Leaning Toward Wisdom

Today's episode is out of the ordinary 'cause I felt like being out of the ordinary. It's a focus on life in general and the urge some seem to have to not participate in life. Some, thanks to COVID, are terrified of what life might be like if they were to resume normal living. Others seem to struggle with mental health for a variety of reasons.

"I remember it the way it should have been."   - An old man once told me whilst reminiscing about the past

A truthful admission. Confession is good for the soul. But accurate recall is also good. And right!

Remembering the right thing requires that we first do the right thing. The only way to remember it the way it should have been is to have done what should have been done. It's like telling the truth versus telling lies. Tell the truth and stop worrying. Because it's the truth. Tell lies and you have to become a master juggler or be found out a liar. It begins with doing the right thing. Telling the truth. Making the right decision. Doing what's right.

That's how we can prevent the need for convenient amnesia.

An NFL quarterback throws a pick-six (an intercepted ball the opposing team runs back for a touchdown). The announcer remark, "He has to put that behind him and forget about it." Within minutes when the quarterback gets the ball back, we find out whether or not he can forget the horrible mistake he just made.

Sports are filled with such instances. Aaron Judge is chasing a home run record as I hit record today. The pressure must be intense. After all, he's a New York Yankee chasing a Yankee and an American League record, but he's currently stuck on number 60. Striking out. Walking. Base hits here and there. Does he let his mind linger on the strikeouts? Maybe. His ability to forget it and move on, knowing the next at-bat is going to be a new opportunity to achieve the record --- that's going to make the difference in his success. He'll figure it out. Great athletes almost always do. It's one trait that makes them great - their ability to practice productive amnesia.

Convenient amnesia is delusion. It's inaccurate and heavily biased in our favor. "I remember it the way it should have been."

Productive amnesia is moving forward. It's the realization that we failed in the past, but now we're going to take advantage of the opportunity in front of us. 

"Regrets, I've had a few," sings Sinatra in that classic song, My Way.

Regrets, I've had a fewBut then again too few to mentionI did what I had to doI saw it through without exemptionI planned each charted courseEach careful step along the bywayAnd more, much, much moreI did it, I did it my way

Too few to mention is likely an understatement for most of us. If we're willing to be honest with ourselves.

For me, it's less about regrets and more about what lessons those regrets teach me. I work at fixing my mind on a single question, "Now what?"

Convenient amnesia gets in the way because of pride. I may not always want to admit I was stupid, foolish or that I failed. A big part of convenient amnesia is also that woulda-coulda-shoulda feeling we've all had. Those times when we wished we had made a different decision, or taken a different action - those times when we regret what we did or we regret what we neglected to do.

Six to eight months ago - and before - when the real estate markets were going crazy we talked about putting our house on the market, but we weren't ready. For lots of reasons. Mostly because we had yet to embark on our mission to purge and declutter our lives. We talked about it, but we had yet to back our ears and do it.

During those times people stabbed a "for sale" sign in their yard and within days (sometimes hours) the houses were scarfed up, sold above asking price in many cases. We're feeling that woulda-shoulda-coulda feeling about it, wishing we had prepared ourselves to take advantage, but we didn't.

It's not the first time we've felt that way. Truth is, real estate has never been my friend. ;) All our married life we've found ourselves, due to career moves, needing to leave one place and move to a different place where the markets just never lined up to benefit us. In this part of the country - Texas, Oklahoma, Louisiana - we inevitably needed to sell a house in a stagnant or down market and move to a les...

Let me start by acknowledging my dad's 99th birthday today. Born on September 29, 1923, he's seen quite a lot in his lifetime.

Geoffrey "Jeff" Cantrell celebrates his 99th birthday today

I grew up hearing, "You never until you try." I wish I could say that trying was always easy.

My biggest fears as a kid involved girls. Go figure.

Logically, I was bold. Practically, I was a coward.

