Leadership Behind the Scenes

“When is it going to be fun again?” a good friend of mine asked after a large round of restructuring at her work place. She loves her job. She has what for her is the dream job. But suddenly it didn’t feel fun anymore.

I told my friend that what she was feeling was normal. Then I went on to tell her about Organisational Change Hangover as she was likely already suffering from it.

We talked about how she could move through the organisational change process in the best way possible.

Because here’s the thing:

Organisational change, right-sizing, transformation, re-structuring, re-organisation – call it what you want – it’s never fun. In fact, it’s usually painful.

It’s not so much that the change happens. Because that’s part of the time we live in and most of us get that things change fast.

The lingering pain comes in large because we’re expected to just get on with it without any pause or upset. We have no language to express what it’s like going through this kind of work-change and no space to voice and process the hurt, anger, disappointment, sadness, frustration, fear we are feeling.

Sometimes people start saying: “Maybe I just care too much”. My heart bleeds when I hear those words. Usually they then follow it with: “I guess it’s just work” trying to convince themselves that they she should stop caring… But there is nothing JUST about it.

Work definitely isn’t just work (and if you want to hear more about why listen to Episode 1 of Leadership Behind the Scenes https://noominatan.com/why-work-isnt-just-work/)

Other highlights from this episode:

Outline of the Organisational Change Hangover symptoms. So if you’re wondering if this is what you are suffering from, listen and find out.

 

We feel more alone than necessary when we can’t talk about what we are going through. And tips on how to reach out to others.

 

We feel embarrassed for feeling strongly about something that’s supposed to be “just work”.

Some people don’t like using the word trauma about things that happen at our work places. And of course it’s nothing like the trauma of war zones for example, but it is traumatic for many of us living in the unknown wondering whether we have a job or not.

 

Step 1 in the 9-step organisational change hangover cure is: Know your worth. You’ll learn a powerful exercise to start working on your knowing your value at work.

 

You can get the full 9-step Organisational Change Hangover for free at https://noominatan.com/hangover/

For more information about Noomi Melchior Natan and Leadership Behind the Scenes go to www.noominatan.com

You’re starting a new job and you want to get off to a good start. But in the process of trying to get it right, you’re making a key mistake.

“How is the new guy in your office?” I asked a friend a few years ago. “He is trying so hard to prove himself. It’s really annoying. We’re pretty fed up with him already, I hope he settles down soon.” My friend answered.

Have you had a new colleague you felt this way about? Or are you cringing now because you know you’ve been that new person really trying to prove yourself?

Back in 2006, I was nervous about starting a new job. My very first coach said to me: “Just think of how great they will all feel just because you’re there and because you’re showing up.”

I mulled this over for a long time thinking I didn’t know whether I would be any good at the job. But that was completely missing what my coach was trying to say.

 

When you’re starting a new job it’s easy to think it’s about you, but it’s really about them (the people you’ll be working with).

 

The people who have hired you, the people you will be working with, are all excited that you’re starting because they are hoping that now “help has arrived”  and things will getter better. They are busy thinking about how the gap in work force will be filled and they are looking forward to sighing of relief as they can stop doing more than their fair share.

 

The best thing you can do, when starting a new job, is to go into your new work place focusing on everyone else, listen and build relationships.

 

Let your first instinct be: I need to figure out what would make other people’s lives easier and better. Rather than: I need to figure out how to prove myself.

 

Turn down the volume of your inner dialogue. That’s the voice that is questioning will I get ahead here, was this the right job, will they like me, can I deliver… Because it gets in the way of you being present.

 

So how do you get out of your head? 

Simplest way – take a breath. It gets you into your body and into the present moment. 

For more information about Noomi Melchior Natan and Leadership Behind the Scenes go to www.noominatan.com

As you judge your parents so your personal power suffers.

The more you want to skip this episode – the more you probably need to listen to it.

And let’s be clear! You don’t need to ever speak to your parents again, if that is what you’re worried about. You might want to – but you don’t have to, to get the benefit of what I am talking about here. It’s not as intense you might be thinking.

This episode is about how what happened in your parental dynamics, in your childhood, and in your heritage significantly influences everything and anything that is possible for you as a leader and as a business owner.

There are 5 reasons for why judging your parents is negatively influencing your ability to lead and be led:

You cut yourself off from human life force. If you walk around thinking you would rather not have had the patterns or the parents you got, it’s like cutting off your roots. And just like trees stand weak, when they don’t have roots, so do humans. You might have very good reasons for not want to be like them or to have anything to do with them (I have coached leaders who have been abused in all kinds horrific ways as children).

