Killed By Porn

This week, infamous Web designer, Kristian Boruff stops by to hide an impossible-to-solve riddle within the bytes of this podcast. Don’t try to solve it, that’s for the nerds. All you have to do is listen to this mid-summer’s air set, play it at your pool party, barbecue, or wife-swapping shindig. It’s either that or turn the file over to hacker geek forums; We trust you’ll do the right thing with it.

Duke Eastwood went to the porn capital of the world—Southern California’s San Fernando Valley. Here he reunited with regulars of the Rock & Roll Road Show, Reno Steal, and Wally Swagger to commit ultimate destruction. Because it would be impossible to catalog all the best sounds of Southern California rock & roll into one podcast, we didn’t try. Instead, settling on a playlist of favorites from tinsel town’s sweaty past. Plug in and turn it up loud as GaragePunk.com punches Hollywood in the face.

This podcast could make your day… today! But, don’t play it at your school; it could get you suspended. It’s not safe to play at work, or in front of young kids, or in front of any uptight Christians. Even your rugged, nasty whore friends may be offended. Moreover, the only safe way to listen to this one is through headphones, drunk, and lying on your dirty linoleum floor while no one else is around; but it will make your day… today.

Duke’s currently on safari, filming a slasher movie or something in some far-off, exotic country and neglected to submit an intro description for this show, but listen to it anyway. Ya know ya wanna…

Like being left alone with your dad’s creepy best friend… here’s Killed By Porn, episode number 7. Duke’s got enough alcohol to kill a rhinocerous, and enough wild-ass rock’n’roll to wipe out an entire civilization of squares. Check it out for yourself… [Squares and rhinos beware!]

‘Tis the season for this blood-soaked wet dream known as Killed By Porn #6. Not only does this Halloween episode feature the usual sexy seconds to every minute; but also a little treat for your tricking. Contained in this file are three “red box” tones that when used correctly can be used to make free calls from pay phones. Go ahead try it: TREAT!

What type of person listens to Killed By Porn? They move to a town based on the availability of low-cost, high-speed Internet; and knowledge that the government secretly puts birth control into the city’s drinking water. If appearing on Room Raiders, a UV light looking for incriminating spillage, shined upon their computer area would reveal a glow bright enough to blind a person with 20/20 vision, even among female fans. What sort of person listens to Killed By Porn? You know who you are! Download the MP3, then quickly close this window before anyone sees, learns, and knows what a total sicko you are.

Here are Duke Eastwood’s listening tips for this podcast: 1. Pretend you’re at a swimming pool with this show playing through the pool’s speakers. 2. Imagine you go up to the prettiest girl there and ask her, “If I kiss you, will you scream?” 3. Taste of the Taste, Taste First Place!

Another misadventure in mono; Duke Eastwood brings you another podcast to get your Tokyo-Drift on to. Pay close attention and see if you can catch the theme of this show; it’s something you’ll do a lot of when you explain to the repair man that your computer was KILLED BY PORN. You look like a pervert, so act like one!

If the term “Rock and Roll” is an old euphemism for sexual intercourse, then what new term would be given to explain classic punk rock being PODCAST? Let’s consider it the equivalent of your computer being so clogged with smut viruses that the hard drive won’t ever work again; consider it KILLED BY PORN!