My best friend had a girlfriend, but no car. I had a car, but no girlfriend. He wanted to go out on a double date so he began pressuring me to ask out somebody. Anybody.

I had a friend - she was in our social circle and we shared many classes - who I liked. She was attractive and popular. We were at his house mulling over a strategy and I mentioned I'd like to ask her out. He was less than encouraging telling me that she'd never go out with me. Stupid on his part since he had no car and was wanting me to ask out somebody. Oh well. We were 16 and not terribly savvy about such things.

I pushed back asking him, "What's the worst thing that can happen? She rejects me." His stupidity continued though, "And she tells everybody she knows, which is EVERYBODY."

I'm in his room thinking that if she does that it'll have a lifespan of less than a day. High school drama about something so small is sure to be bested by something larger within a 24-hour high school news cycle.

But I was scared. Scared to dial the number. Scared to talk to her.

Inexperience does that, which is why my favorite quote remains...

Everything is hard until it's easy.

Nothing about this was easy. Dealing with my friend. Working up the courage to figure out what to do, and what to say. Controlling my heart rate. It was all hard.

Eventually, I dialed the number and asked her. She accepted and my buddy was completely blown away. The guy just didn't know when to quit being stupid. It took a while before he celebrated the fact that we now had the double date booked - the double date he was desperate to make happen. No, at this moment after I hung up the successful phone call he was dog-piling the whole situation with disbelief that the endeavor had proven successful.

I didn't know if I could, but I tried. Turns out I could get a date with a girl who my buddy thought was beyond the reach of a troglodyte like me.

I was younger than 16 when I first picked up a guitar. I wanted to learn. So I bought a book. I tried. Well, okay, maybe that's too strong a term to describe my effort. And maybe I was less motivated for this endeavor than I was in asking a girl out for a date.

Weeks passed and it seemed to me that my mind just wasn't going to cooperate with me learning the play the guitar. Even if my mind did kick in, I wasn't sure my hands would comply. Besides, there sure seemed to be a lot of math-like skills required.

YouTube didn't yet exist. Neither did the Internet. Cable TV either. We were still burying dinosaurs in those days so everything was harder!

I don't think I lasted a month. I gave up. I tried and failed...destined to own guitars from then on, but never being able to play on.

Trying doesn't insure success. Trying harder won't either. Sometimes we fail no matter how hard or how long we work at it.

During a late-night headphone music session Gavin DeGraw's song, "I'm Gonna Try" began to play. It's an older 2013 song of his that I hadn’t listened to in a while. I'd already been thinking about a few things I wanted to try as we're making some changes in our life. I wasn't thinking too much about whether or not I could because most of the things I was pondering were things I was 100% confident I could do.

I had been thinking about time together with my wife. There's lots of time wasted apart doing what has to be done to sustain life. Tons of things involved in just daily living. You know. We all know. Our to-do list never seems to get fully done. It's less of a list and more like a never-ending cycle.

"You boys, settle down."

"Stop that foolishness."

"Behave."

Whenever Stanley and I were together those were common refrains from the adults observing us. It happens. When you're kids.

We didn't feel foolish. In fact, we felt quite smart. And wondered if cutting up and laughing out loud was foolish, then wisdom wasn't likely going to play any part in our future.

Today I don't ascribe the same meaning to those phrases. I’m very settled. Down. And hopefully, I've stopped most of my foolishness. Truth is, I never did feel very foolish because I was mostly a sober-minded kid. That last admonition is one I've delivered more than any other. "Behave," can mean a variety of things depending on the situation. That's why I love it so much. It's universally applicable.

I loved laughter and levity as a kid. Still do. I confess I don't engage in either one as much as when I was a kid, but the innocence of childhood helps. The burdens of adulthood don't.

Making people laugh used to be an ongoing quest. Provoking laughter was a major investment of our time. Not all kids did it, but we did.

