A mind filled by the heart sees a world full of beauty and compassion.

Contents

. ignorance . intensity . indignity . iniquity

Indignity

to enact baseness

to conduct unworthiness

to impatiently dominate

GIRLFRIEND

Green grass growsand confused birds chirpin the wee hours I'm wokebreathing in the snow dampened midnight speckled by starsI look across the roomat my friend and seewe are the women that shinea line of reflect radianceturned my head in a mid slumber gaze indifferent while wakingwe know we are what mattersto each anotherso when those boystoss out their cat callsrisking their lives for proximityto my thighsalways find themselves surprisedwhen I or she turns aroundeven as we be walkin' and talkin'taking life in stridetogether we know we goarm in arm, near and farletting the other take turnsin keeping each others’ coasts clear.

ABSTRUSE AMORE

Insecurity dictated decisions have others quick to forget when leaving said, happy placesto become acquainted by said, bad spaces

where clinging hard and pushing often results in also, two, as well as in the one painfully bruised reputation.

Fear not for friends of good souls eventually do grow- a bloom for only thosewho remained through the rain tenderly, can know.

Go on fighting, thinking, nothing across the line of neatly formed words already waiting in a rowas a hammer and coralfor the often orated codesalso known as metaphortakes great interest in the compounding poundsof hearts webbed in lies—

These qualities must not be confusedwith byway blossoms delivered via fairy tale sweet nothings eventually realising the golden splendour of everything

despite conceding—

The we aregetting along just fine

does only half but draw

what needs fully sketched out

to be known as the defining, though dissipating lines

between aches of want and needbleed

into the history of unfurling flow some histories in full gear reverse forever

unfurling the beach sandsso many climbed faraway mountainsto see—such vistas and formationswould seem auspicious

though ache

without endwithout hearing those three syllablesthe sounds that echo less as promises and mirror

more as two hearts coming home:

I love you.

SIGNAL SIRENS

A calm gentleman pulled to the side by an assumed unsympathetic power-trip drivenegotistical law enforcement kind distinctly blocking traffic they sat in expressionless reposeperforming the authority ritual keeping his hands visibly in fold in his vintage, nineteen seventies, puke green raven racing stripe, sparkle paint job beauty of a mobile I passed while pretendingto mind my business a waft of a thought occurred to me that more often than not good wills are taken advantage of and in so dissipating without ever even havingunderstood the slip beneath the nosesof our happiness driven selves ‘til we can't ascertain the grounds on which feel solid enough for humanity to sustain growing populous painsin instances such as these I glance upon from time to time mainly in my rear-views to keep clear of consumer messes that sway hold between the lines and simply abide the lawfor heaven's sake to motivate myself to stayoutside for as long as my skin can tan under winter sun so my eyes can devour photogenic scenes I grow flex in capacity to enjoy the seismic power of my heart still beatingwhile staying my lane.

OWN THE WORLD

They speak to me

in their slurred bum speech

sitting around talking aboutsome game

and waiting for life

to take a turn

barely elevating toward

an impression

and yet

those called bums

often talk more substancein light of those barstool boys’stories of sorrows and though

they keep trying to making it up

get up some moves

are side swiped by the swift shiny suitsyou know

those with the moneywho have also lost all hope too

droning on in happy hour dramas

walking into tight hot elevators

blinded by the wonder of light

streaming through their views of those bums

they make hold their tongues

has always made me wonderwhat walking this world offersfor the dreams high in our imaginary skies

are often like a stars waiting

dedicated by some strangerto then be yanked down into realityand held as the stone it always wasso those tired muscle excusesconceal fears and feigned personasreaching for that out there twinkleworth more as an ideal,

than the weight of the real

that glow in the despair of hope,

looking-upas a tip of photographic memory

traveling as faras endless energy

in where the everywhen

delivers you.

© Mari Amman. All Rights Reserved.

Poetry, Prose &Suche VOL I.

