David Waldman spins the big wheel of awfulness, let’s see if your number comes up!

Our digital Pearl Harbor continues, and we continue to lose. Federal workers are reeling from the ongoing surprise attack. A 25-year-old working for Musk now has a few trillion dollars of his very own. You say it was your money? Try proving that with a deleted Social Security number. You say a federal judge backs you... What federal Judge? You say you have a paper trail… What’s paper? Chuck Schumer has a few zingers that he had hoped to unleash on Gerald Ford but now is as good a time as any.

Gops blame DEI in schools eating the cats and dogs to poop in the litterboxes.

Steven Miller says that you saw the ax in Trump’s hand when you let him in the door. What did you expect would happen?  Anyhow, who’s Trump? President Musk has finished measuring the drapes and will be accepting the Oval Office now. Today’s random country is South Africa. South African President Cyril Ramaphosa begs Elon for mercy, not Donald. Donald’s happy to just sign stuff and go golfing.

Heads up to Democrats, today’s target is the Department of Education, so you’ll know to put that on your list to definitely get to, sometime. The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau just said F’ it and surrendered. The NSA puts burkas on their woman’s photos. Susan Collins is concerned.

Trump is putting together a sovereign wealth fund so that he still gets a chunk when this all goes down.