Le Lapin

We cannot have anything virtual without something actual.

This is the focus I have been bringing forth, more emphatically since 2019. I can elaborate on that, but I’m starting to notice a few words with an image that says a lot more is already a bit like standing in front of the fire hose.

I must also be brief due to a sore throat, most likely from walking in cold damp without a scarf.

The last bit that’s become obvious is people have more contacts but less energy for reality. The communication chasms are literally and metaphorically in our hands. Those chasms are a bit like tablets, performing our personal commandments.

The chasm has intensified the use of fantasy, porn, perversion, and the fear of saying that has turned ordinary humans into chilly cowards. Onward it is to speak what one really thinks, what one truly wants, and be prepared to deal with whatever comes.

I oscillate between having a lot to say and then realizing I can always say more when I make art. In a book a friend gave me, it says the artist that sits becomes the critic. But no one has a singular identity; humans are not flat screens or wrote projections. They’re a confluence of genetic and geological influences, psyches and word plays, and reaching some kind of congruence requires conversing, critical thinking, and of course overcoming feeling and making choices toward creating…not a frozen picture, but rather a changing seasons. Multitudes, multiverses, they already are.

This week, I hope you go play and with diligence to respect, find what you are seeking.

https://rachelwolfe.com/ice-blocks/

Always grateful for support in the realm of the actual. If you would like to support the part I contribute to the humanities, you can subscribe to the cookie jar or check out this page for more ideas: https://rachelwolfe.com/support/

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There are experiences in life that seem inconceivable. Things that seem so far out there, they would have to be made-up, or from a movie. Invisible things in particular are often the hardest to contend with, quite obviously as their existence are known only through their effects. Invisible things do have real implications, and yet are often reviled to the realms of subjectivity or psychology. Subjective experiences become classist issues, or issues of power and dominance. A place where the strength of the voices, number of voices, or outrageousness of the voices are what validates truth. Yet, the truth has always been harder for me to find, to get to, and when it was…it was somehow quietly always in plain view.

Back to the conflict in conceivable and inconceivable experience, and the rise in awareness of forces people have long used: psychological conflict tactics. Mind wars which seem to echo the actions of physical wars. And while a great lot of the worlds population has profited from the physical war taking place someplace else, a more sobering reality about the allegedly safe environments we are inhabiting invites a sinking into the depths of human experience.

Are people safer living on the surface? Personally, I think they are more easily subjected to weather, whims, and falsifications. It requires labor to dig, fortitude to find out, and even more courage to continue living free from cynicism of the heart after facing the starkness of reality in all its conflicting glory.

Still years after the experience I’m about to share, linger remnants of doubt. Lab results, documented physical symptoms, research journals, and news articles don’t seem to be enough-but are all that remain. The reach for closure found its way through the desire to do everything I can, so no one else has to endure such an encounter with confusion; to offer some kind of a guide though invisible matters.

____

I’ll never forget how difficult to describe the wretched stink was. I’ll never forget my coworkers gasp, “What is that! Where is that coming from?” I had sat right beneath the air vent, where whatever made the foul smell, poured straight into the office. While I focused on my work tasks in an attempt to block out the smell, the indescribable disgust inspired groans from my coworkers filled my ears. My forehead tingled, and fatigue flooded my bones. I could step outside to get some relief, make sure I was not dreaming, and try to use focusing my mind to overcome my senses.

A bad smell is a bad smell; “So what,” I thought. I’ve changed dirty diapers, worked in the stench of food service, cleaned horrific living spaces, but this stench was undeniable; something of putrid sewage, soured air conditioning chemicals, wet basement, and dirty socks; a smell so stiff it lingered in my mind.

Eventually the smell eased up over the next several days, but strange smells continued to come and go from the office for weeks. People began to arrive to work sick. A common practice during flu season of people wanting to secure their employment and livelihoods; so I didn’t think much about it.

Focused into a quiet sense of duty, I, along with my coworkers forged on. My colleagues really did look sick. Red and runny noses, watering eyes, coughs. So even though I did not appear ill in the same way, I wondered what was really going on. I felt deeply fatigued, had intense pressure behind my eyes, swollen lymph nodes, tender and tingling muscles, and as mentioned…a tingling forehead. I would arrive feeling fine and slowly after a few hours start to experience confusion, with occasional dizziness. As a yoga practitioner for decades, having led breathing practices as an instructor, the symptoms which doctors tried to write off as anxiety did not make sense. I was never more calm. I joked if I was any calmer I might be dead. I tried to write off my senses, thinking I don’t look even half as sick as my colleagues, and therefore must be fine.

One day, on my way to take a break, I overhead someone talking about how exhausted they felt, mentioning some strange tingling and confusion. I asked what was up. After chatting a few minutes, my colleague suggested I bring up how I was feeling with the Environmental Safety Officer, and that it was best to go in person to his office in the basement of the building. She said several people, including students, had been complaining but nothing ever changed. She hoped if more people spoke up, maybe the school administration would start to take people seriously.