First edition 2023, electronic distribution. Text and Images by Mari Amman.

The poems contained within this volume were drafted circa 2006-2009, in Chicago, USA, and edited during spring 2023 in Paris, France, with the enormous support of The Trélex Residency.

Get full access to Le Lapin at lelapin.substack.com/subscribe

A mind filled by the heart sees a world full of beauty and compassion.

Contents

. ignorance . intensity . indignity . iniquity

Intensity

to be of great depth

to strain in stretching out

to form from extreme feeling

HISTORY

I’m from the banks of a small river-valley town

where rustling trees sing morning wake-up song

citronella perfumes buzzing airs

grown pines carve evening horizons

and I can resign to the lines

of stories from stars and moons

to explain my mood—

tea tastes sweeter brewed

in sunshine heat

between my toes

and calloused feet

blushing not by evidence of the dirt

that makes garden blooms grow

but by the sincerity from which i was sewn—

something like that is where my story begins

so in the shadow of the leaves

and looming mid-morning cast shadows

across those luminous snows

I must admit

to not finding that home feeling anywhere

but in a version of history

I am unsure I remember but conjure

affords me

many riches

through such verses which must be repeated.

BORROWED CIRCLES

Never before have I highly held such a regard for

waking up in the dark amidst

the middle of light borrowing circles

of doubt from shadows of moon beams

there's no such thing

as frowning before dawn

when the space between facing

the out there performs an escaping

from the within here

for as long and deep as any love can be

that feeling has managed to escape me

evicted by the memory of dreaming of heartbeats

proven guilty of an inability to feed freedom

living amongst tall building landscapes lacking greenery.

a sensation provoking action denied and locked within

caution should be heeded when tears threaten

to wetten the silken skin of cheeks holding smiles

a brush of a touch would release them

so only in this dim lit room

accompanied by the morning dove coo

will you ever find her truth forgotten within you.

© Rachel Wolfe

Poetry, Prose &Suche VOL I.

First edition 2023, electronic distribution. Text and Images by Rachel Wolfe.

The poems contained within this volume were drafted circa 2006-2009, in Chicago, USA, and edited during spring 2023 in Paris, France, with the enormous support of The Trélex Residency.

Get full access to Le Lapin at lelapin.substack.com/subscribe

A mind filled by the heart sees a world full of beauty and compassion.

Contents

. ignorance . intensity . indignity . iniquity

Intensity

to be of great depth

to strain in stretching out

to form from extreme feeling

TWILIGHT SHEETS

Keeping flowers alive a little longer through early and late frosts, my parents would dress plants in worn bedsheets for protection. I worried the weight of the cotton would break the stems.

Instead the plants taught me their intelligence in bowing to accommodate the weight of protection. Dappled in twilight dew, the new application of the sheets I had seen for decades gave me pause.

As I long had an impulse to hug what I saw, rubs against urges to cut roses as that brings about imminent death, I refrained from the action to embrace. In a limbic pause, the sense of longing to be touched, embraced, be protected, pushed me a few steps back to look. I gazed in the tearful gratitude of the sweetness of such a gesture, I studied the sheetfold's congregations as congruent with my appreciation for lines formed through centuries in rocks.

The patterns of the bedding mimicked the very plants covered. The desire to protect what is with another form of that, the draping of the flowers with flowered textiles performs the artists' impulse to express love through performative representation.

While sentiments are loathed in the artworld and often suspect in society, I hid these photos from view for awhile. Occasionally reviewing the images to resuscitate their significance, I decided recently to share them on the internet to remind myself to make prints, draw them, or perhaps paint, but why?

Such a saccharine clinging to ineffable moments illuminates this place behind my nose, animating a memory of the scent of bed clothes and damp plants. While the experience becomes delivered to the present, the longing to look back or again, just a little longer, lets the love for what is blossoming open up a bit more.

