Joy Identity — The Spiritual Toolbox That Changes Everything

In today’s episode, I’m sharing the full teaching from last night’s Spiritual Toolbox call inside Strength & Dignity. This message on Joy Identity has been life-changing for me in this very season, and I felt the warm hand of the Lord prompting me to bring it to you here as well.

If you’ve been walking through uncertainty, disappointment, instability, or emotional overwhelm, this teaching will help you return to who you really are—and bring healing to the relationships around you.

Most women think joy is “feeling good,” “being happy,” or “trying to have a positive attitude.”
But biblically and neurobiologically, joy means something entirely different:

Joy = Someone is genuinely glad to be with you.

This episode covers:

• How Scripture and brain science both point to joy as the foundation of secure attachment.

• Why Nehemiah’s words, “the joy of the Lord is your strength,” are literally true for your nervous system.

• The difference between joy as an emotion and joy as identity.

• How “joy eyes” help the brain reconnect, repair, and return to relational safety.

• Why it’s never too late to develop secure attachment in marriage.

• What it means to carry Shalom into your home—even when the people around you are dysregulated.

I share a personal story from the last two months:

• Selling our home.

• A year-long missionary training opportunity.

• Telling our family we were going.

• Getting accepted…

• And then my husband deciding he no longer wanted to move forward.

Joy identity shifted the entire way I navigated that moment—and continues to stabilize me now.

Joy identity can be learned, strengthened, and made automatic. We cover:

• How women lose their joy without noticing.

• How to stay YOU when emotions run high.

• What it looks like to remain warm, soft-hearted, unoffended, and relational—even during conflict.

When joy becomes your identity:

• You stop matching your husband’s stress.

• You don’t absorb his emotions.

• You stay connected instead of shutting down.

• You stop replaying “he always…” scripts in your mind.

• You become an anchor rather than getting pulled into the storm.

This is what creates secure attachment in your home.

This is the simple practice I teach in the episode:

1. Notice you’ve lost your joy.
   Become aware that you’re no longer grounded, relational, or connected.

2. Pause.
   Stop the mental spiral. Breathe.

3. Remember a moment of true joy.
   Think of a time when someone was absolutely delighted to be with you (your child, Jesus, a friend, a baby, etc.).

4. Let your body experience it.
   Feel the shoulders drop. The face soften. The breath deepen.

5. Return to the relationship as your connected self.
   Bring joy back into the moment that took it from you.

This is the essence of becoming unshakeable—learning to return to joy quickly and consistently.

• Nehemiah 8:10 — “The joy of the Lord is your strength.”

• John 15:11 — Jesus gives us His joy so ours may be full.

• “Joy isn’t about feeling good. It means I’m glad to be with you—even in this hard moment.”

• “When I lose joy, I lose myself. Returning to joy brings me back.”

• “Your joy identity makes you an anchor when everything else unravels.”

• “Secure attachment is created when one person can stay themselves, stay relational, and stay glad to be present—even when the other can’t.”

Every Thursday we have a live Spiritual Toolbox call where we explore:

• Identity

• Emotional healing

• Spiritual authority

• Vulnerability

• Triumph

• And how to walk these things out practically in marriage.

This episode is a look inside that space.

If you want the full experience, coaching, and live calls, you can join the waitlist for Strength & Dignity here: https://www.easybiblicalmarriage.com/waitlist

What does it look like to practice biblical intimacy skills when you’re married to an addict? In this episode, I talk with Ashley, a homeschooling mom who shares her honest journey of learning to fight for peace in the middle of hard circumstances. You’ll hear how daily self-care, journaling, and letting go of control have shifted her marriage and her heart—bringing her back to dignity, hope, and even joy.

What we cover

• Why “fighting for peace” became Ashley’s daily practice—and how skills made it possible

• How she journals daily wins and uses the Six Intimacy Skills to stay grounded

• The real cost of not holding her tongue (and the reward of choosing silence wisely)

• Why self-care really is the answer—especially when her husband’s choices trigger anxiety

• Collecting evidence for Spouse-Fulfilling Prophecies to combat fear and resentment

• Learning to release control in small decisions as practice for trusting in bigger ones

• Building safe, supportive friendships that fuel her ability to show up differently at home

• A story of choosing dignity in the moment—and being surprised by her husband’s care

Listener takeaways

• Use a 6-line daily journal: wins, self-care, and one example of each skill.

