David Waldman delivers us to the end of the month, and yes, the end of the week. KITM’s superpower is to not work on weekends.

You don’t see Donald K. Trump work weekends, or weekdays. It’s too much work for him to remember what he said yesterday. Elon Musk is the go-getter, destroying civilization, trolling billions, uploading federal grants with one hand and downloading IVF deposits with the other. Or perhaps the “real power” behind the autocoup is the “husband” and “wife” team of Stephen and Katie Miller. That would explain a lot of things.

Chinese crypto guy Justin Sun paid up front on his fraud case, so now the SEC can discover new priorities. (That’s all chump crypto change to North Korea) The FBI raids the EPA without probable cause because that isn’t really needed for a shakedown. Meanwhile, EPA Administrator Lee Zeldin has cracked the case of 40 tons of gold bars shoplifted from Fort Knox. That would seem hard to believe until you consider Donald K. Trump flushed a billion down the toilet to own the EV Libs… and if you think that’s “shocking”, consider that Elon Musk is flushing an entire EV car company down the toilet to own the EV Libs.

Ace KITM Correspondent Rosalyn MacGregor reports on the one business booming lately, IUD procedures!

Russia Russia Russia put the K in Donald K. Trump. That’s some of why he was impeached that one time, maybe both. Remember when Trump tried to intimidate and extort Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky and blame Ukraine, not Russia for… Oh, hold on, I see that he is doing it again as I type this. I’ll have to stop, or my summary will run right into Monday’s!