Growing up with a narcissistic parent can leave deep emotional scars that often go unrecognized. In this blog post, we will explore the hidden impacts of such parenting and how it shapes individuals into adulthood, often leading to a lifetime of healing. Drawing from insights shared by Janine Koden in her recent podcast, we’ll uncover the complexities of living under the shadow of narcissism and the path towards reclaiming one’s true self.Understanding Narcissistic Parenting:Narcissistic parenting can be insidious, often masked by a charming exterior that fools the outside world. Janine Koden describes these parents as charismatic and socially adept, hosting gatherings with a smile, while within the home, they can be emotionally volatile. Children of narcissistic parents learn early on that love is conditional, leading to a lifetime of internal conflict.The Dual Lives of Children:The discrepancy between a parent’s public persona and their private behavior creates a profound impact on children. Koden highlights that children often become adept at reading the emotional climate at home, turning them into “little emotional meteorologists.” They develop a false self to survive, adapting to their parent’s needs and expectations while suppressing their true identities. They may become peacekeepers or overachievers, constantly striving for validation while feeling guilty for simply existing.The Roles Assigned: Golden Child and Scapegoat:Within narcissistic families, children are often assigned specific roles. The golden child receives unconditional love, regardless of their behavior, while the scapegoat is blamed for all problems, even when they achieve great things. Koden emphasizes that both roles result in trauma and disconnect from one’s true self, leaving both children to navigate a world where unconditional love is absent.The Staircase to Codependency:Janine Koden outlines the seven steps that often lead to codependency for children raised by narcissistic parents: trauma, shame, defense mechanisms, fear of abandonment, self-medicating behaviors, attracting narcissists, and finally, co-dependency. This staircase metaphor illustrates how these individuals carry their family’s emotional baggage, often making them feel responsible for others’ feelings while neglecting their own needs.The Adult Experience:The effects of narcissistic parenting do not vanish in adulthood. Individuals often find themselves in relationships with partners who lack empathy, struggling to define their desires, and confusing chaos with love. They may feel guilty for resting and have difficulty establishing boundaries, as Koden humorously notes, viewing them as advanced mathematics.The Path to Healing:However, healing is possible. Koden reassures listeners that awareness is the first step towards recovery. Recognizing the patterns established in childhood allows individuals to begin dismantling their false selves. Healing starts when one stops minimizing their own needs, stops accepting less than they deserve, and begins to rebuild a relationship with their authentic self.Conclusion: Key TakeawaysLiving with a narcissistic parent is challenging, but it’s essential to remember that healing is within reach. Acknowledging the impact of such parenting styles is the first step towards reclaiming one’s life. As you embark on this journey, remember that you are not to blame for the circumstances of your childhood. You can grow beyond the confines of your past and create a life that truly reflects who you are.Tags: #NarcissisticParenting #EmotionalHealing #MentalHealth #ChildhoodTrauma #Codependency #SelfDiscovery #HealingJourney

When a narcissist accuses you of something… they’re not actually talking to you.They’re talking to the mirror you’re holding up.In this video, I break down how narcissists project their own behaviour onto you, why accusations are actually confessions, and how their childhood wounds get replayed in adult relationships. This is where gaslighting, confusion, and cognitive dissonance take hold, and it’s exactly why empaths get pulled into the cycle so deeply.You’ll learn:• how projection protects a narcissist from shame• why they accuse you of the very things they do• why your empathy feels threatening to them• how childhood trauma repeats itself in adult relationships• why confusion keeps you hooked• how to see the pattern clearly so you can step out of survival modeIf you’ve ever been told “you’re selfish,” “you’re lying,” or “you don’t care” by someone who actually behaves that way, this video will help everything click into place.You’re not the problem.You were the mirror.For trauma-informed coaching, recovery support, and nervous system healing, you can connect with me through Kodennected Ltd.

