Kink Craft

This week we are talking about what are the best kinky podcasts out there.

Over the last few months the Australian government have been having a postal vote on should they allow same sex marriage. That has finished and it was approved with over 61% of the vote. It is now up to the government to enforce the publics opinion and pass the laws required to make it officially sanctioned.

An Australian couple who were opposed to same-sex marriage said they would get divorced if the public voted too allow gay couples to marry. Now the vote has passed people are asking them when they will get divorced.

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The Australian version of The Spectator has sparked outrage by comparing same-sex marriage to marrying the devil on their latest cover.

See the cover here

Turing Law, something we previously covered is now find its way to Scotland. Like in the UK gay men convicted of same-sex offences in Scotland before the laws against them were dropped are to receive full pardons. Just like in the UK living men would have to apply for a "disregard", but all men who have died will be automatically pardoned.

Find out more

From the article here are some podcasts you should check out:

• The Dildorks
• The People of Kink
• Practically Kinky
• Why Are People into That?!
• Loving BDSM

• Girl on the Net

• The Pageist

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Podcasting, as we know it today, is still a relatively new medium. The word itself is a portmanteau, devised by a BBC journalist named Ben Hammersley back in 2004 – pod (as in the brand name of that very familiar MP3 player) plus broadcast. Although others prefer using "Portable on Demand" to avoid a direct reference to the company behind that famous MP3 player – which makes sense as download and play isn't restricted to it alone.

And it is, in 2017, a medium in very rude health. Whether you were one of the millions of listeners addicted to Serial, or can't imagine not starting your week with Ira Glass and This American Life, the last few years have seen a firm resurgence in podcast popularity.

It's not hard to see why. Podcasts make a trusty companion on a dreary commute or long drive, whether as a source of entertainment (think of Mark Kermode's hilariously ranty reviews on the Wittertainment film podcast, or the behemoth popularity of My Dad Wrote a Porno), a ground-breaking method of storytelling (like the mysterious world of Welcome to Night Vale, The Black Tapes, or Homecoming) or a font of knowledge on pretty much every subject you can imagine. And yes, that includes the worlds of kink, fetish and BDSM, with podcasts a-plenty to provide an education for your ears only.

Which makes it an ideal medium for beginning kinksters wanting to explore and learn on their own terms, in their own time. There's a big degree of privacy, it's free, and all you need is a way of streaming and a pair of headphones. Voila – at your fingertips is a world full of kinksters sharing with you their personal knowledge, thoughts and feelings, as well as educational facts and impassioned rants and raves.

So, if you're a fledgling kinkster wanting to broaden your knowledge, have some questions answered or just generally immerse yourself in chatter from likeminded voices, these five podcasts provide a solid foundation to your kinky learnings.

The Dildorks After connecting on social media, bloggers Bex Caputo and Kate Sloan met in person back in 2015, and a beautifully dorky friendship was born. They are the hosts of The Dildorks, an antidote to media depicting sex as "naughty," mysterious, gross, indecent, or self-explanatory. Their shared enthusiasm and curiosity for the subjects they tackle (which span the gamut from sex to kink to porn and beyond) is utterly infectious, and with episode titles like The Dom Before the Storm and Aftercare Laughtercare... well, you know you're in for a wonderfully fun (not to mention incredibly dorky) time.

Join Bex and Kate every week if you're into rhapsodic raves and impassioned rants about everything that's engaging their hearts, brains, and genitals (as they put it on the website).

The People of Kink What started out as one podcast – The People of Kink, or TPoK, as it's also known – has evolved into an educational network setting out to educate and reduce stigma on all topics of sexuality. The message here: "you're not alone", which is something many fledgling kinksters (no matter what floats your boat) need to hear. The episodes of the original TPoK podcast are still available to listen to on the website (185 of them, no less) in addition to all the new shows and content, and they form a great basis for people wanting to gain some kinky knowledge in addition to some reassurance.

Practically Kinky Wondering just how to incorporate kink into your life and making it work on your own terms? Then browse the archives of Practically Kinky, a podcast devoted to... well, exactly that: hands-on, practical discussions about kink. Sydney and Logan Hart tackle topics like roles in kink, body worshipping and emotional labour. The show seems to be on a bit of a hiatus (the last episode released back in February) but fortunately there's plenty of back catalogue there to help expand your kink knowledge.

