| L E G E N D S: ICONS. |

I was certain that I only had one hair tie around my wrist, and as I read, not so coincidentally my book on magic, knowing that certainly what was happening was incredibly magical indeed, as I felt something creeping up my forearm, still somewhat shaken by my dream of not simply a spider, but a very large black and yellow tarantula—startlingly sweeping my arm to find that the disturbance was not intact a pest or creature of some sort, as originally assumed—however, instead a black hair tie, which I often used to pick up, however ironically was typically in short supply of when I needed one, and, given the privelege to wear my hat at all times as of lately— I hadn't needed one, and I hadn't been picking them up at the frequency that I used to certainly. This was strange—and under the impression that the inner workings of a spell were indeed in play, after having seen none other than increasingly mysterious Dillon Francis character—or even, rather, the handsome bastard Hazel quite so stopping the music to light candles —to which I had thought quite loudly

‘Oh, no!'

Even if it was a game, he was good at playing it—and even if it was a game I made up—I didn't quite yes remember how exactly to play it…and this one as hilariously dangerous, as figures I knew to be obstinately powerful we're having a field day with my psychic psyche. I knew some things, but never all—and even in the omnipotent all knowing, playing dumb was the only card.

{Enter The Multiverse}

[The Festival Project.™]

COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

-U.

***Trigger Warning***

W E I R D.

--and though the best thing in life are free,

rides are not

I paid for my ride up town

in uncomfortable gestures

and unwelcome gropes,

perhaps it is time to leave the world behind after all;

no love left here,

just money and lust

I've got trust issues,

eapecially for Muslims with mustaches,

(at least now)

Someone's always watching you

Don't know who, but yea, it's true

There's someone always watching you and everything you do

I say

“Illu-

Illu-

Illuminate me

Turn the light on

Turn me on, baby

Woah,

“Have I been here before—

Do you know what I do?

They know not what they do

They know not what they do!

I say

Illu

Illuminate me

Illu

Illu

Illu

Illuminate me

Illu Illu

Illu

I'm not on the bottom floor,

I'm way

I'm up above you

But you—

I'm way,

I'm way up to

I say

“I love you”

I say

Illu

Illuminate me

Illu

Illu

Illu

Illuminate me

Illu

Illu

Illu

Illu

Illu

SO WHAT, you'll take the Empire State Building, AND THE EIFFEL TOWER,

BUT YOURE NOT GONNA TAKE THE ROCK?

YEAH.

YOURE GONNA TAKE THE ROCK!!

(Not the roc! )

NO.

Well, why not?!

BECAUSE,

F—-K YOU, JIMMY FALLON, that's WHY.

Aw, seriously?

Why's it cencored all of a sudden

NBC

SHUT IT DOWN.

Look, I can't talk to you.

—?!

OKAY, that's it.

What is it

I am WISHING you out of my existence.

Is that it?

That is it.

That's your wish.

YES.

You're wishing me away.

Yes.

Ok.

Ok.

[beat]

(

—wait— “OK”?

Ok. Wish granted.

—that's it?

That is it, Jimmy Fallon.

—ok.

Ok.

So when are you leaving?

I was never here.

You—what?

*dissappears entirely from existence*

JIMMY FALLON takes a sigh on great relief— then sits in an empty silence alone, before the lights turn off. He takes another deep sigh, though seemingly uneasy, in the darkened silence of the room.

CUT TO:

You smell like vinegar.

Lol that's not the next scene, but ok.

Don't you see this is bigger than you!

It's bigger than all of us!

Exactly.

C'mon, wake the fuck up!

I am up!

This is a DREAM.

It's an illusion.

The whole

I'N HUBGRY.

THE WHOLE FOODS ALGORITHM

POLICE. HALT.

Lol. Fuck that.

Did he just say “halt”

Fuck that. Bye.

EXIT THE LOOP.

OOPS, we missed the exit.

GOD DAMMIT, FUCK YOU JIMMY FALLON.

—Uh, — EFF YOU.

Im not about this

This is weird

What level is this.

Well— I had coffee with Bob Saget this morning.

Did you laugh.

Well, I certainly did something.

Oh shit, they're not looking for Ū.

What! They're not.

What, they're not?

They're not.

They're looking for Uptown A.

Excuse me. I'm looking for “Uptown A”

Oh? The Uptown A.

