Tuesday! Apricate in sagacious David Waldman’s perspicacious eunoia, or something. Look that up in your Corpus of Historical American English.

Is Donald Trump in jail yet? Why not? Does this mean there’s still time to get into the financially rewarding career of becoming a Trump witness?

Nothing compares to the luxe life of a Trump judge though. Get yourself some of that eleganté Mercatus swag, like bottomless shrimp cocktails, warm towels, free cable… I don’t know, I clearly have not been invited. Whatever they get, it seems to kill a lot of judicial discord, and probably a few citizens as well.

Donald Trump has been a broke-ass dotard for about a decade, but prior to that he was an obnoxious petulant dunce.  Donald would be the last person you’d pick to portray a powerful captain of industry, and as it happened he was the last television producer Bill Pruitt would have picked as well. Luckily for Bill, and unlucky for the world, TV producers have editors, and editors can make magic happen, even for dark purposes.