Jim Valvano gave an impassioned speech when he accepted a 1993 ESPY award. He was dying of terminal cancer, but in normal form, he delivered his speech with enthusiasm. Part of his speech included the admonition for people to love, laugh, cry and think. Every day. I do.

I know not everybody does. But I also know not everybody is wired to be as prone to these emotions as I am. Maybe better said, not everybody is wired to be as expressive about these things as I am. I don't judge people. We're all different. In how we feel and how we express those feelings.

Love, laughter, and levity aren't personality traits. They're part of the human condition. For each of us. How they're expressed varies based on our personality. Our personality also largely influences how pervasive they are in our lives.

There are some distinct differences in these things and I can't fully explain why I've coupled these three L words. Of the three I suspect levity may cause the most disagreement or debate.

Levity has one particular definition that I'm drawn to.

the treatment of a serious matter with humor

Some likely think of levity as the opposite of being sober. I don't see it that way. And I don't see it as disrespectful. I think levity can be disrespectful, but so can laughter. Context matters.

I'm using each of these words, separate and together, in the most positive way. I admit it's easier to see love and laughter that way. Levity isn't nearly as common a word and I suspect people largely think of it as immature behavior. Maybe it is, but I still think it can add a powerfully positive force to our life.

Some of the times where levity has been most common in my life are during times of drama. Funerals. Hospital visits. Visiting people suffering some tragedy. That's why I lean mostly on that definition of levity - "the treatment of a serious matter with humor." Levity is complex. And quite complicated. Of the three L words, it's the one that requires the greatest skill. And not everybody can initiate it or even participate in it. Some people are very awkward about it. It's one of the most uncomfortable things for me to witness. Somebody attempting to inject levity, but failing miserably. And most have no clue that they're getting it so wrong.

"I'm so lonesome I could cry" is sometimes replaced with "I'm so lonesome I need to laugh...so I don't cry." Properly used levity is a tension breaker. Improperly used it's awkward, disrespectful, or embarrassing.

Watch any standup comedian. Preferably a good one. It's highly likely they'll incorporate levity on some very serious or dark subjects.

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My life began, like all humans, as a simpleton. I was a child. Then a kid. It was all pretty simple (a good thing since I was a simpleton) until junior high, but that was a million miles away when I was a child. Junior high was only complicated because of relationships - and girls. ;) Things didn't complicate it so much because as long as I didn't stick out like a sore thumb among my peers, I was pretty good. Besides, we were middle-class and so were most of the kids I knew.

I didn't grow up really making a distinction between the economic prowess of somebody's parents. In grade school my best friend, Terry lived right across the street from the school in a very modest little frame house. I knew his family wasn't as well off as mine, but it had no impact on my relationship with him, or how I viewed him. It never crossed my mind that my family was somehow better, smarter, more clever, or anything else.

But let's not start with the past...let's jump to the present. My son recently turned 42, which prompted me to think about the span between my 42 and my current age, 65. Leaning Toward Wisdom began when I was 42. Twenty-three years is a long time.

At 42 I was, like my son, hitting the prime of my professional life. But my life was also growing increasingly complicated. My son was turning 19...so we were in the throes of kids entering college. Junior high kids cost more than elementary school kids. High school kids cost even more. And college kids may cost the most because of college costs...but our kids worked, too...so I'm not sure. Oh, and add the cost of sports during high school and I'd guess it's likely a toss-up between high school and college expenses. At least for us. But I haven't analyzed it. No matter, financially things naturally grow increasingly more complicated as the kid's age. And as we parents age.

Enter a bigger house, a nicer neighborhood - all demanding more money upfront and more money ongoing. Enter more cars, more insurance, more maintenance...more complexity.

As kids grow up and enter adulthood life grows more complicated because lives are growing more independent. This is exactly what we want as parents, but it's not a simple or easy thing. Especially when your son tells you he's going to leave and move to another state. But you do what you have to do, say what you must, and grind your way through the sadness, sorrow, and worry. Then sometime later, he comes back home and your spirits soar, you feel like you can breathe again and if you're like I was, you dive as fully into being present for your kids like never before (and it's not like I wasn't before, but now it was different).

