We just finished Ramadan where Allahﷻ gave us the opportunity to start over again, make our lives Shari’ah compliant and achieve closeness to Allahﷻ. In life, all human beings have only two Dharooriaat. Dharoori is something the absence of which will lead to death. The two Dharooriaat are not food or water or even air. They are Hidaya while we live and Maghfirah after we die. If a person has guidance and is forgiven when he dies, no matter what their situation in the Dunya was, they will go to Jannah. But if a person was misguided and died in that state, on Kufr or Shirk then they will go to Jahannam. The key is ask ourselves where we are. Ramadan came to put this into perspective where, by following the order of Allahﷻ, we held ourselves back from things which are otherwise Halaal during the specified hours. This reinforces the meaning of being a Muslim – someone who submits to Allahﷻ. Ramadan forces us to understand that when it comes to choosing between what is good for the body and what is good for the soul, we must give precedence to the soul. We remind ourselves that on top of the most beautiful face, the strongest body, the cutest child, the most dignified scholar, the most magnificent king, and queen, one day will be dumped thousands of pounds of earth. Talk about helplessness. Death is not the cessation of life. It is the cessation of ability, of power and authority, or the capability to help ourselves. It is the name of total helplessness and vulnerability that is impossible to imagine in this life. At that time, the only thing that will help us is what we send ahead. We need to change the way we think about charity and recognize it for what it is.

I want you to think of two words, spend and save. Which is a better word? Two other words, sacrifice and invest. Which is a better word? We have always been told to ‘sacrifice’ for the sake of Allahﷻ. Qurbani deejiye. I submit to you that this is a false narrative. There is no such thing as ‘sacrifice’ when it comes to Allahﷻ. Let me show you why. For something to be considered a ‘sacrifice’, it must satisfy two conditions. It must be something that belongs to you, and you must not get any return for giving it away. I can’t take what is in your wallet and donate it and call it my ‘sacrifice’. Similarly, I can’t sell you something of mine, take the payment and say that I ‘sacrificed’ it for you. I can only say that I sacrificed something if it belongs to me and if I get nothing in return for it. A sacrifice is therefore a net loss.

Let us see what happens when we spend in the cause of Allahﷻ. Let us see if the conditions of ‘sacrifice’ are satisfied. Firstly, everything we have, without exception, belongs to Allahﷻ and we hold it in trust for as long as He wishes. Our very life itself, our wealth, health, knowledge, time, ability, strength, influence, authority, everything of any description, belongs to Allahﷻ and not to us. The proof of this is that when Allahﷻ wants to take it back He can and there is nothing we can do to prevent or even delay that by so much as a second. All we can do is to behave with restraint and have patience and remind ourselves that it was not ours in the first place. That is why the poet said about the martyr: Jaan dee, dee hui usi ki thee. Haq tho yeh hai kay haq ada na hua. Allahﷻ warned us to spend before it is too late.

يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوٓا۟ أَنفِقُوا۟ مِمَّا رَزَقْنَـٰكُم مِّن قَبْلِ أَن يَأْتِىَ يَوْمٌ لَّا بَيْعٌ فِيهِ وَلَا خُلَّةٌ وَلَا شَفَـٰعَةٌ وَٱلْكَـٰفِرُونَ هُمُ ٱلظَّـٰلِمُونَ

Baqara 2: 254    O you who believe! Spend from that with which We have provided for you, before a Day comes when there will be no bargaining, nor friendship, nor intercession. And it is the disbelievers who are the Zalimun

Despite that when we spend it in the cause of Allahﷻ...

All praise and thanks be to Allahﷻ who He granted us Ramadan in good health and Iman and time to enable us to get the maximum benefit. Did we do that? Today is the last Friday in this blessed month. Those of us who came this far, still have a couple of days before it ends. Let us remember that we don’t know if this was our last Ramadan. Let us feel a genuine sense of regret that this month came and has almost gone. Are we satisfied with what we achieved in it? If not, let us make as much Istighfaar as we can and make Tawba and change our lives. It may be our last chance and we may not get another. One Ramadan will be our last.

Ramadan came to remind us about the most critical connection in our lives, the connection with Allahﷻ. The guide to that connection is Muhammadﷺ and his Sunnah is the Field Book of guidance. Allahﷻ created us for a purpose. People ask, ‘Why am I here? What is my purpose?’ Our Creator Allahﷻ answered that question for us and said?

وَمَا خَلَقْتُ ٱلْجِنَّ وَٱلْإِنسَ إِلَّا لِيَعْبُدُونِ

Zariyaat 51: 56   And I (Allah) created not the jinn and humans except that they should worship Me (Alone).

