Leadership Behind the Scenes

When new leaders join an organisation they usually want to focus on the future and not get dragged down by past challenges. In their enthusiasm to move everyone on to think about what’s next, leaders often say some very well-meaning but extremely unhelpful words. Listen here for what they are and what to do instead.

You’re starting a new job and you want to get off to a good start. But in the process of trying to get it right, you’re making a key mistake.

“How is the new guy in your office?” I asked a friend a few years ago. “He is trying so hard to prove himself. It’s really annoying. We’re pretty fed up with him already, I hope he settles down soon.” My friend answered.

Have you had a new colleague you felt this way about? Or are you cringing now because you know you’ve been that new person really trying to prove yourself?

Back in 2006, I was nervous about starting a new job. My very first coach said to me: “Just think of how great they will all feel just because you’re there and because you’re showing up.”

I mulled this over for a long time thinking I didn’t know whether I would be any good at the job. But that was completely missing what my coach was trying to say.

 

When you’re starting a new job it’s easy to think it’s about you, but it’s really about them (the people you’ll be working with).

 

The people who have hired you, the people you will be working with, are all excited that you’re starting because they are hoping that now “help has arrived”  and things will getter better. They are busy thinking about how the gap in work force will be filled and they are looking forward to sighing of relief as they can stop doing more than their fair share.

 

The best thing you can do, when starting a new job, is to go into your new work place focusing on everyone else, listen and build relationships.

 

Let your first instinct be: I need to figure out what would make other people’s lives easier and better. Rather than: I need to figure out how to prove myself.

 

Turn down the volume of your inner dialogue. That’s the voice that is questioning will I get ahead here, was this the right job, will they like me, can I deliver… Because it gets in the way of you being present.

 

So how do you get out of your head? 

Simplest way – take a breath. It gets you into your body and into the present moment. 

For more information about Noomi Melchior Natan and Leadership Behind the Scenes go to www.noominatan.com

Back in 2009 I was watching Celebrity Masterchef religiously. (I have a slight obsession with cooking programs).

I remember watching Iwan Thomas Welsh sprinter and Olympic gold medallist enter the Masterchef Final and thinking: well of course he can make it to the final. He has perfected the discipline, focus and passion required to make it to finals.

It made perfect sense to me that if you can learn how to excel in one discipline, you can transfer that same success-recipe to other disciplines.

But what if we were to take that further?

What if “How you do one thing is how you do everything”?

I don’t know who said this or where I first heard it, but I love how this sentence makes me stop and think.

 

Highlights from the episode:

We take ourselves with us, so how we do one thing is very often how we do everything.

 

How you deal with your TV remote control might tell us something about how you show up and perform at networking events.

 

How you push yourself – or cotton-wool yourself in work-outs at the gym – might tell us something about how you approach your work potential.

 

If you want a general shift – an up-level in how you show up as a leaders and business owner – instead of trying to shift lots of different behaviours – test out just shifting how you do one thing. (Listen to the full episode for more details on what this looks like in practical terms).

 

For more information about Noomi Melchior Natan and Leadership Behind the Scenes go to www.noominatan.com

Have you spent countless hours trying to figure out how to get the best out of your team and how to motivate them? Perhaps there is one specific person that you keep thinking about…

If your answer is yes, you have committed one of the classic leadership mistakes.

Know what the mistake is?

Let’s turn it on it’s head. If it was you that needed to be more motivated, who do you think would have the best answers to how to make sure you were motivated? You? Or your boss?

Key points from the episode:

Ask yourself: When you try to figure out in your head how to motivate someone – are you giving them more or less responsibility for their wellbeing at work? And is this the result you’re aiming for?

 

The answer to how to motivate your team members is a dialogue – but not between you and your mind. It’s between you and your team member.

 

If the relationship is already a little rocky – asking how they will feel more motivated will likely sound more like criticism, putting the other person in an attack- or defend-mode and making the opening for the conversation very small.

 

This is not a one-off conversation. It’s an ongoing dialogue and the answers keep evolving.

 

Be curious and listen deeply to what the other person is saying and what they’re not saying.

 

Help people see what it is that makes a task enjoyable or draining for them? Most people are not clear on this for themselves.

Tips on how to start this conversation:

Don’t make it awkward. Just have a normal conversation. Imagine if you were on the receiving end of this type of conversation. How would you like the conversation to start? Feel? End?

