“Dude, have you seen the new iPhone? I am totally going to get it!” “But didn’t you get your last one just a few months back?!” Exchange the iPhone with any other tech gadget; I am confident you have most likely heard a conversation like this. While some are living on a budget, others can’t decide which unnecessary luxury item to buy next. And I, myself, am not perfect with my sneaker addiction.
35k decisions per day overwhelm us
It’s difficult to resist temptations, especially when it feels like we are constantly getting thrown at the next, newer or better thing wherever we turn. And indeed, on average, an adult has to make 35k, smaller and bigger decisions daily. Indeed, most of these decisions will not heavily impact one’s life or the people around them. Still, we find ourselves in situations where we struggle to make decisions on the spot. Evolution had humans build small shortcuts in our brains - heuristics - to make more minor decisions quicker. But the same heuristics that saved us in the past from being eaten by a lion now are the same ones leading some of us to eat unhealthy food or behave in a racist manner. To rely solely on your “gut feeling” might not be the winner. If only there would be a toolkit to use before or during the act of making a decision, whether it is easy or difficult, personally or professionally. But maybe there is: Your values. Setting up your set of personal values and making decisions based on them will help guide you through everyday life. Over time, we need to reflect on our choices and values constantly to improve.
Looking at the world right now makes one think that leadership is in a crisis. It seems like values often take the backseat. So here I am to talk about my leadership trifecta to inspire you to find yours.
AFC: Authenticity, fairness and consistency wrapped with courage.
A: Authenticity
Authenticity is about embracing the real you, unfiltered and unapologetic. It's about being honest with yourself and others. But that doesn't mean that you can be a dick. Allow your genuine self to shine through every action, conversation, and decision. For me, it means to be courageous, to own your actions, and to speak up for what's right or wrong, loudly and proudly.
How it shows / doesn’t show
Authenticity is only showing over time. Generally, when one’s actions match her words, we can call it authentic. Being authentic also means standing up for yourself and your values, even though that might be unpopular at that very moment. Do what you do in front of others, also when alone. What you say loudly must be followed through when nobody watches, too. This comes hand in hand with being a person of integrity. One could claim that being authentic means always being arsehole-yourself - but that’s not how it goes. It means having a set of commonly accepted values and staying true to them. There is a difference.
How you build it / improve it
Listen to yourself when interacting with people. What makes you feel good? What moves you? What disappoints or frustrates you? Now, lean into these emotions and try to name them. This might be hard, and honestly, it takes time. But why should you stress about it? These things matter to you and are dear to your heart; of course you take your time! And until you have pinpointed it, just listen to your gut feeling: does it sit right with you or not?
What’s the consequence (for you and others)
You can finally be you. Your bold stand might offend some but will be valued by most. And vice versa, pretending to be someone else will make you unaligned with yourself. Others can tell that you are not being genuine or trustworthy. Imagine you are starting at a new company, and there is this guy; we name him Norbert. Norbert has been with the company for quite some time and is supposed to show you around the first few days. Whenever he is on the phone with customers, he is the sweetest soul- understanding and kind. But once off the phone, he complains, “how insanely dumb our customers are”. Would you see in him a worthy confidant asking for help or support without being judged?
F: Fairness
Fairness means treating everyone you meet equally, no matter where they are from, what passion or job they have or believe in. Even though we all might have different backgrounds, we deserve to be treated the same way.
How it shows / doesn’t show
It shows in everyday actions. How do you view others when they do things differently than you would? How do you interact with the workers at a supermarket or the waiters/waitresses at a restaurant? It’s not for you to decide what the right job, passion, sexuality, religion or way of life is.
How you build it / improve it
Be curious, don't judge. An open heart leads to the most exciting encounters- every day. Every person has a story, a life hack or lessons that might be useful. Accept that people are different and embrace the beauty of it by leaning into their stories.
What’s the consequence (for you and others)
For strangers, you come across as inviting and open, as you are friendly and welcoming when entering the room. And for those who know you, it creates trust because people know they can wear their hearts on their sleeves, just like you do.
C: Consistency
It’s close to being authentic. How do you perform when you are alone? When you say you’re going to work out five times a week, are you going to? This has a lot to do with balance. It shows how well you are settled and confident with your inner self. Consistency isn't about the big moves randomly but rather the small ones every day.
How it shows / doesn’t show
Do what you say and say what you do. Are you showing up when you say you are, or are you always late-ish? Are you struggling with the promises you make, sometimes to please people? It is tough, but being honest and limiting yourself to only the things you can do can be liberating. So next time a friend invites you to his brunch, knowing that very weekend your parents are in town and the long-overdue catch with your high school friend is happening, say no! It may sound rude, but knowing that you are following through will give you peace of mind. The result is the same: you wouldn’t have gone to the brunch either way; now, you were just genuine and built confidence in yourself.
How you build it / improve it
Use the kaizen principle of becoming a little better every day. A German saying says a master didn't just drop from the sky. True mastery comes from consistent development. You can build it with little steps. If you want to exercise every day, start with 10 minutes every day instead of 60, but make sure to follow through. The magic that happens from that is mind-blowing.
What’s the consequence (for you and others)
People see you as the real deal. What you say happens and results are showing. The mere fact that you are doing what you promised yourself and others is one of the most powerful things I’ve experienced, and the effect is beautiful. You feel accomplished, honest and authentic.
That is exactly why leadership fascinates me; my understanding of leadership 1:1 matches my core values. My AFC values are tightly wrapped by a band of courage, which is always required to make a difference in the world and your everyday life.
As always, take the high road and be kind. 🌺
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