Not wanting to cause any kind of trouble, I wrote off my experience until I could meet with the Environmental Safety Officer and found out, me and my colleagues weren’t the only ones feeling bad. He did too, and there in fact had been complaints on-and-off for years. I brought up the idea of calling OSHA and he encouraged not to because he thought the school would get in trouble and we could lose our jobs. While it didn’t make much sense, I didn’t. At least, not at first.

I comforted myself with thoughts such as, the work place is a safe place, all practical measures are considered, generations of workers fought for safe conditions. Sexual harassment and policy pamphlets buttress welcome week trainings, and things like life rafts, safety belts, and air masks are far from mind in an office environment. Even still, the request of the Environmental Safety Officer to not call OSHA for the risk of some possible type of fine didn’t sit right with me.

The more I started to talk to my coworkers, the more I started to find out, we all were experiencing similar symptoms. Since I had only started working there recently, when I heard people who had been there for years all share the same experience, I became more nervous. They had complained for years of coffin flies in the basement, weird smells, bad headaches, fatigue, respiratory irritations, and everything got worse during the remodelling project. And I had started working there at the end of the remodelling project.

Ok, some dust had accumulated in the office. I didn’t think much of that, but I still wondered if any of my physical symptoms could have any relation to those of my colleagues and the terrible smell we experienced. I recalled my Aunt’s research on mold and environmental contaminants from a conversation we had a decade ago, at a family reunion. She served as a senior toxicologist for the Washington State Department of Health; I trusted in her research work and told her about what was going on. I had also sought support from an acupuncturist to deal with the stress. Both my Aunt and acupuncturist advised me to wear a mask. Not wanting to make a scene by wearing a mask turned out to not be such a wise choice. I had convinced myself since I didn’t know what was really going on and for the cause of not making a big deal, I was probably just fighting off something going around the office.

My family suggested I visit a doctor anyway because swollen lymph nodes persisting for more than a few weeks could indicate something serious. I had insisted my body was fighting off whatever was going around at work or physical stress of travel. Reluctantly, I went to the GP I had chosen at the start of the job. He told me to get more rest, take some vitamins, and everything would be fine.

At the start of the workdays I would feel fine, but after a few hours, the symptoms would come back. I took walks during breaks to get fresh air, since the Environmental Safety Officer had suggested to just get more fresh air if I started to feel anything strange. On my walks, I began to recall stories from people I’ve known later found their mysterious illnesses were related to mold and building material contamination. I learned from my neighbor the school she worked at also had issues, and schools were known for having risky building material practices in the past. I learned I had mistakenly believed those hazards were remove…

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Over the weekend, I had a nightmare about global socialism. In short, the organic farming tribes were unable to get along and began to kill each other; there were not enough energy, textiles, nor housing without mold infestations, nor clean running water. There was of course no internet in this dream, since a magnetic warfare preceding the decentralisation took place, so people used vulgar means to signal imminent threat. The great fears people thought would come to pass under capitalism were far scarier in this nightmare.

I woke up in a bed, with birds chirping outside, a family talking while cooking food, and comforted by these notions which were in some perspectives normal, and in others luxuries. The thing I noticed about the middle class luxuries is that in a wider context, they are; and in a narrow context, is used as a means to validate hate against a perceived elite class.

The thing about elite classes, is they tend to think they have the power, control, and intelligence others do not. The thing about that is, people with common sense have power and control. This is not a call to revolution.

Quite the contrary. If you are new here, then you would know revolutionary “faiths” are historically short lived and tend to implode on their intentions. Ellen Ammann, spent a great deal of her life working to expose the detrimental effects of the ideology.

Though I prefer books due to their lack of blue-light displays, I understand some have devices that do not have such endocrine disrupting backlights. Therefore, James H. Billington’s book, Fire In the Minds of Men: Origins of the Revolutionary Faith, is available at your local library or here: https://files.libcom.org/files/Fire%20in%20the%20Minds%20of%20Men.pdf

To which I must give thanks to my friend and illustrator Mark for recommending this book to me. There are so many ideas I had after being educated in public schools in the Midwest and moving to California that turned out to be absolutely horrible. I really learned the meaning of hell being paved with good intentions, and after more hellish experiences in Scandiland (a nickname I learned from another friend), I learned to work more to really look past illusions and tune into the deeper dynamics. The thing about gut instincts is they are quite limited without proper mental training.

Knowledge you do not know is someone else’s power. Knowledge you gain is your peace.

And yet, here is this place, as so many images promise, that appear ideal. They were exposed on 120 or 220 kodak film (I cannot remember if it was 12 or 24 exposures per roll); that banding is from the scanner, and I didn’t try to fix it. The cool part of these images is that my 95 year old aunt in Ohio remembers Norway having red wooden houses with white trim.

There are some benefits to retaining the pleasures of the past as we venture into the future, even if they are impossible to reasonably quantify. That quanta matters.

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In our Internet times, quotes are traded like links as proof, currency designed to convince or to inspire you! Some toss the baby out with the bathwater when it comes to the abundant resource technicians have been building the internet with, claiming the space as purely distraction, or worse, confusion collider.

There are several, seemingly endless scrolls of orders to ensure you are smarter, better, more interesting. Yet quite often we find our most profound insights or understandings of the world by listening or being fully present. This grand central publishing zone appears as a mirror to the celestial psychic tugs humans are levying on each other. And whatever consciousness is, we know mind isn’t something we simply own, but something that we are responsible to sieve through. What’s dust, what’s gold, and what context do different materials have value?