In looking, fights and hunger are forgotten. I forget anything other than these sorts of illuminated, parietal pleasures. These spaces within our bodies are invisible to the world and evident in our gestures. I invite longer lingering on these generous actions of care as nurturing to in focus for our collective psyches.

If psyche means spirit, or at least the psyche dances with spirit, then perhaps the affect of art has greater weight and stake in the longevity of our being here. Since difficulty is made in attempting to light a protected and damp plant on fire, perhaps putting out the fire in the minds of men would invite the delivery of care people are aching and crying for.

© Mari Amman. All Rights Reserved.

Poetry, Prose &Suche VOL I.

First edition 2023, electronic distribution. Text and Images by Mari Amman.

The poems contained within this volume were drafted circa 2006-2009, in Chicago, USA, and edited during spring 2023 in Paris, France, with the enormous support of The Trélex Residency.

Images: https://mariamman.net/category/images/

Get full access to Le Lapin at lelapin.substack.com/subscribe

A mind filled by the heart sees a world full of beauty and compassion.

Contents

. ignorance . intensity . indignity . iniquity

Ignorance

to fail to notice

to avoid understanding

to lack and to want

EXPLORERS

Perched between the doorway and

the damp porch matching my mood

gazing upon the layer of ashen haze

covering what once was vibrant and fresh

like a nude dive into a chlorine pool

my lungs vapour stung, gasps focused averting eyes

towards the gutters’ drip of winter’s mournful ending song

puttering amongst the scavenger trucks

collecting and littering the alleyways for rare metals

my pacing rummages through what’s become

a blur of tasks and mindless to-do lists

rather belonging lost to see what the moment brings

yet clinging to the performative smile to delight others

I find myself distracted in their mouths widening

the aching membranes of 5k runner’s lungs smoking and veins drowned in coffee oscillating, my chest thumps

demanded by deep throat growls, and I swallow the howl

of dread of walking through the door of corporate drone

I splash my face to wash yesterday’s expressions off and silence the ringing in my ears echo’d by expressions of somebody needing a vacation clearly only the perpetual pay check could vouch for such an escape to momentarily pretend play of actual change, to leaving routines

for the dust of trails cowboys feigned to blaze

the right to prove we aren’t dandy clichés

incites reels of imagined highs fancied by capitalist desires so good the life barreling through cracked cloud sun yolks streaming down graces heftier in gold than paydays, paid debts, speed limits, landmarks, or feigned happiness

resigned to the brush of some blush the late winter rains don’t get anything soaked wet but mist vapours of springs’ promise for a different version of the same story.

© Mari Amman. All Rights Reserved.

Poetry, Prose &Suche VOL I.

First edition 2023, electronic distribution. Text and Images by Mari Amman.

The poems contained within this volume were drafted circa 2006-2009, in Chicago, USA, and edited during spring 2023 in Paris, France, with the enormous support of The Trélex Residency.

Get full access to Le Lapin at lelapin.substack.com/subscribe

A mind filled by the heart sees a world full of beauty and compassion.

Contents

. ignorance . intensity . indignity . iniquity

Iniquity

to be unfair

to perform vice

to embody wickedness

FROM A STIRRING

While I hear many advise the life I leadinto their greening stares I often wonderwhat an inability to see beyond pleasantriesor outside passing judgments would doin the way of unconfining mefrom reaching to feign a connectionin the moment I still shrinkinto a memory of knowingI’ll doubtfully ever be called upon to meet againmaybe in this moment of minuscule desireto remain unknown and not containedthere were a few times last weekso called friends promised never to forgetand yet they did while I tried to believe some truthI find instead only a few convincing dispositionsto make sense of what is found in such social feats displays of kicking, screaming, or whistlingsince time itself doesn’t care for witty remarkstend broken hearts, glue torn photographs back together you can bet your own teeth the surest fallacies foundare in each of our memoriesparticular of those made of a life lived in disguiseprone to projecting escapist temperamentsfor carefully examining self judgment with a thorough eye implies implementation never-ending in daily lifethan relying on the memory summoned by a stranger pretending to be a soul mate from another life—since talk of being here now might be new age fluffthe lack of judgment tarnishes as cotton candy doesso protect my skin as if they are the bonesI get to carry myself through in.