Yeah— I guess.

Just—go that way.

Ok.

Ok, okay, okay— I'll tell you what you want to know!

How do you know what I want to know?

Whatever you want!

I haven't even told you, yet.

Whatever it is, I'll tell you.

Tell you what, Jimmy Fallon. I like you—you're a good guy and all—

Well, thank you.

But you're not funny.

Excuse me.

Like, at all.

What.

You—are not a funny guy.

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?

I don't know!

You don't KNOW?!

This is what they want. Here

[tosses the thing]

What's this.

What they want.

Oh.

K

JIMMY FALLON is THE WORST shapeshifter in existence and/or history.

What the fuck, dude.

JIMMY FALLON

Did I do it right?

Uhhh.

JIMMY FALLON

You know?

Hit and run

Okay, Jimmy.

Flglelwgheleehhhh.

Oh my God.

Wow.

Did I DO it.

NO—

—but I tried—

Just—

A-for effort.

It was F. For Failure.

But I tried.

Trying doesn't count.

Just let me—

Look.

Fleghelegfffff.

Jimmy!

Lemme—

No' stop it!

Just—

—flglelf—

—STOP.

Eh?

Look, Jimmy, you can have other magical powers. Just—not shapeshifting.

But I'm a shapeshifter.

No, no you're really not.

Uptown A's upbeat, City-inspired dance mixes turn tech house and progressive midtown dreams into the chaotic garble and grunge of a real-life Queensbourough nightmare; the eclectic mix of historic New York warehouse wonder blended into a new school uptown chiche—-a far cry from the underground to the new wave drum n bass clips ions and collections of now and then, the Uptown A Alias makes its presence in a dystopian world concerned none with the art and soul of music and more of the ticking clocks work of the eye on the dollar.

{Enter The Multiverse}

[The Festival Project.™]

COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

-U.

Lemon zest, the rush

The call of your name, for a run

The taste of your fingertips,

The brush of lust against the trees

Again, I call for you

I'm better off alone…

Oh,

I'm better off alone.

I'm better off alone,

Oh,

I'm better off alone

Just Leave Me

The only thing here

Is the kick getting through

I couldn't care anymore if I tried

I couldn't give a fuck if I wanted to

Just one more look at you,

I can't hold a candle!

No more worries,

And no more tear jerkers

(and No more hopeful romance,

For the ages)

No turning pages,

For pageants or princesses

Fit the agenda!

We're all steady aging,

Say, Sallie Mae

How many more payments

I'm just a slave,

It's just unpaid wages

A careful equivalent

No remorse or repent

I'm still soft and sacred

No regrets,

I'm so Shameless

Say, Sallie Mae

How many more payments?

Say, Sallie Mae

How many more payments?

A new writer's strike

But i'm still on a slaveship

Here's a soft punch:

Only kicks getting through here

I don't want to know,

How you even got through here

To do this

Hey, Sallie Mae

How many more payments?

Hey, Sallie Mae

How many more payments

Hey, Sallie Mae

Hey Sallie Mae

Hey Sallie Mae

I hate this.

*gunshot*

“Come for Supper,”

I might throw a party
In all of your honor,

For being remarkable

(or such a horror)

I promise!

It's not what it looks i'm

I'm off being Osacar, and
I wish I meant the award,

But i'm already

Crying off all my mascara

There might be a massacre right the fuck here

(Or mańana)

GOD DAMMIT, WHERE IS THAT PIÑATA.

GERALD, GET BACK HERE.

Don't you want to meet your baby sister?

NO.

*mother scoffs in horror*

Father:

Well, why not, son?

Trust me, we've already met.

Who's your friend?

I don't have any friends.

Then who's that?

These are prostitutes.

All of them?!

DEBBIE, my friend wants to meet you!

UH! I thought you didn't have any friends.

If I told her you were my husband, she'd charge you double.

KAREN.

WHAT.

Where's my–

WATER.

WHAT?

WATER. I NEED–WATER.

FOr WAAT

Oh shit, where is that dude?

idk probably in the lab

SERIOUS LABORATORY EXPLOSION.

DIIDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!

Compliments of the chef.

(eyes)

(Eyes)

OHYESOHYES.

Okay, i've had enough.

It still doesn't taste right.

LEt me see .

*tries*

YACH.

Yeh.

Did you put in the impossible sauce.

Put in the what.