The origins of consciousness have also to deal with awareness. How many times have you walked down a street and noticed something new, that was probably always there. The act of noticing has a fun relationship to how willing you are to be open to perception. And if we go into the unconscious, or what we are not aware of, then surprises tend to happen over and over. The idea those unpleasant experiences point often to the aspects of ourselves we have denied or not yet made peace with is a convenient way to lump our beings into a cosmic stew.

Mind you, I have not and do not plan to ever do mushrooms as I already find the substances that sustain life trippy enough. So whether or not we agree, and we certainly don’t have to, to share this place we call home, what I want to get at here is whether or not such claims are true. And if it is true, how and where is the fiber in your being that tells you with certainty?

So let’s use a popular quote as an example: “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” ~ Carl Jung

Useful one Mr. Jung. While Jung`s contributions and insights thankfully countered some of Freud`s fixations, in that he opened up ones ability to distiquish for themselves, the domain of their mind. In a festive argument I’ve shared several times with friends, is the ethics of changing someone’s mind. In that I came through and still work with communications and marketing, as well as having taught yoga, meditation, dance and some arts, I’m deeply sensitive to the ethos of mind. Someone’s Locus of Control, or their ability to attribute their life to being a result of their choices instead of an external entities influence, is a chief concern of mine because we are social creatures. Influence is not always “bad” in that it is not always unhealthy, but discerning what is what, in the beauty of multicultural environment requires a thick bandwidth of compassion, respect, but also tensegrity of individual values.

And I love that word a lot: tensegrity…something that holds up with the laws of physics yet looks effortless because it’s working in concert with nature.

When we look at nature, there are storms, so is it not expected there would be conflicts within the human organisms? And so I find it takes a great deal of time to sort out intrinsic motivation and this strange feature of attempting to tell others what to do. Then again, I am making these assertions from the assumption people are with science…meaning there is a conscience, an ability to doubt and question what is known.

So while social media seems like a space for the quick construction of fuzzy, feel-good aura around smart things dead guys have said, it’s within our own hands to see to what we make use of these spaces for. Lies do not become truths once repeated over and over; that’s one of the sandpaper rubs I had with matras. They are useful, but it is important to learn what one is actually doing. Because what is going into your body, your entire nervous system is a concert of senses. This is one of the reasons I appreciate the cabin life of Norway so much. And as much as I often thought an expert practitioner of consciousness could withstand NYC’s busiest intersections with the same contact with zen, that’s a construct formed for judgement. When every body has their differences in ranges of tolerances.

Which has me wonder, what kinds of behaviors are tolerated is a distinctily cultural phenomena, and high levels of intolerance is by the Wiki definition of sanity…not sane. Narrowness and rigidity is considered a fore-bringer of illness.

Mens sana in corpore sano.

Therefore the sounds are what matter here a great deal. Which resonances produce conditions that aid life in growing, and which resonances aid in molding or rotting or what have you? All of these resonances have purposes. So to make tactile what the unconscious and conscious is about when it comes to stepping out of victim positions (which can happen to any of us at any time because we never actually control life) and into assertive stances, it could be said this:

“When past traumas lie buried within, then they will excavate themselves in every life situation. When traumas past are transformed into fertilizer, you become the primary creative force in your life.“ 

Working with these pointers, recalling a time you felt hurt, injured, either physically or emotionally, you can locate the intense feeling and work with it instead of abject it outside of yourself. Even insults are not longer injury but tools. You probably also know fertilizer has a strong smell, and organic or synthesized fertilizers have different smells from each other. And while their products may appear the same, we can know from testing there are differences. These differences are material matters, much as aspects of consciousness ties our immaterial beings to the material beings we are and exist with.

These unconsciousness things are often brought into your direct experience in glaring ways which cannot be avoided. Pain and challenges, are often fertile opportunities for sieving what is important to you, and therefore materialising what matters for you.

I hope next time people go around shouting at people about being woke or wake up, they remember how jarring it is be in a glass jar, and how whole it is to be fully bodied asleep or awake. The possibility for accessing whole consciousness is always there. And it doesn’t cost anything but your full being.

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The cult of positivity has seemingly good intentions. Within certain mental frameworks and orientations, people can encourage their personal trajectory with focus toward creating the goals they wish to realise. The counterparts to this activity when out of balance, and pressed upon others tends to lean toward stress, wishful thinking, or perhaps the really nasty canceling culture. As in we cannot fool mother nature without fooling ourselves, intrinsic motivation creates movements more synchronistic than extrinsic motivation.

