Le Lapin

Taboos become larger cultural palpitations. These manifest themselves in waves of group-think, which can sometimes result in the masses doing something retrospectively incorrect that seems like the right thing in the moment. That incorrectness is often disregarded in favor of turning a cheek. The path to redemption is indeed arduous and often seemingly fruitless. Acknowledging error and working to grow has led to more gratitude, work and understanding; so, I wonder why the isolation of taboo perpetuates if such dynamics prove to continue creating more suffering or isolation and repeating the same patterns.

Sometimes those waves from taboo palpitations are called egregores, or as the art-school crowd preferred the eye-roll inducing term: zeitgeist. What is the simpler word for either? Something that describes behaviors that are noticed or go unnoticed? Aware or unaware? Experience and vision come to mind, alas the way the world is seen, sensed and how to parse out what is illusion from delusion or reality requires getting to the origin. The origin is likely not going to be found in this foray today, but will likely be hinted at. Sometimes hints are all we have to go on.

I’ve decided to try out using cash more often, as a trial to create new patterns and see if I can regain some cognitive abilities to make simple calculation I began outsourcing to automated transactions. I attribute the ease technology offers as a quiet robber of my ability to do things I was taught, quite young, how to do, and hopefully prevent future self-made victim/perpetrator dynamics with the robots ;) The simple change has granted both I and the cashier a new pattern in the day.

A small change, like any change, has a ripple effect. Today was no exception. Upon going to pay, I witnessed the cashier scrunch up the nose and roll the eyes to put on some gloves to handle the money with. After a swiftly completed transaction with my bare hands placing the paper down on a fixed-tray, not like the mini-cafeteria kind in Japan, to the gloved hands of the official handler behind the banal apparatus dividing us, the gloves were removed and the big bottle of anti-bacterial hand sanitizer came out. I put my obviously dirty hands into my clearly soon to be dirty wool mittens and smiled going out the door for a number of reasons based on recent conversations with friends.

Sure, it’s ‘just’ a simple transaction, alas, Annetta Kapon’s words echoed in my mind still: nothing is ‘just’, meaning there is so much happening and going on: pay attention! The funniest bit to me was the mental and lived taboos humanity worked so hard to overcome, that being freedom of bodily expression along with sexual preferences, was being met by an age old concept of dirtiness and cleanliness. Funny to me, as the lover of clean everything, using such ‘dirty’ money instead of the chip in the piece of plastic, that again everyone loves to hate: plastic.

Soon this rabbit hole will come to a close but not until noticing another thing about how particular ideas are relative to their congruence in observable behavior and the rapid culdesac and conclusions preemptively made on people before really learning, or understanding, who they are as so indicated by the rise of dating-app culture….to what degree are people investing into relationships is a deeper question I wrestle with, not only as I am told to be a rare, somewhat classical liberal, considered semi-conservative today, simply because I care about “old values.”

The idea an artist or any creative is a sell-out if they make money, or the notion that everything should be free runs directly against the concept of currency. In the sense of science, everything in reality costs energy, and the energy comes from somewhere. The issue is not the currency itself but its distribution. Such as with food and water, the distribution of basic human decency has seriously been compromised across the globe, and even that said: one culture cannot be ethically forced to be precisely as another. The amount of behavioral adaptations what would need to occur in a rapid time would likely incite a great deal of anger, grief and other emotions that can result in illness of bodies. The notion that suffering is inevitable and somehow valuable is a concept that really shocked me and is one of the few worldviews that continues to strike immense horror and grief into my heart.

