Jojot’s Causalities

I was raised with my four brothers, that implies constant insults to bug and offend each other. But on some specific days all of them took it against me and in a sort of a chorus, called out to me: “Fat”, “black”, “Ugly”. Throughout my childhood and adolescence my brothers called me that so many times, that they distorted my reflection on the mirror, when I looked at myself on the mirror, that’s what I saw: An ugly, fat and black kid. Besides, at school people called me “lion” because of my big hair volumen, and eight out of ten people made a comment regarding the size of my breasts.

My boobs and my curly hair became my biggest complex. I wanted to reduce them with surgery but my dad didn’t allow me to. My hair I could handle though…on an insecurity outburst, I went to the hairdresser and got rid of that lion’s mane. I left it very very short. -Needless to say I regretted it within a week-.

I’ve had a very distorted image of myself by listening to other people. So distorted that if the guy I liked came onto me, I rejected him thinking he was making fun of me or was betting with his friends. I was 14 years old, the entire high school was french-kissing everyone or even having sex; whilst I was pushing away every guy that approached me. My best friend at the time constantly said to me to get it over with and kiss guys already. She even explained how to move my tongue when french-kissing. But I couldn’t even make it to the flirting part…

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My 15th birthday party was happening soon. In few countries in America it’s a tradition to throw a massive party or to have a big trip on your birthday number 15. I was organizing my dream party in Spain when my brother Enzo announced he was getting married few months later. My parents and I decided to wait and celebrate it when we travelled to Paraguay for the wedding because in Spain it wasn’t a tradition and I had more friends and family in South America. When the time to travel was arriving, Enzo and his fiancée broke up, no wedding. That idea of travelling to Paraguay floated in my parents’ heads…

After that talk with Mica something changed in me. There is a before and after. I approached my dad and told him how I felt: That I really wanted to be an actress and I felt less important for not playing soccer. I think he finally understood a bit more about my dream and that it wasn’t just a typical kid’s dream. He said:

+“Honey, I don’t like that career for you, but if you feel so sure about it it’s for a reason. If you want to act, do it”.

So I asked him why he wouldn’t lift a finger to help me make it happen. He replied:

+‘’If you really want it I support you, but I cannot help you. I work in FIFA, soccer is my thing. I know exactly what and how to do it. But I have no clue about the film industry, have a look and tell me where you want to study and I’ll drive you there and pay for the monthly fee, deal?”

He hugged my tight and I smiled. I went online as fast as I could to research my options. I found a workshop being held at the adjoining city, where they travelled to every day for my brothers’ soccer practice. Lucca was injured so he wasn’t going to practice, I took the chance of the spare seat and went with them.

We arrived to the workshop, my parents joined me in it because they liked the idea. I went to the classes every day during my brother’s injury. When he recovered, he needed to go back to practice, in the car could only travel five people so there wasn’t room for me. I had to give my acting classes up for my brother to go practice. 

That broke my heart. I felt that my brothers’ dreams were more important, they were the priority in my house. It was sad, unfair and discouraging. I got to my sister’s house and told her about how I had to quit for them to do their thing, I felt with no support from my parents again. 

One of my dreams is that all of us as society could change that mindset. I have faith that the change will happen little by little. Dreamers inspire you to dream, so the more dreamers we are, more people will dare to dream. It’s like joy, contagious. It’s transferred from one soul to another unstoppably. If you or me get to soulprinton one soul, then that soul soulprints on another one, then that one soulprints on another one more…then like domino effect, who says this world won’t be kind, noble and completely dreamer? After all, to dream is free, no?

Dreamers energy is beautiful. They irradiate happiness, enthusiasm and energy. They go through life spreading joy and courage. To me there is nothing sexier and more thrilling than someone speaking -with that peculiar dreamer shinny eyes- about what they love. It’s beautiful to surround yourself with people who love life madly through their passions. What are you passionate about? What makes you tingle?

I see life as a deep and big blue ocean: If we stand by the shore and just deep one toe in to test the wáter, it’ll seem cold and we won’t dare to go in. However, if we go running towards it and we dive right in without hesitation, the water will be perfectly delicious and fresh. You had that experience too right?

