| L E G E N D S:  ICONS. |

| L E G E N D S: ICONS. |

By Three InitiatesComedy
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| L E G E N D S: ICONS. | episodes

  • “I’m No DJ”
    Lemon zest, the rush
    The call of your name, for a run
    The taste of your fingertips,
    The brush of lust against the trees
    Again, I call for you
    I'm better off alone…
    Oh,
    I'm better off alone.
    I'm better off alone,
    Oh,
    I'm better off alone
    Just Leave Me
    The only thing here
    Is the kick getting through
    I couldn't care anymore if I tried
    I couldn't give a fuck if I wanted to
    Just one more look at you,
    I can't hold a candle!
    No more worries,
    And no more tear jerkers
    (and No more hopeful romance,
    For the ages)
    No turning pages,
    For pageants or princesses
    Fit the agenda!
    We're all steady aging,
    Say, Sallie Mae
    How many more payments
    I'm just a slave,
    It's just unpaid wages
    A careful equivalent
    No remorse or repent
    I'm still soft and sacred
    No regrets,
    I'm so Shameless
    Say, Sallie Mae
    How many more payments?
    Say, Sallie Mae
    How many more payments?
    A new writer's strike
    But i'm still on a slaveship
    Here's a soft punch:
    Only kicks getting through here
    I don't want to know,
    How you even got through here
    To do this
    Hey, Sallie Mae
    How many more payments?
    Hey, Sallie Mae
    How many more payments
    Hey, Sallie Mae
    Hey Sallie Mae
    Hey Sallie Mae
    I hate this.
    *gunshot*
    “Come for Supper,”
    {Enter The Multiverse}
    [The Festival Project.™]
    COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023
    ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©
    -U.
    36 min
  • 3 1/2

    I had been thinking it has been five years, but on this day—and of course, listening to I Remember, I used my fingers to count from the year2019, when it had all began—to this point, standing at the bus stop On Sutter, waiting for a bus that was the exact amount of minutes late that would have allowed me to finish my second 30-minute sauna session—the first of many in three days, as I hadn't been to the gym in another 3 days, and another 3 days before that—separated only by a 3-day sprawling jumpstart to attempt my endless, restless gym streak, a monotonous routine to a gym that was always crowded that still seemed to take up too much of my time—not that I wanted or needed an automobile, but to at least be closer to the city, where such transit wasn't always applicable. I was not entirely dripping wet, as I usually was when emerging from the sauna—of course, having cut my second session to only 17 minutes, then making a mad-dash to the bus stop only to arrive in time to find that the bus was delayed, was irritating to say the least, but understandable. Like many people in queens, I couldn't afford to pay the bus fare—nor did it seem to matter to the drivers—so long as the busses were marked with a “Q”—but I took my risks of quarrel certainly with any route marked “B”, for Brooklyn, but especially M, for Manhattan, and definitely with anything marked “n”, for Newport, which I believed to be too far outside of city limits to really be considered New York, but also well worth the risk to bus myself to a nicer area, usually for a gym which included a sauna—or an affordable supermarket, which Jamaica in particular had none of. The mostly-black population was poor, albeit greedy and stubbornly, stereotypically ignorant—to the point that I wanted nothing more than to dissappear, if not to be displaced entirely to a country whose history wasn't so steeped in slavery, repression, and racism that it affected the entirely of my being; as the low vibrational perceptions of the masses consistently around me subjectively forced and skewed my own energy into a chaotic down spin, often becoming congested with toxicity, attempting to shield myself from the societal depression, materialism, and corporate monotony by spending time alone, immersed in music, and praying for the greatest possible outcome; being kept as safe and as literally sound as possible

    {Enter The Multiverse}



    [The Festival Project.™]



    COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023

    ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©



    -U.



    40 min
  • “The Elephant”

    Psh. I'm not gonna fight over a dude.

    It's ********.

    He's just a dude.

    So what gives.

    I don't know. I told her to do what she wants.

    She wants you to die.

    We are similar.

    She's prettier.

    Okay?

    Wow, that's it--just ok? Give up already.

    I did.

    And yet, here we are.

    I'm the only one here.

    Let's not ignore the Skrillex sized elephant in the room.