Why Are People into That?! Writer, teacher, media-maker and all-round powerhouse of awesome Tina Horn is the host of the wonderfully titled podcast Why Are People into That?! (or YAPiT, for short). Let's face it, at one point you will have thought this exact same question: what is it that attracts people to this fetish, or that kink? Each episode sees Tina and a guest interviewee (guests have included Reid Mihalko, Nikki Silver, Micky Mod, Rachel Kramer Bussel, James Darling, Tristan Taormino... seriously, it's a who's who of brilliant) non-judgementally explore the nitty-gritty of a particular topic. Want to know what it is that attracts people to spanking, or butt plugs, or pegging? Craving to sate your curiosity on matters of sexting or humiliation play? It's all there, and Tina is more than happy to tell you just why people are into it.

Loving BDSM Blogging powerhouse Kayla Lords and her Sir, John Brownstone host the Loving BDSM podcast, a mix of opinions, rants and ramblings, and insights into one couple's 24/7 D/s relationship. Kayla always speaks frankly and openly about her continuing journey of evolution into her sexuality and her life as a submissive babygirl, and brings that frankness, along with a solid pinch of her special own-brand cuteness (it is their superpower, after all) to the podcast. Fun fact – they also have a Redbubble shop for the podcast, in which you can buy some adorable Loving BDSM-themed goodies.

Of course, there's also Kink Craft's very own podcast, in which Pixie and Andrew talk about sex news, things seen around the internet, and the latest posts on the Kink Craft blog. Which, when you think about it... kind of makes this a bit of an Inception moment, doesn't it?

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This week we are finally talking about our article by Molly Moore called Finding your way in a sea of information.

Sorry for the delay in this weeks discussion, there have been a lot going on on top of a halloween photo shoot which means everything has been pushed out.

By the looks of it there is a good majority of people voting yes to gay marriage (64.3% as if the latest figures) but these things are always off the mark so only the final numbers will tell.

Read more

A medical student has been convicted as a sex offender after engaging in consensual sex with someone he met on Tinder after roughly handling her breasts. The assault took place while the couple were having sex when he pulled her hair and grabbed her breasts.

Note: We do not condone non-consensual sex of any kind, but it does seem this sets a chilling president.

Find out more

We discuss some of the great ways you can learn from the Internet and some good sites that will teach you a thing or two about your kinks. From FetLife to Kink Academy there is so much to see and learn and the web is a great place to start if you don't have anyone you can talk too (or even if you don't but neither of you know enough).

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A long long time ago (OK not that long ago really in the scheme of things but when we are talking about the internet things have changed rapidly) if you wanted to learn about something then your choices were to go to school, read a book, find a community to educate you or learn on the job. Obviously there are lots of overlaps between these things and they didn't, and still don't, operate in isolation of one another but what if the subject you wanted to learn about or the community you wanted to find was not what one would call main stream?

Clearly that made things much harder, it is not like you could take a BDSM 101 class at your local college however if you had a good library there is a chance you might have picked up a book or two on the matter but otherwise your only hope was to find likeminded folks and create a community. Classified ads were one such place where you might have had some luck but clearly that was not without its pitfalls too.

Without a doubt the internet has changed all that. Now anyone with access to a computer (or electronic device) and an internet connection quite literally has more information and knowledge at their fingers tips than they could ever possibly have time to read and that goes for kink too.

It is quite literally a whole new world where finding information is no longer restricted because the subject you are interested in is adult or niche in nature. In fact it was almost as if the internet was designed with exactly that in mind.

I was in my mid 30's when I first started to be interested in kink and it was the internet that led me to my biggest discoveries about my sexuality. Online I found not only information but communities of people who were interested in the same things as me. Suddenly I not only had things to read and learn from but people to talk to about it as well. Without a doubt the internet changed my life in that regard, I went from someone who had always felt like something was missing to someone who not only had a clue what that was but eventually found it and took that knowledge and experience and shared it with others online.