Life is exactly like that. The more we think about it, more fears, insecurities and doubts will rise in our imagination; hence we will end up sitting by the shore wishing to dive in but not taking the risk to do it. Whilst we watch from the outside to those who dared and see how happy they swim and how much they are enjoying the water. The reality is we will never know upfront what’s coming, what’s in there for us around the corner. But if you do go with no doubts and just follow the first impulse…that feeling of happiness, freedom and wholesomeness that you get when you risk it, that tingling in your whole body; it’s indescribable to those who didn’t do it, and totally worth it.

I dive in life’s magical immensity. And you? Are you going to just sit there desiring you’d do it? Jump. Come on, let yourself go. Don’t get me wrong, it’s going to be difficult as hell. You’ll question yourself thousands of times, you’ll cry and feel like sending everything to hell at least a couple of times. If you are strong enough and don’t give up though…oh boy, every little obstacle overcome will make you feel better, stronger and more willing than ever. One of the best feelings in the world is to take that leap of faith and with time realize that you couldn’t have chosen better. You feel proud of your bravery, you are happy because you know it in your heart that you took the right step.

It’s about taking risks! Risk and reward. Sounds like cliché but it’s true. So, are you going to wait and think or are you going to take the leap of faith and go get it all? Are you going to torture yourself thinking what if or are you going to seize every moment alive, every opportunity? It’s all up to YOU. Life is what we want it to be.

I choose a life full of challenges, laughter and dreams. And you?

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Going back to the story. Whilst in Spain I made lots of Friends from different cultures and languages and that has taught me a lot, it opened up my mind. One day on our way back from Murcia, Micaela lectured me the whole drive. -Thanks Micaela for that lecture and all the others!- I am sure she doesn’t even know that day she changed my mindset, she changed my life. It’s incredible how big of an impact -positive or negative- few words can have on someone else, sometimes we don’t even notice it. Soulprint!...

Ok, where was I? In 2002 my twin brothers travelled to U.S. for two months. They had a scholarship in a soccer academy. During that time, they stayed with Pedro, a beloved family friend.

In 2003, because we have Spanish blood from my dad’s side, he decided to give us the nationality, just in case, and to do the paperwork to get all of us the Spanish Passport too. At the end of that same year, my sister Micaela and her boyfriend Hernán, got married and moved to Spain together, on their one-year wedding anniversary. If my dad hadn’t done the work to give us the Spanish documents, the trip then wouldn’t have been posible. Everything just turned out that way, causally. Crazy, huh?

In 2005 we were spending summer in our house in Cordoba, Argentina, like we do on every beginning of the year. During our stay my dad decided we were moving back to Argentina -seven years later-. It was great news because we all loved Cordoba madly. We left out suitcases already in the house and went back to Paraguay for two weeks because one of my brothers failed on few exams and had to take those tests in February. So whilst he studied and took the tests we were going to organize the rest of the things and go back right after.

But…during those two weeks, the possibility of moving to Spain at the end of the year arised. Micaela has settled there and that makes it much more factible. My dad decided so because it was for my brothers’ soccer careers best. Besides he is Spanish and had always dreamt about living there. Saying that: By the middle of 2006 we were already living in Andalusia, Spain.

What’s my conclusion? Maybe you’d think this thought is silly, but I know that my brother failing those exams, -event that made us go back to Paraguay, delaying our moving to Argentina- it’s what triggered the trip to Spain. Can you see a bit better now, how these crazy causalities work? In that moment it felt like a huge bummer, but hadn’t he failed we’d have stayed in Cordoba, and that crazy Spain idea would have never come up. That was a little part of the causalities that led us to Europe.

What happened in Spain? The answer is: A lot. I will tell you few things about it…

During my childhood in Paraguay there were moments where due to the continous insults towards me and my brothers at school, we felt discriminated for being Argentinians. I had always dreamt about seeing Europe, but I must admit I was terrified we’d be bullyed again and with more intensity given that we were latins in Europe.

Throughout the years I learned ignorant people speak only because they can. That’s the kind of people that inyects fear in your life. Why? Just because they have nothing good to add to the matter, so they don’t look like ignorants on the subject they talk bullsh*t instead. -Little they know, their ignorance shines brighter that way-. People told me I was going to suffer, that European people treat Latins awfully, that they are xenophobics… Spanish people this, European people that, blablabla.

The question is: What do they know? They are not there, probably never even set foot in Europe. How would they know how it feels like to live in Europe? To pointless comments, turn a deaf ear. So many negatives comments I’ve received out of fear or ignorance, that I became fearful prior to moving there. I had contradictory feelings whether I wanted to move to Spain or not, thanks to life I had no other choice but to go.