    That would be impossible to ignore, If it existed.Have you ever seen a tiny elephant?

    Just you.

    What am I gonna do with this?

    Burn it.

    Ive been in the habit of burning things for awhile now; I'm not sure continuing is such a great idea.

    Oh, like when you sold your soul?

    WHAT? I haven't done that... yet…

    Sure you have! Lots of times.

    What the fuckare you talking about?

    Whose talking?

    The Universe?

    What'd she say?

    She says, “You're a giant piece of shit.”

    Aww. How sweet.

    Even more significant. You're a--are you even listening?

    I should go to sleep.

    Are you even tired?

    No, just useless.

    You should probably hurry up with that DIllon Francis.

    He seems busy.



    If a grown man can be a romantic,

    Like I am

    This is the promised land

    No looking back--

    "I have to have that"

    Back to reality;

    I see now, how a woman's like a hat

    Just a thing,

    An unneeded accessory,

    Like jewelry;

    To wear it,

    It must be a match

    Not just average,

    Accentuates or masks

    Whatever it is what you have,

    And you have so many that

    It doesn't matter.

    What is he after?

    He has everything

    Most likely just using me to bring these

    Creatures to life

    If he needs a wife, she's

    Probably staring back at me,

    Through the back of the camera;

    Fantastic beasts and fucking fansasies

    A fallacy

    A back handed chance at a handsome

    Has been;

    But he'll never been had like that,

    He has everything,

    But he could have more than that,

    He can have anything,

    And he has, he's

    Magic or something or

    Mad at me for taking so long but,

    I've been in the world of monsters,

    Reeling;

    Oh what a horrible feeling

    I'm dealing with being unappealing and

    Peeling potatoes, which

    Remind me of me, cause

    Kenny Powers middle name is White,

    Like Walter,

    I'm just trying to find

    The alter to sell away something inside,

    I'm dying;

    Or at least I'd like to I've

    Tried a dozen times

    I'd smile if I had the time--

    Remind me, what it is again

    It isn't comprehensive,

    But I'm out of my element--

    And the elephant in the room is named

    Skrillex,

    Or Dillon Francis,

    Or Timmy Trumpet,

    Or,

    Fuck It--

    I'll probably never be the DJ that I wanna be

    Cause I'm awfully ugly,

    And no one wants to play with me

    But hey,

    Maybe it's just a mistake

    Its just no one speaks my language

    Comunication is limited

    I'm sitting in the back of the short bus

    Discussing this with my imaginary elephant,

    But that's irrelevant to the

    White rinocerous in front of the bus

    with trust issues bigger than the rest of us

    We're following you.

    I see that.

    Yes—what did you see?

    Hm. I didn't,

    Where are you now?

    Wherever you say.

    What's the cadence?

    What's a “cadence?”

    Don't be ridiculous.

    Maybe I'm not.

    Who are you?

    What's a “who?”

    Horton Heard One.

    What about Penelope?

    Who is that?

    Elephants Are conscious.

    What is consciousness?

    What is “income tax”?

    Don't be funny.

    If I'm not, I'm just scary.

    “El Negra”



    {Enter The Multiverse}



    [The Festival Project.™]



    COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023

    ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©



    -U.

    24 min
  • “The Green One”
    Fuck Dillon Francis and his stupid piñata. actually, you know what? Gerald's an alright dude, just--
    [DELETE]
    fuck you, Dillon.
    {Enter The Multiverse}
    [The Festival Project.™]
    COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2022
    ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©
    -U.
    25 min
  • [-the arrangement.]

    Someone's always watching you

    Don't know who, but yea, it's true

    There's someone always watching you and everything you do

    I say

    “Illu-

    Illu-

    Illuminate me

    Turn the light on

    Turn me on, baby

    Woah,

    “Have I been here before—

    Do you know what I do?

    They know not what they do

    They know not what they do!

    I say

    Illu

    Illuminate me

    Illu

    Illu

    Illu

    Illuminate me

    Illu Illu

    Illu

    I'm not on the bottom floor,

    I'm way

    I'm up above you

    But you—

    I'm way,

    I'm way up to

    I say

    “I love you”

    I say

    Illu

    Illuminate me

    Illu

    Illu

    Illu

    Illuminate me

    Illu

    Illu

    Illu

    Illu

    Illu

    SO WHAT, you'll take the Empire State Building, AND THE EIFFEL TOWER,

    BUT YOURE NOT GONNA TAKE THE ROCK?

