It’s Tuesday and David Waldman has some stuff to lay on us, KITM-wise.

Don Jr. received death threats and a suspicious powder in the mail, but who would guess they’d both be in the same envelope?

Elon Musk hasn’t killed many, at least as evil billionaires go, but it’s still pretty early. Hyperloop tunnel chemical sludge, for instance, might take years to make a real impact actuarially.

Sure, Clarence Thomas’ shameless avarice and evident corruption is  hilarious, but isn’t it also illegal? Of course, the call now goes out for John Oliver’s arrest.

Donald Trump owes the court about a half of a billion dollars, but who can put a price on such publicity? And delay? Well… presumably the courts.

That is why Trump has hired some to the greatest legal minds to represent him. Minds like Kenneth Chesebro, who stayed above the legal fray, and out of reach of felony election subversion, by donning a novelty mustache and a fake Twitter account in order to provide his most treasonous counsel.

Like the first robin of spring, Joan McCarter’s appearance is a harbinger of an imminent government shutdown, or at least of unremitting Republican dysfunction. Today, Joan heralds both, as Gops threaten each other along with the eponymous and titular State of the Union.