This time we're delving into the... is it alright to call it a cult classic? The reviled-in-it's-theatrical-cut-but-beloved-in-it's-director's-cut-version Ridley Scott epic, Kingdom of Heaven, form 2005, starring Orlando Bloom and Eva Green. A period drama about the crusades, Kingdom of Heaven tells the story of a guy who's somehow just a bit better at everything than everybody else who shows up in the middle of a bunch of crazy religious people and is asked to fix everything and then angrily ignored until it's unsalvageable. As a relatively lucid American living through the early 21st century, I have never felt more seen. Put your parallel-recognizin' hats on and float along with us, will you?

Short answer, our episodes keep getting taken down for copyright infringement until we challenge the decision and are allowed to reupload them. Hope it's not messing with your feed too much! New episode coming tomorrow.

Matinee Manatees is taking a stand: if they can play carols during October, we can watch spooky movies in December! We go back to the Halloween season well with Francis Ford Coppola's "Bram Stoker's Dracula" from 1992, the movie that dares to ask: just how horny can a person get before the rest of us need to cut their head off? Turns out: very. Float along with the manatees through OCEANS OF TIME as they ask the important questions, like: do vampires just really like empires in decline? What season did the Simpsons really jump the shark? And, of course, could Dracula run a successful mayoral campaign in the contemporary US? They also talk about the movie. You know, a little.

REUPLOAD! (There was an issue with the episode art, apologies.)

It's October again, and you know what that means: spooky movies! Or at least, movies we think are going to be spooky until we actually watch them. This month, we checked out Roger Corman's "Frankenstein Unbound" from 1990, starring friends of the show William Hurt and Raul Julia. A bizarre mashup of Frankenstein, Back to the Future, Knight Rider, and Army of Darkness, and starring some of our favorite actors, we were shocked that we hadn't heard of this movie before. Until we saw it. Then it kinda made sense.

Float along with the manatees as they discuss paradoxes, an embarrassingly outdated understanding of neurology, and what is and isn't an acceptable way to treat a car, and whether or not this should have been an episode of Star Trek. Don't worry, it's not actually all that scary (although definitely watch the movie in question first if you plan on showing it to any kids).

It's October again, and you know what that means: spooky movies! Or at least, movies we think are going to be spooky until we actually watch them. This month, we checked out Roger Corman's "Frankenstein Unbound" from 1990, starring friends of the show William Hurt and Raul Julia. A bizarre mashup of Frankenstein, Back to the Future, Knight Rider, and Army of Darkness, and starring some of our favorite actors, we were shocked that we hadn't heard of this movie before. Until we saw it. Then it kinda made sense.

Float along with the manatees as they discuss paradoxes, an embarrassingly outdated understanding of neurology, and what is and isn't an acceptable way to treat a car, and whether or not this should have been an episode of Star Trek. Don't worry, it's not actually all that scary (although definitely watch the movie in question first if you plan on showing it to any kids).

Sorry we're late, half of us had covid! He's actually fine, he just had no voice for a while. And his personality is odd, but that's normal. This month we revisited the 2001 cult classic A Knight's Tale! Written and directed by Brian Helgeland and starring the late great Heath Ledger, A Knight's Tale is a mostly light anachronistic romantic comedy sports movie period piece coming of age tale... kind of. The manatees talk accents, pasta, what music even existed in medieval times, and whether or not the main character even needs an antagonist. Also, there's like a solid half hour of catching up on account of the aforementioned covid, so this one's EXTRA sleep inducing. (Or you can skip forward.) Float along with us and have a movie night, why doncha?

We don't know about you guys but we could use some silly escapism. This month, the manatees are checking out 1996's Dragonheart! Directed by Rob Cohen and starring Dennis Quaid and the voice of Sean Connery, Dragonheart was one of our hosts' favorite movies when he was a child. But does it hold up to an adult audience? (Of course not.) But it does prove particularly rich springboard for ranting about Dungeons and Dragons, Patrick Stewart, the differences between accents and speech impediments, the differences between house flipping and scalping (hint: there are none), and recent peer-pressured forays into the Romantasy genre of smut novels (have you all heard about that one yet?). It's been so long since we talked that we ramble on for about six hours. Might get more than one night out of this one!

It's another patron episode! This month we've been directed to watch 1998's Dark City, a flop at the time but a cult classic in the decades since. Directed by friend of the show Alex Proyas from The Crow and starring Rufus Sewell and William Hurt, Dark City asks the same question we've all been asking ourselves: what if The Matrix had the guy from Hellraiser? And boy, does it deliver. Come float along with us and see for yourself how telekinesis can be used poorly, whether spirals are always as mysterious as you might think, and why sometimes less is more with 1998's Dark City.

We're going back to video game movies with 2005's Doom! Directed by Andrzej Bartkowiak and starring John (the Wayne) Rockson and Karl Urban, Doom is very dark. Not thematically, we mean, like, brightness-wise. While the Doom video game revolves around sci-fi technology accidentally opening a portal to hell, the Doom movie revolves more around sci-fi technology intentionally opening a portal to a lab where an extra chromosome turns people into monsters from Resident Evil. Float along with the manatees as they try to feel their way through the inky darkness that is this movie. Sam renames the entire cast of characters, Ben introduces a tough new standard for bodybuilders in cinema, both discuss whether making Down Syndrome a villain-defining superpower in your script is a good idea (probably not, eh?). This one's a lot, gang!

Merry Christmas/Kwanzaa/Hanukkah/Pancha Ganapati/Festivus/Yule/Saturnalia, one and all! To try to drag themselves into the holiday spirit, the manatees are staying in 1988 for another month to check out one of the most hotly debated is-it-a-Christmas-movie classics of all time, Die Hard! Directed by John McTiernan and starring Matinee Manatee alums Bruce Willis and Alan Rickman, Die Hard is the story of a rogue super cop with nothing to lose named Carl Winslow before he started his family, singlehandedly saving a building full of hostages using only a walkie talkie and a hapless civilian on the inside named John.

The manatees dive right in to get at the important unanswered questions surrounding this classic, such as: does fear of flying usually strike after you land? Is it possible that Cybill Shepherd has a manatee child? And of course, what's the best way to consume the writing of Karl Marx? As a bonus, you'll get a free pitch for a Hallmark movie and AND advice on proper cocaine party etiquette absolutely free. Why? Because we love you. Happy Holidays, everybody!