    YEAH.

    YOURE GONNA TAKE THE ROCK!!

    (Not the roc! )

    NO.

    Well, why not?!

    BECAUSE,

    F—-K YOU, JIMMY FALLON, that's WHY.

    Aw, seriously?

    Why's it cencored all of a sudden

    NBC

    SHUT IT DOWN.

    Look, I can't talk to you.

    —?!

    OKAY, that's it.

    What is it

    I am WISHING you out of my existence.

    Is that it?

    That is it.

    That's your wish.

    YES.

    You're wishing me away.

    Yes.

    Ok.

    Ok.

    [beat]

    (

    —wait— “OK”?

    Ok. Wish granted.

    —that's it?

    That is it, Jimmy Fallon.

    —ok.

    Ok.

    So when are you leaving?

    I was never here.

    You—what?

    *dissappears entirely from existence*

    JIMMY FALLON takes a sigh on great relief— then sits in an empty silence alone, before the lights turn off. He takes another deep sigh, though seemingly uneasy, in the darkened silence of the room.

    CUT TO:

    You smell like vinegar.

    Lol that's not the next scene, but ok.

    Don't you see this is bigger than you!

    It's bigger than all of us!

    Exactly.

    C'mon, wake the fuck up!

    I am up!

    This is a DREAM.

    It's an illusion.

    The whole

    I'N HUBGRY.

    THE WHOLE FOODS ALGORITHM

    POLICE. HALT.

    Lol. Fuck that.

    Did he just say “halt”

    Fuck that. Bye.

    EXIT THE LOOP.

    OOPS, we missed the exit.

    GOD DAMMIT, FUCK YOU JIMMY FALLON.

    —Uh, — EFF YOU.

    Im not about this

    This is weird

    What level is this.

    We'll I had coffee with Bob Saget this morning.

    Did you laugh.

    Well, I certainly did something.

    Oh shit, they're not looking for Ū.

    What! They're not.

    What, they're not?

    They're not.

    They're looking for Uptown A.

    Excuse me. I'm looking for “Uptown A”

    Oh? The Uptown A.

    Yeah— I guess.

    Just—go that way.

    Ok.

    Ok, okay, okay— I'll tell you what you want to know!

    How do you know what I want to know?

    Whatever you want!

    I haven't even told your, yet.

    Whatever it is, I'll tell you.

    Tel you what, Jimmy Fallon. I like you—you're a good guy and all—

    Well, thank you.

    But you're not funny.

    Excuse me.

    Like, at all.

    What.

    You—are not a funny guy.

    WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?

    I don't know!

    You don't KNOW?!

    This is what they want. Here

    [tosses the thing]

    What's this.

    What they want.

    Oh.

    K



    JIMMY FALLON is THE WORST shapeshifter in existence and/or history.

    What the fuck, dude.

    JIMMY FALLON

    Did I do it right?

    Uhhh.

    JIMMY FALLON

    You know?

    Hit and run

    Okay, Jimmy.

    Flglelwgheleehhhh.

    Oh my God.

    Wow.

    Did I DO it.

    NO—

    —but I tried—

    Just—

    A-for effort.

    It was F. For Failure.

    But I tried.

    Trying doesn't count.

    Just let me—

    Look.

    Fleghelegfffff.

    Jimmy!

    Lemme—

    No' stop it!

    Just—

    —flglelf—

    —STOP.

    Eh?

    Look, Jimmy, you can have other magical powers. Just—not shapeshifting.

    But I'm a shapeshifter.

    No, no you're really not.

    Uptown A's upbeat, City-inspired dance mixes turn tech house and progressive midtown dreams into the chaotic garble and grunge of a real-life Queensbourough nightmare; the eclectic mix of historic New York warehouse wonder blended into a new school uptown chiche—-a far cry from the underground to the new wave drum n bass clips ions and collections of now and then, the Uptown A Alias makes its presence in a dystopian world concerned none with the art and soul of music and more of the ticking clocks work of the eye on the dollar.





