Killed By Porn

If you’d rather let Rick James’ skeleton burn you with a crack torch than listen to the radio today, Killed By Porn has got your back. If there has ever been an episode of jams, jam-packed with jams, it’s this one! This one even includes what I will be predicting will be the best song you hear this week; I even guarantee it!

This week, spring time and Killed By Porn join forces to bang you over your frost-bitten skull. More specifically, we brought the spirit of 1986 out of the Smerf lunch box and made it into a podcast. We used a Roland TR-808 and 606, pink Ray-Ban sunglasses, and lots of other proper nouns to make this show possible. Yep, check every last Swatch on your arm: it’s time for a new episode of Killed By Porn.

A lot has happened since the last episode of Killed By Porn. Duke Eastwood just came back from the mountains where he was taming wolves. Before that, he moved to a new, exciting, and more dangerous part of town. And on top of it all, got his PhD in droppin’ plates on your ass!

Duke is full of pills this time around. After having surgery on his stomach which had been damaged by too much hot sauce, he is being kept well medicated by strong painkillers and a healthy dose of Twilight Zone reruns. His computer and record player were pushed up beside the recovery bed to bring you this new pain-free episode of Killed By Porn. Get in touch with your inner pill popper as you listen to the Great Planes, Pink Section, the Busy Signals, Jerk Alert, and the Quick among many others. And don’t worry about Mr. Eastwood, he’ll be back pouring Sriracha on Pasta Roni in no time.

By many accounts, the major recording industry is losing all its money; great, right? However, listen to the radio and you’ll probably wonder, “How do these people ever make money with this music in the first place?” Well, they do lots of bad and underhanded things, one of which we will examine today: The Top 20 Countdown! Who made this countdown? The Screamin’ Mee-Mees, the Saints, ’63 Monroe, the Descendents, and Big Black, among others. In what order? Who’s at the top? What’s the point of this stupid shit? You’ll just have to listen to find out.

Has Killed By Porn been naughty or nice? Are you kidding? Just by you knowing about it you’re in danger of “gettin’ nothing for Christmas.” But it’s not so bad, there are a surprising number of dirty Christmas songs that Duke Eastwood has just stuffed down your stocking. Why start trying to be nice now? Hit play, unwrap someone you know, pull them under the mistletoe and get sum!

It might be getting cold where you live, but the Dionysian blood-lust orgy known as Killed By Porn never cools down; and the 30th episode is here to give you more Bacchus for your proverbial buck. This time we get down with a collection of records Duke almost forgot about, songs about TV shows, toys, travel, and… true love? Yeah, I know, it sounds like a stranger who’s luring you into his van, but it’s just Killed By Porn.

150-proof moonshine and a day spent heckling the striking WGA are the events that lead up to this new episode of Killed By Porn. We start sipping to the sounds of the Viletones and the Afrika Korps, numb to the injuries sustained by crossing the picket line to Big Balls and the Great White Idiot and Legal Weapon, and are dealing with the room spinning around us by the time we get to the Rotters, Vox Pop, and David Peel. Our livers will be the next thing to go on strike, so you better enjoy this!

Never Before seen, for the first time anywhere, Killed By Porn #28 is here. It’s real, not an illusion. For the first time anywhere you will hear blood-curdling sadistic surgery, head amputation, a real dead body will be given away as a prize. Girls, bring your boyfriends to protect you! You may need help, Help, HELP!!!

Blood, sweat, and tears all remind us that we can’t party all the time. Killed By Porn #27 is the soundtrack to washing blood out of your clothes after a rough night out; what you listen to as you test whether or not you can still see out of both eyes as well as before; the sounds you hear over the police sirens as your cars speeds for the edge of a cliff… and you used to be such a nice kid.