Alas, money itself is not the evil here but what is done with it. As I often wonder why people who care do things that do to not help the causes they care about, I was informed that is because people seem to believe they do not have the power to assist or care for the life they say they do. Quite often capitalism is pointed at: the very system that insulates great masses of population from the rest of the world. So often, I wonder why the middle-ground, formed by what some ascribe to Christian values, but I would reach further back to the kindergarten, golden rule of: treat others as you would like to be treated….I had to wonder, was my desire and will to use my brain suddenly a new taboo? Is the money that floats around actually dirty? Most articles of the science would say so: yes. Wash your hands after handling money; of course! Wash your hands often anyway! Alas, I watch myself, watching the world often looking at where the tacit mass behaviors are heading and want to pull back on the proverbial dragon we have been riding on to get a bigger picture look at where ideas, unchecked or not talked about, lead to. The undiscussed usually results in fissure, lesion, separation, and in some cases termination. Therefore, I could not remain silent about this observation because I live with another idea to wrestle with wonder where it came from: all humans are the same. Even writing it makes me itchy because it is so obviously not true.

If I am supposed to be just like you, and everyone is actually the same, why are people shouting for more diversity, since diversity was born out of difference? If people think the beauty of living life as art is boring and are more driven by seeking treasures, escapism, then how will more sameness reconcile such incongruousness in thought and behavior?

So you may have noticed here, this is free. People claim anything given is not appreciated. That may or may not be true. Appreciation as a word with meaning, with and without currency, resides in the realm of feeling. The question I have is: whose feeling, why, and how do we know if it is true and rooted in reality or in fantasy? Such as many products are branded as having higher value, the question is not only about to or for whom, but why.

I’m quite delighted to be living now and not long ago since I would have probably been burned alive for having the gumption to even utter these words….but humans before me fought against horrific forces embodied and emboldened by people for the sake of my comfort.

That alone seems to be the way I consider ideas…how will that look 50 or more years from now. Will it look like people giving each other more or less respect? Will that look like more robotic or more human behavior?

I really do not know much about you; but I am here for the persistence of the human. Flawed and all because the human still has the ability to feel, and it might be the ability to express and relate through those feelings instead of feel no relationship to them, or the feelings of others, that transforms a tiny little transaction into a ripple effect that makes more people smile while they’re healing and recovering from whatever memory they forgot hurt them.

I hope you consider maintaining the dignity of working for one’s livelihood can afford. What’s behind the door? A pastor collecting secrets? A taboo words or behavior that could get me cancelled: as if I wasn’t already, in some circles? You can find out if you want to, but even if you don’t, I hope you are enjoying your time here because that’s part of the fun in sharing stories, and if …

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lelapin.substack.com/subscribe

Along with free speech is the important aspect of allowing people to see things the way they do. That is to open up the mind instead of inform it, and box it, with a neat little label. This is one of the reasons I appreciate the visual and sensorial realm more than the often coined nature of text or commodity market sloganeering playing upon the way words can be read, interpreted and digested in several ways.

I see it as a responsibility when creating something to be ultra-careful to knowing this will affect someone topographically as well as tomographically. Sure, there is a superficiality to a flat plane, a screen, or the face-value of any thing. The reality I have experienced from life is always deeper and more peculiar. I believe, and could be wrong of course, is that everything does penetrate us deeply. I’m not wanting to incite the victim mentality of the often written about subliminal programming here. I write today assuming you are intelligent, or are at least sharing with me in the attempt to find out new understandings. And while the thingliness of understandings can become a bit Platonic in the mind please note, if the cultural references feel like I’m not speaking to you… I am. So many times I have to look up things when I read, this extra action is not a given nor taken for granted but rather simply encouraged here on Le Lapin.

The responsibility on readers seems only higher as verifying structures and knowledge sources become re construed with the internet. It’s not as if a new mind is being born but that new subconscious is emerging through the mentalisation. Depending on the type and source of stimulus I wonder how many people ask themselves: do I look that thing up, do I verify that source, do I go check that out to make sure it’s accurate or not? The internet, like capitalism, has become a convenient alibi for both risk avoidance and risk taking. I’m not here to pathologize risk taking either, I had thought the age of the internet would have made people more cooperative, interested, agile and playful: but I have experienced quite the opposite. There is a growing and overwhelming need to shut-it-off.