In today’s fast-paced world, many individuals find themselves entangled in relationships with narcissists, leaving them feeling confused and questioning their own reality. In this blog post, we will explore insights from a recent podcast featuring Janine Koden, a somatic trauma coach and narcissistic abuse specialist, who sheds light on the complexities of narcissism and whether change is possible for those who exhibit these traits.**Recognising a Narcissist**Janine Koden emphasizes that if you’re searching for answers about narcissism at 2 a.m., your body is already signaling that something is off. A key indicator of being in a relationship with a narcissist is the feeling of constantly being at fault, even when you present clear evidence of their wrongdoing. This pattern of behavior often makes individuals feel like they are walking on eggshells, with their boundaries being disregarded.For example, Koden explains that during conversations, you might approach a narcissist with your feelings, only to find that by the end of the discussion, you feel guilty for expressing them. The emotional manipulation can lead to a state where your own needs are minimized, and you start to feel smaller while the narcissist's world expands.**The Impact of Trauma Bonds**A crucial insight Koden shares is that what may seem like a relationship is often a trauma bond. Instead of mutual support, you may feel pressured to conform to the narcissist's expectations, leading to a significant decrease in confidence and personal aspirations. If a partner truly encourages you to pursue your dreams, that signifies a healthier dynamic.Koden asserts that real change in a narcissist is only possible if they confront their shame and trauma. Unfortunately, many narcissists are unable to do so because accepting accountability feels like a threat to their very identity. This inability to reflect and empathize is a hallmark of narcissistic behavior.**The Path to Healing**While it may seem hopeless for those entangled with narcissists, Koden reassures listeners that change is possible, especially for those willing to face their own trauma. She highlights the importance of trauma-informed coaching, suggesting that therapy can help individuals untangle these patterns and steady their nervous systems.Koden advocates for recognizing your own needs as legitimate and emphasizes that everyone deserves clarity and safety in their relationships. It’s common for individuals to feel trapped in a cycle of freeze and fawn responses, which can persist for years, making the prospect of change daunting. However, breaking free from this cycle is essential for healing and reclaiming your life.Conclusion:In summary, understanding the intricacies of narcissism can empower individuals to recognize unhealthy patterns in their relationships. While the possibility of change in a narcissist is slim, the focus should be on personal healing and establishing healthier dynamics. If you find yourself in such a situation, consider seeking support to help you navigate towards a more fulfilling and safe life.Key Takeaways:- Narcissists often manipulate conversations to make you feel guilty.- Trauma bonds can create unhealthy dynamics where one partner's needs are consistently minimized.- Change in a narcissist is possible but requires facing deep shame and trauma.- Seeking professional support can help individuals reclaim their sense of self and safety in relationships.Tags: narcissism, trauma bonds, emotional abuse, healing, mental health, relationship advice, somatic trauma coaching, Janine Koden, self-worth.

Is your body falling apart…or is your nervous system quietly begging you to stop?If you’re exhausted after resting, avoiding people, missing rehearsals, procrastinating, or getting sick every time you hit a break — this video is for you.This is not weakness.This is not lack of motivation.This is your survival system doing its job a little too well.In this episode I explain:• Why your body collapses after stress• The link between childhood emotional safety and adult burnout• What freeze mode actually is• How to start bringing your body back into the present• Tiny ways to feel safe again todayIf this resonates, don’t do this alone.This is the work I do through Kodennected Ltd — trauma-informed coaching, nervous system education, and emotional safety training for individuals, schools, and organisations.📞 Book a call: https://updates.coachfunnel.com/widget/bookings/janinekodendiscoverycall🌿 Learn more: www.kodennected.co.ukLike, comment, subscribe — and share this with someone who keeps blaming themselves for being exhausted.Your nervous system is speaking.Let’s help you listen.

Why We Get SO Angry After a NarcissistWe don’t get angry during the narcissist.We get angry after,when the fog clears,the nervous system stops doing unpaid overtime,and your brain finally connects the emotional CCTV footage.The anger isn’t an overreaction.It’s a nervous system coming back online after months (or years) of fawning, freezing, people-pleasing, and begging your body to “just survive this.”Anger shows up like:“Hi babe, sorry I’m late, I was waiting for you to leave the danger zone.”And suddenly you see it all:the manipulationthe gaslightingthe silent treatment spa daysthe grandiose-or-bust behaviourthe emotional origami you folded yourself into to keep them calm.Your anger isn’t bitterness.It’s clarity.It’s self-respect.It’s your inner world saying:“NEVER. AGAIN.”It’s not the problem.It’s the awakening.

In this conversation, Janine Koden explores the significance of fantasy and imagination, particularly in the context of sensitive children. She discusses how these children often resort to daydreaming and storytelling as coping mechanisms when faced with overwhelming emotions or situations. Koden s for self-protection.