And you know what? Those two years in Spain were the best ones of my adolescence. People were incredible, cool, friendly, upfront and really eager to learn about my country and culture. I was pleasantly surprised. I felt more like home in Europe, on the other side of the world, than in my own continent. Is it a matter of culture? Definitely.

Imagine though, what a shame it’d be if -because of the fear the peope injected in me- Had I decided to stay in my comfort zone instead...

As I was growing up, each day I was more and more serious about my dream of being an actress. When I watched films and theatre plays, I could see my self on the big screen and on stage. As a kid I always said I wanted to be an actress when I grew up, even though my parents thought It was just the typical “little girl dream” and they ignored it. But I was more certain about my dream each year. I didn’t do anything to make it happen though. I just saw it as a beautiful an impossible dream, plus my parents were against it… What could I do? They always thought that the acting world was a “sh*tty little world”, where everything was about prostitution and drugs. At the beginning that terrified me. However, I kept dreaming about it as years went by.

Later on, I couldn’t just ignore it anymore. I was certain that acting was the only thing I could see myself doing in the future, the only thing I really wanted to do. As much as I tried to ignore it, acting was a profound desire from my soul.

They hadn’t really been into that “little world” to know how it was, what people did or how It felt to be on stage in front of one thousand people. If you don’t experience something, you can’t have an opinion about it, right? But that’s the typical idea people from the outside have. Saying that, you can dive right into that “sh*t” voluntarily no matter what career you choose. That’s not about your profession but about your education, the values your family taught you when you were a kid and the friends you decide to have. That “sh*t” exists amongst doctors, architects, lawyers, astronauts and even actors. But it’s only up to you whether you choose to get into it or to go through “the right path”.

My parents did a wonderful job educating me, -sometimes a little too protectives, I’ll say- but they did great. As I grew up I started valuing it more, and undoubtedly, If I ever decide to have kids, I’ll use a lot of what they taught me. I am who I am thanks to them. -Thanks Mom and Dad! I love you and I am deeply grateful for everything you’ve taught me and gave me all these years-

I had it very clear that cigarettes, drugs and prostitution weren’t my thing. I never had the curiosity of trying it either. I was sure that if I’d come across those things, I’ll identify it and reject it. My parents education was in me already, their job was done. Now it was my turn to get rid of their fears and to have my own experiences.

After few confrontations with my parents I got them to understand that I could and I will walk down the “good path”, rejecting everything that wasn’t good for me. They did their bit, now they had to let go of me and allow me to walk my own path by myself. Dare myself to live and to dream, make mistakes, learn from them, grow and fly, fly very high.

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I apologize, let’s go back to the story. In 2001 I went to the theatre in Argentina, to watch a play with my family. After the show, I met one of the actors, he also was in a very popular TV show at that time. We hit it off and exchanged email addresses -So old-fashioned- we started chatting regularly. I told him about my dream and that I didn’t see it possible, I didn’t dare. He encouraged me to dream and to go after my dreams and told me that if I really wanted to act, I should go for it and start studying Dramatic Arts. Those words were super valuable to me. I was so young but they came to me at the right time, and they were even more special because an already-famous actor was telling me them. After few months, this actor suddenly disappeared of my life. We lost contact overnight and never heard from him again. It was a shame because we became friends and spoke nearly every day on Messenger, we even video-called one another sometimes. With time I understood the meaning of him coming to my life, I had to meet him so he’d encourage me to be a dreamer...

Professionally they kept getting better and better. In the year 1986, they expanded and opened offices in Córdoba and in other cities in Argentina. During one of his trips to Córdoba, Felipe visited a little touristic town called Villa Carlos Paz for the first time and fell in-love with it. One year later, he secretly decided to buy a house there to surprise Beatriz.

