Leading Hope with Kevin Jack

Criticism sticks the most when it comes when you didn’t expect it. So while most of the discussion around criticism is about responding, we want to talk about preventing.

The easiest way to prevent criticism is to do nothing, but that’s obviously not our strategy.

Be active about seeking out feedback loops in advance.

– People you trust their opinion & their intention (not their loyalty).

– Regularly inviting feedback on specific issues & your blind spots “what do you see from your unique perspective that I might not?”

The #1 job of a leader is to stay encouraged.

Imagine it that criticism is a game, I know not a fun a game, but we want to shape how you think about what you’re doing.

We often think of criticism as dodgeball. People are throwing stuff at you, and you’re trying to avoid it. But remember, the goal is not to avoid criticism, it’s to grow.

So what if we thought of criticism as baseball, instead of dodgeball. Here’s how it would reframe how we thought:

1. Instead of throwing stuff at us, they were throwing it to us.

2. When they threw it to us, we had a choice on what to do with it. You get to evaluate the “pitch” and decide how you respond:

Our Choice:

1. If it’s not worthwhile, not helpful, not from a healthy source- don’t swing! Don’t respond. Don’t get agitated. You don’t have to swing at every pitch that comes your way. If you swing at a pitch in the dirt you’ll strike out. Don’t wrestle with pigs, you both get muddy and the pig likes it. Don’t give it time: If someone isn’t on your agenda, don’t put them on your calendar.

2. If it is worthwhile, if it is helpful, if there is something to be learned: swing. Engage with the criticism. Learn something. Not to take the metaphor too far; but you’re engaging the criticism, not the person.

Closing Word: You have a choice in how you respond to criticism. Not all criticism is equal, so don’t treat it as such.

1. Everyone deals with criticism. Some of it is direct, some of it is through anonymous feeds, some of it is from unlikely sources.

2. We need to redefine the goal of criticism, the goal of criticism isn’t to avoid criticism. It’s to grow. If you are shut off to criticism you are shut off to feedback that propels you forward. You can’t just seek to avoid it, you have to seek to grow.

3. What we’re seeking to cultivate is tough skin without developing a hard heart. We’re seeking to handle criticism in a healthy way without giving way to cynicism.

Everything we’ve dealt with up until now about ethos has been topical treatment.

The truth is that ethos, personal culture, is a matter of the heart. There is nothing that changes your spirit more than relationships, think romantic relationships, new friendships. Because relationships shape our personal culture more than anything else, the one relationship we have to have in our lives to change that in a healthy way is a relationship with Jesus. A relationship with Jesus changes your spirit changes your soul more than anything else in the world.

What to know:

- A topical treatment to ethos will only go so far, sometimes you need steroid, something internal.

- Personal culture is a matter of the heart.

- Faith has an ethos, because faith is a relationship.

The lurking monster in your ethos, is your pride. No one thinks that they are arrogant, or more arrogant than the average person.

The Dangers of Pride:

1. Cuts you off from learning- stuck

2. Cuts you off from expressing need and gratitude- kills a team.

3. Treat people as tools- diminish the spirit of others, Prideful person makes others closed off.

How to quickly identify pride:

1. Harsh – see people shutting down.

2. Entitled – I deserve, frustrated when serving, monologue on beneath you.

3. Relationships that are shattered that you don’t care about – difference between separating for health & devaluing people.

Getting rid of pride: Truths & Values. Value others more than yourself, value being part of something bigger more than getting the credit. Truth: Next Week.

Your spirit isn’t static, it’s not stuck, it can be changed. But how do you change your spirit?

Great personal culture is built through identity: Our understanding of who we are.

Great personal culture is eroded through behaviors: actions that go against our identity.

What makes up your identity?

1. The truths you believe.

2. The values you aspire to.

If I am going to live into that identity, I must align my behaviors with my truths and values.

Changing Your Culture, Your Personal Ethos. 3 Principles:

1. Know what it is.

2. Know it can be changed.

3. Decide what you want it to be.

Know what it is: What’s it like to be on the other side of me, Autopsy of the common denominator, Imagine how people describe me and what words they use?

Consider not your resume, but your eulogyv- how do you want to be described? That’s your personal culture.

Focus on #2: It can be changed. Your ethos is not personality, it interacts with your personality, its your soul. Evidence that it can be changed: Chronic Pain, Difficulty & Hardship, Success. And if it can be changed from outside forces, it can be changed because of personal intention.

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