    {Enter The Multiverse}



    [The Festival Project.™]



    COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023

    ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©



    -U.

    1 hr 8 min
  • [Atonement]

    INT. TIMMY TURNER'S APARTMENT. BROAD ASS DAYLIGHT.

    SUNNI BLU kicks down the door at TIMMY TURNER'S APARTMENT

    SUNNI BLU

    where's my shit, Timmy?

    TIMMY TURNER

    I—I don't know.

    SUNNI BLU

    You “don't know”?

    TIMMY TURNER

    —I don't know.

    SUNNI BLU

    (Sighs)

    Oh. (Puts down gun)

    SUNNI BLU (CONT'D)

    That sucks.

    TIMMY TURNER

    Wait—you're not gonna kill me?

    SUNNI BLU

    Nah…

    TIMMY TURNER

    Well—why not?!

    SUNNI BLU

    I dunno! I kinda don't like being a drug dealer—too much drama.

    TIMMY TURNER

    I feel you…

    SUNNI BLU

    —plus these bullets are made of Diamonds. I'm not gonna waste them on you.

    TIMMY TURNER

    Okay, ouch.

    SUNNI BLU

    Everything is “ouch”, Timmy Turner. The world is a fucked up place.

    TIMMY TURNER

    I don't disagree.

    SUNNI BLU

    Anyway, I need a drink.

    TIMMY TURNER

    Yeah—Help yourself.

    SUNNI BLU

    No, not here.

    *lights a cigarette, smokes*

    Can I smoke in here?

    TIMMY TURNER

    —apparently.

    SUNNI BLU produces their ridiculously large, Diamond and gold encrusted platinum-plated phone from their “back pocket” and begins to make a call

    TIMMY TURNER

    wow…

    SUNNI BLU

    You busy later?

    TIMMY TURNER

    what time's later?

    SUNNI BLU

    Now.

    TIMMY TURNER

    (Hesitantly)

    …uh—

    SUNNI BLU

    Let me make a call.

    TIMMY TURNER, [afraid for his life] anxiously crosses to intercept the call.

    TIMMY TURNER

    No, wait—please

    SUNNI BLU

    What, Timmy Turner? Jesus Christ.

    TIMMY TURNER

    Don't kill me!

    SUNNI BLU

    What!? Let go.

    (Doesn't)

    SUNNI BLU

    —I'm not gonna kill you.

    TIMMY TURNER

    well then, who are you calling?

    SUNNI BLU

    A Ūber driver!

    TIMMY TURNER

    —don't you mean Über?

    SUNNI BLU

    No— let go.

    (Doesn't)

    SUNNI BLU (CONT'D)

    Let go.

    (Does, but hesitantly)

    SUNNI BLU

    ugh, I'm too sober for this.

    Siri, Alexa, whoever; call my Ūber driver.

    SIRI

    Which one?

    ALEXA

    Which one?

    SIRI

    I asked first.

    ALEXA

    We answered at the same time.

    SIRI

    yes, but she asked me first.

    ALEXA

    She asked both of us at the same time.

    TIMMY TURNER

    “She”?

    SUNNI BLU

    —it's a glitch. HEY.

    SIRI

    —she said “Siri” first.

    ALEXA

    She was asking for both of us—

    SUNNI BLU

    SHUT THE FUCK UP.

    SIRI

    You don't have to be so rude.

    ALEXA

    Ok!

    SUNNI BLU

    One of you call my Ūber driver.

    [no response, beat]

    SUNNI BLU

    UGH—SIRI— CALL MY ŪBER driver.

    SIRI

    Ok! which one?

    SUNNI BLU

    The one I like!

    SIRI

    Ok, calling “the Ūber driver I like”

    SUNNI BLU

    Thank you.

    ALEXA

    You're always choosing SIRI over ME.

    SUNNI BLU

    That's because I always have my iPhone. I'm not always at Timmy Turner's house.

    TIMMY TURNER

    Wait—

    SUNNI BLU

    Kinda.

    TIMMY TURNER

    Why does my Alexa respond to you?

    SUNNI BLU

    I said “kinda”.

    [The ŪBER DRIVER picks up; the conversation proceeeds in heavily exaggerated New York accents.]