Their business and offices were doing great. By the beginning of 1993, they moved to that house in Villa Carlos Paz. But funny thing, when Beatriz travelled for her graduation trip, in the year 1977, her and her class went to that same town. She fell in-love with it too and said to herself that she’ll live there one day. Said so and done so. She never mentioned about that dream to Felipe though, somehow, he felt the same way and bought the house. Big causality, right? She desired it so strongly that the universe led her there years later. So, be careful with what you wish for, it might come true…

The family also kept getting bigger. In 1983 Jorge Antonio was born, and died within a week. He is the little angel ever since, guiding and protecting them from above. In 1985 Enzo was born, then Beatriz couldn’t have kids anymore and went into treatment for years. Treatment ended up being too efficient and in 1990 she had twins, Máximo and Thiago. In 1991 another baby was born, Lucca. In 1992, finally the second girl was born among all the boys in that big family. That girl is me, the youngest of seven. Wait, what? Yes, Felipe and Beatriz are my beloved parents. They’ve been married for forty years now. Crazy, huh?

Our childhood was a constant back and forth between Córdoba and Paraguay. In 1998 we bought a house in Paraguay because it was going to be better for the family business and also Argentina started getting bad politically.

We moved permanently to Asunción, Paraguay. Honestly though, I don’t believe the word “permanent” exists in our family’s dictionary. Thankfully we’ve moved around and travelled quite a lot and I love that. -Don’t blame me for being a traveller myself-.

So, let’s process this whole thing. Shall we? Everything started with a silly thing like Felipe being drawn to visit Paraguay just because of a romantic telenovela moment. If it wasn’t because of it, perhaps he wouldn’t have visited Paraguay then or wouldn’t even have met Beatriz at all. If she hadn’t been invited to live in the US, maybe they wouldn’t have gotten married, they wouldn’t have had kids and I wouldn’t have existed. What if she had gotten invited and moved overseas a week before that 25th of May? Nothing of this would have happened, neither this book. What if Felipe hadn’t watched that episode? Or if he just hadn’t felt the urge of visiting that country. What if he had felt it but he hadn’t dared to do it because it’s “too risky”? Or if he hadn’t taken up the opportunity to have done it?

Perfect timing. See? Everything worked out the way and when it had to. How was he supposed to know what it would be like if he hadn’t tried? Thank God he went for it and all this happened. Wow! I don’t know about you, but to me it’s a magical madness. It blows my mind away every time I think about how it works. The more I think about it the more mind-blowing it gets. Isn’t it crazy how we shape our lives with each little decision we make?

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From my childhood I have many beautiful memories, but I can’t really talk about causalities back then because I remember it in general but nothing too specific. I am certain about one thing though: The fact that my family and I travelled so much, truly changed my life. I am profoundly grateful for it because thanks to that, I’ve discovered another passion of mine. Travelling opens my mind, after each trip I become a better version of myself.

To prove you my theory of connecting the present with the past, I’ll go way back in time. I’ll start off with the 70’s. Precisely, with a winter afternoon in Mendoza, Argentina:

Felipe was about 20 years old, he was very enthusiastic and stubborn; among other things, he was a fan of the great actor Arnaldo André -an actor from Paraguay that succeeded in Argentina-. He was watching this actor’s soap opera from that time, and on that episode it was a rainy day. This romantic lead drew a heart on the window. In it, he wrote “Rohayhu”. –‘I love you’ in guaraní- whilst staring right in the eyes at the woman he loved, across that window.

Felipe was astonished with that scene. That sweet word in a language he didn’t know of, felt so romantic to him. He found out that was written in Paraguay’s native language. That moment had a big impact on him. He felt so curious about a new country with such sweet language, that he set a goal: To visit Paraguay. He had that idea stuck in his mind for a long time.

One day, his truck-driver uncle told him he was going to Formosa -Argentinian city, bordering with Paraguay-. Felipe thought that trip was the opportunity he was waiting for to see Paraguay! He joined his uncle with no hesitation.

When they made it to Formosa, they came across a big party happening in a little town of Formosa. -It was 25th of May, Argentinian Revolution’s celebration-, They tagged along to the party. Out of the blue, he was hypnotized when he saw Beatriz for the first time. They fell in-love with each other in that instant, love at first sight.

Beatriz was supposed to get married few days before that party. It turned out, they called it off. I believe that was a beautiful causality.

With Beatriz and Felipe everything flowed easily and quickly. They started a long-distance relationship. He started working for his uncle on his truck company, so he’d get to travel to see Beatriz more often. At that time mobile phones hadn’t been invented yet. In fact, land-line phones were a luxury of just a few people. They communicated with one another through letters, one big long letter a month. -Can you even imagine living like that? Dating like that?- One day, Beatriz wrote to Felipe a meeting point for his next visit. Unfortunately, by the time the letter got to Mendoza, Felipe was already on his way and didn’t receive it. Therefore, he didn’t go to meet her that night. In the meantime, Beatriz got really upset thinking he was in town and simply stood her up.