So we know that the internet is full of wonderful juicy information but we also know that there is an awful lot of it and to be quite frank not all information is created equal. There are numerous articles online that explain, in what at first glance almost sounds convincing, why the earth is flat but that does not mean they are the articles you should be taking to heart and basing your geographical knowledge on and the same can be said for kink and sex related content.

Clearly this is the tricky bit when content is so plentiful the issue becomes not the amount or even finding it but identifying if it is any good or not. There is no one single way of doing this but something's to keep in mind when reading:

• Don't rely on one single source or person. If you read something you like or that strikes a chord with you search for more content on the same subject and see if the advice, opinions, thoughts being shared support or compliment the piece or directly contradict it.
• If it's not obvious try to find out whom the author is. Are they a name you recognise? Do they have experience in the subject? Are they considered an authority by others? Have they published in multiple places? Of course not every well written piece is written by someone like this. There are many brilliant articles about kink related subjects written by anonymous individuals so don't discount something just because the person is not a name. If the article speaks to you then have a look around to see if their opinion is shared or...
• Read the comments. Hopefully the piece will have the facility for commenting and have some comments left by people on it. Read them; Are they positive? Do the comments indicate that the piece is useful, enjoyable, liked etc? If applicable has the author replied to any comments and if so do those replies seem positive?
• Watch out for pieces that deal in absolutes. Kink is rarely about absolutes, for example there is no one right way to be a submissive or a dom and anything that tells you there is should be treated with scepticism.
• Talk to other people. One of the great things about the internet is that it has made it much easier to find communities of people who share interests and that is particularly true of the kink community. There are whole sites like Fetlife where you can make friends and social media platforms like Twitter that have thriving kink communities of people who share content that they have found.
• Trust your gut. This is probably the most important one of all but if you read something and it resonates with you then that is all that matters. )

As I have already said content is plentiful and finding the good stuff can be tricky but here some suggestions of excellent places to get you started.

• Fetlife - This is a whole site dedicated to everything kink and fetish related. However finding stuff can be super tricky. My advice would be to start by searching for things in your local area and making some friends. Once you have done that it will be easier to find content that they recommend.

• Kink Academy - Without a doubt this site is the largest repository of education kink videos online. Both the breadth of subjects covered and the amount of fabulous educators featured here makes this an amazing resource. There is some free content but most of it membership based and prices vary depending on how long you want to sign up for. This is also a great place to discover kink educators many of whom have their own websites where you can find more stuff by them.

• Two Knotty Boys - For basic knot tying Two Knotty Boys is a great resource. Sadly their Youtube channel has been deleted and they seem to have pretty much given up making new content but you can still download some of their videos here

• Submissive Guide - This site was started back in 2009 and is quite frankly jammed packed full of content that deals with a huge variety of subjects around submission and D/s. The site is run by LunaKM but much of the content is written by a variety of different contributors making this a really diverse resource.

• Loving BDSM - This started life as a podcast but has since transformed into a complete community resource. The podcast still takes place but there are now videos, written content and a forum where you can chat with other kink folks. Lots of it is free but there are some extra special goodies for members, and fees are eminently reasonable.

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This week we are talking about the pony play article written by Emmeline Peaches. It was a little rant heavy but there is so much going on that it's hard to not do it.

This week Hugh Hefner died, while he isn't someone we have thought about much, digging into his life a little has revealed some surprises.

It is easy to see Hugh Hefner as a dirty old man, and perhaps at the end of his life that is something he has earned. But it is worth looking at some of the good he has done in his earlier life to see who he really was. Besides being a Guinness World Recording breaking scrap booker he was an advocate in the 1950's for gay rights and and sexual rights in general. He also championed black music in the late 1950's with people like Ella Fitzgerald or James Brown.

10 things you probably didn't know about Hugh Hefner

That isn't to say it has been all clear sailing and there have been plenty of peeks into what really happened behind the gates at the Playboy mansion. There is certainly a sleazy side to the whole thing, and that is what I have always seen when someone mentions Hugh Hefner. It is hard to not see someone taking advantage of young women, but it seems life is much more complex than that.