The important thing is to acknowledge that this is where you come from for better and for worse. You are one in the line of many – that’s how you get access to human life force, even if your childhood was a mess and your parents weren’t anywhere close to being “good parents”.

 

You are turned towards the past. When you’re judging your parents, it’s like you’re standing with your back to the future, because you’re looking towards what’s happened in the past and that makes you less powerful in the present.

 

You are out whack in the order of life. If you’re facing towards the past, you’re looking towards the generation that came before you, rather than towards the next generation. That messes with the way natured intended life to be and it minimises your chance to be supported in life and the power you have available for creation of the future.

 

You become too big for your shoes, which can make you weirdly inflated. When you’re judging your parents, you’re in a way saying: I know better than you, I am better than you, I would never have done what you did. And this might be the case. But you didn’t have their exact childhood and you don’t fully know what it was like to be them.

 

When the above sentences feel true, it’s like it’s like we are trying to scold our parents and in that sense we become our parents parents or our parents judges and that’s not who we’re meant to be. We are born to be our parents’ children and only when we can be the children are we free to look towards the future and tend to creations that are true to us. (Rather than leaking energy to proving our parents wrong or showing what failures they were.)

 

You have to keep proving that you’re good enough. If you’re judging your parents there will be a deep niggling self doubt. Because if they aren’t good enough – that means you’re made of faulty raw material and maybe that means that you’re no good too.

The mean voice inside will pop up from time to time wondering what if I am like them or at least partly like them. It’s exhausting to try and prove that you’re different from your parents.

 

So what can you do instead of staying in harsh judgement?

What helps is to see a bit more of the generational picture. With whatever snippets of information you have about the generation before you plus thinking about what happened in the world at that time of your parents childhood, it might highlight to you that your father or mother didn’t have an easy time, and neither did their parents.

Although it doesn’t excuse bad behaviour, it helps us acknowledge that there is a chain of suffering that has been passed on and that there is not one person to blame. Each generation before passed on mess to the next. And it is, what it is. And it happened.

You can also work on forgiveness. But not in the sense of sayin

Back in 2009 I was watching Celebrity Masterchef religiously. (I have a slight obsession with cooking programs).

I remember watching Iwan Thomas Welsh sprinter and Olympic gold medallist enter the Masterchef Final and thinking: well of course he can make it to the final. He has perfected the discipline, focus and passion required to make it to finals.

It made perfect sense to me that if you can learn how to excel in one discipline, you can transfer that same success-recipe to other disciplines.

But what if we were to take that further?

What if “How you do one thing is how you do everything”?

I don’t know who said this or where I first heard it, but I love how this sentence makes me stop and think.

 

Highlights from the episode:

We take ourselves with us, so how we do one thing is very often how we do everything.

 

How you deal with your TV remote control might tell us something about how you show up and perform at networking events.

 

How you push yourself – or cotton-wool yourself in work-outs at the gym – might tell us something about how you approach your work potential.

 

If you want a general shift – an up-level in how you show up as a leaders and business owner – instead of trying to shift lots of different behaviours – test out just shifting how you do one thing. (Listen to the full episode for more details on what this looks like in practical terms).

 

For more information about Noomi Melchior Natan and Leadership Behind the Scenes go to www.noominatan.com

Have you spent countless hours trying to figure out how to get the best out of your team and how to motivate them? Perhaps there is one specific person that you keep thinking about…

If your answer is yes, you have committed one of the classic leadership mistakes.

Know what the mistake is?

Let’s turn it on it’s head. If it was you that needed to be more motivated, who do you think would have the best answers to how to make sure you were motivated? You? Or your boss?

Key points from the episode:

Ask yourself: When you try to figure out in your head how to motivate someone – are you giving them more or less responsibility for their wellbeing at work? And is this the result you’re aiming for?

 

The answer to how to motivate your team members is a dialogue – but not between you and your mind. It’s between you and your team member.

 

If the relationship is already a little rocky – asking how they will feel more motivated will likely sound more like criticism, putting the other person in an attack- or defend-mode and making the opening for the conversation very small.

 

This is not a one-off conversation. It’s an ongoing dialogue and the answers keep evolving.

 

Be curious and listen deeply to what the other person is saying and what they’re not saying.

 

Help people see what it is that makes a task enjoyable or draining for them? Most people are not clear on this for themselves.