I often wondered where the root of the idea of the “Universe” came from and how it was permitted to overtake the public mind. Quite often I’ve found the taboo as compass to the fear, and in this case the fear of saying the word “God.” In that the idea of the personal as universal has roots in Orthodox Christianity, sliding in Universe in place of God made the notion of the personal as universal more culturally acceptable. Meanwhile, this use of Universe allows for depersonalisation, and in that further obfuscating individuals from fully forming the connection within themselves. Therefore the parroting of phrases, without deeper introspection often feels a bit like scum, or that foam that forms on top of the ocean. The kind of knowing based on feeling points toward the notion of the Universal, as used in pop culture, as being the basis of self divination. Something Western cultures are celebrated for allowing. So instead of saying “God” (which happens to mean good in Norwegian), people say “Universe.” And the Universe, actually then is yourself. But a self divorced from the self and ensuring survival through social constructs instead of from intrinsic motivation. Is it not self-apparent to witness the difference in performance when someone wants to climb a mountain versus when someone is cheering them on to? Both people may experience fear, but the one with intrinsic motivation may get closer to the top, than the one that peters’ out down at the bottom, or doesn’t get started at all.

There was a time I too was duped into "Universe" sensationalism. I had believed I was connected to my body, but it was really through a 7 years process I got connected to my body in a way that was really unpleasant. My body hurt, was in pain, and suffering - not by anyone’s hands but by choosing to do things that were simply not easy. No one was opening the door for me as I had grown up with, I was barely allowed to do the work I had worked decades to be permitted to do too. The notion of self-determinism was being smooshed under some kind of invisible force, and the weight of social energy, forced me to look at the ideas around what is right or to use the forbidden word, God, yet as I mean it: Good.

In the sensationalist universe, or abjection of the personal in favour of a depersonalised system, the idea is that if there is resistance, that is a redirect. This was the most common advice I received. And furthermore, I was stirred deeply by my great great grandmother’s work against national socialism, as she foresaw the dangers to individual lives. So I wondered, why I did not quite have the connection to my life in a way I need to have because I was lacking the knowing feeling, a sense of certainty and had to find out how to more fully decide. Since my relatives who survived much harsher conditions and treatment, their resistance to tyrannical and oppressive social movements during WWII are present day marginalised facts of life. The bigger social pictures, shapes and forms, is that those ideological battles are all around us, on social media, in plain sight. Yet instead of it being obviously horrific as is the treatment of physical violence in war time, the invisible horrors become increasingly difficult to deliver to anyone else’s minds. So it really is not that bizarre to see societys of plenty also lack trust. Yet the root of trust comes from within, and it is something that is given, and something given are acts of grace. Herein the notion we treat others as we treat ourselves isn’t always true, as anyone can witness individuals performing great self-care and preservation and treating others with distressing levels of ignorance which performs as ignored. To make it plainday, I witnessed posted stories on social media about someone falling off a bike in Oslo, or being hurt and no one coming to see if that person was ok. The release of criminals after 9 months of comfortable confinement sounds unthinkable, well, it happens. The news, after all, isn’t here to report the truth anymore, but shroud minds in stories. An overwhelmed populace can snap out the trance; is it effort? I would say just as much effort as it would have taken David to touch the hand of God…just a little reach. The dandy in repose then, fails to connect, not only externally as the famous painting depicts, but also internally, and the LOST monster, you know that big black smoke that snuck up on people, becomes a social phenomena. These kind of boogie mans are not as powerful as they seem though and definitely have nothing on being fully embodied and able to shine light on what is what. And while I could say, think for yourself, perhaps it’s not even ethical of me to concern myself with what you are doing, let alone thinking. Thanks for sticking with me thus far.

Continuing on, based on the magnetics of the feeling of knowing, I had to really look at how I was socialised and educated to be passive, which invited misuse. Not standing up for oneself for the sake of being nice, really got me in quite a hole, one without any rope or handles to get out of. Once in the hole, then I had to figure out if digging the rest of the way through was worthwhile…and that’s what I’ve done because at a certain point, it was not apparent which way was out. Metaphorically of course, yet I also did go ahead and root around in caves. I reasoned, if I’m already this deep in it, why not face more fears in the endless darkness? The odd thing was that even in the darkest depths, where no return or surface to be found, the light at the end of the tunnel was hard to make out, since there was in fact a light always within.

Wishful thinking rarely delivers and so the cult of positivity’s songs of sunnier tomorrows must always be tempered by the reality the nature of time is not friendly, just as magnetics and energy currents are bound to cross.

The people promoting happiness often have another agenda-sometimes something to do with empowerment, sometimes to do with an ideal or image of “how you ought to be.” Happiness can become a badge of success. As if who wants to accidentally cause themselves harm by hanging out with unhappy people. The thing about this orientation in life, is that it creates loneliness, both for the person avoiding connecting with another person going through a hard time, and instills fear for the future knowing, that if one cannot be with someone through hard times, then who would be there for them?

The thing about happiness, is it is not a state of being. Senses and emotions are related to bodily function and idealogical influence. Meditation through tracing lineages of ideas and their formations in the mind and culture opens up the “universe,” in the meaning that the divining agent is indeed the singular voice of the self. And whatever a self is, having nothing really to do with the personality, but more to do with the kind of life and activities one wants to create.