The 15 worst things playmates have said about life in the Playboy mansion

Officials in the DOJ have intervened in a discrimination case against a gay man who says a company fired him simply because of his sexual orientation. In a surprise move the DOH sided with the employer arguing that it is entirely legal to discriminate against gay employees on a federal level.

The Department of Justice now insists that Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, which outlaws discrimination in employment based on sex, does not provide any protection for gay people.

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As the Australian post vote over whether gay marriage should be allowed in the country continues a junior minister for defence personnel has instructed the department to find a way out of the current protections that in place for non-binary soldiers.

If the change is successful it would revoke any protections in place for gender-diverse people serving in the military (in the field and support roles).

Read more

A new study of young British people found that only two-thirds defined themselves as completely straight. With 14% saying they are "mostly" attracted to the "opposite sex", while 9% equally attracted to both sexes. Leaving 3% mostly attracted to the "same sex".

This is a dramatic shift from Baby Boomers (born between 1960-1980) who 88% identified as completely straight.

Find out more

It was a thought provoking article this week and one that has a lot more depth too than we can really do justice. The first place to start is what is pony play and why people enjoy it, but we quickly moved onto the types of pony and their roles. There really is so much to unpack that I think we could easily talk about it alone for a whole show.

But something else came up and that is how much of this is based on the culture of the country it is in?

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The Western relationship with horses, especially in the UK and Europe, is long-standing and very complex.

Horses are technically 'domesticated' but no one would ever imagine cooing over a horse in the same way they might a dog or cat. Instead, there's a certain amount of dignity that comes with the human/horse dynamic: A sense of inherent respect for the ever-untameable spirit of the stallion and the eternal elegance of a show horse in dressage.

Horses are, even when owned, a commanding creature.

The aesthetics of the horse seems to have an extreme appeal too. Horses are paired with rulers and nobility in art (their heads deliberately shrunk to exaggerate the strength of their owners) and studied extensively by the great masters. For many (myself included) the most striking painting in London's National Gallery is George Stubb's Whistlejacket.

The prominence of ponies and horses in Western culture was inevitably going to bleed in to kink culture and pet play. And, much as you'd imagine, its erotic existence is just as uniquely interesting as our relationship with the animal that inspired it.

Pony play is a sub-genre of the pet play fetish, which involves at least one handler/owner/trainer/sir/mistress and at least one individual who takes on an equine role.

Even the briefest glance at the pony play kink will reveal its heavy BDSM connotations. Most noticeably pony play highlights bondage and domination, with its many forms of restraint (inspired by horse riding tack and described as such).

Given this, it's no surprise that there are two main types of pony play scenario: Those involving people who fully embrace equine roleplay (they are naturally horses) and those who are being 'forced' in to their tack (they are humans being treated as horses). In the latter case, humiliation fantasies may also be at play: with the position as a master/mistresses' new play thing being the main point of arousal.

Either instances usually involves three different types of pony. There's the Show Pony, who gets dressed in pretty tack and must meticulously model their gear; Riding Ponies, who will be ridden by a dominant; and Cart Ponies, who must cart their dominant around (sometimes in public) and may be whipped for motivation. In all instances, tack, riding crops, and whips will likely be employed and various degrees of humiliation or praise are possible.

These extensive subdivisions are fairly intricate and stand out for their complexity, even among the pet play community. There may be different dynamics for pups, a fluctuating relationship with pussies, and an almost mainstream vibe to bunny girls and boys, but pony play takes the red ribbon for categorisation and presentation.

As is expected, the somewhat stand-offish and almost professional relationship dynamic present in humans and horses also allows pony play to be more transferable to a conventional BDSM relationship. Affection doesn't necessarily exist as a fundamental requisite of any play scene. Things can remain purely rider and beast and that shows in the framework of pony play itself.

But another standout element of pony play is that it's well known outside of the kink circuit and people seem to like it...a lot.

My first experience with pony play was as a teen and it wasn't what you'd expect.

I didn't stumble upon it accidentally while browsing the net.

I didn't slip myself in to a sex museum to get some 'alternative' (and probably more efficient, at that time) sex education.