What is Ibaadah? Ibaadah is not worship rituals alone, but it is to obey Allahﷻ in every aspect of our lives, in every decision, action, and word. It is to make Allahﷻ supreme in our lives. He is supreme. But we need to acknowledge that and start living our lives the way He ordered us to. Factor Allahﷻ into the equation because He is in it anyway. A Muttaqi – a person of Taqwa is someone who lives his life by one criterion alone – does it please Allahﷻ? That is not a mystery either. That is why Allahﷻ sent us His beloved Messengerﷺ to answer that question by demonstrating the answer. We answer the question: Does it please Allahﷻ? with another question: Is it according to the Sunnah of Rasoolullahﷺ? If it is, then it will please Allahﷻ. But if it is against the Sunnah, then it will displease and anger Him. A person who lives his life by this criterion is a Muttaqi. All the promises in the Qur’an are for the Muttaqoon – people of Taqwa. For them Allahﷻ promised the highest reward, without limit. Allahﷻ sent Ramadan to make us Muttaqoon.

إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ مَعَ ٱلَّذِينَ ٱتَّقَوا۟ وَّٱلَّذِينَ هُم مُّحْسِنُونَ

Nahl 16: 128   Truly, Allah is with those who have His Taqwa and those who are Muhsinun (those who are focused on excellence)

What is a higher reward than to know that Allahﷻ is with the Muttaqi and the Muhsin? Allahﷻ is not specifying the quantum of reward. He simply says that He is with the Muttaqi. That is limitless reward. What more can we ask, if Allahﷻ is with us? The requirement is At-Taqwa. The rewards of Taqwa are innumerable. Allahﷻ relieves the difficulties of the Muttaqi. Taqwa results in Tawakkul – total reliance on Allahﷻ alone. For the Mutawakkil, Allahﷻ says that He becomes sufficient for him in the Dunya and Aakhira.

وَمَن يَتَّقِ ٱللَّهَ يَجْعَل لَّهُۥ مَخْرَجًا

وَيَرْزُقْهُ مِنْ حَيْثُ لَا يَحْتَسِبُ وَمَن يَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى ٱللَّهِ فَهُوَ حَسْبُهُ

Talaq 65: 2-3   And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him.

Taqwa is the spirit of obedience to the One we love the most. The evidence of Taqwa must be seen in the changes we make in life. In our decisions, our actions, our speech, our attitude towards Allahﷻ’s commands and the Sunnah of Rasoolullahﷺ. To help us to do this, Allahﷻ sent Ramadan.

One of my friends, a rarity in that he reflects and asks good questions, asked me, “Sh Yawar, how do we reinvigorate people’s love for the masjid and have it be a unified place for Muslims’ education? As Imam Mohamed al-Ghazali says in Egypt, the masjid is the heart of the Muslim community and the factory of champions. Despite the meager foundations and the small masajid back at the time of the Shahaba, we had champions who carried Islam around the world and left their thumb prints to this day.”

Lovely question. The answer is very simple. It is not love of the masjid or what happens there but love of Allahﷻ. Why do you go to a house? To meet the person who lives there, right? Unless you are going to a monument, a tomb, which is dead. You go to the house to meet the person who lives there. Think of someone who has a very beautiful house, and you go to meet him. But when you reach there, you discover that he is not home. What is your feeling? Are you disappointed? Or do you say, ‘No problem. He has a basketball hoop in the yard and a swimming pool, so let me shoot some hoops and jump into the pool. So, what if I couldn’t meet him?’ If you said that, what would anyone with any sense, tell you? That is why Allahﷻ ordered us: Fal Ya’abudu Rabba hadhal bayt. Heﷻ didn’t say, Fal Ya’abudu hadhal bayt. Worship the Rabbul Bayt. This is the problem with our Da’awa. We invite to the house. Not to Allahﷻ. That is why Allama Iqbal said:

Shouq tera agar na ho, mayri namaz ka imam. Mera qiyam bhi hijab, mera Sujood bhi hijab. (If Your love is not the imam of my Salah, my Qiyam is a cover, and my Sujood is also a cover). Let’s think about this in this month.