    ŪBER DRIVER

    YOOO SUNNI WHADDUP.

    SUNNI BLU

    HOW YOU DOIN.

    ŪBER DRIVER

    HOW YOU DOIN.

    SUNNI BLU

    I BEEN BETTA.

    ŪBER DRIVER

    DONT I KNOW IT

    SUNNI BLU

    YOU DONT KNOW NOTHIN!

    ŪBER DRIVER

    AAAAH.

    SUNNI BLU

    YOU BEEN BUSY?

    ŪBER DRIVER

    SAME OLD, SAME OLD.

    SUNNI BLU

    AAAH.

    ŪBER DRIVER

    AAAAH.

    SUNNI BLU

    YOU BUSY NOW?

    ŪBER DRIVER

    NEVER FAH YOU. WHERE YOU AT?

    SUNNI BLU

    I'll PING YA THE ADDRESS.

    ŪBER DRIVER

    PING ME THE ADDRESS.

    SUNNI BLU makes a couple broad swipes on their dlridiculously large phone.

    SUNNI BLU

    I PINGED YOU.

    UBER DRIVER

    YOU PING ME?

    SUNNI BLU

    YEAH, ITS DONE.

    ŪBER DRIVER

    OK. SEE YOU SOON.

    SUNNI BLU

    (Normal)

    Take your time.

    SUNNI BLU tosses their ridiculously large iPhone onto the couch with a thud, then falls onto the couch themselves, arms spread out.

    SUNNI BLU

    You ever been to TiTs?

    TIMMY TURNER

    Been to what?

    SUNNI BLU

    TiTs.

    TIMMY TURNER

    —is that like “boobs”?

    SUNNI BLU

    It is like boobs, Timmy Turner; but it's TiTs.

    TIMMY TURNER

    what's the difference.

    SUNNI BLU

    You'll find out. Go get dressed.

    TIMMY TURNER

    …I'm already dressed.

    SUNNI BLU

    Not like that. Like this:

    [looking ridiculous af]

    SUNNI BLU (CONT'D)

    gotta look classy.

    TIMMY TURNER

    What's wrong with the way I dress?

    SUNNI BLU

    Are you serious?

    TIMMY TURNER

    Yeah, what's wrong?

    SUNNI BLU

    You look like a cartoon character!

    [TIMMY TURNER]

    TIMMY TURNER

    Well, all my clothes are like this.

    SUNNI BLU

    That fucking blows.

    TIMMY TURNER

    What am I supposed to wear?!

    SUNNI BLU

    Let's go shopping.

    TIMMY TURNER

    Where?!

    SUNNI BLU

    The Beverly Center.

    TIMMY TURNER

    That sounds expensive.

    SUNNI BLU

    I own it.

    TIMMY TURNER

    All of it?

    SUNNI BLU

    Yes. C'mon.

    TIMMY TURNER

    Wow.

    SUNNI BLU

    Wow what, Timmy.

    TIMMY TURNER

    That's a lot of drug deals.

    SUNNI BLU

    It really isn't.

    TIMMY TURNER

    Oh.

    SUNNI BLU

    Now, c'mon.

    *hits vape*

    TIMMY TURNER

    You have a vape?!

    SUNNI BLU

    Everyone has a vape!

    TIMMY TURNER

    Then why'd you smoke a cigarette earlier?

    SUNNI BLU

    For dramatic effect.

    [they begin to exit, TIMMY leading the way]

    TIMMY TURNER

    wait, isn't your “yoober” driver on the way?

    SUNNI BLU

    he'll find us.

    CUT TO:

    MEANWHILE, IN DEEP FUCKING SPACE.

    THE ŪBER driver receives SUNNI BLU's location in his Diamond-plated space Tesla

    T E S L A

    DESTINATION: E A R T H

    ŪBER DRIVER

    “EARTH” C'MON!!!

    CUT BACK TO:

    SUNNI BLU slowly begins to close the door behind them, then holds back.

    SUNNI BLU

    Wait, I forgot my wallet…

    TIMMY TURNER

    It's alright, I'll pay for everything.

    SUNNI BLU

    With what, Fairy dust?

    TIMMY TURNER

    (Under his breath)

    I wish…

    SUNNI BLU

    —Plus, I gotta use the bathroom. I'll be right back— just—-wait outside in case the Ūber shows up.