I mean, if one really wants to achieve a perpetual state of being, the main result shall be some form of static. Static is such a great word here, since it’s unmoving and also white noise. Fuzz. The idea of normal can drive a form of stasis. And stasis has some kind of nostalgic romantic ideas, but that’s not life at all. Life, as far as we can tell, are patterns of continual chan…

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After appreciating Roland Barthes, Death of the Author, I wondered how this can apply to other vocations including that of the artist. The "Death of the Artist" installation involved a wall painted blue; an aqua reminiscent of the colour chosen as the painted bottom of a pool, or the backdrop in a butterfly enclosure. 8 Palms lined up in their shipped pots, spaced with 7 chrysanthemums, sided by a log bench covered in epoxy, an electric Casio piano facing the audience of plants, two mirrors in each corner reflecting sunlit shapes. The sunlight streamed through a cutout in the roof of the building made by the artist inhabiting the space prior to the current installation. The piano was left plugged in and on, and was played by whoever wished to. Instead of a pianist, or a painter, or a performer, the viewers became the witness to the Death of the Artist. While the elements in the room were chosen somewhat autobiographically, the awareness such identity really did not matter was a focus. As the exhibition was situated in the graduate exhibition event for the college, in Los Angeles, a city noted for a wave of artists working in Institutional Critique or Social Practice, the installation made evident of conceptual art requiring some kind of mental game within the viewer or participant of the art. Mind Art.

Note: Play the video with the sound on to receive the "that's too real" conversation on this webpage where the video is embedded. https://rachelwolfe.com/power-plants-piano/ In that it’s best to hear for oneself, another reference of note is HC Andersen’s The Emperor Has No Clothes story.

What does "artist" mean, seems to have become an eye rolling question or something that must be treated with deep suspicion. Perhaps no one will agree on what it means today, and so we will learn the limits of difference and wonder about the detriments and virtues of consensus. There was a time, the artist meant becoming incredibly skilled and creating something deemed valuable to either the ruling class, the people, or both.

Thanks to modern and postmodern theory, the ability to think about the structure of life based on a multitude of awarenesses became available to anyone who wanted to find out. The demand for degrees of Master and PhD became a badge of eligibility to teach or attain certain jobs. The dandy uprising of the alternative or outsider artist burgeoned as a reaction to various dynamics within institutional models. As that dynamic could be a cookie all it’s own, this one will skip ahead to the identifiable social phenomena: artist as an identifiable myth. The story of where the artist came from and how that is tied their practice (as if in a perpetual state of never becoming a professional), is not only assumed to be the way for an artist to carve out a career but if a person making art goes against it, they may be cast aside from the "canon." This identity focus in art was taken up both by the pro and anti institutional positions. And so as ideas themselves may not not inherently good or bad, meaning fruitful or destructive, the rise of confusion and emotional posturing has become clearly more prevalent.

In this perspective, art and myth of artist became both advertising and war. This was widely written about the use of artists as a tool of propaganda. And instead of a ballistic material, the art object becomes a transitory object of the artists' identity, weaving a web of alliances, quite literally around the globe. The notion "anything can be art" widened the field of art as to making anyone questioning the blatant obtuseness of artist productions subject to being labelled in a sociologically negative way. And a label today mirrors that of the deployment of Brand. The layers of meaning within a Brand are something almost everyone is familiar with. Audi, Hermes, Target, Marlboro. So what happens post-branding? We are living in that now. Perhaps a nostalgic return to the labels formerly known as bad, such as "rural", "dull", "unsophisticated.”

These idealogical apparatae are increasingly apparent thanks to social media, the internet, as people found ways to weaponise media. The media itself is blamed, understandably as what information can come to pass before someone’s brain is not an area without bias. But the information on the internet is out there. The key has often been within the questions. So the blame cannot really be passed onto a media entity or this or that being evil or bad; the responsibility for knowing is within the individual. And that’s a tough task. In this way, there are no bad questions.

Moving along, as images are finally being embraced as the fictions they are, the documentary and referent qualities still exist. Humans are being forced to live with cognitive dissonance, and realize the idea anyone with a mobile device may be an unprofessional videographer, photographer, podcaster, editor, reporter or journalist, and that really creates a different quality to culture and life than when there was professionals. However, in the collapsing space between abject emotional experiences to public viewership creates clouds of confusion with people quick to tribally align, we have in our time a great fruit for understanding and clarity.

Instead of the obtuseness of "art" and the silencing nature of "ssshhhh, you shalt not speak unless degreed" scenario as written by Tom Wolfe in The Painted Word, we have means of voicing and creating harmony or discord at our individual will. As the Painted Word is a bit of a complicated version of the children's story, The Emperor's New Clothes by Hans Christian Andersen; why not actually say the emperor has no clothes on, be daring and actually say it.

Roland Barthes, Death of the Author, sent forth the notion the author is not the matter in the book. The reader takes from the signs on the page and imagines scenes and recreates a story that may or may not be related to the authors intention. The focus on the nuances in temporality may lose the attention of some readers yet clarifies an important aspect into the way the idea an artists' history and identity is taken up by society. If the Artist becomes a signifier of class or virtue; sucking the air out from the post-modernist ideals of agency, authorship, and freedom, the slide into social justice authorship is not a long one. The other aspect of post-modern ideals is the denial of any objective truth or reality, and the deployment of technology and the science as avenues for power. The logos of post-modernism becomes a rhetoric unto itself, a closed loop or solipsism, a monocle with which to see the world simultaneously promising rewards (work or income, food and housing) for some, while disregarding and disposing of the bodies and identities used.