Instead, I saw my first pony on the middle shelf of a high street magazine retailer on the front of the now retired Bizarre magazine.

This was at least ten years ago and, although not exactly pervasive in society, pony play was at least accessible.

Now pony play is never that far from public exposure. Traditional 'bits' are sold alongside other ball gags in most adult stores and high-class cat walks are becoming a bit more equine; with hoof shoes gaining so much attention that they routinely trend on tumblr.

Fashion seems to be the conduit for most people's exposure to (and acceptance of) pony play and I count this as kind of inevitable. Pony play gear is well-made, inherently elegant, and has immediate fashionable appeal. This seems to have readily drawn people to pony play, or at least its gear, and through fashion people have learnt to embrace fetish.

This is very reminiscent of people's relationship with corsets and leather gear and is both a good and a bad thing. On the one hand, it helps to normalize fetishes and niche desires, which is awesome! It also means that undiscovered ponies will have more chance of finding their herd, minimalizing isolation. But, alas, this does also trivialize the intricacies of pony play too and contextualize it in ways far removed from the fetish itself.

The popularity and acceptance pony play has been afforded doesn't seem to have transferred to other pets, either. Pups, particularly, are still approached with ridicule or scepticism, and this is a shame.

It is people outside of the pony play community, not the community itself, that have caused this dissonance. As such, there's not much to be done except put one hoof in front of the others and keep representing pony play with pride.

There are, thankfully, many fully-fledged pony play fetish communities willing to teach new ponies the ropes (or reigns), and you're almost guaranteed a warm whinnying welcome.

Just be prepared to save up: tack is not cheap.

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An Austrailian church has told a straight couple that cannot marry them because they support gay marrage. In letter to the couple, the church's pastor had written:

"By continuing to officiate it would appear either that I support your views on same-sex marriage or that I am uncaring about this matter. As you know, neither statement is correct.

"Also, if the wedding proceeded in the Ebenezer St John's church buildings, the same inferences could be drawn about the Presbyterian denomination. Such inferences would be wrong."

The PM wadded in wanting to protect the rights of chruches to discriminate against who they want to.

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Kid Rock has apparently launched a run for a seat in the Senate in 2018 and decided to open it by ranting about LGBT rights.

"But things shouldn't be this complicated. And, no, you don't get to choose, because whatever you have between your legs should determine the bathroom that you use."

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Sentator John McCain wants to allow anyone to serve in the US military if they are willing and able to do so. Their orientation should have no effect on their acceptance.

"When less than 1% of Americans are volunteering to join the military, we should welcome all those who are willing and able to serve our country, Any member of the military who meets the medical and readiness standards should be allowed to serve -- including those who are transgender."

Read more

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It truly is a thrilling job like no other. I get paid to beat up men, while they enjoy every last second of it - it really is as good as it sounds!

For people not into the scene it might sound a little odd, but men with a fetish for wrestling fit gorgeous girls hire me - and other women like me - to fulfil their fantasies. It's fun, it's sexy, it's great for keeping fit, it's exciting and can be competitive.

Wrestling is a kink of sorts and I think men wrestle women because they enjoy the physicality and closeness it brings. It's sensual without being sexual. It's also cathartic - a release from their day to day lives. And they get to feel the raw power that women possess, dispelling the myth we are the weaker sex!

There are dozens of ladies on the books of companies across Britain and the scene is much bigger than most people would imagine. In London alone, there are several wrestling businesses and the girls are doing well which tells you that the demand and talent to satisfy it is out there.

Recent expose in mainstream media has certainly helped raise the profile. The quality and diversity of the wrestlers keeps on improving too which makes the scene a very attractive place to be.

Guys are fortunate here too as most of the companies put on live shows which gives them the chance to see girls wrestle each other competitively before getting to sample the delights of the women through 'mini-sessions'. For the guys, these are great, affordable ways to experience what different girls have to offer.

Regular filming takes place for a number of clip stores that gives people the opportunity to see wrestlers - male and female - in action on the mats via the click of a mouse.

It's a safe, thriving and thrilling scene full of professional and responsible women determined to provide men with every opportunities to satisfy their deepest desires.