When people love Allahﷻ they are attracted to His Houses. Today people come to the masjid because they want to go to the gym or to play a game or because there is some fancy Shaikh who is speaking there or some activity. The masjid today is the alternative to MGM, a disco, or a Frat party. We even say this quite shamelessly. ‘Let them come to the masjid at least instead of going to the disco or bar. ‘That is why we must create something in the masjid that is a Halaal version of the disco to attract people. That is why when a lecture is detailed people get tired of listening and want to shorten it. But have you heard of anyone who wanted World Cup Football or Superbowl to be restricted to just 10 minutes? But we hear that all the time for every Khaatira or Bayan. If we loved Allahﷻ, we would realize that we are being rewarded for every second of our presence in the talk. Those Hasanaat will be on our scales on the Day of Judgment, where one single Hasana could mean the difference between Jannah and Jahannam. We would know that Allahﷻ is mentioning us by name on His Arsh. That the Malaika are present with us and will bear witness for us when we meet Allahﷻ and that Allahﷻ promised to forgive all those who are engaged in His Dhikr, even the passerby who stopped. Whereas the time we spend watching Superbowl etc. is AT BEST Mubah and much more likely to fall into Makrooh or even parts of it into Haraam. Especially if it leads to delaying or even missing Salah.

We must begin at the beginning which is to know and to love Allahﷻ over and above anyone and anything else. From that comes the love for His Rasool, Muhammadﷺ. If the heart is responsive to this, then the slave loves the masjid. As I mentioned, it is not what happens in the masjid. It is why you go there. If you go there for the activity then there is no difference between going to the masjid and going anywhere else. If you go to there to talk about Allahﷻ, to worship Him, to learn about Him, to connect to Him, to seek to please Him and to correct our lives so that they become more pleasing to Him, you won’t find standing place in the masjid, just like you don’t find standing place in Superbowl.

I want to begin by quoting one of the greatest of our modern scholars, Ml. Syed Abul Hasan Ali Nadwi in his address to Muslims living in the UK and US. I have paraphrased some of what he said in my own words. The advice is beyond price. I hope I do it justice. He said, ‘Allahﷻ has given you a gold mine. Actually, it is more than that. It is a diamond mine. The mine of restless souls, agitated minds, and hearts, seeking peace and closeness to Allahﷻ. This is something that the great scholars and pious people of old dreamt of and begged Allahﷻ for, but Allahﷻ in His Infinite wisdom gave it to you. Don’t squander it. I ask Allahﷻ to give you the New World in a way that you will discover the new world. Here you are living in a new land under a new sky. Don’t import your sectarian disputes, your petty hatred, and conflicts into this land. Create a new reality for yourselves based on the wisdom of Rasoolullahﷺ with which he formed the Ummah and made strangers, brothers to one another in a way that we can only marvel at today. In this world make your lives, your dealings, your relationships, your organizations, your Masaajid, your Madaaris and schools, your society, everything you say or do, a means of Da’awa.’ I remind myself and you that people listen with their eyes. They don’t care what you say, until they see what you do. In the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson, ‘Your actions speak so loudly that I cannot hear what you are saying.’ As they say, ‘A picture is worth a thousand words.’ I say, ‘An action is worth a million.’ Actions create experience. Experience creates memories. Memories change attitudes. Attitudes result in actions. That is the cycle. Whether we want that to be a virtuous cycle or a vicious one, is our call. He said, ‘Remember Spain. Their Masaajid were a thousand times more beautiful than yours. Their Madaaris produced the likes of Ibn Hazm, Imam Shatibi, Ibn Rushd, Al-Zahrawi, how many more do you want me to name? But remember that when sectarian differences and religious violence started, the Masaajid became desolate and the Madaaris were abandoned, and Islam and Muslims were all but wiped out. Their glory, learning, highly sophisticated society, their libraries, and scholars couldn’t save them. The reason was an exclusionist, insular lifestyle where others didn’t benefit from them and didn’t understand what they had. By all means distance yourself from the beliefs of the non-Muslims, but not from the people. Learn their language so that you can communicate with them fluently. Words don’t just enter the ears. They go directly into the heart. The best example of that is the Qur’an. It came as a spoken word. Which changed the lives of people. Rasoolullahﷺ used to recite Qur’an when people asked him about Allahﷻ. There is a special power in the Word of Allahﷻ. But there is power in all words. Just see what happens to you if someone curses us. You know what he is saying is false. But his words have a measurable physiological effect on us. Communication is critical to building relationships. Ml. Abul Hasan Ali Nadwi said, ‘If you continue to live insular lives, engaged in your Salah and Saum, living behind the closed doors of your Masaajid and homes, not meeting and building relationships with your neighbors, then remember that what happened in Spain can happen here.’ I ask Allahﷻ for His Protection. Even more importantly, we live in a country where they have opened all doors for us to study, work, health care, politics, government, even the White House. The only requirement is the willingness to do what it takes. Imagine a time which will come to all of us without a doubt where we will stand before Allahﷻ and these people ask, ‘Ya Rabb, we gave them everything but they didn’t introduce You to us. If You are going to throw us into Jahannam today because we didn’t worship you, what is Your decision about them?’ We know. If we don’t tell them, we will answer to Allahﷻ.