My friend, Francesco, pointed out: A.I. is great at a first draft, but the real work is in the revision. That is where he descried the art, not artifice, is made. I appreciate this perspective a great deal. In terms of rigor and tradition, such as any cultural artifact that has been passed through generations instead of landed in a garbage heap, I fear a great deal of art made today might be worth doing again, or at least looking at again and again to see what was missed.

This looking again quality was something Richard ascribed to the Melodi series. At first it seems like nothing. Over time something starts to happen.

This slow emergence is something I have a personal faith in. Because I have not had faith in something anyone told me to do, or told me to believe; and I have been told by former friends very loudly: BELIEVE! BELIEVE! IT’S ALL IN YOUR MIND; SO JUST BELIEVE! If this was the case, everyone could think themselves into the life they want to live. The thing is, if anything actually worked like that, you run the risk of becoming a puppet to someone else’s designs or image via having your free-will hijacked or subtlety denying your personal choice to cohere with someone for the sake of the relationship, friendship, collegiate, professional, personal, or otherwise. This fear-based behavior I can empathize with well as it can take so many years to build up enough internal pressure to pursue one’s internal desires to raise a personal view instead of a tribal or group belief into a conversational context. This "personal voice” can quiet itself in the presence of cancel-culture or even a family or social group. I remember jumping into grad school feeling like jumping out of an airplane into the Pacific. For one, I’m afraid of heights, and two I prefer ground transit despite always wanting flying cars to become real. In retrospect, I did not let myself feel how terrified I was until after, because now I realize I’m in way over my head; this subjective feeling of liberated letting go and opening up to see what life outside of the Modernistic box offer, I can still cling to, though I try to in lesser degrees now.

In an landmark experience in Paris, I recall people hating the Montparnasse monolith I loved because it helped me locate myself in an unknown place. Indeed, the modernist structure did not fit in with the rest of the detailed and weathered beauty. As the essence of a particular worldview of life: life being about learning versus lessons. Such a small difference has been a huge space making conceptual tool: to make life is about lessons has been to lessen the “I” of notions, creating more breathing room and less mind-weight. The fun and sometimes painful challenge of this view is the insistence on an “I,” or social demand for an ego to navigate the world with. Yes, there is someone home…an essence within, but what is that could be easily condemned or damned or stuck if forced to become containable or obtainable. This is why people cannot morally be trapped or owned by anyone. And while we know this, people still engage in this behavior all the time, buying books on how to trap a mate, or how to win likes or be influential. It all makes me gag for fresh air!

The deep lesson-ing in unconscious behavior pattern recognition based on a social and culturally constructed ideal were seriously reformed after moving to Scandinavia. The situation was not a product of my childhood traumas as the internet psychology would make people believe, and the things people say I cannot nod along with. Becoming a bobble head for the sake of social cohesion seems riskier than remaining neutral: though that embodiment can often incite exclusion from insecure groups or individuals. Of course people want to know what they are dealing with when faced with another human who is both animal and supposed to be exercising some free-will. What people are capable of can be wonderful and horrific…and I mean that objectively. There are certain observable behaviors that seem to be, albeit ascribed from theological texts, to be accepted as true and good. Then there are the spiritual warriors that assert mind over all emotional and physical matters, as higher beings. The risk of that latter group, who are not always in cults, not always into new age, is the denial of the body.

I feel that this is what has given rise to yoga workshops throughout the world. As much as I love exercise, I do tend to think in a Western way that every single body ought to decide for themselves what form they want to take on. This is a very self-fulfilling idea that would not fly in collectivist or tribal societies expecting certain people to look, behave, or be a certain way.