In this way, Artists and their works become stones at which gallerists and societies throw at the other, and the generative energy Art has loses to nihilism. It’s really not terribly melancholic as it might seem. The difference is in the mind, and the monocle becomes multidimensional glasses, and we come back to embracing multitudes of voices and discerning that which generates thought, care, joy, play, commitment, fruitful work and meaningful life. Art doesn’t have to be social justice, or propaganda, but it would help if we opened up the minds of people to allow them access to the controversial perspectives in history that led to the creation of where we are today free from blame and accusation. This requires a bit of faith and belief in each other’s ability to become literate and behave as mature adults. And I feel we have the time. And it’s a great time now.

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This article was drafted months ago, and had to be entirely redressed due to recent events. Then it had to ferment for a few more months. Every time I sent out something that feels significant to the foundational layer of human soul, even if it’s only my metaphorical riverbed, I feel a paralysis. I try to remember this is not a fear alone, but rather a knowing of the imperfection of a singular voice, a singular perspective. As reality is something we all contribute to, the illusion of a uni (one) verse, is a form of delusion, of magical thinking. So I address the wide-eyed wonder of such phrases holy crap is used for with a knowing that shock, or disbelief, may be the closest we come to understanding our personal values. Because the idea humans ought to not have any expectations reduces, and invites a regression of human behavior, and a tolerance, as a word once believed good, really depends on the context of the situation it is used. In recent times, tolerating intolerance becomes a muddy ethical slope. So hopefully you’ve got your thick rubber boots on, and are ready to traverse some mud, for awhile.

Philosophical pontification in tragic times presents a paradox in the belief of luxury, yet offers itself as spiritual necessity to keep from imploding with grief. Within the plethora of holy crap moments, to sort out the difference in a sensitivity to the space where empathy resides that fertilises growth, instead of languishing into a sticky anguish of helplessness conjures tougher cookies. The futility of martyrdom and tensions of wanting to change the world reveal good intentions can, metaphorically and actually, backfire. Therein this newsletter may trespass, as often such issues of boundaries about what is holy, crap, or holy crap are within current world events.

Empathy is talked about quite a lot, but what empathy actually is and does is a bit like the question of sanity. Everyone has different tolerance levels for predictability and mutability. Enduring the bodily aches of feeling for each other and ourselves is a voyage to carefully navigate. One must be careful to not build a cave for pain to reside as this erodes the roots of the soul. The proper balance of space to grieve facilitates the carrying on of life, whereas the pushing and forcing makes more crap. This chasm between care and action can perform as a space where both great maelstroms are born and new growth formed.

Maintenance and care are responsibilities for every body. Spirit is not a machine with easily replaceable parts, just as bodies are not cogs in systems. Cynical lenses of comparing life itself to mechanisms tends to produce an apathy akin to mold atop the holy crap of hellish human folly.

Breathing wind into cognitive dissonance, fight or flight, or moments muddying the spirit. Spiritual space is ephemeral and woven with mental space so intricately they may form from the same fiber of being. The psyche, or contents of the mind, are both doings and undoings of worlds, dark alleyways or pathways to light. Psyches are easily influenced threads tethered to the realms of society. The relating through communication another site of holy crap moments in life.

Terese Longva created a project called: The World Has Become So Accurate (Verda er blitt så nøyaktig), an installation with video and book coauthored with Harald Dyrkorn. The title reveals a great truth and the contents within the contemporary myths motivating human behavior patterns such as creating and destroying.

American and European culture industries are often embedded with educational systems busied by historic trauma identities. It’s as if the pain of the past is supposed to justify the hatred of today. When it comes to just or lawfulness, the spectrum of permitted behaviors inspires the kind of head tilting dogs do when they try to understand what humans are up to.

Canons, as academic histories in art are often called, became levers and catapults for embarrassing human behaviours ranging from shouting matches over various forms of media or more quietly canceling of different points of view. The anti-enlightenment values campaign has created a cultural landscape with predictable aesthetics. If theses cultural products are to be seen as a mirror to educated and civilised societies, did the education of the minds nourish the soul or fuel suffering canons to deploy human lives as programmed projectiles? Such programs are not operations I wish to participate, and add to the holy crap pile.

I want to look at why there is a curtain, what the apparatus performs, peer through the eyes to connect with the minds ablaze on screen involved in insidious saboteur behaviours offscreen. I have been repeatedly informed of this notion I regretfully share here: how naive to believe people wish others well, and find it unthinkable that some individuals go through great lengths to ensure the failure of others. I still wonder what a world of acceptance and love would look like. Would humans continue to cut down and form nature? probably…and so we have case examples in punk rock trees:

Mental wars are not as obvious as the spineless wrath of physical war, however as Elaine Scarry writes in The Body In Pain, The Making and Unmaking of the World, the physicality of mental war lives through bodied life, through diseases manifested as side-effects of behavior born of boredom with plenty. Again with the catapults of idea and cultural wars, wild west and technocratic posturing and facade building, attempts to cover the up the inner realms. This is where the palpable but hidden in plain view mental poverty flourishes. To the untrained eye, cultural voyeurism flourishes in the absence of abject tragedy and abundance of inner poverty. Yet all the while the surface appearance hints and often accurately reveals the visceral nature relationship human life has with the macro and micro, the biological and viral, invisible yet actual magnetic forces of life clearly reveal the mystery itself. That which is upon the surface today, falls to the depths, and the decay revives again one day.