• On overwhelming days, pick one spoke of the wheel—self-care is often the gateway.

• Review your Spouse-Fulfilling Prophecies to reset your perspective when fear rises.

• Build routines and support (friends, childcare, planned self-care) for your hardest times.

• Practice releasing control in small household choices to rebuild trust step by step.

Quotes to remember

• “Self-care is the answer. What’s the question?”

• “Even if the first step is the same as it’s always been, I can change the next step of the dance.”

• “Let him wrestle with himself—my job is to stay on my paper with dignity.”

If this episode blessed you…
Inside Strength & Dignity, I help women walk out these biblical skills with ongoing support and encouragement. If you’re married to an addict—or just facing really painful circumstances—you don’t have to do this alone. With practical tools, spiritual depth, and a sisterhood around you, peace and dignity really are possible.

👉 Join the Strength & Dignity waitlist here

In this episode, I get vulnerable and share a personal win story about bringing structure, gratitude, and intentionality into my marriage—and how small shifts in mindset and habits can create profound changes. I explore how even everyday circumstances reveal deeper truths about trust, intimacy, and reliance on God.

I sit down with my friend and client Jill to be on the receiving end of the questions, and to dive into the intersection of faith, marriage, and personal growth. We discuss:

• How the six intimacy skills transform relationships and uncover blind spots in our hearts.

• The balance between vulnerability and respect when navigating conflict with your spouse.

• Biblical principles for trusting God while supporting and understanding your husband.

• How practicing gratitude and spiritual discernment can reshape your view of men and relationships.

• Real-life examples of surrender, faith, and communication that lead to authentic connection and intimacy.

If you’ve ever struggled with feeling disconnected in your marriage, wondered how to navigate conflict without resentment, or wanted to grow closer to God while growing closer to your spouse, this episode is packed with practical insights and encouragement.

Want to dive deeper?

I offer free, one hour consultations to discuss exactly how your life can change when you embrace all the power God gave you to change your marriage. I'll show you how my program Strength & Dignity can help you get to your vision. Simply email me at [email protected] to set up your free call now.

In this episode, I share a deeply personal story of overcoming constant irritability and anxiety that once spilled into rage in my first marriage. I explain how asking myself simple yet life-changing questions—“How do I feel? What do I want?”—helped me meet my own needs, heal anxiety, and create space for joy, even while raising young children and managing a busy household.

I also sit down with my client Kimberly, who shares her journey of transforming her marriage by focusing on herself first. Kimberly opens up about the struggles she faced in her Christian walk and marriage, how resentment and unmet expectations impacted her home, and the step-by-step changes that helped her bring delight back to herself and her family.

We discuss:

• The power of keeping your eyes on your own “paper”

• Why meeting your own needs changes your marriage and family dynamic

• Practical ways to integrate self-care into a busy day

• How small actions create a snowball effect of positive change

• Real-life examples of relational transformation, encouragement, and joy

If you’ve ever felt stuck, frustrated, or fearful that your marriage might not survive, this episode will encourage you that lasting change is possible when you take intentional, simple steps toward self-care, delight, and faith-driven action.

Resources & Next Steps:

• Interested in diving deeper? Email me at [email protected] to schedule a free consultation session to discuss how Strength & Dignity can change your life. I'll lay out exactly what's within your power to change your marriage and how my program can help.

Episode summary
What does it look like to practice biblical intimacy skills when you’re married to an addict? In this episode, I talk with Ashley, a homeschooling mom who shares her honest journey of learning to fight for peace in the middle of hard circumstances. You’ll hear how daily self-care, journaling, and letting go of control have shifted her marriage and her heart—bringing her back to dignity, hope, and even joy.

What we cover

• Why “fighting for peace” became Ashley’s lifelong theme—and how skills made it possible

• How she journals daily wins and uses the Six Intimacy Skills to stay grounded

• The real cost of not holding her tongue (and the reward of using duct tape wisely)

• Why self-care really is the answer—especially when her husband’s choices trigger anxiety

• Collecting evidence for Spouse-Fulfilling Prophecies to combat fear and resentment

• Learning to release control in small decisions as practice for trusting in bigger ones

• Building safe, supportive friendships that fuel her ability to show up differently at home

• A story of choosing dignity in the moment—and being surprised by her husband’s care

Listener takeaways

• Use a 6-line daily journal: wins, self-care, and one example of each skill.