The thrill of competition is what brought me into it in the first place 10 years ago. I've been a martial artist since I was a child and I'm trained in a number of styles such as Taekwondo, Judo, Karate, Muay Thai Kickboxing.

I met a model on a shoot who mentioned she was a session wrestler and that peaked my interest. I wanted to learn a new combat sport and asked her to show me the ropes and it took off from there.

I started training, learning the moves and enhancing my skills with each and every match. And of course, I loved doing sessions with men and earning a living from it! I've never looked back. I'm a freelance wrestler - on the books of some companies or guesting at other venues either for sessions, filming or appearing at shows.

But every girl is different. It's not essential to have a background in combat sports before you start wrestling. Many girls do but there are plenty of others who had no experience of fighting beforehand but have gone on to become household names in the scene.

I, myself, had a martial arts background but no real ground fighting skills. The key is a willingness to learn as well as having fun. Get that right and you can develop and make a name for yourself.

Most requests I get from men are for semi-competitive wrestling sessions, which involve skill and strength but with a huge emphasis on fun and more than a little trash talking!

Sometimes I do get a guy who is strong, experienced and a talented wrestler which makes the session fully competitive and more intense. I also get creative, depending on what a guy is into. For example, I offer foot domination sessions where submissions are earned by using your feet. Others might want more smothers or pins or even beat down style moves used so I accommodate as best I can.

Clothing is important too. Some guys will want me to wear certain things be it bikinis, one-pieces, fishnet tights etc and if it's in my wardrobe then I'm happy to accommodate. And if it isn't in my wardrobe, they are more than welcome to buy it for me!

But the crucial thing is they have a great time and get what they wanted out of it - after all, they are paying! I charge £175 per session (the average cost in London is around £150) including a mandatory deposit.

How sessions tend to go are that I turn up, check the venue and ensure the mats are clean and facilities such as showers are working, ensure there are towels and then - when the client arrives - talk through what they want and what their levels are before we get on the mats and have immense fun!

I am grateful, flattered and delighted for the positive feedback I get and am fortunate to have regular clients. They tell me I'm skilful, flexible, beautiful and unique, which is lovely to hear.

I have always wrestled both men and women. Both bring different challenges but both are amazing fun.For the men, it's a turn-on. They're not usually out to play hard and compete with sheer intensity. It's a joy for me to make them submit through my range of bendy and flexible moves while they get a total thrill out of the experience.

Women tend to be more skilful and flexible than men and this in turn makes matches more competitive. There is less of the kink element in most of my matches with the girls although I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy rolling around with some of the beauties in our scene!

I thoroughly enjoy wrestling both men and women as both excite me in different ways while also giving me two different types of work out.

For anyone starting out or thinking of getting involved, the main thing is having a desire to listen and learn. Training and regular sessions will help you develop.

It is also important to promote themselves on wrestling websites such as WB270 or Session Girls, as well as their own sites and social media.

But always remember to have fun and enjoy it. If you're not enjoying it, then you are definitely doing it all wrong!

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Coming soon

When I first discovered I was submissive, I believed myself to be only that. A submissive partner who craved discipline from and the power of my Dominant partner. Those things are still true. What I found out along the way, as I began to explore the world of Dominance and submission more, was that there was another part of me. A part I was afraid to name.

I'm not just a submissive, I'm also a babygirl. Babygirls, and their babyboy counterparts, fall within the little spectrum of what we most commonly call the Daddy Dom/little girl (DD/lg) dynamic. Just because we call it DD/lg doesn't mean that's the best name, though. DD/lg can make others who aren't Daddies or little girls feel excluded which is sad because like any other kind of kink, everyone who wants to experience it, should.

Figuring out my babygirl side and admitting it were difficult processes. I couldn't admit it to myself at first, and then confessing to my partner, John Brownstone, made my stomach hurt. The reason? I believed a lot of myths about DD/lg, and I wasn't comfortable with what I thought that said about me. For anyone else who believes they know what DD/lg is all about, it's time to bust a few myths.