© Mari Amman. All Rights Reserved.

Poetry, Prose &Suche VOL I.

First edition 2023, electronic distribution. Text and Images by Mari Amman.

The poems contained within this volume were drafted circa 2006-2009, in Chicago, USA, and edited during spring 2023 in Paris, France, with the enormous support of The Trélex Residency.

Get full access to Le Lapin at lelapin.substack.com/subscribe

A mind filled by the heart sees a world full of beauty and compassion.

Contents

. ignorance . intensity . indignity . iniquity

Intensity

to be of great depth

to strain in stretching out

to form from extreme feeling

COMES TO PASS

When my hands are up

my guard is down

more happiness arose from my heart

than from my mind

so far as what I’ve witness

come to pass.

Having tried to outrun

buckets of emptiness overcome

heated pavements hell bent

spent, exhausted, all out of past done

fetch the watering cans out from

the back of the attic

wash out the webs

of too many answers

and spiders poised

I suppose to test your faith in

whether or not things

better not left to unfold

can be cared for well enough

to be secured and hold up an end

so the damned things stay behind

the veil of whoever cast those spells anyway

So when your hands go up

your guard begs your feet better

have sturdy contact with the ground

so happiness can come

from your heart not your my mind

for far as long if that love shall last.

Crumbling thoughts keep me

from mastering peace everyone says

comes from within

and even a glue tap never running dry

could hold everything

that has to come apart

together.

Our hands are up

and the guards are marching down

the street prepared

for what we all hope never comes

the happiness waits

in a gaze away from the scene

birds are chirping

over the loudspeaker mic

bumping

the people are empowered

and using their bodies to

share their minds unrest

for their wages barely clean up the mess

everyone has littered the streets

with these days.

When in love

we find where the

dreamtime myths typify

the whispered lies

stories for those with their eyes closed

a majesty's heart soars

within and through beyond

there is this world

I know we can both hold.

© Mari Amman. All Rights Reserved.

Poetry, Prose &Suche VOL I.

First edition 2023, electronic distribution. Text and Images by Mari Amman.

The poems contained within this volume were drafted circa 2006-2009, in Chicago, USA, and edited during spring 2023 in Paris, France, with the enormous support of The Trélex Residency.

Get full access to Le Lapin at lelapin.substack.com/subscribe

A mind filled by the heart sees a world full of beauty and compassion.

Contents

. ignorance . intensity . indignity . iniquity

Indignity

to enact baseness

to conduct unworthiness

to impatiently dominate

DUST

This candle will sit up on the shelf tired and limp with a burned out wick

refused to be lit

a gentle tap on the wax exposes a dry filament

lighting again

this timedust quickly takesfast to fire.

© Mari Amman. All Rights Reserved.

Poetry, Prose &Suche VOL I.

First edition 2023, electronic distribution. Text and Images by Mari Amman.

The poems contained within this volume were drafted circa 2006-2009, in Chicago, USA, and edited during spring 2023 in Paris, France, with the enormous support of The Trélex Residency.

Get full access to Le Lapin at lelapin.substack.com/subscribe

A mind filled by the heart sees a world full of beauty and compassion.

