This week’s episode features special guest: Jake Klarkowski. Jake is co-star of the hot new true crime podcast: Based on a True Scary. 

Jake is also a Hot Shot Hollywood producer, Hot Sauce Aficionado and Latin Dance Expert!

This week the boys talk about Julian’s lifelong love of dancing, Laser beams to kill all criminals, Polish Silly boys, diapers, Don’t cry over burnt dress shoes, borrowing Xanax for the greater good, riding tubes, Doner kabobs and more!

Julian’s new radio show: A face for radio: Tales of a Horny Gentleman

**Sorry guys the sound sucks on this one. It’s a long story.**

Get to the Tips:

Trouble putting away laundry? Dump clean clothes on bed so you’re forced to put them away before you go to sleep (6:24)

Play games with your family members with dementia (14:48)

When traveling via plane with a partner, put a pair of clothes in your partner’s bag in case one of your suitcases are lost (22:03)

Thinking about contacting an ex? Jack it first (30:50)

Say good things about people behind their back (38:12)

Never go cheap on anything that goes between you and the ground (47:59)

Give the flight attendants candy when you board the flight and hope that it pays off (52:15)

Ask for the check as your server brings you the last thing you ordered (60:27)

Always explain why a procedure exists (70:51)

Deep Cuts (78:54)

This week the boys talk about Lou Diamond Phillips' Smooth Thighs, Wet Mouths, White Claws, Penguin Hands, Fake Earrings, Broken Jags, RV Divas, Sex Swings with Sentimental Value, Old People Swinger Parties, Striplash (and other common neck injuries) and more!

Coming Soon: Jules got the band back together and is back in the studio and working on a new Holiday album: People wanna hear about ButtCheeks: A Christmas Experience.

Get to the Tips:

Winter is Coming. Find out how you can use your floor mats to get out of a snowy situation (7:47)

Use welder’s gloves as oven mitts (17:22)

Before getting something fixed on your car look online and make sure there isn’t a recall or some kind of warranty enhancement (20:58)

Use your phone’s notepad to keep track of gift ideas for people in your life (31:06)

Julian’s Kitchen: Put a wooden spoon over the top of a water-boiling pot to pop the bubbles and prevent overflow(46:46)

If you’re trying to learn another language, watch children’s shows in that language (in addition to your studies) (49:33)

Obvious tip of the week! Scratch a dog behind their ears because it feels good (52:34)

A tip to remember your neighbor’s names (60:09)

How to find instructions online (64:34)

Parent Corner: Here’s a trick to trick your kids into brushing their teeth (brought to us by GUI) (66:24)

Shit Tip of the Week! Actually it’s a clever tip but for criminals (68:16)

Deep Cuts (71:20)

This week the boys talk about all-time favorite Street Fighter sex positions, Stink Chimneys, Gay Bears Vs Actual Bears, the pros and cons of Julian wearing a diaper, the life of a shy pooper, hospital haggling and more!

Coming Soon: Julian’s salacious new autobiography: SPLASH: My first (and last) wet dream: A tale of love, loss and becoming a man.

Get to the Tips:

Don’t take criticism from someone you wouldn’t take advice from (09:02)

Camping trip tips! Wear your life jacket like a diaper to float aimlessly (12:04)

Get a blanket for your vehicle! Listen to find out why (31:58)

You! Call 911! And other ways to get mouth to mouth from strangers (37:17)

Accidental political discussion (39:55)

Negotiate ER bills like you’re at the swap meet (45:12)

Car accident? Take photos before you wipe that blood out of your eye (50:18)

If you wave first, it’s not awkward (56:36)

Deep Cuts (68:20 )

The pros and cons of flat (and hard) butt cheeks, Kirkland Signature Jeans' Fall Catalogue, Blu Blockers, 8th grade grinding, Furr's cafeteria and other fine establishments, Red Lobster biscuits and more!

Coming Soon: Julian’s Auto-biographical Erotic Novel: Come for the Flowers, stay for the Penis

Get to the Tips:

Be thankful for whatever stage of life you’re in (4:40)

Austin’s Parent Corner! Don’t fight your kid’s stupid fashion trends. Just make sure they let you take a picture (9:40)

Use fakespot.com before buying anything on Amazon or online to scan for fake or counterfeit reviews (19:38)

Progress is not linear (22:25)

Don’t be a dick when someone is paying for your food or drink (27:08)

Tell local businesses how you found out about them (43:43)

Don’t wait for a specific date to give your SO a card (50:18)

Austin’s Parent Corner: Let parents parent baby (59:20)

Julian tells us how to keep tabs on that freezer meat while you’re out of town (Warning: Possible Shit Tip) (62:00)

Deep Cuts (67:46)

Email us at [email protected]

This week the boys discuss the Pros and Cons of eating fried chicken in the bath tub, Julian explains why he’d rather look like a dork than be dead, discomfort scales and how they may relate to penis size, Uncle Julian’s Lap (and other scary places), CheeseBlasters and introducing Bald Freddie Mercury.

