Joy Identity — The Spiritual Toolbox That Changes Everything

In today’s episode, I’m sharing the full teaching from last night’s Spiritual Toolbox call inside Strength & Dignity. This message on Joy Identity has been life-changing for me in this very season, and I felt the warm hand of the Lord prompting me to bring it to you here as well.

If you’ve been walking through uncertainty, disappointment, instability, or emotional overwhelm, this teaching will help you return to who you really are—and bring healing to the relationships around you.

Most women think joy is “feeling good,” “being happy,” or “trying to have a positive attitude.”
But biblically and neurobiologically, joy means something entirely different:

Joy = Someone is genuinely glad to be with you.

This episode covers:

• How Scripture and brain science both point to joy as the foundation of secure attachment.

• Why Nehemiah’s words, “the joy of the Lord is your strength,” are literally true for your nervous system.

• The difference between joy as an emotion and joy as identity.

• How “joy eyes” help the brain reconnect, repair, and return to relational safety.

• Why it’s never too late to develop secure attachment in marriage.

• What it means to carry Shalom into your home—even when the people around you are dysregulated.

I share a personal story from the last two months:

• Selling our home.

• A year-long missionary training opportunity.

• Telling our family we were going.

• Getting accepted…

• And then my husband deciding he no longer wanted to move forward.

Joy identity shifted the entire way I navigated that moment—and continues to stabilize me now.

Joy identity can be learned, strengthened, and made automatic. We cover:

• How women lose their joy without noticing.

• How to stay YOU when emotions run high.

• What it looks like to remain warm, soft-hearted, unoffended, and relational—even during conflict.

When joy becomes your identity:

• You stop matching your husband’s stress.

• You don’t absorb his emotions.

• You stay connected instead of shutting down.

• You stop replaying “he always…” scripts in your mind.

• You become an anchor rather than getting pulled into the storm.

This is what creates secure attachment in your home.

This is the simple practice I teach in the episode:

1. Notice you’ve lost your joy.
   Become aware that you’re no longer grounded, relational, or connected.

2. Pause.
   Stop the mental spiral. Breathe.

3. Remember a moment of true joy.
   Think of a time when someone was absolutely delighted to be with you (your child, Jesus, a friend, a baby, etc.).

4. Let your body experience it.
   Feel the shoulders drop. The face soften. The breath deepen.

5. Return to the relationship as your connected self.
   Bring joy back into the moment that took it from you.

This is the essence of becoming unshakeable—learning to return to joy quickly and consistently.

• Nehemiah 8:10 — “The joy of the Lord is your strength.”

• John 15:11 — Jesus gives us His joy so ours may be full.

• “Joy isn’t about feeling good. It means I’m glad to be with you—even in this hard moment.”

• “When I lose joy, I lose myself. Returning to joy brings me back.”

• “Your joy identity makes you an anchor when everything else unravels.”

• “Secure attachment is created when one person can stay themselves, stay relational, and stay glad to be present—even when the other can’t.”

Every Thursday we have a live Spiritual Toolbox call where we explore:

• Identity

• Emotional healing

• Spiritual authority

• Vulnerability

• Triumph

• And how to walk these things out practically in marriage.

This episode is a look inside that space.

If you want the full experience, coaching, and live calls, you can join the waitlist for Strength & Dignity here: https://www.easybiblicalmarriage.com/waitlist