David Waldman counts down the days until our national apocalypse, yet with so many tied down the backstretch, this race is a tough call!

For supposed “auditors”, nothing about DOGE adds up. Monday, Elon gave federal workers until three to… Uhm, today Elon gave federal workers until three to… Tomorrow, Elon will give federal workers until three to… Trump could barely get a semi-fired up today, as his EO has ED. Musk was able to cut 20 DOGE staff today who couldn’t look themselves in the mirror anymore. Meanwhile, “fired” staffers keep finding themselves “unfired”. Those who did send in responses will have the answers fed into AI and anyone determined to be funnier than Musk will be dismissed immediately… (Those people would also be expected to be more liberal, naturally.)

DOGE’s dealings are illegal and even unconstitutional, but now the challenge is determining who is DOGE’s head douche. Trump is so opposed to leaving a paper trail that he skips on chances to cover his own ass.

DOGE was designed to attack liberals, but it terrifies the ever-loving crap out of Democrats, which was “Job One” for Donald K. Trump. Donald can now leave the Lib cleanup operation to Don Bongino and Don Jr.’s “hunting buddy” who will instruct the FDA to move infant formula by the kilo from this point on. With the US out of the way it is now time to Make Axis Great Again for our new conquest over our old allies.

With such colossal corruption, who’s to notice the little stuff, like a Florida congressman assaulting women at night along the Wharf? At least that’s what the U.S. Attorney’s Office thought when they tossed his warrant into the trash.