Contents

. ignorance . intensity . indignity . iniquity

Ignorance

to fail to notice

to avoid understanding

to lack and to want

NOVEMBER

Today turned over too many leaves, fallen

scuffed over and under moist autumn air

sniffed, coughed, and thought through a

trail of decent years, tiring, and yet temporary

disorientation is succinct but most inefficient

when describing

the feeling of, something dying

while continuing to pour through

a stinking mold of the past

remedied only by a stirred salt bath

floated upon love realized, gone awry

such the Midwestern plains damn the miles

far from any coastal springs of air

sunken by the filtration of limed stones

depressed by ice tomes

missed a displacement

stricken by of a history sketched

of transactional wills

my hand attempts to reveal

their adornments to form

from a vigour sweetened to overcome

the reticence of control by forces unknown

uneasy, indiscernible

for whom cares to know

the subjective reality aching

to fulfill the sophistic void

remaking the marvel of madness

easily dodged, bestowed me

broadened horizons of considerable standards

ensuring few shores find home for their tides here.

© Mari Amman. All Rights Reserved.

Poetry, Prose &Suche VOL I.

First edition 2023, electronic distribution. Text and Images by Mari Amman.

The poems contained within this volume were drafted circa 2006-2009, in Chicago, USA, and edited during spring 2023 in Paris, France, with the enormous support of The Trélex Residency.

Get full access to Le Lapin at lelapin.substack.com/subscribe

A mind filled by the heart sees a world full of beauty and compassion.

Contents

. ignorance . intensity . indignity . iniquity

Ignorance

to fail to notice

to avoid understanding

to lack and to want

FREEZE FRAME

Wakened by each day remindedthe world’s not built for rugged solitary accordyet beckoned by the premise of an intentional stride traipsing through the streetswondering where the fantasy of a white dress implanted into a projection of downpour soakedsheer viscose fraughtfully clingingthere must have been some movieand in such running picture framessomeone to be running towardto take me home in something more tangible thana memory of a frozen framemelted back into liferefusing to be held in loops of our favourite parts though it seems the painful bitsare more prone to keep circuitingcannot they be tossed out with hellish heelsno good for running in anywaybetween the story worth tellingand the space between the head and soulmaybe the now we are woven withinwhere words failed to dowhat unsaid symbols, films, sills of desire assayfade to pale under the penetrable lightexposing the significance of existence as an echo upon the lands where we find ourselvesholding each others’ hands.

© Mari Amman. All Rights Reserved.

Poetry, Prose &Suche VOL I.

First edition 2023, electronic distribution. Text and Images by Mari Amman.

The poems contained within this volume were drafted circa 2006-2009, in Chicago, USA, and edited during spring 2023 in Paris, France, with the enormous support of The Trélex Residency.

Get full access to Le Lapin at lelapin.substack.com/subscribe

A mind filled by the heart sees a world full of beauty and compassion.

Contents

. ignorance . intensity . indignity . iniquity

Ignorance

to fail to notice

to avoid understanding

to lack and to want

CHILLY IN JULY

The nights’ eagerly await

the sort of embrace

that make the neighbours take notice

the floorboards moan

for footsteps move inner rhythms

in time to the rotation of our axis

a brief realisation to this heart's song —

nothing particularly wrong

upon looking toward a star spotted sky for signs

only mildly amiss some hallowed longing

barking from a book of empty pages

promising entryway to finding whether or not spaces

provide any places feeling of home

awaiting the arrival of fondness

each void corrugated by transitory halls

land at acrylic gates promising inked marks

by uniformed officers signifying a welcome trespass

filling empty boxes as a strange right of entry

obligatory by no cosmic force

for after all, when I asked the moon

no promise nor comets were delivered or answers given

downed by the heavens to suffice for such fantasy rituals

drifts back to the reach for a sweater chill in the air weather

mirrored by the indulgent cavern carved

no knitted garment can squelch or fill

my wordless reaching gaze for comfort

on an arms wrapped tight sort of night.

© Mari Amman. All Rights Reserved.

Poetry, Prose &Suche VOL I.

First edition 2023, electronic distribution. Text and Images by Mari Amman.

The poems contained within this volume were drafted circa 2006-2009, in Chicago, USA, and edited during spring 2023 in Paris, France, with the enormous support of The Trélex Residency.

Get full access to Le Lapin at lelapin.substack.com/subscribe