LATE NIGHT LARGE

Prepare to burn your mattress and throw it at the screws, as our two jailbait-chasers are on 'lockdown' for inciting a prison riot. With all the time in the world to think about what they've done, Mike and Aaron use their captivity to discuss means, motive and opportunity for imprisonment, as well as some inappropriate gags about prison sex.

Dante judged those guilty of treachery to be among the worst sinners, frozen in the deepest circle of the Inferno, and that's where Mike soon regrets taking a leak. Expect to hear rigorous and possibly infantile debate on the motives for betrayal, as well as a lowdown on history's most famous back-stabbers.

(footnote: apologies for the mix-up in the episode, of course the historical figure referenced in the Spanish conquest of the Aztecs should have been Hernan Cortes, not Francisco Pizarro!)

Recognition comes in many forms, but Aaron and Mike only care about the kind that comes with a precious metal lustre in this trophy-laden edition of the usually sparsely-decorated topical radio fiasco. Hear about the many forms of peer approval and adulation as Mike's spiteful envy sees him kick the podium over at the Paralympics.

Our two mutilated grotesques spend a little too long lingering on the more nauseating prospects of body augmentation, including anal tattooing, voluntary amputation, and everything in between. More than a few cautionary tales and wince-inducing verbal images abound, in this unforgettably embellished episode that would leave Dr Frankenstein himself in raptures!

Our two creeping weeds query how Mary-Quite-Contrary's garden grows, while Mike typically beats around her bush, and leaves his green thumbprints all over the scene of the crime...

They see us trollin' - they hatin'. Or we are. Drunken hecklers; catcallers; bullies; all real-life versions of the online phenomena: the troll. As rude as he is gluttonous, you should never feed a troll after midnight. Or at all. Stalking online forums only to sow discord and abuse, it's no surprise to hear Mike having a modicum of sympathy for these love-starved weirdos. What constitutes trolling and what are its motivations? Listen on to find out. Just try not to be a sensitive little flower.

Dropping their kecks, necking brake fluid and firing up the Bunsen burner, our two maladjusted miscreants play with dangerous and sordid implements purely to convey a profound artistic statement to the esoteric masses. Will you get it?

F is for Fat, I is for Idle and T is for....never you mind. Our two out-of-shape oafs illicit suggestions on treating their body as a temple rather than a slagheap from special guest and bodybuilding enthusiast; Greig Ross. Besides the sensible advice, rest assured there will be plenty of roister-doistering from our resident slovenly slobs.

Handshakes and penguin suits all round as Mike combs his hair and watches his mouth for long enough to make a good impression for an important engagement with Her Majesty's Criminal Justice System. What are these strange customs and dress codes we demand of others and ourselves, and what function do they perform? Listen on for a lesson in etiquette and courtesy, soon disregarded and mocked by our disrespectful dilettantes.

Our pair of dense pillars take the piston again, as they investigate what happens when Mother Maths and Father Physics love each other so much that they perform carnal acts to create a functional art baby.