Konvos with Kiya

2 years! wow! Can you believe it?

It’s taken me 2 years to step back into my gift. I can admit that it has been way too long. So much has changed in my life since I embarked on this journey to live transparently through Konvoswithkiya in hopes to help women, children and families connect closely through open dialogue surrounding taboo topics. Then boom the anxiety kicked in and I disappeared. Every single time I announced a comeback on the horizon I never followed through. In the midst of the release of my first Children’s book, Why Are You Afraid of Me? I find out I am pregnant. Then I become progressively ill throughout my pregnancy. After giving birth my son and I are diagnosed with Covid. I’m hospitalized and my newborn is taken away for 14 days while I’m in quarantine. Complete devastation.

Then I hear God say, COMPLETE THE ASSIGNMENT. At first I’m disobedient, I ignore his voice for about a week. I formulate a million reasons why I can’t do it right now. A million excuses, A million doubtful thoughts enter my mind. But, the conviction of the Lord is truly daunting. Then one morning, I randomly open my devotional to the topic, BOLDNESS. And here I am open, transparent and reclaiming my BOLDNESS. Welcome to the Rebirth of Konvoswithkiya!

Here are a few points from tonight’s Konvo with Kiya:

1. embrace the blessings you receive from God. You are deserving of everything he wants to give you.

2. be bold in whatever you have been called to complete on this earth.

3. Remember you are capable!
   

“Let’s step out and do the things and go the places our dreams take us.”- Zakiya

“We are all capable of doing great things.”- Zakiya

“God gives us all very special gifts; it’s time for us to tap into our full potential.”- Zakiya

Here I am and I’m back at it! This episode is very personal to me. Season 1 of Konvos with Kiya was embraced by so many people. The love was overwhelming.  So much so that I quickly began questioning my capability. Questioning my purpose and wondering what I was truly doing? Me? Zakiya? A podcast? What are you thinking? I began wondering if I could keep the momentum going. Could I continue to keep listeners engaged?  I began the cycle of negative self-talk, self-doubt, and sabotaging thoughts. This lasted for months.

Sabotage is defined as deliberately destroying. When I read that definition, I realized that was exactly what I was doing to myself. I was intentionally talking myself out of every dream I envisioned for my brand. I began to talk myself out of opportunities and discourage myself out of the many possibilities. I began to demean my ideas, belittle my thoughts and  my personal journey. 

In this episode, Kiya speaks about her fear of thriving. The fear of potentially being great and how the pressure of committing to something new began to weigh heavily on her. As she embarks on Season 2, she keeps her boldness and relatable content that captured the attention of her audience. Welcome to Season 2!

Here are a few points from tonight’s Konvo with Kiya:

1. Let’s spend time focusing on our dreams and less time talking ourselves out of opportunities.

2. God has given us all very special gifts! 

3. What are we choosing to focus our attention on? 

4. Shift our thoughts, our speech, and our attitudes towards the positive.

“Everything is not for everybody and that’s fine.” -Zakiya

“There will be someone that will embrace you for what you do.”- Zakiya

We’ve all heard the saying, “ You are your worst enemy.” I know in many situations I have been my biggest critic. We often hold back or play small due to our self-doubts. Maybe you struggle with toxic thoughts about your capabilities. You feel as though you are incapable of making your dreams a reality. So often we have amazing ideas and a great desire to accomplish big things. Yet, we hesitate to take that leap of faith and make it happen.

On this episode, Kiya speaks openly about how self-doubt often rears its ugly head during pivotal points in your life. Often when you’re on the brink of greatness you may hear a voice that tries to distract you from your purpose. Don’t allow self-doubt to deter you from greatness. Push through despite what you might think in that moment. There will always be someone rooting for you!

Here are a few points from tonight’s Konvo with Kiya:

1. Self-Doubt will trick you into thinking you’re in this all alone. YOU ARE NOT there are people waiting for you to release your greatness.

2. Everything you do won’t be embraced by everyone and that is okay. KEEP DOING YOU!

3. Focus on the LOVE not the HATE.

4. Don’t be discouraged by other’s opinions. Keep your head high and your eyes fixed on the prize.

Faith.

The substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. - Hebrews 11:1

How do you remain faithful when everything is falling apart? What happens when you are trusting God for specific things and you don’t see it happening for you? Humans have a way of looking at other people’s lives and wanting what they have. We often wonder why God hasn’t fully blessed us with our heart’s desires. But, are we truly ready for new blessings? Have we prepared ourselves for what we are asking God for?