Get to the Tips:

Don’t tell someone a movie or book has a great twist. It’s a spoiler you dickhead (11:08)

JulesGirth Original. Ace is the Place (19:01)

If you’re a redditer looking for a happier day… Subscribe to these (23:04)

The Do’s and Do Not Do’s of dull knives. Listen to what Master Ginsu Julian has to say and maybe you can save

yourself a finger or two (28:38)

Parent Corner! Tell kids that their helmet looks cool (even though it doesn’t) (32:25)

Mule Corner: Julian discusses the trials and tribulations of a Well-Penised Man (37:26)

Take your dog on quick car trips (38:54)

Don’t feel guilty when you are lazy (sometimes) (42:37)

Look into states (previously lived in?) unclaimed property program to see if they owe you money (45:35)

If you are trying to be like someone you admire, focus on what they DON’T do (55:15)

Here’s a secret on how to not waste eggs (61:56)

Garlic-related Shit tip of the week (64:55)

Email us at [email protected]

Hey guys! If you like listening to small dogs barking in the background, we have the podcast for you! It also includes: orange-related tips, wrinkled balls and other crotch stories, Julian Finds the proctologist of his dreams, chicken nuggets and Valium, Super Host Happy endings and more!

Sponsored Product of the Week: The CrotchMaster 3000!

Get to the Tips:

Mental health is almost as important as washboard abs (7:05)

Your Doctor might be a dip shit. We call him… Dr. Dip shit MD (17:59)

Top secret broccoli secrets from Julian’s kitchen! Hint: It’s broccoli-related (25:05)

Austin’s Furry Corner is back. Making your dog’s carrier their safe space (27:27)

Julian’s Mental Health Ward: Baby steps (31:31)

Making time for relationships counts as productivity (36:11)

Julian’s Fashion Corner. How to have that perfect wedding outfit ready to go (39:30)

Put your phone on airplane mode instead of hanging up on an annoying call. Listen to find out why (42:22)

Get to know your neighbors (45:38)

Vet it before you spread it (55:20)

Keep your appliance cards available (63:56)

Julian sings it’s a wonderful world (66:41)

Email us at [email protected]

This week the boys talk about: Covid 2020: Shit just got real again, Shitting on your neighbor’s lawn for dummies, Julian’s exquisite palette, Do it yourself at home laser hair removal Do’s and Do Not Do’s, Julian’s ingrown hair lesson of the week! Butt abscesses and what they can teach us about life, put a spoiler on your truck already, T-bell hot sauce on your dash and instruments, How film Director Gui Pereira deals with panty lines and George Washington Hips.

Special Segment: Julian goes hairless and everyone loses their minds!

Get to the Tips:

Don’t be afraid to get rid of toxic friends (7:37)

Metric conversions with Mr. Julian (12:52)

No Zero Days (18:02)

Windows multiple desktop tip that no one cares about (26:00)

Give a kid a camera at a wedding for a different and exciting POV (34:49)

Some interesting wasp-related tips (37:41)

Another Tip from a Childless Parent: Get a second stuffed animal for your stupid kid (47:00)

Thinking about buying a new car? Get your car professionally detailed and it will feel like a brand new car again (47:28)

Be skeptical of online reviews (55:38)

Ask for a student discount (60:42)

Julian Original Tip! Listen in for details (67:33)

Shit Tip of the Week (71:40)

Bone Thugs Sing-a-long (73:10)

Deep Cuts (78:29)

Email us at [email protected]

This week the boys talk about how swimming can cause heartburn, pairing your fried chicken with the appropriate dipping sauce, bruised bananas, alternative facts, wiggly wheels,  Dr. Fauci’s Virus academy, proper etiquette for putting an entire doorknob in your mouth and more!

Special Segment: Steven Seagal: Metal Detector Enthusiast Presents: Steven Seagal Special Edition Metal Detector.

Get to the tips:

How to put down your animal (7:47)

How to cram extra frozen food in your freezer (11:58)

Registered Dietician Julian on how to stop mindless snacking (18:07)

Where to put your strong opinons (21:20)

Insider tips for cleaning and maintenance of your electric toothbrush (28:05)

Get to know your vehicle before it’s too late (31:00)

Financial Expert Julian on why to keep cash under your mattress (36:35)

Let’s talk metal detectors (again) (47:28)

A new way to be a cheap ass at the movie theater (50:10)

How to be dapper for a phone interview (53:16)

Shit Tip of the Week! If someone tries to stab you: Just say no (57:20)

Special Segment: Seagal Stories with Stephen Seagal (59:37)

Safety tip about getting your photo taken by strangers (65:50)

Email us at [email protected]

This week the boys discuss Bananas and Banana Accessories, Fresh Haircuts, Second Hand Fish, Lee Jean Shorts, Pony Tails (again), Fanny Packs and Gangster Rap, GNC Cigarettes, "Waitering" Tables, Vice President Julian works nights at Lucille’s BBQ, Big Hunks, Gummy Vitamin Near-Death Experiences and Julian unleashes his new Emcee alter ego: Booty Eater 3000.

Part 2 of our Conspiracy Theory Extravaganza: Infrared Thermometers: Friend or Foe? You be the Judge.

Email us at [email protected]

Get to the Tips:

Conspiracy theory corner (4:45)

To judge or not to judge? (10:12)

Julian’s tips for dealing with stranger danger (17:56)

Trick for unsubscribing to emails (22:46)

Save copy of job description you’re applying for (25:10)

Dog-related tip for dog intros (30:21)

For all you chocolate milk lovers out there (36:17)

Keep your wheels straight when making a left turn (38:50)

Don’t be embarrassed about dumb things you did in the past (41:12)

Kindness is contagious (46:44)

Shit Tip of the Week! Smell your bananas (49:25)

Tips for getting free shipping… Kind of (59:17)

A top secret tip to keep people from forging your paperwork (62:00)

Deep Cuts (70:10)

This week the La Croix Boys discuss Parsley Problems, Windowless Vans, Secondhand Fish, Vintage Bogle 2018 , Vegas Rolls: The Chimichanga of Sushi and more!

Introducing Limited Time Only: The Fart Mic.

Get to the Tips:

Email us at [email protected]