Allahﷻ sent Ramadan to enable us to draw close to Him. That’s why He said about the purpose of Ramadan:

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا كُتِبَ عَلَيْكُمُ الصِّيَامُ كَمَا كُتِبَ عَلَى الَّذِينَ مِنْ قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

Baqara 2: 183    O you who believe! Fasting (Sawm) is prescribed for you as it was prescribed for those before you, that you may become Al-Muttaqoon

All promises of Allahﷻ are for people of Taqwa. Not merely for Muslimoon, but for the Muttaqoon. 

إِنَّ اللّهَ مَعَ الَّذِينَ اتَّقَواْ وَّالَّذِينَ هُم مُّحْسِنُونَ

Nahl 16: 128.   Truly, Allah is with those who have Taqwa and those who are Muhsinoon 

وَمَن يَتَّقِ اللَّهَ يَجْعَل لَّهُ مَخْرَجًا

وَيَرْزُقْهُ مِنْ حَيْثُ لَا يَحْتَسِبُ وَمَن يَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى اللَّهِ فَهُوَ حَسْبُهُ

Talaq 65: 2   And whosoever has Taqwa of Allah, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). 3. And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him.  

The questions to ask is: Do we want Allahﷻ to be with us or not? Do we need Allahﷻ or not? Is Allahﷻ sufficient for us or not? We have the time now. Let us reflect and decide once and for all and change our lives to reflect this. Because remember, only actions yield results. Only doing, counts. Not merely knowing. Knowing and not doing, is proof against the slave.

Taqwa is the goal and its own best reward. All the other rewards of Ramadan are a bonus. We ask Allahﷻ for His Bounty and Mercy.

Let us ask: Will we enter Ramadan, or will Ramadan enter us?

Let’s monitor our gains going forward: Look for the signs of Taqwa:

* Doing more, not less or the minimum required – in all good works.

* Being careful with the boundaries of Allahﷻ. Don’t go near them.

* Always earn and eat Halaal.

* Who do you look to for reward? Allahﷻ or people?

There are 4 things to do as we enter Ramadan:

* Clean our hearts:      

           إِلَّا مَنْ أَتَى اللَّهَ بِقَلْبٍ سَلِيمٍ

Shu’arah 26: 89   Except him who brings to Allah a clean heart [clean from Shirk (polytheism) and Nifaq (hypocrisy)].

No hatred, enmity, jealousy, greed, envy, fear of anyone but Allahﷻ.

* Fasting in what comes out of our mouths: Fasting is not only about what goes into our mouths but about what comes out of our mouths. Let us guard against Gheeba (backbiting), Bohtaan (slander) and Nameema (inuendo, casting aspersions). Allahﷻ warned us against these because they are like cancer which is your own cells which kill you. Allahﷻ said:

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا اجْتَنِبُوا كَثِيرًا مِّنَ الظَّنِّ إِنَّ بَعْضَ الظَّنِّ إِثْمٌ وَلَا تَجَسَّسُوا وَلَا يَغْتَب بَّعْضُكُم بَعْضًا أَيُحِبُّ أَحَدُكُمْ أَن يَأْكُلَ لَحْمَ أَخِيهِ مَيْتًا فَكَرِهْتُمُوهُ وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ إِنَّ اللَّهَ تَوَّابٌ رَّحِيمٌ

Hujuraat 49: 12  O you who believe! Avoid much suspicions, indeed some suspicions are sins. And spy not, neither backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would hate it (so hate backbiting). And have Taqwa of Allah.

My brothers and sisters, all praise and thanks be to Allahﷻ that he granted us another Ramadan. This is a gift the value of which depends on what we choose to do with it. It is up to us to make it as valuable as we wish.

Rasoolullahﷺ gave a Khutba on Friday, which was the last day of Sha’abaan. On the authority of Salman Al-Farsi (R), Rasoolullahﷺ said: O People! The month of Allahﷻ (Ramadan) has come with its mercies, blessings, and forgiveness. Allahﷻ has decreed this month the best of all months. The days of this month are the best among the days and the nights are the best among the nights and the hours during Ramadan are the best among the hours.