State up front that you can’t promise anything. It’s an exploratory conversation. And set it up so that this is the beginning of an on-going dialogue.

Don’t expect the person to be able to bring answers in the moment. Tell them to come back with their answers/thoughts by email or in person 48 hour later, 7 days later or whatever time frame makes sense to you both.

 

Questions that can support you having “the motivation conversation” in productive way:

On days where your work gives you the most enjoyment what happens?

What really drains your energy at work?

What do you wish you didn’t have to do at work?

Do short deadlines with lots of accountability help you thrive or do you like long deadlines with lots of space where you just get on with it?

On a scale from 1-10 where is your motivation at the moment? And what would it take to make it a 8/9/10?

Or turn the last question slightly on it’s head – using a technique one of the guests of The Tim Ferris Show podcast shared. Again get them to share a number from 1-10 where their motivation is at right now. And if it’s a low number – ask them – what makes it a 5 and not a 1?

Dialogue around the answers. Dig deep. And jointly decide on some actions.

For more information about Noomi Melchior Natan and Leadership Behind the Scenes go to www.noominatan.com

Want to be a high achiever?

Then you need to ruthless in what you choose to bother your mind with and how you set up your daily routines.

We are faced with countless choices daily and bombarded with information. Guarding your mental capacity and limiting the amount of decisions you make daily is paramount, so that you can be available for the really important problems that need your attention.  

Have you heard of micro-decisions or micro-habits?

They are seemingly tiny habits or decisions, that on the surface don’t seem like a big deal, but if you choose these cleverly, they can set you on an (almost) automatic path to million good ones.

 

Key points from the episode:  

We get decision fatigue if we don’t eliminate some of the many decisions we are faced with daily.

 

To have sustainable long-term success you want to save energy and enrol yourself into patterns that lead almost automatically to other good things.

 

If you want to up-level your performance at work, you don’t want to choose 10 new things to do. Because you won’t stick them (I know what you’re like – because I am a human too). Instead – choose one thing. One micro-habit or micro-decision that will set you on a path to more goodness.

 

For most of us, the micro-habit or micro-decision that will have the biggest impact is something that will slow you down and have you become conscious. Something that helps you re-focus on what’s most important.

 

In James Clear’s book Atomic Habits he talks about the importance of adding instant gratification or positive immediate reinforcement when you are embedding a new habit. Make sure to give yourself a huge pat on the back instantly, when you activate your new micro-habit.

Make it easy, make it feel good, make it lead to other things that really matter to you.

To understand how this really works and to hear practical examples, listen to the full episode now.

For more information about Noomi Melchior Natan and Leadership Behind the Scenes go to www.noominatan.com

Did you know that your success patterns as a leader, and your ability to be lead has a lot to do with your childhood?

You might find this an inconvenient statement, but that doesn’t make it any less true.

What happened to you as a child, good, bad, ugly, joyfull, has influenced the leader or business owner you are today and there are hidden super powers in the patterns you developed as a child which you can start unlocking today.

Your childhood has shaped your:

Relationship with Authority

Leadership Patterns

Leadership Super Powers

Some clients that first meet me, say: “Can we just focus on work? I didn’t want a therapist, I am not really interested in this. I just want to be a better leader.” And yes – you could just focus on work – but then you’ll only get to symptoms. The root causes of your patterns all come from behaviours and survival skills you formed (unconsciously) as a child.

Key points from the episode:

The first authorities we meet in our lives are our parents. And so later on in life when we meet other authorities – like leaders/bosses at work – it brings up whatever unfinished business we have with our parents. And we all have unfinished business with our mum and dad. It also brings up patterns that we formed as young kids and most of us unknowingly walk around playing out these patterns for better and for worse at work.

 

Until we heal the original wound from our childhood we keep attracting a similar scenario. (Go listen to the full episode to understand more about this. It’s so important).

Your work self is not a separate you from the you that lived your childhood. For better and for worse what’s happened in your childhood has made you who you are today.

 

There are hidden super powers particularly from the most difficult parts of your childhood. You can unlock these safely and easier than you think. And not only will it make you a more confident and strong leader, it will also make you feel happier about your childhood.