The internet, as David Ulansey offered, has been perhaps the most significant influencing change in human’s experience of life (today). The internet made it possible for us to become aware of the odd range and depth of synchronicities our separate lives shared. We had never been aware of each others’ existence, nor a shared and specific idea to create wooden plaques of "truisms” that have their opposite written in Latin. Our modern art project might seem like we should hide it until it became public or finished. And while sure someone could lift this idea, the thing is most ideas, as the state of photography and A.I. show us, already exists. Therefore, the details of the project make it art in a playful way. The potential for invention then comes not from knowing, or God-complexes that seem to reinforce themselves as too often common in artists throughout histories, but collaborations inviting a remembering of the creativity of the curious mind, children inhabit. So while the Internet constructs a grand archive and record of human activity, the one t…

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lelapin.substack.com/subscribe

what shapes

are written

on the wall

for how

the body

howls

a man’s pains

transferred

to her

in waves

of pleasure

settles as

sediments

of sorrow

later

a woman

becomes

a vessel

for the war

of life

and a container

that flows

every moon

red

or grows

a seed

with warmth

and

care.

* Mari Amman, Oslo, Norway 2023

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lelapin.substack.com/subscribe

One of the wonders of free speech is the possibility of knowing who or what you’re being faced with. The experience of a parrot-in-human-form becomes obvious when particular phrases are regurgitated by different people, as if the same psyche was inhabiting their body. One of the peculiar aspects of this encounter is how unique the speaker seems convinced they are. Such as in the Dunning-Kruger effect, where someone is too daft to know they are ignorant, when it comes to parroting propaganda or thinking for oneself, there is to note the presence of self-doubt or glow of confident insistence in the novelty of what is being said. To be entirely absent of awareness of how rote certain phrases are, could be a sign. I cannot say for sure, but it might be a tell…

Enter the internet, right here we are spreading information…some of which has merit and basis in reality, and others which are banal platitudes that may intend to do well but create harm. The forever internet (archive.org) is another thing, while the archiving of our milliseconds of life (Tiktok) show our fascination with knowledge to be intellectual and increasingly somatic: meaning a growing number of people want to shut this thing off…but we feel and believe deeply that we cannot live without the internet. This web of cookies stashed in robotic circuits, maintained by technicians relies on our personal engagement instead of in-person relations with each other. Struggling to find a balance, we all are in this machined competition for intelligence that often turns the web into a mirror of muddied confusion. I find myself looking for guides of how to spot disinformation and mostly relying on family and friends letting me know when I’ve been duped again.

To establish knowledge, there has to be an inclusion of seemingly opposite concepts, and a parsing out of their similarities and differences, tested against reality. Knowledge production is not terribly different than the scientific method, in that epistemological explorations will also critique the very measuring devices used in a method. Then there are the ethical and often dreaded moral dilemmas woven throughout, and it doesn’t take long until the 10000(+?s) of people claiming to know on the internet make the interconnected of us aware of the similarities and differences people from all walks of life share.

The resulting crash seems that upon which something not entirely real (an ego) might fall down from. That is, after all, much of which those with plenty would be fighting for. Which is pretty darn strange in light of my former intolerance to negative thought-forms and how dissonant those "positive only please" experiences can be. A view of life is that, and yet it is often taken as an imposition upon another. To experiment with Ibsen’s approach to understanding as Real love, it is no wonder how unpopular his knowledge was to the self-proclaimed society gurus of his time, and how little that tendency has changed over all these years.

The danger I have several times encountered I could have never before explained in my life, especially when related to practicing yoga is the guru complex which often conflates out of being a teacher and taking the responsibility either too seriously or too lightly. When a teacher or any person really becomes pedestalled it really only seems a matter of time for people to follow their lead. My Oma had always said: monkey see, monkey do. So then how on earth do humans organize functional structures free from thought leaders which can perform as mass-hypnotists? I cannot say I have the answer, but can propose one answer I noticed formed the basis of several decades of friendship (though I’m not quite that old yet). That would be the exchange of books and creations. There have been fewer better ways to get to know who someone is, or at least the lines of things they care about and vice versa than what they create and read. It’s not so much that we are what we think, but that the power of someone’s embodied knowledge also comes through their body language, which is the feeling we get upon first meeting: safe, exiting, scary, and even if we know someone more and more, and even more scarily less and less, that first feeling, the origin is within us.

