i am loosing my teeth
i have chomped all these days
looking for self-sufficiency
food i needed
food i didn’t
to fill a void and to help grow me
driven to eat and eat and eat
i ate the food of idleness
i ate the food of work
i ate the food of consequences
i ate the food of grace
i ate many things
and many people
ingested them all
grew from them all
shudder, shudder
past went my skin
writhing and wringing
disoriented from shirking
so much of what i once knew
what i once thought i knew
alive
i’m still alive
with old skin gone, i’m still here
i still eat
i eat memories
i eat joy
i eat sadness
i eat confusion
i eat love
i eat life
i eat battles
i eat peace
i grow
i shudder
i disjoint, i remove my head
i cast aside old ways of thinking
i begin anew again
i see with sharpened gaze
i return to eat
though my tooth is less sharp
i don’t eat so many people
i don’t eat so much out of selfish inclinations
but now i eat pain
i eat hopes lost
i eat death
and sadness and expectations
i eat disappoint and failure
i eat age
shudder
rid this hopeless skin i’m in
rid these voices in my head
renewed
once more
i eat again
but my stomach craves what is pure this time
it longs to feast on goodness
i find my new head thinks now of heavenly things
i eat grace
i eat truth
i eat justice and mercy
i eat forgiveness
i eat faithfulness and hope and purity
i eat everything He gives me
and i long for more
i shudder. again?
i find myself upside down yet again
i call out for Him
to help me
i arc myself in an effort for Him
to see me
i find myself suffering once more
curved and bent and upside down
into the symbol that bears His name
i am dormant, but not really
look closely
see the quivering
that. that is new life.
beginning again.
not left, not forsaken
this time, i have lost my teeth.
i have lost my head.
but i still remember what i was and what i came from
but that is no longer me.
for now, i soar.
bound not to the earthly driven chomping of my youth
no longer driven by selfish need or desire
but driven to seek him to find Him to follow Him
i am a new creation.
i can travel far further then before.
i can go for thousands of miles.
it is by his strength. by his love. by His design
i am free.
i am created for this purpose
the shuddering mattered
the shuddering transformed me
but now, free of what bound me,
i fly