In today's world, narcissism is often painted in a negative light, leading to misconceptions and fears that can cloud our understanding of this complex personality trait. In her recent podcast, Janine Koden, a somatic trauma coach and narcissistic abuse specialist, delves into the realities of narcissism, offering insights that challenge the typical narratives surrounding this topic. 1. *Defining Narcissism* Janine opens the discussion by clarifying what narcissism really is, stating, "Narcissism is basically grandiose or bust." This sets the tone for a deeper exploration of the emotional extremes that characterise narcissistic behaviour. Unlike the common belief that narcissism equates to confidence, Janine emphasises that it is more akin to "panic wearing sunglasses." Here, she introduces the two emotional settings of a narcissist: grandiosity and shame. There is no middle ground, which can make interactions with narcissists bewildering and exhausting.2. *The Loudness of Grandiosity* One of the critical points Janine makes is that the grandiosity of narcissists feels overwhelming because it is not a natural confidence; rather, it is a façade that requires constant maintenance. Some narcissists may flaunt their traits overtly, while others disguise their behaviours behind a veneer of intellect. For instance, she mentions the entitlement that narcissists feel, not just believing they deserve something, but thinking that "the universe itself should rearrange to meet my needs." 3. *Empaths and Narcissists* Janine highlights the sensitivity that empaths feel when interacting with narcissists, noting, "When they don't care about us, our nervous system goes danger?" This dynamic can lead to emotional turmoil for those on the receiving end of a narcissist's behaviours. The inability of narcissists to handle criticism, even minor feedback, is another crucial aspect Janine discusses. She illustrates this with humour, explaining that a simple comment about a misprinted page can trigger a defensive and aggressive reaction.4. *The Roots of Narcissistic Behaviour* Understanding why narcissists behave the way they do is vital. Janine explains that it isn't about enjoying cruelty; rather, it stems from an intolerance of shame, which they perceive as psychic death. This leads them to construct elaborate self-stories to avoid facing their emotional truths. Janine poignantly remarks, "That’s sad… they can’t feel any of that. Not the depth, not the beauty, not the connection and not the meaning."5. *Compassion vs. Contact* Janine urges listeners to cultivate compassion for narcissists while recognizing the importance of boundaries. She stresses that having compassion does not mean letting them back into your life or trying to change them. "You cannot heal a narcissist. You cannot logic a narcissist. You cannot outkind a narcissist," she firmly states. Instead, she encourages individuals to acknowledge their emotional depth and recognize their own strength.Conclusion: The conversation with Janine Koden reveals that understanding narcissism requires a nuanced perspective that goes beyond the typical doom and gloom narrative. By recognizing the pain behind narcissistic behaviours and setting firm boundaries, individuals can protect themselves while also fostering compassion for those who struggle with these traits. Key takeaways include the importance of emotional boundaries, the acknowledgment of one's strength and depth, and the understanding that one’s emotional experiences are valid and valuable. narcissism, emotional health, trauma coaching, narcissistic abuse, empath, personal growth, emotional boundaries, mental health awareness, self-compassion, narcissistic behaviour.Explore the podcast