• On overwhelming days, pick one spoke of the wheel—self-care is often the gateway.

• Review your Spouse-Fulfilling Prophecies to reset your perspective when fear rises.

• Build routines and support (friends, childcare, planned self-care) for your hardest times.

• Practice releasing control in small household choices to rebuild trust step by step.

Quotes to remember

• “Self-care is the answer. What’s the question?”

• “Even if the first step is the same as it’s always been, I can change the next step of the dance.”

• “Let him wrestle with himself—my job is to stay on my paper with dignity.”

If this episode blessed you…
Inside Strength & Dignity, I help women walk out these biblical skills with ongoing support and encouragement. If you’re married to an addict—or just facing really painful circumstances—you don’t have to do this alone. With practical tools, spiritual depth, and a sisterhood around you, peace and dignity really are possible.

👉 Join Strength & Dignity here

What does “Be still and know” have to do with having an amazing marriage?
As it turns out—everything.

When we pause to lean on God and know Him intimately, He fulfills us in ways that free our marriages. The pressure comes off our husbands, and instead of straining under expectations, we can simply enjoy each other again.

In today’s episode, I share some of the beautiful insights women in our community offered on this question. Then I sit down with my guest, Crystal, whose story will inspire you. She’s a wife who took her marriage from the brink of unnecessary divorce back to a place of joy, connection, and teamwork—simply by practicing the skills and walking them out with her whole heart.

Crystal shares:

• How infertility, IVF, and a premature birth put incredible strain on her marriage.

• What happened when counseling wasn’t enough—and how she discovered a different way forward.

• The simple decision she made that completely shifted the atmosphere in her home.

• Why putting aside pride (and dropping nagging!) opened the door to deeper intimacy and trust.

• How her husband now initiates connection, date nights, and teamwork in ways she once longed for.

Her story is a powerful reminder that when one wife chooses to live from strength and dignity, everything can change.

If you’re longing to see God heal and strengthen your marriage, I invite you to join us inside Strength & Dignity—my 6-month group coaching program where you’ll learn how to walk in peace, grow in intimacy with God, and show up in a way that transforms your marriage.

👉 Click here to learn more about Strength & Dignity

Show Notes

What does “Be still and know” have to do with having an amazing marriage?
As it turns out—everything.

When we pause to lean on God and know Him intimately, He fulfills us in ways that free our marriages. The pressure comes off our husbands, and instead of straining under expectations, we can simply enjoy each other again.

In today’s episode, I share some of the beautiful insights women in our community offered on this question. Then I sit down with my guest, Crystal, whose story will inspire you. She’s a wife who took her marriage from the brink of unnecessary divorce back to a place of joy, connection, and teamwork—simply by practicing the skills and walking them out with her whole heart.

Crystal shares:

• How infertility, IVF, and a premature birth put incredible strain on her marriage.

• What happened when counseling wasn’t enough—and how she discovered a different way forward.

• The simple decision she made that completely shifted the atmosphere in her home.

• Why putting aside pride (and dropping nagging!) opened the door to deeper intimacy and trust.

• How her husband now initiates connection, date nights, and teamwork in ways she once longed for.

Her story is a powerful reminder that when one wife chooses to live from strength and dignity, everything can change.

If you’re longing to see God heal and strengthen your marriage, I invite you to join us inside Strength & Dignity—my 6-month group coaching program where you’ll learn how to walk in peace, grow in intimacy with God, and show up in a way that transforms your marriage.

👉 Click here to learn more about Strength & Dignity

Episode summary
What does it look like to practice biblical intimacy skills when you’re married to an addict? In this episode, I talk with Ashley, a homeschooling mom who shares her honest journey of learning to fight for peace in the middle of hard circumstances. You’ll hear how daily self-care, journaling, and letting go of control have shifted her marriage and her heart—bringing her back to dignity, hope, and even joy.