These are complicated years as you attempt to help your kids navigate the unchartered waters of their own lives, in search of their own independence - something we had always tried to help them pursue, especially from high school forward. Birds leaving the nest is a great thing - a terrific achievement. Watching them - admiring them - figure it out was always worthwhile, even during the biggest challenges. We were in it together with a united purpose - preparing them for life in the real world. Preparing them to stand on their own, exercising wisdom to figure it out - and to do it all while putting God first.

Those weren't easy years except financially. We were fortunate to have a good income and mostly we didn't fret about money. But we weren't foolish or stupid either. As I've said before, cash-flowing life was our way of life so we were never tempted to live beyond our means. Did we buy some things foolishly? Of course. Did we make some financial mistakes? Yes, I did - most notably trusting a business deal that cost us $50,000 due to my idiocy - something I'll never quite get over thanks to the betrayal of a friend. But these things happen and I mostly got past it, thanks in large part to the fact that such an amount - while large - didn't impact our lives.

1 Timothy 2:1-2

First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people, for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way.

I just watched the funeral of Queen Elizabeth II.

Regal.

Formal.

Spectacular.

Historical.

As many have observed, she wasn't part of history, she was history.

70 years and 214 days. The longest reign of any British monarch.

From February 2, 1952, until her death on September 8, 2022.

From Winston Churchill forward, she ruled 15 Prime Ministers.

Dignity.

Composure.

Poise.

Such a death compels millions to consider simultaneously consider death. So it goes with the death of the extraordinarily famous. It helps when they're as beloved as the Queen.

Hundreds of thousands lined the streets in London and all along the procession which carried the Queen to her burial place in Windsor at St. George's Chapel.

The Queen architected the details of her funeral, including the songs that were sung.

She wasn't likely able to architect the details of her life though. Born into royalty in 1926 she was trained as I suppose all sovereign children are - how to be royal.

Before we think about our death, we have to think about our life, deciding how we'll live.

I often think of the moment our soul departs our body and our spirit enters the eternal realm. Especially during times like these - the death of a famous person.

But why do you judge your brother? Or why do you show contempt for your brother? For we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ. For it is written:

“AsI live, says the Lord,

Every knee shall bow to Me,

And every tongue shall confess to God.”

So then each of us shall give account of himself to God. Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather resolve this, not to put a stumbling block or a cause to fall in our brother’s way.

Romans 14:10-13

It's true. There are no dead atheists.

I often think of what the dead now know with certainty that we may not quite believe. Or know.

Like now. What does Queen Elizabeth know that she didn't know before? What does any departed soul now know that went unknown or unrealized while in this body?

What can I know and understand right now that I may not be knowing or understanding? How can I lean harder into wisdom that is eternal, not just earthly? How can I know and understand things that transcend this life?

It's largely the focal point of a project I began during the Pandemic, In Thy Paths.

The death of a Queen, this particular Queen, is a momentous event in history. It's even more momentous for her soul, which continues to live on. God, the Creator, who rules over all, will be the judge of all.

I hope the death of a Queen provokes all of us to carefully consider the King that sits on the throne of our heart - the one to whom we bow and serve. For many, that king is themselves. But God, the Father, has given us a Savior, a King, a sovereign above all others. Jesus is a King with the power to give us Heaven forever.

P.S. Today is also the 72nd anniversary of my parents. That's right. They were married over a year before Elizabeth became the Queen.

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It's an impromptu special episode. A few bullet points may be helpful.

We've always cash flowed our life, or tried to.

Two pivotal milestones impact every American's encore chapter: a) Medicare (when you reach 65) and b) Social Security (when you reach 62 or full-retirement or age 70).

