Fat Tuesday! Grab your donuts and breakfast beer and March 4th with David Waldman this morning. This year for Mardi Gras, Cybertruck-shaped piñatas will be roaming the streets! 

Happy Tariff Day! Trees, a major source of income for both Canada and Joyce Kilmer, will be going up like eggs, as will just about everything, since just about everything comes from Canada, Mexico or China. The only thing going down will be stocks, and they’re going way down.

Donald K. Trump will be going viral tonight, up or down, he DNGAF. Can you imagine Dems treating this thing like the locals at a town hall? Well, imagine away, because they aren’t going to do that. They will bring some people, release some statements mentioning those people, and… ...sorry, my fingers fell asleep typing that.

Elon Musk is of course, a visionary-genius, as of course, reflected by his visionarily genius child-naming. Which one was at the White House recently… “5138008”? “88-14WYTB01? “D3L3TDG0VT”? Nope, it was “X Æ A-Xii”… accent on the ”Æ”. (You know how to pronounce Æ) That tyke is Elon’s favorite human stole to wear on formal occasions and knew exactly how to trigger fellow toddler Donald K. Trump through the time-honored tradition of wiping boogers on his desk.

DataRepublican may not be a visionary-genius name, and neither is Jennica Pounds, but if she doesn’t like you are just as fired as if X Æ A-Xii fired you himself.

Donald took the classified documents that he had previously stolen and returned them to… Mar-a-Lago. Because, as previously mentioned, Trump is a toddler. Professional psychopathologists may have a more complex definition of his behavior, but really, someone should just take him out of the adult room before he breaks something.

Operation Smell the Whirlwind might have lost their prize quarry, Chuck Schumer. Meanwhile, the Trump Justice Department is figuring out how to spring Tina Peters out of a State Pen. Soon we’ll see how loyal the Trump Supreme Court is.

Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky has yet to return to the US, but it is certainly expected that he will be required to wear a different wardrobe for his upcoming apology visit. Does clothes make the man, or the man make the clothes?