While waiting on God are you doing your own thing? Are you holding onto past habits or toxic relationships hoping that God will still bless you in your mess? Faith requires you to let go of the cushion and comfort of your past. Trusting when you don’t see an end requires you to let go of familiar places, people, and things. Revisiting the past only hinders you from accessing your future. “If it didn’t fulfill you the first time -chances are it’s not going to fulfill you the second time.”-Zakiya

Here are a few points from tonight’s Konvo with Kiya:

1. Trust that there is better in your future than whatever you left in your past.

2.You can’t trust God with one foot in the door and one foot out.

3.We can’t stop trusting God just because we don’t see an end to our situation.

4.Remember God doesn’t give you any more than you can handle!

“Some people were not raised on love; they were raised on survival.” -Zakiya

“You cannot force someone to love you the way you want to be loved.” -Zakiya

“Love looks different for everyone.”- Zakiya

“Love evolves as you grow together in a relationship.” -Zakiya

What is love and can it be defined? Is it an action? Is it a feeling? Is it all of the above? Do you know love when you see love? Do you know love when you feel it? Can you receive love? Can you give love?

I have heard so many ideas of what people think love is. How it should feel? How someone should express their love. To be quite honest, I don’t think love can be defined. I do not think love looks the same for everyone and in every situation. I think the word love is often misused and abused. People use the word without understanding it’s depth. I am guilty of using the word and truly not experiencing the feeling. How does love play a part in our everyday lives? Our interactions? Our relationships? Our friendships? Do you lead with love or do you lead based on your need to survive? How does your childhood impact your ability to give and receive love? Are you transferring your inability to love correctly to others, your children, or your spouse?

Why is love so difficult to define? Yet, most of us desire to be loved at the highest level. That would mean being loved in a healthy way. 

Here are a few points from tonight’s Konvos with Kiya:

1. Love is open communication. How can you love someone that you cannot talk to?

2. As human beings we cannot task ourselves with the responsibility of fixing another person’s brokenness.

3. You cannot force  someone to love you in a way that they’re not capable of loving you.

4. It is o.k. to love a person from afar.

“You never know how important something is to you until it’s placed in jeopardy.”- Zakiya

“I have attempted to place people in boxes that they did not belong- then feel betrayed when they misuse my trust in them.” -Zakiya

Trust is defined as “the firm belief in the ability or strength of someone or something. Some people believe trust has to be earned. Others believe give their trust freely believing that once that trust is broken it cannot be restored. 

When trust is betrayed in any relationship, it leaves a feeling of emptiness. A hollowness in the space where you once held that level of trust in a person. What do you do when someone you admire, love, and have built a relationship with betrays your trust? Can you move forward? Is the damage repairable? Can the trust be rebuilt?

In this episode of Konvos with Kiya, join me as I talk through real life situations where my trust was betrayed. Through this conversation, I find myself navigating through very real emotions and finding myself in a space of not really knowing how to overcome my feelings of distrust. One thing that we must always do is remain true to ourselves. If trust is a necessity for you in all relationships then you must stick to your core principles.

Here are a few points from tonight’s Konvo with Kiya:

1. Do not compromise your core values to remain in a situation out of love.

2. If you decide to move forward and forgive you cannot constantly revisit the past betrayal. 

3. Everyone serves a purpose. Be mindful of the role you allow people to play in your life! Not everyone can handle every part of you.

4. It is okay to forgive; and move-on!

“Establish things calmer without yelling.” - Kameron 

“I don’t feel good when I yell, it makes me feel sad.”- Zakiya 

“No one is 100% percent right every time, adult or not.”-Zakiya  

  The way we communicate with our children is so important!  I struggle with remaining calm in stressful situations. Honestly, I can admit that I yell. In this episode, Kam and I speak about the negative effects of yelling and how it can impact the relationships we have with our children. 

As a single mom there are many interchangeable factors and daily dynamics that play a major part in our lives. Kam and I are often on the run between work, school, homework, dinner, basketball practice and just the hustle of life! It can be very overwhelming! How many moms can relate to a never- ending schedule? So how do we keep our cool, parents? How do we minimize our feelings of frustration when our children aren’t doing what we’ve asked them to do? How can we “establish things calmer” (in my Kam voice) ? 

Identifying when we are wrong in any relationship is important. Admitting you are wrong is key to establishing respect and appreciation. I have learned that being open and transparent with Kam in moments where I have overreacted has allowed us to problem solve and remain close.  Accepting that as parents, we still don’t have all the answers can be a life-changing revelation. Let us make a conscious effort to change the dynamic in our homes. 