Retirement means different things to us than "not working" or "not earning income." We want to continue to earn income and continue to live within our means.

Modest living is a goal. Not austere living, but modest living. Frugality is a way of life, unapologetically.

We're living our lives for ourselves (and each other). God remains THE priority, but when the encore chapter days arrive, you realize - if you're married - that your lives together are now what remains. And it's great if you put in the work! I'm putting in the work - or trying to. My wife is the most important person in my life. It doesn't mean I don't love kids, grandkids, and the rest of my family, but it means I know I'm not the most important person to them. And I'm good with it. It's the cycle of life and how it ought to be.

Success is the ability to move from one failure to another without loss of enthusiasm.

Often attributed to Winston Churchill or Abraham Lincoln although there's no evidence either man said or wrote it. Both men did speak and write about resilience, persistence, and never giving up. No matter who said it, it's wise because experience tells us it's mostly accurate. Of course, it depends on how we define "enthusiasm." If we mean exuberance, maybe not so much if our focus is on the cheerfulness part of it. I'll take a shot and give you my definition of enthusiasm, as it relates to that quote.

The ability to persist, to push through, regardless of the adversity

You can interpret it differently, but that feels right to me because success requires each of us to do things we may not want to do, or things we don't enjoy doing because we're pursuing something we think will be worth the sacrifice and effort.

Today, let's wrestle a little bit with this universal challenge - a loss of enthusiasm.

Happy Birthday to my sister, Lexie. She is my only sibling. Six years older than me. 

When I was a kid growing up, folks reached 65 and it was considered the age at which people stopped working. Companies seemed to ordain that once you were 65 you were done. Finished.

Now that I'm 65 it feels so wrong. And incongruent with how the world works today.

I look at old photos of my grandparents when they were still in their 50s and they seemed so old to me at the time. Even through the lens of my 65-year-old eyes today, those old photos depict people much older than my current age. Never mind that they were a full decade younger than I now am - they looked old. They acted old. But they lived in a world where their peers looked and acted in a similar fashion.

I'm not sure how to properly define the lines of life, but mine seem to fall into a few different categories: spiritual, mental, relational, professional, and financial. There's nothing absolute about these, but I can use them to illustrate the point of today's show.

Spiritual is upfront because eternity changes everything. That makes our spiritual life the most important part of our life. Spiritual is the priority so it spills over into every other area.

Mental is next for me because it overlaps all of the others, too. It encompasses feelings and beliefs. It also includes our inner drive - the motivation we exhibit when we display the energy we have to achieve whatever it is we're aiming to achieve.

Relational matters because it's our interaction with others. From our closest relationships - like marriage - to our most casual - like some social media friends we've never met in person. Without this, there is no influence or impact on others. And without it, others have no influence on us either.

Professional is what we choose to do to earn a living.

Financial is our relationship with money. It includes the decisions we make with our money. Where we spend it. How we invest it. How we might waste it. Anything else involving our money, including our stuff!

These are a few of the lines I'm thinking about, but that's not all of them.

I'm also thinking about the lines between who I am and who I most want to be. There's the person I am versus the person I'm working to become.

I'm thinking of the past, present, and future lines, too. We all have a past that has contributed to helping us be who we now are. And all of our choices are going to impact who we're likely to become.

As you can see, our lives are filled with lots of lines. It's easy to understand how they can become blurred. Sometimes it's hard to distinguish between them. For example...

It's Always About The Money. Ok, Not Always, But Often!

Yes, that's cynical. But mostly realistic. Regardless of our age money is the ever-present elephant in the room. Every room.

I'm not saying money matters above everything, but I am saying that money is a preoccupation with most of us. We spend the greater part of our lives earning it or trying to. Then we spend time lusting for things money can buy.

Money (financial) can crossover and impact all those other areas or lines.