Stopping conflict or being anti-anti has become a cultural trend that sounds good on paper yet often is performed as drapery hiding the greatest pains today and stifling the voices choked on their own tongues. Understanding partners well with acceptance, and thus requires levels of bravery to connect with honesty to function. Rumi aptly suggested: maybe you are searching among the branches for what only appears in the roots. Roots require nourished soil free from parasitic invasions to flourish.

I dearly hope the aforementioned observations are indeed obvious. That’s one of the funny aspects about the word: once said or read some kind of doubt evaporating light shines in, or something else occurs entirely out of friction. Such as hot knives slice butter more easily, intense conflict beams clarity upon discernment making a labor of lifting more than one can normally possible. Ideas can indeed be heavy and destructive. In times of disharmony the puzzle of various offshoots in culture reveal the parts generating growth and nourishment, and other pieces festering disenchantment and sorrow.

Identity politics have serviced division and tribal ways through a blend of cherry-picked fermentation of European philosophy, often with a “fun” new-age twist. This canon constituted by a narrow, post-modern worldview about how horrible and terrible everything is today and therefore must be usurped, as Thomas Sowell wrote about the pursuit of cosmic justice are plainly destructive motors.

A great cultural gaslighting occurs where people perform rituals based on “thought leaders” sending horrifying chills through my spine because the fun after party feel of conferences tends to coincide with the motives in social justice causes often rooted in revenge. Admittedly, I do not have a lot of experience in revenge because the though…

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Lately, I find increasing value in taking the charge off words by examining forms and patterns. Yet words also have forms and patterns. Therefore how can words be used to find out what is true or fabrication, and where do those overlap, as they’re not necessarily opposites.

How anything gets used in life, tends to inform the results. When words are used as catapults or to wilfully inflict dominance hierarchies or misunderstandings, communication is lost even in the presence of the signs of such. People move apart instead of relating and serving each other’s highest good. Saying words are trivial does not mean they are meaningless or actually trivial.

The following essay was created to open up space around any negatively charged words or biases and create levity, using words for play. Thanks to the excellent guidance of mentors, Annetta Kapon and Benjamin Weissman, for supporting me to develop the courage to write how I see and sense, and therefore find space around how I think. An instrumental practice as a delightful ancillary action to meditation.

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The grass is not greener where the sun shines all the time. In fact, no grass grows there at all. The place where sun shines all the time is called a desert. Seasons, weather, change with time. What was once a glacier becomes a lake, what was once a forest becomes sandy slope. The landscape of life has always been this way, long before humans, and long after we transition.

For as long as we have known and could foresee, all kinds of weather make the world go round. These kinds of humble understandings seem absent from the bold convictions of those who claim to have the knowing to save the world. I’ve often found such grandiose designs backfiring throughout history. This relationship between reason and folly makes us human, seems to give us significance and meaning, but when I look at quieter stories with less PR, there are plenty of ways small actions developed slowly over generations that end up having a positive ripple effect.

This small difference in a revolutionary motive versus a more pointed focus seems to confuse some folks, and it makes me wonder if the paradoxes of life have really been wrangled with by those who are so sure they need to change the world over night.

The action of non-action is also powerful. In moments of evil, the resistance of quiet that happen without signal are often those who are later the unsung heroes…but the paradoxes never end up tidy there. Such as the story of the heavy water war. People put their lives on the line to simply not follow orders and thwart Hitler’s command to produce heavy water. Another example might be in the middle of a riot, to simply walk out. Fire doesn’t get fought with fire, and reactionary movements tends to compound the problem. This is where I find this handy little chart coming in handy:

Now I don’t like to be a flat-footed in comedy as thus far into this cookie, because I believe anyone who tries can be able to exert intuition, see patterns, to learn, and eventually transform the inner war into contentment and peace. Of course beliefs can be wrong, they may not align with reality. The difference between thought and belief isn’t a far chasm to build, but creative and structural tension can be. And sometimes people are just trying to exercise their structural tensions out on each other, to which I would suggest an Epsom bath as a means to stop doing that.

Epsom salts are an effective way to rebalance the body from the outside. Epsom salts are magnesium sulfate, an inorganic salt which contains healing elements of magnesium, sulfur, and oxygen. When you use epsom salt, the pH of your skin rebalances back to its original, healthy state. No special creams or potions needed.

Though magnesium can be a sometimes internal supplement, a bath salt is not. I found this out the hard way when I tried to give away bags of epsom salt after my grad thesis show to find out people on Craigslist thought I was dealing drugs. I can assure you, the bag of salts was intended for use in a bathtub. I wasn’t even aware of that kind of slang at all. Was my ignorance ok? Probably not; it could have been really dangerous. So far as this cookie goes, ignorance is not bliss, it’s a headache waiting to happen.