Would it not be strange to stop the study of origins in knowledge production? Could it be intentional or merely an accident the pursuit of origins might uncover some kind of fuel for personal agency and in a growing population that might seem scary to people who are seeking control others. To me, this is a gross lack of faith in the human ability to learn, even if there is failure and then learning. Fear isn’t useless but the love of fully immersing oneself in engaging activity is pretty hard to surpass.

Even if I say you are already free-I damn myself. Because who am I to know where you are? Maybe you are imprisoned in your mind? In your body? Maybe you are suffering and need something? I suppose this is really simply a warning about advice and the rise of what the video below describes. I do not know about you, but if you do feel invited to pack this information in your luggage, into the bumpy ride of learning: this will require large doses of ginger.

Thank you for reading Le Lapin. This post is public so feel free to share it.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lelapin.substack.com/subscribe

Perhaps there is one thing people can agree on today, anyone with a sane mind that is: destroying creates anguish. Finding acceptance of unacceptable behavior has been one of the tumultuous mental strains the notion of freedom has made my mind wrestle with. What would humanity be if they were allowed to do absolutely anything they want? Tribalistic? Canabalistic? Are they not doing these things, in tacit ways already? The pursuit of winning has seemed to be in vein…and I mean vein not vain.

A life loving and loving life seems to be the best win I could ever imagine…though it has remained a dream by ideal but a reality by the fact we exist. This view is based on the hands as extensions of the heart: a philosophy of mind and body people seem to love to argue about. However the freedom to do what one sets out to do came right to the forefront this last year. There are a millions little things people do not like to do that must be done: someone, or now some-thing has to do them by design of the human idealistic realm. Open the blinds, wash dishes, and the thing I wonder about a lot is why everyone seems to want to be an artist. Making art was something a bit of a taboo- I wanted very much to do it because it seemed difficult, if not impossible. Looking at the stunning history of human creations, I really coudln’t imagine I could have anything to add to that…but that if I tried hard enough I might.

Art seems to have become the trophy for the treasure cabinet of life, for some. For others, art conveys a deeper understanding of the current social conditions today. One need not argue for or against art, I don’t think anyway…but in the way words get used, I do wonder if we can apply a bit more care and precision?

Seeing and understanding reality clearly often seems lost from the excitement of new technology…and few seem willing to publicly speak up, for the memories of beheadings, the echos of biblical stories of those who spoke truth getting hung or crucified remain. The capacity for humans to behave barbarically has not diminished over time. Instead, the old saying, nothing new under the sun…comes to mind. It seems as if certain patterns are damned to repeat.

I am interested in new patterns, and I do believe in the power of thought and even more so in the courage of agency. I believe in heart as much as caring stings the backside of my nose.

You know that sting right before you’re about to cry is a way of knowing whether or not your heart is connected to your head. Are you embodied or disconnected?

I write because I am tired of having to think these thoughts alone. I write because these things are hard to say. I write because I no longer know exactly what to do but keep recovering the things that matter in the hopes more people do.

Today I got news the library in Oslo will have a new key solution that lets you use the library during more hours. Great (I mean that). The flip side is this signal indicates another point in which people will be tracked and traced.

In the absence of real truth and trust, people are outsourcing proof through systems of technological records. In this sense, the body’s record was not enough proof. Perhaps people did not understand yet: creating and life are willful pursuits.

The very people shouting about systemic oppression are creating systems that eventuate into new forces of imaginary freedom and plausible oppression.

There seems to be nothing more I can do but report things as I see them. And this I add an anecdote from Cletus Dalglish-Schommer who said I made a lot of “trust me” art. He is correct. I balked at being called an artist because I did not want the cliche mythology that went along with it…so I replied, “just because someone has a thought does not make it true either.” As for how I make things or what doors open when the one’s I want to have opened won’t budge…it’s all true. Much of it I wish wasn’t, but a great deal more of it is. You don’t have to trust me though. I lived through it. Perhaps the physical proof is the closest we can get to truth still. Truth doesn’t mean we don’t make mistakes. I have made plenty, but I face those head on now because that’s where the music is…..while everything else seems like a fuzzy drone stuck on repeat.

