked Opium. Let it be said, however, that some also feature charming little slogans, such as, Don’t Burn S**t! Burn Westwood! Whatever the case, Tonya’s not here, which leads Edgar to eventually emailing her with his burning questions, concerning this “inappropriate incense,” as Edgar terms it, along with some other random things. She answers the following morning:

Haha! You are a trip! Best emails ever. Please tell me the drug references and naked bodies aren’t just my department. The curse words you reference have to be the Westwood stuff. Showed it to Cody when he was still here, he about fell over, lol. But yes these are allegedly opium scented which ironically still seems to be appropriate and I do get those certain kinds of people that say patchouli smells like pot. However, they always, always call it the ‘m’ word. (Didn’t know if we had an email filter that would pick out that word) Yea for the bible belt. D@mn dirty hippies, running around with their ‘m’ being lazy! My fave inappropriate incense was a women dressed up as cat woman with a whip and the ‘Lucky Lady’ incense with a little woman with pasties, rofl. Don’t know why it was such an issue now. Surely it wasn’t just noticed. Tell me, was the “way to go” sarcasm or not, lol. I peeped at the checkbook and we no longer have it so I’m assuming Bellwether does. Disregard the one from the 6th as that’s not it, it’s the previous one. I forgot the last thing I was going to say so you maybe getting a truncated random addendum, or maybe not, lol. Thanx a ton, Edgardo!

This episode is also available as a blog post: https://jasonmcgathey.wordpress.com/2021/03/08/tales-of-a-scorched-coffee-pot-chapter-22/

Well, Edgar thinks with a wry smirk, it’s funny how the technology is bullshit to certain people, most of the time…except when maybe they want a project knocked out in lightning fast speed, last thing on a Friday afternoon. But whatever. He’s just here to facilitate whatever goofy ideas a guy like Harry might come up with – and considers it a fun challenge, anyway, to see how efficiently he can pull something like this off. The experience might come in handy for much more legitimate projects down the road.

He has noticed, though, that folks in Harry’s demographic tend to lump everyone into two categories. There are those who are Good With Computers, and should therefore be capable if not totally responsible for everything even remotely connected to such. The rest of them are Not Good With Computers and should therefore not be required to learn any of it. If asked, in fact, Harry would probably describe Edgar’s job as Good With Computers, or possibly the even more generic, Computer Stuff. But, alas, Good With Computers is not a job title; only those who are Not Good With Computers think that it is.

This episode is also available as a blog post: https://jasonmcgathey.wordpress.com/2021/03/04/tales-of-a-scorched-coffee-pot-chapter-21/

With the promotion of Edgar’s mom to deli manager, this means that the part time fuckup Steve is now into his fourth administration. Having arrived on the scene before Dolly, even, and outlasting not only her but everyone who’d been around in the deli prior to his arrival, including the previous merchandiser, the wine enthusiast.

“Hey, it’s a warm body,” Corey is known to shrug, whenever anyone mentions Steve, “at least he always shows up.”

And yet while this response seems like a sane, measured one, it highlights one of the major fault lines running through retail. The Peter Principle gets all the press, but its inverse, which Edgar has begun to think of as the Steve Paradigm, is just as prevalent, and just as bad: establish at the outset how little you are going to do, how poorly you are going to manage even that meager amount, and then continue to do exactly that. Nobody will ever get their hopes up, and you will be set for life. People might even begin to view you as some sort of insanely dependable rock, for merely showing up and breathing while on the time clock. This is way better than creating lofty expectations, which you maybe can’t deliver upon.

This episode is also available as a blog post: https://jasonmcgathey.wordpress.com/2021/03/01/tales-of-a-scorched-coffee-pot-chapter-20/

The sixth and seventh columns of the new items spreadsheet are dedicated to cost and retail, respectively. Cost obviously doesn’t appear on their shelf tags, and there’s nothing they are doing within the Orchestra system that involves these numbers – the monthly margins are calculated at the invoice level, i.e. the sums coded to each department based on how AP is entering them. They are giving their shipments the ol’ eyeball test on the back dock, but there is no check-in process otherwise, no logging of item by item inventory into their system.

The cost on this spreadsheet therefore is somewhat ceremonial, outside of the job Edgar’s doing, calculating retails based on each department’s markup. But it had been in place when Teri trained him, and they changed nothing when he took over this role, even if nobody else needs to know this particular information. And as anyone who has trifled with these Excel spreadsheets endlessly knows, it made the most sense to leave that field right beside the retail one, just for simplicity’s sake, when applying and dragging down formulas.

This episode is also available as a blog post: https://jasonmcgathey.wordpress.com/2021/02/27/tales-of-a-scorched-coffee-pot-chapter-19/

Liberty Avenue remains his least investigated outpost thus far, for obvious, business related reasons. Even if in many respects still his favorite to visit, because it is so chill, there’s not enough going on to justify driving over there more than once or twice a month. Even regarding the price updates, which, at Corey Brown’s suggestion – and a genuinely good idea he had, for once – they are now batching to crank out at all stores every Monday, only on Mondays, the Liberty crew is doing a great job of responding to these on their own, without Edgar needing to bring the shelf tags over.

But whatever he’s missing on frequency, spending any time at all at Liberty nonetheless affords a great opportunity for sustained observation, because it’s such a compact, thinly staffed, well lit location. And it’s possible that a ratio you might term characters per capita is highest here as well, even if George the Wilford Brimley clone is out, replaced by his backup, a really sweet older lady named Isabel, who hails from somewhere in the Caribbean.

This episode is also available as a blog post: https://jasonmcgathey.wordpress.com/2021/02/21/tales-of-a-scorched-coffee-pot-chapter-18/

Still, there is one aspect missing thus far from his repertoire with the Healthy Hippie Market, somehow, even eight months into this experience. And it will take the Palmyra crew to begin resolving this oversight, however indirectly. When word begins to circulate that the newest guy in the deli, Dave, is also a musician, and that he’s playing out this Friday night in Chesboro, a decent chunk of that store’s workforce makes plans to attend together. One day Edgar happens to be up there, and is thrown an invite as well.

This episode is also available as a blog post: https://jasonmcgathey.wordpress.com/2021/02/19/tales-of-a-scorched-coffee-pot-chapter-17/