David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are back and will continue to return until we straighten up.

Today in political procedure efficaciousness: Democratic Representatives aren’t really into leading a peaceful revolution at the moment, which will probably end in… something not so good… that they won’t be leading anyhow. Therefore, it falls upon Gops to be responsible and save the nation and stuff...

Meanwhile, Attorney General Pam Bondi, flanked by FBI agents, as a signal that she meant business, announced the immediate arrest of traitors to the Father… no wait, she didn’t. Plenty of others around the world are happy to, however, and Americans can and will die from this.

As per tradition, Gazans will be allowed to leave a trail of tears when relocated.

We abandon Ukraine. We abandon Nato. We abandon the world. We are such pussies.

Disney fights woke by taking the trigger warning off Dumbo, while slipping in the most woke verse to the most woke song on the most woke theme park ride ever. Finally, the yoke of woke is off entertainment! Finally, the Kennedy Center will be free to honor the next Leni Riefenstahl, as long as she’s blonde with double Ds.

The State Department said they were buying $400M in Cybertrucks. Elon Musk denied that the State Dept is buying $400M worth of Tesla Cybertrucks. The state department removed the word “Tesla” from the $400M contract. Waste and corruption are gone! You are welcome! Elon Musk will pay $10 million to settle its NOT-Z site lawsuit. Elon Musk collects $8 million per day for his DODGEY efforts. Even Elon’s son THX-1138 can do the math on who’s in charge here.

Arbitrary and capricious! Who’d guess that something as obscure as “law” would throw Trump off his righteous path? Trump and paperwork, man.

JD Vance has always been JD First, which he believes will get him into Heaven. Experts disagree.