I don’t want a revolution, mind you, as those are often bloody, painful and never change what they set out to. Real change takes time. When people say be careful what you wish for, I think they really mean it. I wanted to know the truth, wanted to experience the real (thing), worked day and night mostly unpaid for it. I think a lot of art can be judged as pure vanity in some ways or propaganda in others: such as in giving permission for humans to behave in certain ways. I still think art is to activate the ability to make sense and gain some understanding. Perhaps this is the only way to make sense of loss.

Please let me know if you have any knowledge about this pattern:

A few poetic metaphors:

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lelapin.substack.com/subscribe

Think for yourself. Be careful around people who say you think too much. They may want to think for you.

External advice can confuse your internal compass in a similar way magnets on either side of the compass can make the dial spin around. To recenter in stillness and go where you want to go, doing what you want to do: find out what matters most to you by thinking about your perfect day alone.

There is no perfect person out there for you. You may see a projection of your desire on a person (this is sometimes called rose tinted glasses). Instead of trying to fill a role, which will make your partner feel confined or trapped, find out who they are by smelling them.

Body chemistry changes with age. Someone who does not smell good to you (unparfumed) is likely a bad biological match. Do not force yourself to be with someone that smells bad to you when they sweat no matter how funny, beautiful, charming, or otherwise perfect for you they seem. They can be a great friend. If you doubt the biological match, get a blood test. Rh factors weigh in significantly during pregnancy. Using the whole brain-body system when considering your 5, 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 year plans.

Be careful of people who claims to have everything in common with you. They may have studied your posts on the Internet and want to seem like the perfect person for you. This does not mean to be paranoid. The odds of there being someone out there who likes the things you do is statistically quite high considering the population of people on the planet.

Everyone knows lust is not love. Lust and love can coexist. The number of times you are intimate does not mean anything when it comes to love. Love is, and doesn’t go away no matter what you or the other person does.

Love forgives, but may hurt your ego sometimes. Sometimes people who love someone hurt the person they say they love. That is because they forgot their heart and went someplace else in their memory, mind, or projection.

Sorting out things is not always hard but requires listening. No one can make anyone listen, see, feel, think any particular way without your permission. Certain people are easier manipulated than others. Knowing this about yourself, you can feel inside when you are out of internal congruence over time.

For various reasons in the moment, the gut reaction is sometimes but not always correct. Since the body is totally connected within and without, trusting your gut instinct alone can also lead to trouble.

People behave out of character, more often than not, because they are seeking something outside of themselves they already have within and forgot.

Many unconscious behaviors become conscious over time.

Giving people time is not the same thing as forgiving inexcusable behavior.

Inexcusable behavior is probably documented somewhere within your state or governing body.

Heartbreak can be deadly. If you survive it, then you can love again. Pain is not the end. Pain is an opportunity for learning. Pain should not be prolonged nor band-aided. Pain needs proper attention and care for successful healing.

We live in a time where violence is not permitted unless you are the government. Remember this when dating. You may or may not be eligble for certain types of employment if you date someone who works within the military or government.

No one can tell you how long to date before making a decision. Decisions do not have to be forever. People break promises, contracts, items all the time. The only thing that makes forever happen is a continual decision to commit to individual and shared growth.

If your growing is hindered, you might start to look like a tree at Versaile. It’s not a bad thing. Know that class governed by formality has codes for where you can let yourself be wild.

Everyone is wild inside still. We are part of the animal kingdom and can choose to behave with our executive functions alongside our sense of humanity. One or the other, wihtout the other will turn you into a sort of robot or some kind of avant-garde expressionist. Along the spectrum, you can paint yourself, the world, whatever you want-but at the end of the day, we are all naked, human, bones.

The truth doesn’t always set you free, but it will set you on your path. The question is are you afraid or loving of the unknown?

Fear tends to create violence. Therefore Love is what we all know required for creating. And since Love is imagined to be not enough, though we live in times of plenty, if you think back to that day alone, to the air you can breath, the water you can drink, is there anything other than Love that exists within peace?

