This time we're delving into the... is it alright to call it a cult classic? The reviled-in-it's-theatrical-cut-but-beloved-in-it's-director's-cut-version Ridley Scott epic, Kingdom of Heaven, form 2005, starring Orlando Bloom and Eva Green. A period drama about the crusades, Kingdom of Heaven tells the story of a guy who's somehow just a bit better at everything than everybody else who shows up in the middle of a bunch of crazy religious people and is asked to fix everything and then angrily ignored until it's unsalvageable. As a relatively lucid American living through the early 21st century, I have never felt more seen. Put your parallel-recognizin' hats on and float along with us, will you?