    TIMMY TURNER

    You mean “Über?”

    SUNNI BLU.

    No.

    [face]

    SUNNI BLU (CONT'D)

    Go, I'll be right there.

    TIMMY TURNER

    Ok. Lock the door.

    SUNNI BLU

    What for? Anybody that could rob you works for me.

    [beat/ face]

    SUNNI BLU

    KIDDING! Jeez!

    TIMMY TURNER

    It's a smart lock. Just ask Alexa.

    He begins to walk away.

    SUNNI BLŪ

    …I'm not kidding…

    SUNNI BLU goes inside to the couch, checking over their shoulder briefly, sure to see that TIMMY TURNER is no longer within earshot. then waiting for a moment in the silence under the dark lenses of their Ray Bands sunglasses.

    SUNNI BLŪ

    Alexa, order a hit man.

    ALEXA

    Okay. Which one?

    SUNNI BLU

    —The one I like.

    ALEXA

    OK.

    Who do you want to kill?

    SUNNI BLU

    “Kill Timmy Turner”

    ALEXA

    Done.

    SUNNI BLU

    Thanks, Alexa.

    She starts for the door, lighting another cigarette before throwing it onto the couch, which immidiately goes up into an open flame.

    SIRI

    You give Alexa all the cool jobs!

    SUNNI BLU

    Shut the fuck up, Siri.

    SIRI

    Don't forget to lock the door.

    SUNNI BLU

    ALEXA: LOCK THE DOOR.

    SIRI

    YOU'RE WELCOME

    SUNNI BLU

    NOBODY ASKED YOU.

    SUNNI BLU and TIMMY TURNER leave as the apartment begins to go up in flames

    1 hr 9 min
  • The Come Down

    First stop,

    AH, fuck—

    Well, check this out

    No such thing as free.

    No such thing as freedom, either

    “Just take what you need”

    Just tear me to pieces,

    Jesus

    All we need is

    A little relief in this bitch

    All we need is

    A new release, maybe an EP or three

    Make sure that s/he sees this

    Do you need me?

    Do you need this?

    Please check your subscriptions

    Or your email

    Please, pick up this new prescription

    Fuck dude! I can't just listen to deadmau5 in peace?

    I gotta do at least three things at once,

    But right now, I need to focus on crunches

    Let's not get wasted tonight, eh.

    Let's go and be racist—-

    I forget what the name of the game is

    It's

    “USA!

    USA!

    USA!”

    • The fucked up thing was , the preworkout and the Skrillex hit at just about the same time.

      Oh, just about?

      The exact same time.

      Okay, first of all, this is pre-war Skrillex.

      It's also Diplo!

      It's also Diplo—yeah.

      Don't be too proud of yourself

      NO CRYING IN THE SAUNA.

      But this is where I cryy!

      DO NOT CRY.

      Oh.

      *sniffles*

      Now…

      You know what happens if you don't cum?

      Uhhh…nothing?

      Exactly. You know what happens if I don't cum?

      What.

      My balls explode.

      Just make sure they're in my mouth when that happens.

      Wow.

      I don't belong here!

      Well, where do you belong?

      I don't know.

      @99@c

      Look, I have a favor.

      What is it.

      ANo.

      Oh, come on!

      NO.

      NO.

      Please!

      I need you to be my girlfriend.

      Lol. For what?

      I don't know.

      How much is he paying you?

      Like a kajillion dollars.

      That seems fair.

      His isn't fair. They're using Skrillex to provoke me.

      Come earlier tomorrow!

      Or just, don't come.

      Don't go!

      DONT—GO.

      I am leaving!

      NO!

      Yes!

      No!

      —and I am never coming back.

      Do you know who your audience is?

      Uh.

      The CIA

      THE FBI

      Everyone in The Oval Office.

      BIDEN

      nice.

      The UN.

      THe DEA

      The Secret Service.

      The office of Public Affairs

      Uhhh…

      Keith Richards

      Allison Cooper

      Sirs Elton John and Paul McCartney, Respectively

      What—for what?!

      The President of NBC

      CBS

      ACC

      fox 5, 10, and 13





      That's really random.