 

The topic of this episode is central to all the work I do – and to why the coaching I do brings about a transformation that lasts a life time. It really is a must-listen episode, even if podcasts aren’t your thing.

For more information about Noomi Melchior Natan and Leadership Behind the Scenes go to www.noominatan.com

As a leader, you want to be acutely aware of anything that negatively affects your power, your ability to influence, and have people really come along with your initiatives.

(We are talking about the good kind of power used with integrity to do more of the good stuff – in case you were wondering).

 But did you know that impatience can minimize your leadership power?

 And if you’re a go-getter then you’re likely often impatient to achieve that “next thing”.

 In this episode I explain more about:

Why impatience is a “young” energy and it makes your energy go “up”.

 

The leaders you want to follow are not the ones that are grasping for things, reaching up. You want to follow leaders that are grounded.\

 

When you’re impatient and so focused on that next thing you want to reach; promotion, income target, client, award, – you’re missing out on other things. you’re not in the moment. And if you not present you’re losing leadership presence.

 

Behind impatience is often a question of “is it even going to happen?” – which can be an energy of doubt.

 

It can even lead to a paralysing effect where you’re just passively waiting for something to happen.

So what can you do to counter the power-minimizing effects of impatience?

Instead of plucking apples – ground into the tree trunk. Sprout roots

Look at this as bigger than you. Say: This or something better… Step out of ego, stop trying to control when or what.

Ask yourself what can you take action on now?

Listen now to get the full scope on how this works.

For more information about Noomi Melchior Natan and Leadership Behind the Scenes go to www.noominatan.com

“Even if someone shoots you – it’s not personal.” This sentence has stayed with me since I first heard it on my ipod listening to an audio book called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz back in 2010.

I have probably chewed this sentence over in my head 100s of times. Really? It isn’t personal if someone shoots me?! The example is so strong. The provocation so challenging. And that’s why it works.

This episode is about the critical difference between taking something personal and being emotionally invested. Knowing the difference will save you a lot of frustration and pain and Ruiz’s statement is the key to understanding this concept.

Key points from the episode:– When we get triggered, when something feels personal, we tend to go on the defensive or on the attack. And then it becomes about us. And we miss out valuable information in a situation.

– The defence- or attack-instinct is from the reptilian brain which has as its primary function to save our life. It wants to save energy and does so by simplifying things for us. Great if faced with a pre-historic tiger, less useful (in fact potentially damaging) if faced with a difficult co-worker/boss/client.

– It’s a great thing for you to care deeply about your work – but at the same time it’s important to remember that other people’s response has more to do with them than you.

– Get into a state of curiosity – get curious about your own strong response – there is a nugget of wisdom and learning there – something to work on, so that this spot in you will be less sore in the future and you will be able to respond more productively.

– What you have to work on as a person and as a leader are usually connected. Which is also why you might want both a therapist and a coach, or a coach who can do therapeutic interventions.

For more information about Noomi Melchior Natan and Leadership Behind the Scenes go to www.noominatan.com

Today is part 1 of two episodes about the “Ejector Seat”. The Ejector Seat is the kind of role in an organisation, where it seems like, no matter how hard you try to find the right candidate, no one is successful. People go off on sick leave, get fired or just leave – and quickly.

There is a pattern that keeps repeating with people only staying for a short time in role and no one being truly successful.

In this part 1 episode I will explain what the Ejector Seat is and how to make sure you don’t end up in an Ejector Seat role.

There is one crucial question you must ask before taking a new role.

And if you suspect you might be in an organisational Ejector Seat right now, we talk about what you can do to break the “curse”.

For more information about Noomi Melchior Natan and Leadership Behind the Scenes go to www.noominatan.com

Today is part 1 of two episodes about the “Ejector Seat”. The Ejector Seat is the kind of role in an organisation, where it seems like, no matter how hard you try to find the right candidate, no one is successful. People go off on sick leave, get fired or just leave – and quickly.

There is a pattern that keeps repeating with people only staying for a short time in role and no one being truly successful.

In this part 1 episode I will explain what the Ejector Seat is and how to make sure you don’t end up in an Ejector Seat role.

There is one crucial question you must ask before taking a new role.

And if you suspect you might be in an organisational Ejector Seat right now, we talk about what you can do to break the “curse”.

For more information about Noomi Melchior Natan and Leadership Behind the Scenes go to www.noominatan.com