Matinee Manatees

It's spooky season again! This time around we're watching the 1988 cult classic "Pumpkinhead" one of only two movies directed by special effects legend Stan Winston. At a tight hour and twenty-six minutes, it's the perfect fun-sized movie that's tragically fallen out of fashion since. But is it any good? Float along with the manatees as they get into the pulp of Pumpkinhead and ask the important questions, like: just what IS that big bug sound effect? What are the pros and cons of naming a child Bunt? Would becoming a pumpkinhead even be a bad retirement plan? And, when exactly did we become a bimonthly podcast? (Sorry!) Hope you like monsters; we're a bit divided ourselves.

Apparently there were like a lot of movies about angels in the 90s, and 1995's The Prophecy is one of them. Written and directed by our old friend Gregory Widen of Highlander fame, and starring most of the cast of Pulp Fiction (but mostly Christopher Walken), this strange little movie feels like mixing terminators and vampires and cowboys but somehow being about none of those things. Plus, Viggo Mortensen shows up as the devil. Float along and check out this odd curio with us! I mean, you know, if you feel like it.

Aliens, you guys! This month we checked out the classic (?) 1997 movie Men In Black, starring Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones, but mostly starring Vincent D'Onofrio and his mime skills. The second Barry Sonnenfeld - Will Smith project to feature on this podcast, Men In Black is what we assume Wild Wild West wanted to be but wasn't. Float along with the manatees while they talk fashion, comics, aliens, secret coverups, and the art of zen slacking with this summer blockbuster from (almost) thirty years ago, and relax.

We're back! Life circumstances, you know how it goes, sorry for the quiet month. To make it up to you, we've forced ourselves to sit through probably the single largest collection of missed opportunities we've ever seen: 2001's "3000 Miles To Graceland"! Starring Kurt Russel and Kevin Costner, 3000 Miles To Graceland is a series of largely unconnected vignettes that purport to have something to do with Elvis, but with a very few exceptions, don't. Not quite a heist movie, not quite a roadtrip movie, not quite a concert movie, and not quite a crime movie, 3000 Miles To Graceland is really more of a... um. It's, uh. Well, it's certainly a movie. But was it really as bad as the box office returns suggest? Float along with us and find out, why don't you.

We're back and we're checking out another Patreon poll winner: the 1997 disaster movie Dante's Peak! Directed by Roger Donaldson and starring Pierce Brosnan and Linda Hamilton, Dante's Peak was one of two big volcano movies to come out in 1997, but the only one to take a scientific eye and really address those age old volcano questions, like: What if a volcano erupted like three times? What would that do? Would it look kind of cool? What if you, like, drove through lava? And others! This one's like two completely different movies, folks. Really something else.

Happy Holidays everybody! This year the manatees are going a little more recent for the 20th birthday of a modern classic Christmas movie, 2003's Elf! Directed by Jon Favreau and starring Will Ferrell and James Caan, Elf is a colorful little modern-day fairy tale that's pretty much appropriate for all ages and moves along at a good clip. But how compelling is it really? The manatees talk red flags in dating coworkers, the inner workings of hybrid engines, commiserate on the pros and cons of being the biggest guy in a workshop, and wind up talking a lot about video games. Float along with us and enjoy the season, won't you?

Happy Black Friday week everybody. In the spirit of the holidays (consumerism) we're rewatching the widely reviled but oddly charming holiday flop Jingle All the Way, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sinbad, and directed by Brian Levant. It's almost thirty years old! You've probably heard of this one; it's almost universally panned by critics but has its fans regardless, and we're going to find out if we're among them. Float along with the manatees as they tackle the important questions like: should bodybuilders' kids be played by other bodybuilders? How do masks work, exactly? And of course, just how many daylight hours are there in Minnesota in December? Literally none of these will be answered satisfactorily. Come take a nap!

Happy Halloween, everyone! We're taking a look John Carpenter's 1982 classic, The Thing! Starring Kurt Russell, Keith David, Wilford Brimley, and a bunch of other guys in parkas. While it was a flop at its release, The Thing has become a cult classic since and appears on just about every top 100 list of horror movies ever made, famous both for its special effects and for its paranoid psychological tone. But does it deserve the hype? Float along with the manatees as they tackle the important questions like: is the monster kinda dumb? Are flamethrowers normal de-icing equipment? And, are we sure this ending is actually ambiguous? Among others. Take a look-see if you've got a strong stomach, or maybe skip this month if scary movies aren't your thing, but we're diving right in.

At long last, the manatees are covering the famous story beloved around the world about a long-haired bronze age man who was crucified by an evil empire and then rose from the dead to save us all from the serpent... Conan the Barbarian! The 1982 version, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sandahl Bergman, and James Earl Jones, directed by John Milius, and featuring a soundtrack by the incomparable Basil Poledouris, this sword-and-sandahl epic (GET IT?!?) has remained above all its imitators since through sheer style and unconventional casting choices. But does it hold up? Float along with the manatees as they tackle the important questions like: how much of paleolithic history do we actually know about anyway? Is there any combination of ingredients that make it a good idea to serve soup at an orgy? And of course, that age-old industry calculus: is it better to invest in oxen or orphan power for your mill? Get the answers to these and other pressing questions, or just nod off and dream of being exceptionally large, with the manatees and Conan. Lamentations!

It had to happen. We finally check out the infamous, the legendary, the nigh-on-indescribable work that defined a generation, 1990's Troll 2. Directed by Claudio Fragasso and starring Michael Paul Stephenson, George Hardy, and Deborah Reed, Troll 2 has exactly zero connection to the movie Troll and indeed zero trolls in it. But does it deserve the reputation and cult following that it has? Float along with the manatees to the mysterious town of Nilbog as they talk sorcery, lavender dating, geography, and what makes a life well lived while trying to decode this mind-bending work that the world still isn't ready for and probably never will be.