I'm old. I've had no-telling-how-many conversations with people about money and luck. And timing. Permit a qualifier. I've only had a few conversations with people who were chasing a dream in the arts and performance areas of life. Those folks wanted fame. They wanted their work to be seen, heard, or experienced in some way. But since I started out in small business as a teen, most of my conversations have been with people who mostly wanted money - MORE money than they currently had, or were earning.

Preparing for your time to come means preparing so you can at long last make MORE money. Nothing wrong with that, I'm just acknowledging the elephant in the room --- for many people. But this is logical. We all need money. Most of us need MORE money. Not all of us need, want, or crave fame or notoriety.

Maybe I heard it because I was born in Oklahoma, a state with quite a bit of native American history and heritage. As a boy, I remember being fascinated whenever we’d find an arrowhead. The story likely came from that Indian culture I was around as a kid. I can’t be sure. Either that or it may have been because Oklahoma is also smack dab in the middle of tornado alley. Thunderstorms are a way of life around these parts (Oklahoma and north Texas).

The illustration is powerful. It deals with buffalo and thunderstorms. For those who may not know, thunderstorms travel from west to east. Cattle and buffalo react when the dark clouds start rolling in, signifying a coming storm. The cattle run east, away from the storm. The buffalo run west, directly in the path of the storm.

Question: Which animal is in the storm the longest?

Answer: The cattle…because they’re traveling with the storm.

The moral of the story is to behave more like a buffalo. Lean into your problems. Run into the storm. Don’t hide. Fight. We all have to endure the storms. It’s up to us how long we endure it. We can be like a cow running away from it, hiding. It just means we’ll be in the storm longer. Or, we can be a buffalo and fight. Face our storm by charging into it knowing that our time there will be much briefer than we ran away from it.

Storms are coming. I don’t know what they’ll look like, but the clouds are rolling in. Wave after wave. Some darker than others.

Springtime in Texas means thunderstorms and possible tornados. Lightning and hail are ordinary when the clouds are really dark.

Our life storms are no different. Some are violent and threatening. Others ramble a bit with thunder, but don’t produce much wind or rain. Some are predictable and forecasters appear to have prophetic powers. Others pop up suddenly, catching us off guard. Around here, you have to be prepared. When the sirens sound – warning us of a tornado sighting – we know where to go inside our house (or to our storm shelter if we’ve got one).

Damage depends on the severity of the storm and the preparedness of the people enduring it. When winds approach 100 miles an hour, you’re not going to prevent damage to your house, but you can stay safe. Houses can be rebuilt, new roofs can be installed and cars repaired or replaced. When you know what’s coming – and you prepare for the worst – you can survive. Battered maybe. Even bloody perhaps. People in these parts want to do what we can to survive. Mostly we do – as evidenced by how few people are killed in big storms.

But maybe I’m getting ahead of myself as I am wont to do. The storms that happen in our lives aren’t exactly like those that happen in nature. Sometimes we create our own storms. We make choices that results in thunder and lightning and significant damage. Overcoming our own stupidity can be difficult at times depending on the degree of our stupidity prowess. Some of us have extraordinary skills, brought about by years of experience in doing one stupid thing after another. Jumping off that stupidity merry-go-round can be a hard thing for some. I know. I’ve had my own struggles with it. You?

Life has options. Always.

Maybe not the ones we most want, but still — options. I’m a big fan of options because I like freedom. Freedom is being able to choose.

Walk through the aisle of your local Piggly Wiggly supermarket and you’ll clearly understand freedom. Okay, we don’t have more Piggly Wiggly stores in Texas. How sad is that? We’re no longer afforded the freedom to “dig the pig.” It’s enough to feel like a prisoner with no choices.

Okay, you get the idea — go visit your local grocery store. Pick something…some category of food item. Jam. Cookies. Cereal. Crackers. Bread. Mustard. Ketchup. It can be anything.

Now go stand in front of that category and count the different varieties you can purchase. There’s likely dozens from which to choose. That’s freedom. You have a choice to make.