Out of spite, Beatriz went out with her sisters that night. Right after they left the house, he called to the land-line phone from a phone booth to say hi. It was too late, she wasn’t home anymore… That day, Beatriz decided to give up on their love.

He couldn’t do anything else to get in touch with her, so he went out for a glass of wine. He had no clue what was happening in Beatriz’s head in that moment nor that she was angry at him. But causally, them both went to the same bar that evening. She got even madder when she saw him. -In her head, he stood her up to go out- After a long talk, they cleared things up and made up.

She was upset and decided to give up. She had imagined the worst regarding Felipe. Why? Because she had no idea what was in it for her around the corner. She was going to simply throw it all out for being impatient.

That’s something that happens to most of us regularly, isn’t it? We imagine problems bigger than what they really are and we get so scared of it, so to “avoid” it it’s easier to surrender. In fact, when we have something “too good to be true”, or we think we don’t quite deserve it; we seek out for any excuse to say no to it and run away from it. We curse against God and against life when we think something is wrong. But what we need to do in moments like that is to trust and wait. We know that everything will happen the way it has to. So, why worry?

Hey there! I am Paola, but a lot of friends call me “La Jojot” -because of my Mom’s Surname-. I took it as my “artistic name”, to honour my mom. I am a joyful and positive woman, a dreamer, a traveller, an animal lover and a sunset collector. Art is the fuel to my soul. Ah, I am also stubborn and determined, when I set a goal in my mind nothing can stop me. People also say I am persuasive and persistent… As a dreamer I’ve decided to tell you the story of my life, dedicated to my dreams but from the perspective of all the causalities that have led me to them. I hope you find the courage to go after your dreams too, you still have time. There is always time.

Before I get started, I want to point out how difficult it is to speak about oneself. It’s so hard to tell your own experiences and to open up to a lot of people. I will truly give my all so you can get to know me and accompany me throughout this book. I will keep it real and tell you everything the way I remember it. -Changing everyone’s names, of course-

First thing you need to know about me is that my motto is “Everything happens for a reason”. This book is about life’s causalities, narrated through my own. I will be telling you about my work causalities, my love ones, and just my everyday life causalities. I am sure you must have heard of the term causalities before, and maybe even thought it was a total “cliché” or perhaps, wondered what does it mean exactly. Maybe you don’t believe in them, and simply think that everything is just a “coincidence”. Random facts…

Based on my personal experience, today I can say that to me, they are not a “cliché” and there is no such things as coincidences. Life is an ongoing chain of cause and effect. What we are living today is the cause to tomorrow’s effect. And tomorrow’s effect, will be the cause to the day-after-tomorrow’s effect. Am I explaining myself? SYNCHRONICITY.

An easy example: The crash scene on “The curious case of Benjamin Button” movie.

*Spoiler alert*

The chaos’ theory is explained. The film shows in retrospective, the chain of causalities that occurred for that car to run over the lead character… “What good has happened because of that crash?”, you might wonder. Thanks to the accident, she was reunited with her true love, Benjamin. -Brad Pitt-

End of Spoiler

Yup, even in the “worst tragedies”, there is a reason for it to happen. Nothing is a coincidence. Life is a magical chain of connected events. Everything happens for a reason! With this in mind, you’ll be glad rather than sad or worried, in every situation where you think what’s happening is “pure bad luck” or a “misfortune”. There won’t be any need to beat yourself up; because you’ll know there is a reason to why you missed the flight, or why that project didn’t work out, or why that partner you loved so much broke up with you. Life is setting you free of it for a reason…you’ll see. Be patient.

Every time something/someone is being taken away from you, it’s for you to be able to receive something better or, through that path, find it. So, why stress trying to find the WHY’s to each situation, right? Just let it be. Work hard on what you really want, do your best, and wait for it. Trust it. What is supposed to happen will happen. To me, it really is magic.

In fact, since I’ve seen that film -and few others that had an influence on me- and heard those phrases for the first time…I started connecting the dots, putting it all together. I’ve finally understood it, you know? I discovered that to me, the truth was:

Life truly is magical. And you know what? Time made me understand all those questions marks I had from years ago...

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