Feel free to share your thoughts, add to the list, share with your friends.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lelapin.substack.com/subscribe

At a certain point

I decided

to write all I had to say

to him or to her curse

in a song

all the forms I had watched

cast formed into plaster

but not forever

as even clay and a bit more stone

the ability to withstand

substantial force

my oh my

didn’t you know

I can’t see

I could only always feel

and openly admit to what I had feared

they were gonna play me

at first a strum

and then an iron fist

wrapped around my chest

only I could unclench

my breath

when I fell in love

it took all I had to remember

to keep on breathing

so anyway

it’s always funny — from a far

a fantasy of games and transactions

grows so stale as the chestnut

a symbol of old stories

my friend gave to me

after hearing the same broken record upon repeat

the past only has charm for so long

my oh my

I couldn’t make out such forms

for their aches

had never taken any place

within my space

until their absence showed me

where I had taken such blows

those losses torn

made more space for light

and I found the love

in losing

my oh my

too late I learned of those who were never dear

but had seen something I had that I never even knew

was within me

I thought it was nary a vine

some kind of invasive species

wanted but couldn’t by those who wouldn’t

bind their bodies to the resonance

of a technology older than algorithms

haven’t you found

by now

no cares about

medicine cabinets

and the truth is in

how deeply honest

the soul goes below

the sea

a bed of molten heat

warming our plains

and protecting our terrains

from errant chunks of cosmological material

and that’s why I was so very sad

all the damn autumn long

I felt the depth of such a truth all along

my oh my

sure darling

I can entertain for a fee

but never for free

my oh my

how many times

do those feigning good

tell me how they were bad

but instead of hearing I projected

an image of light and hoped for the good

only to find out

how many make someone else bad

to make themselves glad

I tend to be

naive and sad

of heart and in mind

had only I known

what ails the empty and mad

contained a hole that forgot

all comes from the connection

to divine

from within

my oh my

a golden rule

making me blue

conflates planned actions

with stories about aliens

or sex with the devil

a friend once called upon

became the one who failed to

face a way to equilibrate the highs and lows

so through hearing her hateful words

about our friends I held up a phrase

non such could longer pass hear

through my ears

I had to say enough, since the sages of time

foretold all creatures who failed to change

eventually their true skins

do begin to show

my oh my

in the loss and absence of one

out of the blue

a woman wrote to me

a poem that gave me so much joy I sang a tune

thank you, I said to her

in Romania from my touchscreen in Norway

for forming words

touching my heart

such a magic

benevolent and magnificent

those words a world

different from another one who

showed me later to not be my friend

one lost opens a whole new realm in wait

my oh my

I had only suffered

because I absorbed all kinds of fears

lacking in any faith

in the Him growing from within

that’s when

the first fall began

my oh my

each time I would climb

a little deeper I would fall

until one day I heard

my own call

deep in the dark stillness a light

contained an echo

of my voice

in various tenors and bass

in each person

eventually resonating

mysteriously

in soprano.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lelapin.substack.com/subscribe

A mind deceiving the eyespresented by a past imagethe lens of make-belief is challenged

long I have askedquestions of what is true and realquestions to understand and servea bigger picture to revealWhat is true?What is real?questions to discerntrompe-l'œil, or the realthe power gained by designingand controlling a story

most days I get to wonderthe difference between I and methe difference between tragedy and comedythe uncanny closer to the realsomething I can feelsensed and embodied

consciousness(as spiritual matter) not a densebut vital matter for people starvingfrom a lack of conscientiousnesslinked between desireaffection for the sensesthoughts begging for attention

belief businesses really hurtreality always a hitalways in reachthe kind of lifeyou wanna live

what is the business ofhelping others and doing good about?though the correct way to golast I looked, we were all born with the right to beand with such a knowing, people still go on fighting and killinginstead of living, loving, working, playing

the silent things no one dare speakthe conflation of valuewith imaginary currencythough shame and guiltare useful feelingsonce mantracized are pathologized"if I just love myself more"everything will be alrightor are w****s of the self-loving sort cleaner?

one thing made into anotherthrough the power of an, as - an - islove is care, care is love love is love, care is carethough one often becomes the otheras labor deliversone thing to the otherand so the wars are not about classbut who works and who payswho pretends to be freeand who works as a slave

all inner and outer experiences awaitin the life looking for youawaits your work to bring it to bewith your own hands and body.

