My triggers are not your shortcomings.
My trauma responses are a reflection of me, not you.
Some of the most incredible people we know, & some of the most fucked up people we know, usually have one thing in common: significant trauma.
What determines whether a person is resilient enough to choose the incredible path?
There are several answers to this, but a community of people who don’t bail when shit gets hard is at the top.
Cancelling people for responding from unhealed trauma is anti-human & unproductive.
Gently holding humans accountable & offering a safe space for them to process the trauma can make all the difference in the world.
However, not making other peoples’ trauma responses about us takes practice, it’s an exercise in deep awareness.
Instead of reacting to chaos with chaos, what if we started consciously responding & showing up for each other like this:
"hey, I see that your nervous system is activated & this isn’t really about me. I understand if you need to run, but if you choose to stay, this is a safe space to process this feeling. You are safe, you are loved & if it feels good I’ll hold you & we can breathe through it together.”
"Triggers” (nervous system activations) are information. They are an invitation to explore further or move through something, but in order to do that we have to regulate our nervous system.
Triggers are our responsibility, not land mines for our loved ones to avoid.
Trauma puts our brains on alert, constantly scanning our environment for signal that we are unsafe.
Safety is something we experience in the body, when our nervous system is regulated. It’s not something we create in our minds. This is why limbic system therapies are so effective in healing trauma.
Like safety, trauma is also experienced physically, in the body. Recognizing activation & regulating the physiological response creates a safe environment for our bodies to process our feelings… which is way better than the host of other options that unhealed versions of us choose.
Autonomic nervous system regulation is paramount in maintaining mental & physical health. (This is what HRV measures, autonomic flexibility.) The dopest thing about it? You can learn how to do it for free.
YOU are your own medicine.