"Ugh! She called him 'Daddy.' Bet she's got Daddy issues." Actually, no. Kinksters come from every walk of life so yes, some of us probably do have emotional issues we need to work out about our parents. Being into DD/lg isn't about solving underlying neuroses we've suffered from childhood thanks to our father. Actually, in some ways, it takes the best part of a parental figure - nurturance, guidance, and protectiveness - and wraps it up into a partner that, for many of us, in no way reminds us of our father.

If we all have Daddy issues, how do you account for all the Mommies in the dynamic? Does that mean those people have Mommy issues? Well, I guess if you're already judging the Daddies, you might think so. Take it from someone who has a relatively positive relationship with her family, no, being into the DD/lg or any other variation isn't a substitute for the therapy I need to deal with my childhood.

Age play, defined as a type of role play where one partner assumes the characteristics of a child while the other is their caregiver, is a legitimate fetish and kink. It might include diapers, pacifiers, bottles, toys, and other items associated with children. For a time, the "young child" gives up all control and power to their parental figure who assumes all responsibility for them as you would any child.

Yes, it can be a part of a DD/lg dynamic. No, it doesn't mean the people involved are pedophiles. More importantly, it's not some required within the DD/lg dynamic. Like every other kink, some people like it, and others don't. Many of us who identify as a "little" think of it in a much more abstract way. We still have some autonomy even when we're expressing our younger side. We're not all into age play.

From the outside looking in, DD/lg relationships look fairly relaxed. The Dominant partner tends to be indulgent and gentle. The submissive partner may be giggly or even bratty. There's often a lot of teasing, whining, begging, and otherwise being "little" for the submissive. We do this for a million and one reasons but primarily so that our Dominant will be the caregiver we need in the moment. And for the record, my Daddy Dom can be extremely stern if I really screw up, so don't think you know about my dynamic when you see the indulgent version first.

For some kinksters who prefer a heavy dose of discipline, protocol, and decorum with their D/s, DD/lg doesn't look like a power exchange relationship to them. Well, it absolutely is. It may be a gentler exchange, one where comfort and kindness take precedence over discipline and protocol, but the Dominant is definitely in control, and the submissive consents to it. Don't yuck on my kink just because I do it differently.

DD/lg or Daddy Dom/little girl is the most common name we give the dynamic but that doesn't mean it has to be heteronormative. Although, yes, I admit that it's depicted in a much more cis, straight, and white way, and we as a community need to work on that. A more inclusive reference to the overall dynamic is Caregiver/little which doesn't imply a specific type of Dominant either.

Female-identifying Dominants might use Mommy or Daddy. Not all Daddies want to be called "Daddy." Both Caregivers and littles come from every aspect of the gender and sexual spectrum. DD/lg or C/l (while unfamiliar to most is probably better) are no different than other D/s dynamics in that what matters most are that the people involved enjoy the power exchange and find what works for them. Names, titles, gender, and sexual preference are unique to the people involved.

Kinksters really can't win, can we? Either we're all trying to be children (we're not) or we're either too young or too old for it. The assumption, in which our biases show up very clearly, is that in a DD/lg relationship, the Daddy will be older and the little will be younger. But no one is allowed to be too young or too old. Insert eyeroll here.

Older couples, Doms who are younger than their subs, and younger people (as long as you're of legal age) have every right to express their power exchange, relationship style, and kink in whatever way suits them. Yes, you can be in your 60s and consider yourself a little boy or girl, and a Dominant partner can definitely be younger than their submissive. The only time age matters is in determining if your partner is legal or not.

Everything in BDSM, kink, and D/s exists on a spectrum. There is no one single right way to have a power exchange relationship with someone else. All that ever matters is that you have the consent of your partner, you understand the risks, and you communicate - a lot. After that, call yourself Daddy, Mommy, or All Mighty Leader of the Kink World if that gets you and your partner off.

The Caregiver/little dynamic can be whatever the people involved want it to be. You don't have to like it to accept it, and you don't have to want it for yourself for it to be okay for other kinksters. For those who really want the nurturing, gentle, kind D/s relationship that DD/lg represents, don't reject it because of false myths you believe. Find what works for you, call your partner what you like, and forget what anyone else thinks about how you get your kink on.

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