Mari Amman, Los Angeles, California, 2016

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lelapin.substack.com/subscribe

The Bubble Theory 

Our universe is one bubble among many. Contained in an infinite loop. 

The event horizon is one in which two bubbles bump. Opening the door to even more possibility.

The Event Horizon

It is the space in between. 

Where two souls meet. 

Everything and nothing. 

Open boundaries. 

This is the beginning. 

No separation. 

No in between. 

Then something happened. 

The interaction. 

In sharing nothing and everything

It created 

A something. 

This 

Translation 

Space 

Caved

Nothing & Everything. 

It gave birth to life. 

To form. Spilling in 

& folding out. 

This is what is seen when two souls meet.

Holding hands,

Hugs. They remind us. Of 

That space in between. 

Illusory separation -- 

The Container that 

Holds everything.

Everything that once remained

Within one time frame. 

Never to be repeated 

Again. 

For Infinity is

Broken,

With purpose. 

Yet, pattern is persuasive. 

Recycled. Rebuilt. Renewed. 

Forever reaching for a feeling of wholeness. 

Physicality is built upon this. 

Abundance 

It is 

You. 

The destination. 

It has always been 

You. 

By Brittany Atwater, Winter 2024 

Author & Creatrix 

Contact: [email protected]

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lelapin.substack.com/subscribe

When you die, you no longer fear death or anyone. The meaning of the infamous “Grateful Dead” carries so much significance in this way. I am really not a big fan of how-to guides, 12 steps, or any other gurus or life advice…but I have found this structure useful. Perhaps you might as well.

How to change your life:

1 Deciding what you want different

2 Learning

3 Doing what you need to

Falling back is the natural flow of life when trauma shakes the nervous system too much. Pushing forward occurs as a structural result of understanding. These concepts are not mine but exposed in this book and others:

The Path of Least Resistance, and Identity: Why It Doesn’t Matter What you Think About Yourself. https://www.robertfritz.com/

Today’s consulting economy is a bit like the artistry economy: just because you think you could do that, doesn’t mean you can or even will do it. A critic is an important sediment to the cynic and yet it is the visionary brave enough to bare his heart to the world that creates something with it. It take a lot of energy and focus to change. The discomfort is the least of it; that’s for pansies which turn out to be pretty damn resilient…that’s the meaning of this installation anyway:

Winter is a period of transformation. It’s dark; it’s cold; it’s all the things egos complain about, but it is where dreams blossom and the imaginary realm flourishes.

Change comes from within.

Structural thinking can be useful to the discipline, however each individual has their own way. So these guidelines are not meant to be explicitly followed but provide a springboard and nourishing reflex point to contend with.

Ultimately you are making up your own mind, decisions. and so forth.

Love starts with listening.

Therefore you must start to listen to yourself. And when you choose to love your work or another person, you also listen and see if this aligns with your path.

Anything other than love devolves quickly toward fighting and subversion.

Why is real love not more revered? Perhaps there hasn’t been enough suffering in awhile. (I don’t fancy that concept much). Perhaps it is the ideal: the beauty of that which rises to the surface in the darkness.

Heaven help us: I haven’t the answers for you, but I am pretty sure you have the answer for you, if you have the courage to let yourself hear it, feel it, and communicate it to who matters for you.

Le Lapin is a reader-supported publication. All the things people take for granted…cost energy, time, resources. To receive new posts, become a paid subscriber or make a one-time donation. Both are viable and appreciated to keep the lights on :)

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lelapin.substack.com/subscribe