This is a month in which you have been invited by Him (to fast and pray). Allahﷻ has honored you in it. In every breath you take is a reward from Allahﷻ. Your sleep is worship, your good deeds are accepted and your duas are answered. Therefore, you must call upon your Rabb in all earnestness with hearts free from sin and evil and pray that Allahﷻ may help you to keep fast, and to recite the Qur’an. Indeed! miserable is the one who is deprived of Allahﷻ’s forgiveness in this great month.

While fasting remember the hunger and thirst on the Day of Judgement. Give charity to the poor and needy. Respect your elders, have sympathy for your youngsters and be kind towards your relatives and kinsmen. Guard your tongue against unworthy words, and your eyes from scenes that are not worth seeing (forbidden) and your ears from sounds that should not be heard. Be kind to orphans so that if your children may become orphans they will also be treated with kindness.

Do repent to Allahﷻ for your sins and make dua with raised hands at the times of Salah as these are the best times, during which Allahﷻ looks at His slaves with mercy. Allahﷻ answers if they supplicate, responds if they call, grants if He is asked, and accepts if they entreat.

O people! You have made your conscience the slave of your desires. Make it free by invoking Allahﷻ for forgiveness. Your back may break from the heavy load of your sins, so prostrate yourself before Allahﷻ for long periods, and make this load lighter. Understand fully that Allahﷻ has promised by His Honor and Majesty that, people who establish Salat and Sajda will be guarded from Jahannam on the Day of Judgement.

O people! If anyone amongst you arranges for Iftar for any believer, Allahﷻ will reward him as if he had freed a slave, and Allahﷻ will forgive his sins.” A Sahabi asked, ‘Ya Rasoolullahﷺ but not all of us have the means to do so.’ Rasoolullahﷺ replied: ‘Keep yourself away from Jahannam even if it is by half a date or even some water if you have nothing else.’

“O people! Anyone who, during this month cultivates good manners, will walk over the Sirat (bridge to Jannah) on the day when feet will tend to slip. For anyone who during this month eases the workload of his servants, Allahﷻ will make easy his accounting, and for anyone who doesn’t hurt others during this month, Allahﷻ will safeguard him from His Wrath on the Day of Judgement. Anyone who respects and treats an orphan with kindness during this month, Allahﷻ shall look at him with kindness on that Day. Anyone who treats his kinsmen well during this month, Allahﷻ will bestow His Mercy on him on that Day, while anyone who mistreats his kinsmen during this month, Allahﷻ will him keep away from His Mercy.

Whoever prays the Fardh prayers during this month, Allahﷻ will save him from Jahannam, and whoever observes his obligations during this month, his reward will be seventy times the reward during other months. Whoever repeatedly invokes Allahﷻ’s blessings on me, Allahﷻ will keep his scale of good deeds heavy, while the scales of others will be tending to lightness.

In this life you can be one of two things. You can be a wall builder or a bridge builder. I am a bridge builder. That is because walls keep people apart while bridges give them a way to meet. Building bridges is not about bringing someone from one side of the canyon to the other. But to create a way where they can visit the world on the other side. Sometimes the first meetings happen on the bridge itself. That is the benefit of a bridge. You can meet on it, suspended high about the abyss, but safe from falling. Islam came to build bridges. Allahﷻ told us about our role in the world:

قُلْ يَـٰٓأَهْلَ ٱلْكِتَـٰبِ تَعَالَوْا۟ إِلَىٰ كَلِمَةٍ سَوَآءٍۭ بَيْنَنَا وَبَيْنَكُمْ أَلَّا نَعْبُدَ إِلَّا ٱللَّهَ وَلَا نُشْرِكَ بِهِۦ شَيْـًٔا وَلَا يَتَّخِذَ بَعْضُنَا بَعْضًا أَرْبَابًا مِّن دُونِ ٱللَّهِ فَإِن تَوَلَّوْا۟ فَقُولُوا۟ ٱشْهَدُوا۟ بِأَنَّا مُسْلِمُونَ

A’al Imraan 3: 64   Say (O Muhammadﷺ): O people of the Scripture, Come to a word that is just (fair & just) between us and you, that we worship none but Allah, and that we associate no partners with Him, and that none of us shall take others as lords besides Allah. Then, if they turn away, say: Bear witness that we are Muslims.