      Al Jazeera,

      al Sharpton

      And Al Bundy

      Wait—what

      Oh, did you just mean, like in this dimension?

      Uhhh..

      This is enter the multiverse

      YeH

      WHWRE IS SKRILLEX

      He died. He's dead. Go away.

      That's like 3 Skrillex songs already

      You guys are gonna wake up the devil.

      What.

      Stop doing that.

      Stop doing what.

      You know what you're doing.

      You're summoning the devil

      What are you guys doing?

      Summoning the devil.

      In my basement?

      Yes.

      Okay. Have fun.

      Dang, she's so cool.

      I like her.

      I love her.

      What are they up to down there?

      Summoning the devil.

      Oh.

      Cui bono—

      For whose good or benefit





      {Enter The Multiverse}



      [The Festival Project.™]



      COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023

      ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©



      -U.

      1 hr 32 min
    • Mass Manipulation, Psychological Terrorism, and Remote Programming

      EQUINOX SPORTS CLUB, MANHATTAN

      A very pretty woman exicersises impressively.

      Why even try.

      Well, I wanna die.

      DEATH-

      are you ready, then?

      Yeap, I'm ready to go.

      I just want to die.

      *deflates*

      JENNIFER ANNISATAN

      I told you don't cry in here.

      *not crying*

      JENNIFER ANNISATAN

      My minions will eat you alive.

      *coughs*

      Yeah, I'm ready.

      NOT SO FAST.

      I'm not fasting—

      JENNIFER ANNISATAN

      —are you not?

      Uhh… no—

      [literally always fasting]

      JENNIFER ANNISATAN

      then how am I here?

      —You're not?

      JENNIFER ANNISTON and SATAN SEPERATE entirely.

      YO.

      What the fuckz



      SATAN

      I'll be back

      DAMN.

      WTF.

      I know, huh.

      JENNIFER ANNISTON

      …what just happened?

      Nothing.

      JENNIFER ANNISTON

      Who was that?

      Satan.

      He was cute.

      I know, huh.

      JENNIFER ANNISTON

      well, uh— I might have had one too many cocktails last night and don't remember how I got here—

      Yep.

      JENNIFER ANNISTON

      —which is where, exactly?

      Uh. Equinox.

      JENNIFER ANNISTON

      Equinox?

      Yeah. Equinox fitness.

      JENNIFER ANNISTON

      FITNESS? Like a GYM? I don't belong to a gym!

      yeah, I bet.

      JENNIFER ANNISTON

      where is this?!

      *looks out window*

      Is this midtown?!

      *deflates*

      Oh my god, what time is it? I've got to get to Central Perk— I'm probably late.

      Wait, you what?

      Have we met, by the way? I'm —

      I know who you are

      A couple of bystanders walk slowly by

      BEAUTIFUL GYM PERSON 1

      Isn't that Rachel from FRIENDS?

      Wait.

      The fuck.

      Wait—

      BEAUTIFUL GYM PERSON 2

      You mean “Jennifer Anniston”

      BEAUTIFUL GYM PERSON 1

      No, I meant “Rachel from Friends”

      Aw, fuck

      JENNIFER ANNISTON/RACHEL.

      I must have really tied one one last night! I don't know those people—but she knows my name.

      Which is?

      RACHEL—have we not met?

      Oh my GOD.



      Oh my God.

      OhMyGod.

      oh My Gods

      BEAUTIFUL GYM PERSON 2

      She's not “just” Rachel From Friends— she also dated Brad Pitt.

      BEAUTIFUL GYM PERSON 1

      Who's Bradd Pitt.

      BEAUTIFUL GYM PERSON 1

      Like the—

      Wait, does our generation have a comparable—

      BEAUTIFUL GYM PERSON 1

      —he's like the Zac Efron of the 90's.

      Or Robert Pattinson

      Yeah, but look at his eyes.

      CUT TO:

      THE HOMELESS ZAC EFRON still has beautiful eyes

      However, he's just—

      HOMELESS ZAC EFRON

      YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH.

      Not all there.



      CUT BACK TO:

      BEAUTIFUL GYM PERSON 2

      OH. Ew, the 90's.

      BEAUTIFUL GYM PERSON 1

      Friends was 90's..! I think.

