Why not start a Friday with weird sports news? But not just any weird sports news. Political sports news!

A guy who is a genuine NFL player, albeit a kicker, has said some things. They were meant to be pretty conservative, especially with regard to gender roles, and he thought his views would be at home at a Catholic college. But nuns actually work for a living.

We may never know who’s right about this dust-up as between the cops and a top pro golfer. But then again, not every story has a right side, you know? What’re you gonna do?

Justice Alito would, for some reason, like you to think he has nothing whatsoever to do with flying the flag outside of his home. Oh, also, flying it upside-down. Anyway, his wife totally did it, he says. And because journalists love to tell you why things matter, here are some other reasons why that matters.

Have you ever wondered what you would see if you could beam into a Trumpified future? Well, how about seeing the present in Israel and the West Bank? Granted, it could take you a long time to take it all in. But what if you could get the critical points in just a few minutes? Why, then you’d really have a distressing lens through which to view the crumbling of Western-style democracy!

Not sure if that’s actually what you’re viewing? Well, what if American proto-fascists just started pardoning pro-fascist murderers?

House Republicans are so eager to come to the NYC courthouse and kiss the ring that they’re leaving their “majority” unguarded. But they managed to cobble one together in time for a futile gesture toward Israel. Meanwhile, their Very Strong Leader is already looking to get out of the debates he bragged about agreeing to yesterday.

Do you know about New Caledonia? You do now.

On the good news side of the ledger: Hooray for the CFPB and active governance! And for scales falling from eyes!