What we cover

• Why “fighting for peace” became Ashley’s lifelong theme—and how skills made it possible

• How she journals daily wins and uses the Six Intimacy Skills to stay grounded

• The real cost of not holding her tongue (and the reward of using duct tape wisely)

• Why self-care really is the answer—especially when her husband’s choices trigger anxiety

• Collecting evidence for Spouse-Fulfilling Prophecies to combat fear and resentment

• Learning to release control in small decisions as practice for trusting in bigger ones

• Building safe, supportive friendships that fuel her ability to show up differently at home

• A story of choosing dignity in the moment—and being surprised by her husband’s care

Listener takeaways

• Use a 6-line daily journal: wins, self-care, and one example of each skill.

• On overwhelming days, pick one spoke of the wheel—self-care is often the gateway.

• Review your Spouse-Fulfilling Prophecies to reset your perspective when fear rises.

• Build routines and support (friends, childcare, planned self-care) for your hardest times.

• Practice releasing control in small household choices to rebuild trust step by step.

Quotes to remember

• “Self-care is the answer. What’s the question?”

• “Even if the first step is the same as it’s always been, I can change the next step of the dance.”

• “Let him wrestle with himself—my job is to stay on my paper with dignity.”

If this episode blessed you…
Inside Strength & Dignity, I help women walk out these biblical skills with ongoing support and encouragement. If you’re married to an addict—or just facing really painful circumstances—you don’t have to do this alone. With practical tools, spiritual depth, and a sisterhood around you, peace and dignity really are possible.

👉 Join Strength & Dignity here

Sometimes the strongest thing you can say in your marriage is “I can’t.”

Not as an excuse. Not as a cop-out. But as an act of vulnerability—the kind that softens your heart, invites connection, and actually strengthens intimacy.

In this episode of the Easy Biblical Marriage Podcast, I share:

• Why “I can’t” is more powerful than ultimatums or control tactics

• Real examples of how I used this phrase in marriage, from house buying to finances

• How to recognize resentment early and use vulnerability to reset before it explodes

• Why true intimacy only grows to the degree you allow yourself to be vulnerable

We’ll also celebrate some of the fun and creative ideas women in our community came up with during our “daily fun challenge.” (Think: goofy dances with kids, candlelight reading, and even attending coaching calls from the truck in the driveway!)

If you’ve ever struggled with boundaries, burnout, or resentment in your marriage, this conversation will give you a fresh, biblical perspective—and a simple phrase you can start using today.

✨ Want the Fun Ideas PDF from our community challenge? Email me at [email protected] with the subject line FUN PDF and I’ll send it to you.

💜 Ready to go deeper? Join us inside Strength & Dignity, my six-month group program for women who want to:

• Rediscover joy and strength in their identity in Christ

• Practice intimacy skills that attract love and respect

• Be surrounded by other wives pursuing the same transformation

👉 Doors close November 23. Join here

Welcome back to the Easy Biblical Marriage Podcast! Today we’re wrapping up the Heart Garden series, a journey we’ve been on since August 26th about how Jesus heals you and your marriage.

Here’s a quick recap of where we’ve been:

• Aug 26: How Jesus heals you in your marriage

• Sept 2: Meeting Jesus in the garden of your heart

• Sept 9: From shame to double portion – God’s inheritance for your family

• Sept 16: Stones made soft – how Jesus makes your heart tender again

• Sept 23: Roots and strongholds – discovering your true identity

• Sept 30: Pests – deliverance as a gentle, normal part of Christian life

And now in today’s episode, we’re talking about staying free—how to maintain this beautiful garden of your heart and continue walking in freedom with Jesus.

• Why staying free requires cultivation, not coasting

• How to rewire your mind through declaring God’s truth daily (Romans 12:2)

• Practical ways to guard your words and refuse to partner with lies

• How repentance and forgiveness keep freedom fresh and flowing

• What to do when old wounds resurface—seeing them as invitations to deeper healing

• Why intimacy with Jesus, not a “quick fix,” is the real goal of healing

  Scriptures mentioned

• Romans 12:2 – Be transformed by the renewing of your mind

• Psalm 19:14 – May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing

• Ephesians 6 – Put on the full armor of God

• Song of Songs 4:16 – Breathe on my garden with your Spirit

• Psalm 46:10 – Be still and know that I am God

Freedom is not a one-time event—it’s a daily walk with your Healer. Keep pressing in, declaring truth, and meeting with Jesus in the cool of the day. As your heart heals, your relationships will transform, not because others necessarily change overnight, but because you are being changed from the inside out.

✨ If this series has blessed you, you would love my Strength & Dignity community. To learn more, reach out to me at [email protected].