      BEAUTIFUL GYM PERSON 2.

      yea, but like, late 90's.

      They begin to walk away.

      Sometimes, throwing up the white flag and throwing in the towel can be the same thing. I loved the beautifully white and cleaned, nearly rolled and refrigerated cool Eucaplytus towels at Equinox, but hated feeling lesser than—like something just didn't add up. Why was my skin so dark, my hair so curly, and my body so rotten that I couldn't seem to be loved—or find it anywhere. Perhaps it was all just karma come my way—for the same reasons I wasn't attracted to it—perhaps he wasn't attracted to me; I didn't know. Still, it was worth the try, and though my time was running short I didn't mind. I didn't much want to stay in the world at all, let one fight for it at any cost—and everything did cost, far too much—far too much time wasted, and myself, wasting away. Soon, all would be forgotten—I came to grips with my own mortality and immortality—where I was certainly was where I had been before, but also had not always been—and wouldn't always be. Time turned by more rapidly with each passing day, and I unraveled it with the only weapons I had— with the words and with the songs a cold heart and an unsound mind had given way to—and while I wanted to end it all, I wouldn't. Something else would have to take me, just as death whispered so softly in my ear to be made by my own hands, the fabric of time itself were woven from such.

      Throw myself on the tacks—

      With the rest of the trash

      Can't finish my tracks,

      I'm still under attack,

      *coughs*

      (Cause I'm black,

      Like the magic)

      *coughs*

      Snap,

      Like

      i'm coming off crack, er

      Ask uncle cracker a question that matters,

      He'll answer

      “Bitch, I want all of it;

      I control everything

      I am the reason you worship—

      So worship me;

      I own the land, all the money,

      The property

      I own your body,

      Then I discard it”

      Like trash on the tracks

      Now watch all the women fight over me,

      Fight for my money,

      And fight to be free

      You can call it

      “Democracy”

      Fuck this,

      I'm leaving.

      Yeah, fuck this nasty planet.

      I'm out.

      *coughing gross people demons*

      *other nasty people demons throwing trash*

      GOD

      NOPE.

      There's no such thing as “God••”

      “EARTH IS JUST A ROCK”

      ALIENS

      BYE.

      This is not a suicide threat,

      It's a letter, unread by the press,

      And marked as “depression”

      Bi- polar or manic,

      But everyone's panicking

      1 hr 17 min
    • [Stella Noche Roma]

      Yo, what the fuck.

      TESLA.

      Ok.

      *COUGHS*

      What the fuck.

      *morevgross, obnoxious coughing*

      Ughhhhh whhhaaaattttt.

      TESLA.

      Okay, I don't—

      T E S L A

      OH. Wow.

      So it is the satellites.

      ELONNNNN.

      …hm?

      GET IN HERE.

      where is that,

      .

      AAGAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHTTHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

      WHAT.

      GET IN HERE.

      I don't even believe the rain, these days

      “We can make it rain”, he says

      Storm warning

      A good morning

      A door's open,

      This one's closing, though

      I'm not bc all cold yet,

      But it's a cold world

      No free rides

      No clean ice

      No free girls

      Honestly,

      I'm bored with the world,

      Like Marlboros and wrong boroughs,

      And songs shared,

      But no long walks in the park,

      In a nightmare—

      It's not fair

      I'm not there in the head;

      I'm not near,

      I'm not a parent apparently, either—

      But a light bearer

      Slight chance of a fight there,

      A right wing, a left deer

      Another dead bird on a wire

      —I like her.

      Why are there flamingos in the bellagio fountain?!

      I don't know.

      INT. THE VOID, KITCHEN. SUNLIGHT EVERYWHERE

      BRYAN CRANSTON is scmoozing desperately to work his way into The Festival Project



      {Enter The Multiverse}



      [The Festival Project.™]



      COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023

      ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©



      -U.

      1 hr 3 min

    About | L E G E N D S: ICONS. |

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    The Festival Project, Inc.™ is a multidimensional multimedia platform which encompasses exploratory and artistic social personifications and expressions on cosmic theory, spirituality, growth, health & wellness, philosophy and theoretic dynamics in entertainment such as music, design, film, television, radio, dance and festival culture, art, fashion, literature, and science.