Latter Day Survivors

Esteban continues his story in part 2.    In this episode Esteban talks about life after the church. What can life after the church look like for someone who is LGTBQIA?  It's important to know that the church doesn't own kindness, "clean living", integrity, honestly, faithfulness, even spirituality.  All of those things are still available to you outside of the church if you want them. Learning you are a valuable human being with a lot to offer the world, instead of being the example for what a "sinful person" is, may just be something that one of your family members needs to hear from you. It may just save a life.... it's THAT serious. 

This is an important episode. Sometimes we participate in things knowing that there are problems but as long as it isn't affecting us, we turn a blind eye to it. But you might have an "Esteban" in your family who has been too afraid to tell anyone. Or maybe you have excluded a gay family member because of your beliefs and you don't understand how damaging it was for them to learn your love was conditional. Here is an opportunity to listen to what it is like to be LGTBQIA in the church and how there is support and community for you after you leave. It can also be an opportunity to change your thinking (if you have rejected a gay child) and reach out to estranged family members NOW before it is too late. 

Esteban describes what it's like to be raised to believe that being born gay made him an unworthy sinner in a church claiming to follow Christ's example. He served a full time mission believing he could be saved from homosexuality by "living the gospel"

Karly is a survivor of physical abuse, emotional abuse, neglect, childhood cancer, and religious trauma as a member of The Church of Christ. She noted many similarities in her religious upbringing to friends who were Mormon or ExMormon. Karly is a resilient and brave young woman and we are happy to have her on as the first "guest" :) on our podcast. 

In part 2 of Kindra's story she discusses how leadership of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints mishandled the sexual abuse presented to them by her and her mom. How they revictimized her on multiple occasions. She discusses the issues she faced as a teenager, young adult, and mother as a child sexual assault survivor in the church. She discusses other areas in life where she notices revictimization and the stigma of breaking her silence about child sexual abuse and her struggles with PTSD and ADD.

Although abuse does seem to shape our lives as survivors, Kindra does not wish to be defined by her abuse. She also identifies patterns of generational trauma in her life and in her life choices. 

As survivors we know first hand the revictimization that happens due to unintentional invalidation from family and friends who do not know how to respond to our constant retelling of our stories, our over explaining trauma response from being silenced for so long, and the intentional and vindictive retraumatization from abusers and institutions who only care to protect their reputations.

Perpetrators of abuse know that sexual stimulation of a child feels good to the child and that this is confusing and causes feelings of guilt, shame and encourages the secret to be kept. This also can cause sexual dysfunction early in children including excessive masturbation and problems with intimacy later in life among other issues. We talk about these issues frankly. 

The shame belongs to the perpetrators and those people and organizations that protect them. Please join us in placing that shame back where it belongs. Keeping their secrets protects their reputations and harms past and future victims.

Dayna was sexually abused at the age of 7 but this was not the only story of abuse in Daynas household growing up. She was a member of a prominent LDS family who took a lot of pride in the Kimball name but behind closed doors, it was anything but holy. Listen to part one of Dayna's story.