Here’s a few points from tonight’s Konvo with Kiya and Kam: 

1. Come up with a list of ways to communicate your frustrations with your children. 

2. Don’t approach any situation when you are already upset. COOL OFF first! 

3. Establish a clear system of communication with everyone in your home. 

4. Identify things that trigger you and express those things to your loved ones. (Ex. Leaving dirty dishes in the sink.) 

5. Apologizing is IMPORTANT. Don’t brush things off! 

We block our own blessings by living our everyday lives in fear.” -Zakiya

“You can’t expect another person to see your vision like you see your vision. It’s YOUR vision for a reason.” -Zakiya

“God has not given any two people the same vision.” -Zakiya

How many of us can honestly say we are content living in our comfort zone? How many times have we found ourselves comparing our path to the paths of others? I am guilty of it too! But. let me tell you, “Comparison will be the death of you.”

 We have been conditioned to believe that fear is something to be ashamed of. If we are fearful of a person we are viewed as weak, If we are fearful of change we are lazy or complacent. Living in fear keeps us bound to our present circumstances and doesn’t allow our minds to be open to the countless possibilities of life. 

Join me tonight as speak openly about my personal battle with fear and why living in our comfort zone is dangerous to our growth and development.  So many of us have heard, “I just want to be comfortable.” But, staying in our comfort zone will cripple only cripple us and push us further away from our destiny.

Here are few points discussed on tonight’s Konvo with Kiya that may help you identify your comfort zone and push you into GREATNESS:

1. Keep a record of your thoughts and ideas! (Write it down.)

2. Create a Vision board and actually keep it VISIBLE DAILY.

3. Short Reminders of your goals posted around your home.

4. Monitor the conversations you engage in! (Words are powerful!)

5. DON’T Check on what others are doing! (Focus on You)

“We are so forgiving of others but do not offer that same grace to ourselves when fall short.”- Zakiya

“It’s not what happens-it is how you choose to react to what happens.” -Zakiya

As we all transition into various stages of life we often face opposition. These trials and tests  present us with an option to revert back to unhealthy ways of confronting uncomfortable situations. Let’s face it just because you’re growing doesn’t mean that the old you isn’t lurking within. It is important to be intentional about your growth and the delicate phase of life that you’re in. 

Recognizing your triggers and simply saying to yourself, “Let me think of strategies that will help me avoid situations, people, places and things that will offset me and disrupt my path.”  However, what do you do when you lose your cool? When you let go of what you’ve been working so hard to grasp a hold of? How do you push forward and encourage yourself through your mistakes? Because WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES!

It’s important that you forgive yourself! The same forgiveness we offer to others so freely we often do not give ourselves. How many times have you spoke negatively to yourself about the things you have done? Or the way you handled a situation. It’s time we turn those negative thought patterns and words to words of encouragement and self-healing.

Here are a few points from tonight’s Konvo with Kiya:

1. FORGIVE you.

2. Know that during your growth process you may FALL, STUMBLE, or REVERT to old ways. DON’T GIVE UP!

3. Grace is simply forgiving yourself and offering yourself another chance to do it right the next time!

4. Write one positive thing about yourself every morning and every night! 

“Don’t choose to focus on the 10 billion things that went wrong today, focus on the 10,000 things that went right.” -Zakiya

As mother’s we often struggle to carve out the necessary time we need to function as human beings. Many of us work full-time jobs; while running an entire household! Not to mention the outside commitments that we have. In a recent article, I read, ‘Black single mothers are dominating Corporate America.’ Can I get a “OH YEA!” for all the hard-working Single-moms out there getting to the bag! This black girl magic is real HUNNAY!

However, when we get home and we kick off our shoes the one question that remains unanswered is how in the world are we getting all of this done? Are we truly maintaining a healthy balance? Are we carving time out to cater to our mental stability? Are we intentionally seeking ways to create BALANCE in our everyday life?

Lack of balance leaves us feeling burnt out and exhausted. Drained mentally, physically, and spiritually. When you struggle to ease your mind, when your mind is running a mile a minute you need to take the time to reset, reshuffle and make you a PRIORITY! We all need to take the time to invest in mental vacations every now and then.

Here are a few points from tonight’s Konvo with Kiya:

1. Carve out a specific time of day to unwind alone.

2. Taking a break is NOT A CRIME.

3. Creating a schedule and sticking to it!

4. RESPECT yourself enough to DEMAND the time YOU need to take care of YOU from your loved ones.