Tips on how to start this conversation:

Don’t make it awkward. Just have a normal conversation. Imagine if you were on the receiving end of this type of conversation. How would you like the conversation to start? Feel? End?

State up front that you can’t promise anything. It’s an exploratory conversation. And set it up so that this is the beginning of an on-going dialogue.

Don’t expect the person to be able to bring answers in the moment. Tell them to come back with their answers/thoughts by email or in person 48 hour later, 7 days later or whatever time frame makes sense to you both.

 

Questions that can support you having “the motivation conversation” in productive way:

On days where your work gives you the most enjoyment what happens?

What really drains your energy at work?

What do you wish you didn’t have to do at work?

Do short deadlines with lots of accountability help you thrive or do you like long deadlines with lots of space where you just get on with it?

On a scale from 1-10 where is your motivation at the moment? And what would it take to make it a 8/9/10?

Or turn the last question slightly on it’s head – using a technique one of the guests of The Tim Ferris Show podcast shared. Again get them to share a number from 1-10 where their motivation is at right now. And if it’s a low number – ask them – what makes it a 5 and not a 1?

Dialogue around the answers. Dig deep. And jointly decide on some actions.

For more information about Noomi Melchior Natan and Leadership Behind the Scenes go to www.noominatan.com

Want to be a high achiever?

Then you need to ruthless in what you choose to bother your mind with and how you set up your daily routines.

We are faced with countless choices daily and bombarded with information. Guarding your mental capacity and limiting the amount of decisions you make daily is paramount, so that you can be available for the really important problems that need your attention.  

Have you heard of micro-decisions or micro-habits?

They are seemingly tiny habits or decisions, that on the surface don’t seem like a big deal, but if you choose these cleverly, they can set you on an (almost) automatic path to million good ones.

 

Key points from the episode:  

We get decision fatigue if we don’t eliminate some of the many decisions we are faced with daily.

 

To have sustainable long-term success you want to save energy and enrol yourself into patterns that lead almost automatically to other good things.

 

If you want to up-level your performance at work, you don’t want to choose 10 new things to do. Because you won’t stick them (I know what you’re like – because I am a human too). Instead – choose one thing. One micro-habit or micro-decision that will set you on a path to more goodness.

 

For most of us, the micro-habit or micro-decision that will have the biggest impact is something that will slow you down and have you become conscious. Something that helps you re-focus on what’s most important.

 

In James Clear’s book Atomic Habits he talks about the importance of adding instant gratification or positive immediate reinforcement when you are embedding a new habit. Make sure to give yourself a huge pat on the back instantly, when you activate your new micro-habit.

Make it easy, make it feel good, make it lead to other things that really matter to you.

To understand how this really works and to hear practical examples, listen to the full episode now.

For more information about Noomi Melchior Natan and Leadership Behind the Scenes go to www.noominatan.com

Did you know that your success patterns as a leader, and your ability to be lead has a lot to do with your childhood?

You might find this an inconvenient statement, but that doesn’t make it any less true.

What happened to you as a child, good, bad, ugly, joyfull, has influenced the leader or business owner you are today and there are hidden super powers in the patterns you developed as a child which you can start unlocking today.

Your childhood has shaped your:

Relationship with Authority

Leadership Patterns

Leadership Super Powers

Some clients that first meet me, say: “Can we just focus on work? I didn’t want a therapist, I am not really interested in this. I just want to be a better leader.” And yes – you could just focus on work – but then you’ll only get to symptoms. The root causes of your patterns all come from behaviours and survival skills you formed (unconsciously) as a child.

Key points from the episode:

The first authorities we meet in our lives are our parents. And so later on in life when we meet other authorities – like leaders/bosses at work – it brings up whatever unfinished business we have with our parents. And we all have unfinished business with our mum and dad. It also brings up patterns that we formed as young kids and most of us unknowingly walk around playing out these patterns for better and for worse at work.

 

Until we heal the original wound from our childhood we keep attracting a similar scenario. (Go listen to the full episode to understand more about this. It’s so important).

Your work self is not a separate you from the you that lived your childhood. For better and for worse what’s happened in your childhood has made you who you are today.

 

There are hidden super powers particularly from the most difficult parts of your childhood. You can unlock these safely and easier than you think. And not only will it make you a more confident and strong leader, it will also make you feel happier about your childhood.

 

The topic of this episode is central to all the work I do – and to why the coaching I do brings about a transformation that lasts a life time. It really is a must-listen episode, even if podcasts aren’t your thing.

For more information about Noomi Melchior Natan and Leadership Behind the Scenes go to www.noominatan.com