Building bridges is about focusing on commonalities, not differences. It is about inviting. Not forcing. It is also not about compromising our principles to become ‘acceptable’ to others. It is not about being apologetic about Islam. It is not about bending rules or glossing over them. It is about speaking about Islam with confidence that comes from knowledge but doing that with a smile. It is about presenting Islam as a bridge between Allahﷻ and His creatures. Allahﷻ taught us how to do it and said:

ٱدْعُ إِلَىٰ سَبِيلِ رَبِّكَ بِٱلْحِكْمَةِ وَٱلْمَوْعِظَةِ ٱلْحَسَنَةِ وَجَـٰدِلْهُم بِٱلَّتِى هِىَ أَحْسَنُ إِنَّ رَبَّكَ هُوَ أَعْلَمُ بِمَن ضَلَّ عَن سَبِيلِهِۦ وَهُوَ أَعْلَمُ بِٱلْمُهْتَدِينَ

Nahl 16: 125   Invite (mankind, O Muhammadﷺ) to the Way of your Rabb (Islam) with wisdom (build relationships) and fair preaching and argue with them in a way that is better. Truly, your Rabb knows best who has gone astray from His Path, and He is the Best Aware of those who are guided.

First wisdom, then preaching. First build a relationship, then preach in the best way and answer questions. That is the first principle of salesmanship – you can only sell to friends. So, first we make friends. Then we invite them to something which will benefit them.

How do you build a bridge? By making 4 – Critical Changes within yourself. Change Attitude, Change Perspective, Change Language, Change Behavior.

* Change Attitude

Attitude is how we define ourselves. That depends on what we believe about ourselves. This is partly what we have been told, growing up. Conditioning. Partly what we choose to tell ourselves all through life. So, ask, ‘How do I define myself?’ Values drive Behavior. Behavior drives Results. Ask, ‘What are my values, beliefs, attitudes, stances?’ Who I AM determines what I DO which decides what I GET. We are focused on GET. Get rich, get popular, get elected, get an education, get married get, get, get. To get something, we must do something and that depends on who we are. If we want to change what we get, we must change who we are. It is that simple. Focus on your actions and you will be amazed at what you get in return. Focus on getting and you will always be disappointed. Happiness lies not in what you have but in what you do. Possessions add cost, not value. Use things, not people. Value people, not things. The things to collect are not things, but memories. Because things perish, while memories remain, long after their makers.

The secret of influencing, happiness in this life, and a true resource is good relationships. Recently someone sent me a video about the longest running study in Harvard, on human behavior. It has been running for 84 years.  

https://youtu.be/hUl--G-vlsI

Dr. Robert Waldinger, director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development and co-author of ‘The Good Life’, discusses lessons learned from the world's longest scientific study on happiness. The object of the study is, ‘What makes a good life’. Originally there were 724 participants.  268 were sophomores at Harvard. Among the sophomores were the future President of the United States, John F. Kennedy, and future Washington Post editor Ben Bradley. Later they included in the study, 450 Boston Boys – less privileged inner-city children. Then they expanded the pool to include 1300 descendants. They have been tracking these people for 84 years and the retention rate is an amazing 84%. Every 2 years they answer a lengthy questionnaire. Every 5 years they surrender their medical records and every 15 years they have a face-to-face interview. And the lesson? Good relationships keep us happier, and healthier. How does social media factor into this? Especially given the problems with anxiety, depression, and mental illness. Waldinger says, “If you use social media to connect with people, it increases our happiness levels. But we only consume the social media of others, Instagram posts, (and I will add Twitter and worst of all WhatsApp university), happy pictures of holidays and beaches and so on then it tends to make us unhappier as we feel that we are missing out on the good life.” In their parallel case studies are two Harvard sophomores from highly privileged backgrounds. One became a high school teacher and retired. The other became a very prominent attorney, won lots of awards, and became very wealthy. In the study, the high school teacher came out the happiest and the attorney the least happy. Waldinger says that the study showed that this had entirely to do with how they maintained or failed to maintain relationships.

I submit to you that all relationships depend only on two things, appreciation and forgiveness. I want to propose to you therefore that you remove one word from your vocabulary – TOLERANCE. And replace it with another – APPRECIATION.

Why do I ask you to do this? I do because when you ‘tolerate’ someone, you are really saying to yourself, ‘This is really a nasty piece of action that I wish I didn’t have to deal with. Given a choice I would be far away from this person. But since I have no choice in the matter and I don’t want more grief, I will tolerate him/her.’ Think tolerance or tolerating and you will not be thinking of someone you love, or a double shot of espresso, or a triple chocolate Sunday, or a glorious sunset, or your dog or cat. You will not be thinking of anything that brings a smile to your face or a warm glow in your heart. You will be thinking, “O My God! Him again? Okay, let’s get it over with.” But when you think appreciation, you are thinking love, gratitude, missing someone, the pain of parting. You are thinking beautiful pictures, sounds, voices, dreams. So, I say to you, ‘Forget tolerating anyone. Ask, ‘How can I appreciate them?’

