2024! Are you still writing “2023” on your checks? (btw, what is a “check”?) David Waldman, finally able to wear his two-button shorts on the air without copyright infringement, delivers possibly the least teeth-gnashing news day of the year.

Bridget Ziegler, the anti-LGBTQ mom recorded in three-ways, is so “last year”. Let’s welcome Clarice Schillinger, the pro-COVID, anti-public school, woke-battling mom, charged with running underage drinking parties and fist fighting teens.

The United Arab Emirates, like the Corleone family, have been diversifying their financial operations over the past few generations. Thomas Friedman is certain that if Palestinians had just shown that same pluck and determination as the UAE, they wouldn’t have needed those extra trillions in petrodollars to build their own little Abu Dhabi along the West Bank. Israelis meanwhile, are moving past powderizing Gaza and turning their attention back to fighting amongst themselves over which branch of government is on top.

Donald Trump plans to turn his Jan. 6 trial into a ‘MAGA Freak Show’, as if there were any other kind. Later today, nearly 200 more names will be added to the Jeffrey Epstein walk of shame.