The Onion outbid us for the rights to Alex Jones’ InfoWars. It would have been nice, but we’re not bothered. Everyone knows that Kagro in the Morning is a much better name. Anyhow, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin wanted to rechristen it InfoNuancedAnalysiswithDrollChiding. The Onion should save up though, as www.usa.gov could become quite the bargain in about a year.

Dick Van Dyke is the only one who really has a solution to this administration, although MAGA will tell you that everything was solved when they inked in the bubble. When the day comes for you to be stood up against the wall, they’ll remind you that things would have been so much worse had Democrats been in control. That’s the motto that will be etched above the entrance of Agenda 47’s American Academy reeducation university.

Pete Hegseth goes from war crime promoter to Fox News couch clown to Secretary of Defense to Dancing with the Stars to Fox News. Pete believes that he is a Crusader, old-school, and he has the tatts to prove it.

Tulsi Gabbard goes from Bernie supporter to conspiracy theorist to… whatever you got, she’ll go there.

Apparently Matt Gaetz’s plastic surgery paid off. Matt has shown himself Guilfoyle enough to qualify for Attorney General. If Gaetz gets the position, he will wreak havoc, and if he doesn’t, the process will wreak havoc. Either way, there’s plenty of revenge and destruction to go around.

How does D benefit from these cabinet picks? Well, as long as he can do a little something each day to bring just a bit of pain, suffering and fear to everyone, he’ll be happy.