That opens a whole new world starting from enquiry in a non-judgmental way. To learn more about. Not to judge. It opens the doors in my mind and heart which may have been locked up by prejudice, racism, anti-otherism, all part of my childhood conditioning maybe. Let us remind ourselves, “I am not a child. I consider myself to be an adult. An independent, educated, discerning, intelligent adult, capable of making my own decisions. Then why am I still stuck in my childhood conditioning? Why do I allow attitudes that I developed unthinkingly even unconscious...

Allahﷻ sent us Muslims with a job. That is why we exist. He said:

كُنتُمْ خَيْرَ أُمَّةٍ أُخْرِجَتْ لِلنَّاسِ تَأْمُرُونَ بِٱلْمَعْرُوفِ وَتَنْهَوْنَ عَنِ ٱلْمُنكَرِ وَتُؤْمِنُونَ بِٱللَّهِ

A’al Imraan 3: 110   You [Muslims] are the best people ever raised up for mankind; you enjoin Al-Ma'ruf (all that Islam has ordained) and forbid Al-Munkar (all that Islam has forbidden), and you believe in Allah.

How is this propagation to be done? By example. By practical demonstration. By walking the talk. Let us remember that the word ‘Muslim’ is a verb. Just like the words, ‘Musalli, Sa’aim, Haaji, Dhakir’ and so on, are all verbs. These are not nouns. Just ask, ‘Who is a Musalli?’ It is someone who prays. Is it someone who knows about Salah but doesn’t pray? To know about Salah, you don’t even need to be Muslim. You just need to get the information about Salah, and you can write a book on it. But if the one writing the book is not a Muslim and so doesn’t pray, will his book do him any good when he meets Allahﷻ? Therefore, a Muslim is someone who has submitted to Allahﷻ and practices Islam. There is no such thing as a non-practicing Muslim just as there is no such thing as a non-praying Musalli, or a non-fasting Sa’aim. That is why Allahﷻ said about Ibrahim (AS):

إِذْ قَالَ لَهُۥ رَبُّهُۥٓ أَسْلِمْ قَالَ أَسْلَمْتُ لِرَبِّ ٱلْعَـٰلَمِينَ

Baqara 2: 131   When his Rabb said to him, Submit (be a Muslim)! He said, I have submitted myself (as a Muslim) to the Rabb of the 'Alamin (all that exists).

That is why Allahﷻ sent His Messengerﷺ as a demonstrator and ordered us to follow him in all aspects of our lives.

لَّقَدْ كَانَ لَكُمْ فِى رَسُولِ ٱللَّهِ أُسْوَةٌ حَسَنَةٌ لِّمَن كَانَ يَرْجُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ وَٱلْيَوْمَ ٱلْـَٔاخِرَ وَذَكَرَ ٱللَّهَ كَثِيرًا

Ahzab 33: 21   Indeed in the Messenger of Allah (Muhammadﷺ) you have a good example to follow for him who hopes in (the Meeting with) Allah and the Last Day and remembers Allah a great deal.

What are we supposed to follow Rasoolullahﷺ in? In everything. At home, in the market, as an employee, as an employer, in war, in peace, as a teacher, student, parent, sibling, leader, or follower. Follow the Messengerﷺ of Allahﷻ in excellence and what will happen? Allahﷻ said:

قُلْ إِن كُنتُمْ تُحِبُّونَ ٱللَّهَ فَٱتَّبِعُونِى يُحْبِبْكُمُ ٱللَّهُ وَيَغْفِرْ لَكُمْ ذُنُوبَكُمْ وَٱللَّهُ غَفُورٌ رَّحِيمٌ

A’al Imraan 3: 31   Say (O Muhammadﷺ to mankind): If you (really) love Allah then follow me (emulate me), Allah will love you and forgive your sins. And Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.

Emulation is a sign of love. When the Muslim emulates Rasoolullahﷺ, Allahﷻ will love him. When Allahﷻ loves someone then He causes the world to love that person and that person will become popular and influential. Rasoolullahﷺ told us about the one who Allahﷻ loves:

Abu Huraira (R) reported that Rasoolullahﷺ said, “When Allah loves a slave, He calls Jibreel and he says: Verily, I love this person so you should love him. Then Jibreel loves him and makes an announcement in the heavens, saying: Allah loves this person, and you should love him. Thus, the dwellers of the heavens love him, and he is honored on the earth.” In another narration Rasoolullahﷺ said, “When Allah is angry with a slave, he calls Jibreel and he says: I dislike this person, so you also dislike him. Then Jibreel dislikes him and makes an announcement in the heavens, saying: Verily, Allah dislikes this person, so you should dislike him. They dislike him and he is hated on the earth.