Introduction: Have you ever felt an instant connection with someone, believing it to be destiny? In her recent podcast, Janine Koden, a somatic trauma coach and narcissistic abuse specialist, dives deep into why these feelings often stem from familiar patterns rather than true love. Let’s explore the dynamics of narcissistic relationships and how they can be mistaken for destiny.Main Content:Section 1: The Illusion of DestinyJanine Koden starts off by acknowledging how quickly some relationships can feel like destiny. You meet someone and within 48 hours, they feel like the answer to everything you've been searching for. However, she emphasizes that this sensation is often a product of your nervous system recognizing familiar emotional patterns from childhood rather than a genuine connection. This feeling can be misleading; it’s important to differentiate between true emotional connection and what feels familiar.Section 2: The Role of Family DynamicsMany individuals grow up in emotionally unsafe family environments where chaos becomes the norm. Janine explains that when you meet someone who brings emotional intensity and fireworks, your nervous system may signal a sense of familiarity instead of a red flag. In such cases, silence can feel dangerous while chaos feels like home. This false sense of connection is a key reason why relationships with narcissists can escalate quickly.Section 3: Love Bombing and Emotional ManipulationWhen entering a relationship with a narcissist, the initial phase is often characterized by what Janine refers to as "love bombing." This intense adoration can feel intoxicating, leading you to believe you have found your soulmate. However, Janine points out that narcissists often seek to siphon off your emotional depth, leaving you with crumbs of affection in return. The initial allure can quickly turn into emotional exploitation, where the narcissist's needs overshadow yours.Section 4: The Dynamics of Trauma BondsThe podcast discusses how trauma bonds are formed through hope and the desire for love. Janine highlights that narcissists do not truly want you; they want your empathy and compassion, which they lack. This realisation is crucial for anyone caught in a cycle of trying to please their partner in hopes they will stay. The feelings of unworthiness and the belief that if one is perfect, they will be loved, are common in these toxic dynamics.Section 5: How to Protect YourselfJanine advises listeners on how to navigate conversations with narcissists. Engaging in arguments is often futile, as narcissists have a low tolerance for criticism. Instead, she suggests responding calmly and gently, emphasizing your own emotional safety. Phrases like "maybe we just see this differently" can help in diffusing tension while protecting your well-being.Conclusion: Key TakeawaysIn conclusion, relationships that feel like destiny can often trap individuals in cycles of emotional manipulation and trauma. Understanding the difference between genuine connection and familiar patterns is essential for emotional health. Remember that your sensitivity and compassion are strengths, not weaknesses. If you resonate with these experiences, know you are not alone. Janine Koden’s work at Kodennected Limited focuses on helping individuals reclaim their power and understand these patterns.

In the latest episode of our podcast, we dive deep into the complexities of childhood pain and its lasting impact on our adult lives. Host Janine Koden shares personal anecdotes and insights that shed light on how unresolved trauma can shape our relationships, self-worth, and coping mechanisms. Join us as we explore how to identify these pain points and take proactive steps to rewrite our emotional narratives.

Understanding Childhood Pain

Childhood pain is a multifaceted experience that can significantly influence our adult lives. Janine illustrates this with a relatable scenario: when a friend betrays your trust by kissing the boy you like, it can leave a lasting impression. "That says everything about her, not you," Janine points out, emphasizing how these early experiences can construct a framework for our self-perception and relationships.

Another layer of this conversation revolves around parenting and how reactions to a child's behavior can create a distorted self-image. Janine shares her own experiences with her daughter, highlighting how school gate conversations often centered around negative behaviors without understanding the triggers or the context behind them. This lack of empathy can lead to feelings of inadequacy, reinforcing negative beliefs about oneself.

The Lasting Impact of Early Experiences

Janine argues that early meanings we assign to these experiences become ingrained in our adult lives. They can dictate our relationships, self-worth, and coping strategies. "Those early meanings become your adult life," she explains, drawing a direct line from childhood experiences to adult behavior. Recognizing this connection is crucial in understanding how past traumas influence present actions.

The Good News: Rewriting Your Script

Despite the weight of these experiences, Janine offers hope: we can rewrite our emotional scripts. She likens this process to updating an outdated operating system on our phones. Just as we change software to improve functionality, we can update our unconscious mind. Janine encourages listeners to reflect on their emotional patterns and consider how they can challenge and change them.

Next Steps: Addressing Trauma Loops

In future discussions, Janine plans to explore practical strategies for addressing trauma loops and scripts. She invites listeners to engage in this journey of self-discovery and healing. By recognizing and altering these patterns, we open ourselves up to healthier relationships and improved self-worth.

Conclusion: Key Takeaways

Childhood pain can have a profound impact on our adult lives, shaping our self-image and relationships. However, understanding these patterns is the first step toward healing. By acknowledging and rewriting our emotional scripts, we can foster healthier connections and enhance our self-worth. Remember, it's never too late to update your emotional operating system.

Tags: Childhood Pain, Emotional Healing, Self-Worth, Trauma, Coping Strategies, Relationships, Personal Growth, Podcast Insights

The silent treatment activates the same pain centres in the brain as physical injury.
Your nervous system goes into panic, searching for safety in the very person who just withdrew it.

This is how control is maintained: through your body’s desperate need to reconnect.

But here’s the truth — their silence isn’t about you.
It’s a form of emotional manipulation designed to punish and destabilise.

You can’t force them to speak… but you can stop silencing yourself.
Healing begins when you learn to regulate your body, name the abuse for what it is, and reclaim your voice.