This article is going to be a little different than usual. Throughout the article, I want you to test yourself. This exercise is here to help you experience first-hand how quickly we can change our thinking. It is of utmost importance that you are being honest with yourself; Only by being honest you will witness your transformation. Keep in mind there are no right or wrong answers. Let’s start with the first question:
Imagine yourself on Monday morning, you’re running late and just made it to the train station. But as soon as you are about to enter the tube, it’s closing its doors, leaving you behind on the platform.
What is happening inside you is called immediate reaction to adverse situations. The question to ask is what your initial reaction is and also why. But we are getting ahead of ourselves, so let’s continue with the second question.
Leadership Nugget is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
The train has now been gone for 3 minutes. The fact that you have missed your train is settling in. Where are you at now in your head?
You get my drift. Oftentimes, we are too self-centred to evaluate a situation neutrally, and on top, we are mean to ourselves. Both things are harmful to our self-worth and well-being. What I tried to show with the two questions was that the more time passes between an event and a reaction, the more accurate our reactions and thinking are.
If we look at the bigger picture and identify what this very simplistic example means to leadership, it is evident that good leadership involves seeing beyond an immediate setback. It is the art and constant exercise to envision a positive future. Try to see setbacks as learnings and get inspired by obstacles rather than defeat.
I would even go a step further and encourage you to not only get over the immediate setback but rather train yourself to immediately reflect and shift your perspective to what you are grateful for. This is what the last answer to the last question is hinting at. Immediately identify what you can be grateful for rather than focus on the defeat. It is a sheer superpower that makes one incredibly resilient and happier in the long run. Not to dwell on lost chances, obstacles or missed trains, getting over the fact and being able to focus on what’s coming next is a massive strength.
One of the greatest tennis players of all time, Roger Federer, gave a graduation speech a few weeks back, mentioning that even though he won almost 80% of his games, he barely won 50% of points played (56%, to be precise). His point was that in order to be great, you need to get over losing a point or having a setback.*
After sharing all of this with you, how are you going to react the next time something unexpected or unsettling is happening to you?
No matter how you answered, a transformation takes time. Be patient and kind to yourself. Here are some practical next steps for you to practise thinking more positively in adverse situations:
Practical next steps to train your positive thinking muscle:
* Breathe! There is no need to react right away. Breathe in. Breathe out. Give yourself time to process the event and postpone your reaction.
* Don’t be egotistic! This(!) is not happening to you only. It is happening constantly to many people. Don’t blame the universe, and don’t think that bad things happen to you constantly. These things just happen - that’s life.
* Don’t compare yourself. You are not better than others, and neither are they. You are you, and life happens 24/7. Try to be the best version of yourself, never stop working on yourself, and do all of that at your own pace.
* Be grateful for the things that happen to you - everything! We can only be happy when we know how it feels to be sad. Sounds brutal, but we need to feel the whole spectrum to appreciate happiness.
* Put it into perspective! You have every right to feel defeated, and your feelings are valid. Nevertheless also consider that most (mundane) setbacks are not as bad. It could be so much worse.
As usual, be patient, be kind, tiny steps.
*You can watch his speech here.
Leadership Nugget is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
Get full access to Leadership Nugget at damble.substack.com/subscribe