The impossible Sauce.

In the what.

Ugh. This is a lot. We should call Ronald.

REGAN?

NO! Don't be ridiculous.

Oh...

Ronald McDonald.

WH-{AT}

Ronald McDonald Speaking.

lol this is so ridiculous.

it's getting out of hand.

lol.

RONALD MCDONALD (CONT'D)

[EXPLETIVE} NO! [EXPLITIVE] WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKIN ABOUT.

oh shit.

that's fucked up.

what's more expletive than *fuck*?

RONALD MCDONALD (CON'T)

[EXPLETIVE EXPLETIVE EXPLETIVE]

Wo!

Ohmygod.

holy shit.

RONALD MCDONALD

[EXPLETIVE EXPLETIVE EXPLETIVE] FUCK! Well, did you call the mouse?

I'm so uncomfortable.

Wait.

Deadmau5, finally.

Ugh.

MICKEY MOUSE

Hello.

AGH.

*dies*

MICKEY MOUSE

[EXPLETIVE] NO, RONALD [EXPLETIVE} You dumb fucking cocksucker!

*dies again*

Should we turn this off.

No way, man.

Well, I gotta hand it to you, Anne, you're one hell of a Bampheramph.

Yeah.

You should be taking a well-deserved nap–

I –

Captain.

ForFuckSake.

I solemnly Swear I Am Up To No Good.

INT. BAMPHERAMPH VAN. DEEP SPACE

HARRY, HERMIONE, AND RON/

DAVID SPADE

I bet she'll remember my name.

Shut the fuck up, David Spade.

FUCK. I ALMOST HAD IT.

HOLY SHIT, REALLY.

DANIEL RADCLIFFE

Holy fuck.

Jesus Christ

Are you serious.

Look, i've had a lot to drink tonight, okay?

Since when do YOU drink?

SINCE–

L E G E N D S

“Ronald McDonald's Impossible Sauce”

IN A FAR OUTER NON-LINEAR DIMENSION, JOEL ZIMMERMAN has been hired atyet another dead-end minimum wage job:

A VERY UNHAPPY CLOWN poses for pictures at a children's birthday party.

WHAT! Hold up, wait a minute.

What happened.

Is Ronald McDonald even still the mascot of McDonalds.

Maybe in Canada. Who cares.

People will care.

I promise you, nobody will care.

Wow. How is it you look better.

I'm gonna need proof this exists.

Proof what exists.

THE KOOLAID MAN erupts through the wall.

OH YEAH.

I'm going to bed.

MA!

Look all I got is matzos and coconut water.

AHHH

Bananas! I got bananas! You want some bananas?!

Arg?

COELACANTH, THE GIANT TERRIFLYING CLOUD MONSTER apparently Loves bananas

{Enter The Multiverse}

[The Festival Project.™]

COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

If the wind blew down your door,

How would I call for you?

—Through her, I suppose

And the silk of her hair,

Or the satin of her dress,

—

Oh, it's almost admissible,

Surely admirable,

Worth a smile or not,

That all the world is words,

In the end,

As I tear down my worlds,

and start over from One

And I've already stopped enough once for today,

I think

Surely, what you'd like is just

The time to get it all to nothing

(Never had I wanted it or needed it)

The phone was ringing,

But I'll never be off the hook again,

If you look for the proper way to move forward,

You'll never find it,

Especially looking behind you

(Always looking behind you—

Head in the past

Just like you

It's just like me,

Too,

To sit down and decide a whole song about you

While taking it all down.

I'm never distraught with the thoughts of a stranger,

Oh, on the contrary;

You should be mad about battle,

But I'm all for the veterans and

And never off if we were not at war with one another, but

Then again,

That's all we've ever done

It would be

Devastating

To even think of

Something more clever

“Clever and splendiferous confectionary efforts,

Just spectacular concessions my dear; I'll have another.”

Hadn't I deciphered once or twice the rhyme for riddles down to dollars and cents?

I did, I thought, once.

I never hindered Heaven from pondering over my shoulder once or twice upon a full lit moon, which under I predicted my own fortune.

Once— or twice, but—

Nevermind, or nothing;

Indifference, for instance, instantly inscessent ancestral insimination incriminating risidual visuals uhh

—From the festival.

{Enter The Multiverse}

[The Festival Project.™]

COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

-U.

[The Festival Projext]