So what do epsom baths have to do with non-action and thinking? The intuitive faculties tend to work best when the body systems are in balance. Seeing decisions as tools of divination, or the word we tend to prefer today: choice, those choices we make do ripple outwardly and effect systems and more systems and systems. So sometimes inaction is the best action, instead of convicted revolutionary action. Sometimes quiet revolutions are the longer lasting, helpful, and healing actions. And in a world of call-to-actions consuming, maybe a breather and a break to not just find but cultivate inner peace would allow larger groups of people to choose different historic outcomes than the repetitious cycles we seem to be careening towards.

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This cited writing was originally published on Medium.com and republished on The Muck Rack in 2020. I closed both profiles to maintain this substack.

The rise of gun violence in the United States stands out among Western, developed nations. While the issue at hand has been well described, conclusive decisions and their actions have remained a focus in debates. The average number of people who died during 2001 to 2008 has doubled during 2009 to 2018 (John R Lott Jr.). This statistic does not take into account gang fights and suicides. Without a doubt the issue of mortal violence calls to question how defense measures should be handled, by examining whether or not to allow or ban the carry of concealed weapons. Weighing both sides of the argument for or against concealed carry of weapons on campus among college students, professors, and other college employees opens up the underlying issues at the heart of violence in public spaces.

The overall lack of data for or against concealed carry of weapons poses a threat to adding fear to the situation. Already poised in a position of unease from recent school violence, teachers and students alike have reported interrupted sleep and difficulty focusing (Rajan, Sonali, and Charles C Branas). The notion having a first line of defense in a situation, suggests permitting individuals to carry a weapon diminishes an individuals’ sense of alertness, creating a sense of false security. The relief of distress reveals itself as temporary by-product by immediately opening up areas of doubt. Metal detectors which could protect people inside the building from outside intrusions does not take into account, those who seek to create violence have little regard for metal detectors. Doors can be locked to inhibit the flow of people in and out of the building, and again pose a threat to armed people from breaking locking mechanisms. The design of schools can be adapted for security and quickly start to feel like a prison. When more fully considered, arming individuals seems to mitigate the need for various extra measures of prevention, yet conflicts with another set of accumulated data and individual experience: the responsibility and margin for error.

Training for usage of weapons involves layers of federal, local, institutional and personal responsibility. In an active event, individual response times and accuracy vary widely. Both practical and psychological training are required. The cost of arming guards to distribute the responsibility of safety and the mental loads on teachers and administrators would add 30% to the federal spending budget on education (Rajan, Sonali, and Charles C Branas). The presence of the guards is considered to create first line targets for perpetrators of violence who may go onto harm others. Those who commit violence on student campus may go on to commit suicide. The need for security personal becomes quickly replaced by the need for medical assistance.

Underlying levels of distress in wondering who is carrying a weapon poses a difficult metric-to-measure. The impact of adding the several layers of weapon training to teacher and administrator responsibilities adds several layers to jobs which are already dynamic in terms of education, psycho-social relationships, instilling values and integrity often in varied backgrounds and home situations. Once an active and potentially lethal situation has begun, returning acts of violence increases the probability for further harm. Preventing the violence in the first place is widely accepted as the first line of defense. Equipping educators with weapons is considered a secondary and tertiary lines of defense (Rogers, Melanie). With regards to fears about rights for firearms, the classroom and educational facilities are intended to remain active in first line of defense measures, through well documented data and measures of public health. Arming educators offers additional margins of error that can increase the risk for violence instead of mitigate the effort to resolve the tensions (Rajan, Sonali, and Charles C Branas). Measures of public health focus on prevention and addressing the underlying psychology components and addressing changes to the overall cultural dynamics within the community and educational settings.

Conclusion

At this time, the lack of empirical data makes arming educators inconclusive (Rajan, Sonali, and Charles C Branas). Increased security has not been found to be correlated to arming teachers or administrators. Without more empirical data and considering the several lines of defense to prevent violence in education, weapons remain at the bottom of the list of solutions for violence in the classroom (Rogers, Melanie).

Works Cited

Lott Jr., John R., Schools that Allow Teachers to Carry Guns are Extremely Safe: Data on the Rate of Shootings and Accidents in Schools that allow Teachers to Carry. Crime Prevention Research Center, April 17, 2019, https://ssrn.com/abstract=3377801. Accessed 11 March 2020.

Rajan, Sonali, and Charles C Branas. “Arming Schoolteachers: What Do We Know? Where Do We Go From Here?.” American journal of public health vol. 108,7 (2018): 860–862. doi:10.2105/AJPH.2018.304464. Accessed 11 March 2020.

Rappaport, Nancy MD, and Barrett, James G., PhD, Virtual Mentor.2009;11(2):149–154. doi: 10.1001/virtualmentor.2009.11.2.pfor1–0902. https://journalofethics.ama-assn.org/article/under-gun-threat-assessment-schools/2009-02. Accessed 11 March 2020.

Rogers, Melanie et al. “Is Arming Teachers Our Nation’s Best Response to Gun Violence? The Perspective of Public Health Students.” American journal of public health vol. 108,7 (2018): 862–863. doi:10.2105/AJPH.2018.304477. Accessed 11 March 2020.

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