Konvos with Kiya

We have all heard the infamous riddle, ‘Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.’ That has got  to be the furthest thing from the truth. LET’S be REAL words hurt. Words are powerful and words can have a lasting effect on how we view ourselves. As children, we may have been unaware of how damaging the words of our peers could really be. As an adult, I am still plagued by some of the words spoken to me as an adolescent.

It is easy to brush off the comments made by our colleagues, family members, spouses, and friends. Whether intentional or not, words have a funny way of sticking to us. Feelings are real and emotions run deep. In the African American community, we are taught that as long as a person doesn’t physically harm us, it’s all GOOD! We are taught that words shouldn’t hurt as much as a punch to the face. We are told to ignore, to  push past emotional pain and carry on as if nothing has happened. To display any type of emotion is a sign of weakness. As we embrace the need to become more empathetic towards Mental Health awareness, let us not forget that our children struggle with pushing pass unkind words spoken to them by their peers, their teachers and at times even us, their parents.

In this episode of Konvos with Kiya, Kameron and I engage in a very candid discussion on Mental feelings vs. Physical Feelings. We explore how the words of his peers affect him in school, the role teachers play, and how goal setting can or cannot be effective when in placed in a compromising position away from home.

Konvos with Kiya Conversation Starters from tonight’s episode:

1. How important is it for your peers to say kind things to you_________________

2. I say ___________________ to lift myself up when I’m feeling down.

3. Do you struggle with thinking positive things about/to yourself ______________

Konvos with Kiya To Do List with your children:

1. Create a list of qualities you love about your child. Share it with them!

2. Set goals together. (Ex., I will take time each day to say one kind thing to myself.)

3. Review your goals nightly as a family. (Goals should be reasonable, maybe 1-3 goals each week.)

4. TALK, TALK, TALK! Talk to your kids about their day! Ask questions, inquire about the types of conversations they are having at school.

“ Why is it that we don’t feel guilty when we deprive ourselves of the time we need to grow?” -Zakiya

We have all heard that infamous saying, “What you allow will continue.” I’m not sure about you but that reigns true in my life. As I began to purposefully, reflect on areas in my life that I felt were out of control. I deemed it necessary to start drawing the line and placing boundaries on what I allowed, what I invited, and what I tolerated in my daily life.

When you think of the word “boundary”, what comes to mind? For me, the image of line comes to mind. That line represents a clear division or a space that I use to protect ME. YES, for me boundaries mean protection. Protecting me is a major priority in my life. I believe if I am not protecting my space and my energy and I am not taking care of ME.

Setting boundaries should be your top priority when you are taking a close look at your self-care practices. When you are clear on what you will ALLOW, what you will INVITE, and what you will TOLERATE in your life you can truly begin to focus on self-growth and maintaining a healthy balance within your everyday life.

Here are a few points from tonight’s Konvo with Kiya:

1. Your BOUNDARIES must be made clear, spoken and backed up with ACTION!

2. Setting boundaries are essential in order to maintain your mental health.

3. As a mom, you must carve out specific time for YOU to take care of YOU!

4. It is OK to choose YOU!

Here are a few points from tonight’s Konvo with Kiya:

1. When you pray and receive your blessings from God, you should never be ashamed to share his goodness with others.

2. It’s important to be intentional when sharing your personal space with others.

3. We can continue to walk in our purpose and never downplay accomplishments to appease others.

“When I have to switch sides it’s not comfortable. It’s sad when I leave Mommy and then it’s sad when I leave Daddy.”

-Kameron, 8

Growing up in a single parent household, My dream was always to have children and raise them with a mother and father in the home. That was the most important thing to me. When I became pregnant and that fantasy did not transfer into my reality, I had no choice but to redefine what family means to me. However, in this episode, Kameron will be explaining how it feels being a child in a split family dynamic.

In this episode we explore, his feelings of awkwardness among his peers. He shares how difficult it is to transition from one home to the next. 

Konvos with Kiya Conversation Starters from tonight’s episode:

1. What bothers you most about living separately?

2. My biggest challenge going from my mom’s house to my dad’s house is ___________.

3. If I could tell my mom and dad one thing I would like to do with them both it would be ___________.

“As a parent you have to do things that are going to help your child grow in a healthy manner.”
-Zakiya

“We have to learn that it is o.k. to talk about things that are uncomfortable with our children.” -Zakiya

“It is important to talk to your kids about this, It is important to model what a healthy relationship looks like between two parents. “-Zakiya

“Putting your kids first doesn’t mean putting yourself last either. “- Zakiya

Here are a few key points from tonight’s Konvo with Kiya:

Anything that God takes away from you believe that HE WILL replace it with something 10 times better!

Never forget what it feels like to be without what he’s finally blessed you with! Remain HUMBLE before HIM.

If you’re praying for something better make sure you are taking care of what you already have!

“Your mistakes are not a blueprint for your life. -Zakiya

“Be humble, respect and appreciate your blessings.”-Zakiya