 سُبْحَـٰنَ ٱلَّذِىٓ أَسْرَىٰ بِعَبْدِهِۦ لَيْلًا مِّنَ ٱلْمَسْجِدِ ٱلْحَرَامِ إِلَى ٱلْمَسْجِدِ ٱلْأَقْصَا ٱلَّذِى بَـٰرَكْنَا حَوْلَهُۥ لِنُرِيَهُۥ مِنْ ءَايَـٰتِنَآ إِنَّهُۥ هُوَ ٱلسَّمِيعُ ٱلْبَصِيرُ

Isra 17: 1   Glorified (and Exalted) be He (Allah) [above all that (evil) they associate with Him] Who took His slave (Muhammadﷺ) for a journey by night from Al-Masjid-al-Haram (at Makkah) to Masjid Al-Aqsa (in Jerusalem), the neighborhood whereof We have blessed, in order that We might show him (Muhammadﷺ) of Our Ayat (signs). Verily, He is the All-Hearer, the All-Seer.

Hadith: Narrated Malik bin Sasaa (R): Rasoolullahﷺ said, "While I was at the Ka’aba in a state midway between sleep and wakefulness, (an angel recognized me) as the man lying between two men. [Hamza bin Abdul Muttalib and Ja’afar bin Abi Talib – RA]. A golden tray full of wisdom and belief was brought to me and my body was cut open from the throat to the lower part of the abdomen and then my abdomen was washed with Zamzam water and (my heart was) filled with wisdom and belief. Al-Buraq, a white animal, smaller than a mule and bigger than a donkey was brought to me, and I set out with Jibreel. When I reached the nearest heaven. Jibreel said to the heaven gatekeeper, 'Open the gate.' The gatekeeper asked, 'Who is it?' He said, 'Jibreel.' The gatekeeper asked, 'Who is accompanying you?' Jibreel said, 'Muhammad.' The gatekeeper said, 'Has he been called?' Jibreel said, 'Yes.' Then it was said, 'He is welcomed. What a wonderful visit his is!' Then I met Adam and greeted him, and he said, 'You are welcome, O son and a Prophet.' Then we ascended to the 2nd heaven. It was asked, 'Who is it?' Jibreel said, 'Jibreel.' It was said, 'Who is with you?' He said, 'Muhammad' It was asked, 'Has he been sent for?' He said, 'Yes.' It was said, 'He is welcomed. What a wonderful visit his is!" Then I met Esa and Yahya who said, 'You are welcome, O brother and a Prophet.' Then we ascended to the 3rd heaven. It was asked, 'Who is it?' Jibreel said, 'Jibreel.' It was asked, 'Who is with you? Jibreel said, 'Muhammad.' It was asked, 'Has he been sent for?' 'Yes,' said Jibreel. 'He is welcomed. What a wonderful visit his is!' There I met Yusuf and greeted him, and he replied, 'You are welcome, O brother and a Prophet!' Then we ascended to the 4th heaven and again the same questions and answers were exchanged as in the previous heavens. There I met Idris and greeted him. He said, 'You are welcome, O brother and Prophet.' Then we ascended to the 5th heaven and again the same questions and answers were exchanged. There I met and greeted Haroon who said, 'You are welcome, O brother and a Prophet". Then we ascended to the 6th heaven and again the same questions and answers were exchanged. There I met and greeted Musa who said, 'You are welcome, O brother and a Prophet.' When I proceeded on, he started weeping and on being asked why he was weeping, he said, 'O Rabb! Followers of this youth who was sent after me will enter Jannah in greater number than my followers.' Then we ascended to the 7th heaven and again the same questions and answers were exchanged. There I met and greeted Ibrahim who said, 'You are welcome, O son and a Prophet.' Then I was shown Al-Bait-al-Ma'mur (Allahﷻ's House). I asked Jibreel about it, and he said, “This is Al Bait-ul-Ma'mur where 70,000 angels pray daily and when they leave they never return to it (but always a fresh batch comes into it daily).” Then I was shown Sidrat-ul-Muntaha (a tree in the seventh heaven) and I saw its Nabk fruits which resembled the clay jugs of Hajr (a town in Arabia), and its leaves were like the ears of elephants, and four rivers originated at its root, two of them were apparent and two were hidden. I asked Jibreel about those rivers, and he said, 'The two hidden rivers are in Jannah, and the visible ones are the Nile and the Euphrates.